Why Are Poeple So Ignorant

[froggystyle1977]

OK so a few things have happened with my nieghbor, First she didn't like where the property line is and placed a rock garden a little over it and planted some trees over the line. I told her it was ok since that portion of my property is about ten feet wide, basically its a slice of land next to her property and the road, I told her as long as nothing looks like crap then its ok if she plants things there. (nice of me wasn't it)

Then her daughter puts sand into my motor of my van, ok so I know she is a single mom and struggling she didn't offer to help pay for the damage I let it go. several times I had to get her to make her daughter apoligize for being mean to my son (she is 4 he is 5) I don't tolerate name calling and bullying. I figure these kids will have enough of that in school and parents should stop it at home. I had to tell her older son to tell me if my son was doing sometihng wrong (5) aparently he wanted to pee on a tree in thier yard and her son was yelling at him in the road, I told my son to pee on a tree at my house and not the nieghbors. I also made it very clear in a nice way to her son that he was not an adult, it was an adults job to deal with the younger kids (I think she makes him watch his litle sis to much but thats just me)

So fast forward to a couple days ago all the nieghborhood kids were playing at my house, my sons and our other nieghbors 2 kids. They play really well together at my house no fighting no name calling nothing I love when they come over. So my Nieghbor comes home and her daughter comes out to play I showed all the kids my garden (they love seeing the vegatables grow) and then all of them ran over to her yard even my 18 month old. (I could see them from my yard)All of a sudden I hear GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW!!!!! Screaming coming out her window, its my nieghbors mother( kids grandma) yelling at my 18 month old for going near her daughters rock garden. WTF seriously (this rock garden as I stated before is partially on my property.)I removed my kids from her yard and said very loudly that it was bullshit he is just a baby he doesn't know any better. Her mother has been rude once before to my son (5 yr old)and this is the last time I will tolerate that. No yelling and screaming at my kids and no being downright rude (I didn't hear the first time it happened) So her freebie is up next time I will tell her exactly where to go.

Yesterday my 18 month old was running around in my yard naked (he wants to go potty but really isn't ready) the little girl comes over and starts playing with my son (5yr old) I walk over to the other side of my front yard (I was helping little one find BBs ) I hear my nieghbor call her daughter home, I stand there while she aparently thinks I am out of earshot, telling her daughter she is a little girl and should not be near a naked little boy, and to stay in her yard. I walked over got my son (5)from the road (he was standing there hoping they could play and told him to just stay in our yard that her mommy wanted her to stay where she could see her.

Ok so she was uncomfortable I can understand that to a degree. He is 18 months old, just a baby who is learning to go potty (how hard is that to explain to a 4 year old) What I don't understand is why the hell she took it out on the kids. Why can't she just be a damn grown up and say I am uncomfortable with my daughter being there when he is Naked, I could have thrown a t-shirt on him so the older 2 could play. I am pretty hurt and upset that she felt the need not to speak to me.

If my children have done something wrong then tell me!!! if there is some kind of problem tell me!! At this point I think I have been a very decent nieghbor and don't get this whole be a teenager and keep your mouth shut crap!!! I moved out of the city to get away from crap like this.

So tell me now what am I suposed to do?

[zakdad]

Well, some people are just strange, even in the country!! Sounds like you have tried to be a good neighbor, but sometimes that's not enough for some people. I would keep your kids away from her kids so she has to explain why they can't play together. Not sure if that would work or not, but it might make her think before being a bitch to you or your kids!

It also doesn't sound like she understands boundaries, either! If she is making a rock garden and planting trees on your property, she probably doesn't care what any boundaries are for!! Just watch yourself and your kids and don't let her get under your skin too bad.

Is she renting or buying the place? Do you own your place? That could be a biggie and if she is renting, maybe she won't be there long!!! Best of luck with this situation.

Peace,

Mark

[pappyld04]

I don't think there is a peaceful way to resolve this with this particular neighbor. Like you and could understand her reaction to the naked thing but that is an issue to be taken up with the parents not to take out on yours or her own kids. Her mother has no business yelling at your kids. Unless they are doing something that could really injure them or another then it may be understandable.

My neighbors have just crossed that same boundary as yours when they put up a new vinyl fence on my side of the line. I guess they were too ignorant to know that the plumber they called to repair my sewer line that they punched 2 holes in is my mom's boyfriend. They used a gas auger for their posts and tried to secretly have the problem patched without my knowing. I can't wait to cut down the Japanese Elm in my back yard and crush that fence for them. I know how to play ignorant too. I'll just prop it back with some 2x4s and see how long it takes them to bitch.

