Members Trooper Posted May 7, 2006 Members Report Share Posted May 7, 2006 Feeling really guilty now so thought I would ask is it cheating???I am married to a woman who I think the world of and would never want to hurt but like I have said is posts here before our sex life really isn't anything special. When we do make love its fantastic because of the mutual feelings between us. But one its not that often and two its far from anything risky or exciting and my fantasy's are a Noooo even to talk of.Over the last few nights I have been talking to an ex from years ago (on-Line) with no motive intended and we started talking about our sex lives. She started by saying all the things we used to do and just how good I was. After a couple of nights of talking I knew what was coming and wanted it bad. So I have just spent a couple of Hours having cyber sex with her. She made me feel like a sexual being again. We started talking about our fantasy's and what we would do to or for each other and then onto the stuff that she knows I love so much. We both even cum together. So now I feel guilty as hell almost like I have cheated on the person I love so Much (sorry for the mush) but at the same time wow it was great yes having a loving Marriage is fantastic but being able to talk about what I like sexually again was awesome. PLEASE don't say I need to talk to my Wife about how I feel as we have talked and talked about it leaving her feeling useless and me frustrated so is it ok to continue talking to an ex of 15 years ago and having mind blowing dirty cyber sex. Or is it cheating and for the sake of our very loving marriage should I stay being frustrated and enjoy the routine sex we have at times?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted May 7, 2006 Members Report Share Posted May 7, 2006 Feeling really guilty now so thought I would ask is it cheating???Here is my litmus test.....do you feel guilty or bad about what you have done? You said in your quote above that you feel guilty about it, so I would say in your heart you have cheated!I personally do not believe that cyber sexing is technically cheating....phone sex - in my mind is closer to cheating - but still NOT cheating. To me - and technically, legally, formally - cheating is "physical contact of an intimate nature with another person outside the confines of a relationship" HOWEVER...and this is a BIG HOWEVER....we all know that cyber relations can become very, very intimate!So, as stated above, my own test is whether you feel like you have betrayed your spouse by what you have done - broken a trust of some kind. You haven't traded bodily fluids or anything, but you have traded intimate thoughts and fantasies, and perhaps for you that crosses the line.Also, you have had a prior relationship with this person, your current relationship is not "at its best" and you are fondly remembering passion that you had with this other person. Do I personally think that is bad....NO....perhaps that will excite in you some new passion with your wife. Maybe you will remember new love. For many people, having a little someone to talk to over the net makes them super horny for their SO.....HOWEVER, if you have the "guilt factor" that won't work...you will not allow yourself the little joy of it, and will be consumed with only what you think you have done.I know you don't want to hear "talk to your wife" - but hon, that is really what you should be concentrating on...you do want to stay with her since you love her so much, and sex is soooooo important. So why not work on it, try to fix it, go to counseling- whatever it takes! Also, if you continue with the ex on the net....just try to funnel some of that sex energy into your own bedroom...it might take the guilt out a little, and help the marital bed!Those are my thoughts on that!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members curvacious_lust Posted May 7, 2006 Members Report Share Posted May 7, 2006 An EX is an EX for a reason....always remember that. Yeah, maybe the cyber sex was fun, brought up a lot of old passion, but who's ring is that on your hand? and why isn't the EX's still there?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Trooper Posted May 9, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted May 9, 2006 Thanks for your replys and for curvacious_lust BUMP yep im back down to earth but not sure if I want to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members curvacious_lust Posted May 9, 2006 Members Report Share Posted May 9, 2006 Glad to hear it....now STAY there dammit....lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted May 28, 2006 Report Share Posted May 28, 2006 If you feel bad, and guilty, then yes, in your heart, you have cheated. Especially if it's something you feel you have to hide.As for the BUMP, back down to earth, you won't fully be down to earth until, yes, you guess it, you chat with your wife. There has to be timing for it. Maybe a romantic dinner, and start the conversation off like "I love yo so much baby, and want to please you in every way. How can I do that for you in the bedroom? I love making love to you, and wish it could happen more.". Make the conversation about what you want to do for her at first. That should open up her telling you what she wants, and her asking, hopefully, what she can do for you.If you make it sound blaming "You really need to..." or "why can't you?" sounds blaming and negative, and would cause her to feel inadequate.Good luck to you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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