They are still pissy because I wouldn't sell my house to them. I'm the only house in this block that is zoned commercially and she wanted to put a beauty shop in here. But their offer was a joke at best. I told her that it would be worth much more laying in a pile of ashes. Now I'm about to turn that back on them with an insulting offer on their home.

[froggystyle1977]

Mark, We both own our homes. She moved here first and when she picked her property to build on (we both went through the same selfhelp homebuilding program) this lot was just woods. Our house was finished august of last year, hers OCT the year before, (she built her rock garden before I moved in) When she planted the trees I brought her the map and showed her the boundry posts. They are very very visible!!!!!!!!!

[Tyger]

OK, I've heard all of this via phone calls, but I'm going to write what I think should be done. Others can chime in if they want.

You've tried to be a lot more neighborly than I would've been (especially with the van incident!). So, she has basically shown she doesn't give a shit about you, your sons, or your property, nor the boundries, so, it's time to put your foot down.

As far as the property lines: No matter how much of a sliver it may be, 10' is 10'. It's YOURS. You're paying for it, and the taxes on it. Therefore, she should have NOTHING on it. Rock garden or not. You said that the trees she planted are on your part & now they're dead. Rip them out, and toss them back on her yard. You told her that you didn't want stuff that looked like crap over on your part. To get this done, just tell her that you don't feel comfortable with her rock garden on YOUR property anymore. It's causing trouble, and YOUR son got yelled at for being in something that, technically, is in YOUR yard. That's bullshit.

I do know that in ME, after a certain amount of time, you can actually "earn" property because you've been doing the caretaking on it, and all that, so YOU could loose that 10' spanse after so many years of her planting and putting stuff on it. I don't know how long or whatever, but the property lines would change. My Mom was able to claim an 8' spanse next to her property line because she's been mowing and weeding and maintaining it for over 30 yrs. That doesn't sound like much, but, 8' wide by maybe 150' feet long, that's quite a bit!

You've done the mature things with the other issues as far as the kids go. Older siblings, though they may be in charge of watching THEIR sister/brother, is NOT in charge of the other children in the area. First telling your son not to pee on their property, well, that is ok, depending on HOW he said it (cuz kids can pee really quick). However, he should've then gone to you and told you that he told your son not to pee on their tree. Boys are boys, and they pee almost anywhere they want too. I hate it, cuz I don't want our property smelling like pee (hubby goes and pees by his truck a lot!!). But that's a personal choice you have a right to do.

I did tell you honestly that I would feel uncomfortable with my 5 yr old (and when she was 4) playing with a naked toddler. But, you pointed out that I would tell YOU so, not just take my DD away, and be snide about it, and you're absolutely right. "Hey, I don't mind if my child comes to play, but I DO feel uncomforable with your younger one being naked around her. Could you at least put some shorts on him?" How hard is that?? I mean, it's honest, and direct, and how you feel, so why not say it?

It sounds as if you need to go to your neighbor's and ask "OK. I'm sensing issues here that have yet to be discussed/addressed with me. What are they, and can we fix them so our kids can play again?" Again, direct, to the point, and stating your opinion. No more freebies for her mother either. I'd let her know that her mother is NOT to speak to your kids that way again, end of discussion, and that if she didn't feel comfortable telling her mother that, then you would be happy to do so.

People being downright snide right infront of you and your kids is unacceptable. You're not the type of person to let it go on, ever, and you've tried to keep the peace, but there's a time to shut up, and a time to open up. Now's the latter!

Luv ya babe!!

[thurisas]

As Tyger pointed out, Maine has a squatters rights law. I believe the timeline is twenty years, but still, you shouldn't allow it. To do so opens you up for losses.

As far as your dealings with the neighbor goes, well, I think the only thing you can do is to talk to her face to face. Let her know that you have a very specific way of taking care of and disciplining your children and that if they are out of line, a quick phone call will suffice to get you to take care of it. After all, it is not her job to reprimand your children. That is reserved solely for you and her only responsibility is to let you know when something is amiss.

Frankly, I would want to cut all dealings with this neighbor off as soon as possible. I know that this might be unrealistic considering how many kids may be in your area as you live out in the country. That's why talking is important. Once she knows where you stand, then you can really tear into her and put the fear of Froggy into her.

Randy.

[nosleepnmesa]

I can't agree more with what Tyger has said. Froggy sometimes you just got to quit being nice. I mean hell you tried to be neighborly and all. HUGS honey!!!

[mystofpric]

TYger has it dead on. I'm going to add that you have the patience of a saint because I would have shanked her a long time ago, but especially lately i don't have any paitence.

[Tyger]

Thank you Randy. I have NO idea why I couldn't remember "squatter's rights". Um, it's the heat......yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!