How Do I....?

[Beavis]

!

[raniedaize]

You ask whether to leave it as a crush or pursue her. Honestly? No one can truly answer that for you. Just keep in mind that age difference has nothing to do with attraction. Trust me; I know all about it--been there, done that. My suggestion is to not come on too strong but definitely start by putting some feelers out there. If she's receptive, there you go! If not, what did you really have to lose anyway? The answer's No if you don't ask!

[crossroads123]

I guess some people never learn, but seems like I remember you asking about 2 other woman only a month or so ago? Here you are asking about messing up another woman's life , son you need to grow up and get a life for your self. Being a man doesn't mean you have a hard dick it means you are responsible for your self and your actions, that you think about and consider others in the things you do or don't do. You my young friend are still young and VERY immature or you wouldn't be asking these questions. Grow up!!! Learn how to and become a MAN before you try and involve a Lady in your immature life. NO do not pursue her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mailahn97]

I am sorry but this is a bit much. A bit ago you had two women you couldn't decide between and you knew you could spend the rest of your life with both of them. I would leave this alone. You need to figure yourself out first instead of chasing every female that goes past you. You have had this pattern for a while. For one as far as chasing the older one....she is gonna want a mature person and I don't see that here. You need to be an adult.

[ladylove]

K, you need to find out who you are before entering another relationship, again. Work on being alone with your self for awhile. You need to find out who and what you are before you can/should share yourself with any one else.

AND.... I may get a lot of flack for my next comment but I don't care:

Any woman who is in her 40's and chooses to go out with a young man (kid) who is 19 is........ crazy.

[ladylove]

Well, I'm fifty, and there is this seventeen year old I'm attracted to.....(sounds creepy, doesn't it?) (So does your question.) (Why would a self respecting 42 year old woman want to have sex with a 19 year old?) (Or maybe she is simply not self respecting?)

To me it sounds disgusting..... besides a man of experience is so much more in every way.

[Amylynn920]

Korn, it's not so much the age, you're both over the age of consent. It's about you and why you fall so hard so fast? There's nothing wrong with taking time for you. Find out who you are and love yourself.

As far as younger men go, GSK is 17 years younger than me. The sex is hot, and age has no value to me. I have known many men my age that don't have 1/4 of the intelligence or 1/2 of the maturity. If he was 65 I would love him no less.

I think you need to look inside Korn. And there is a huge difference between lust and love. Huge.

[Beavis]

Ok Chuck. Stop. You don't need to be rude. You need to think about what you said and consider editing that. That was really mean. I'm being very polite here. Please consider re-wording that. Yes I just made a post about 2 women I was with and that was a huge mistake. If you all want to hang on to the past well then that's you but I'm not going to dwell on it. It's the past. It's already happened and can't be changed. Please do not hang my past over my head.

My questions have been answered thank you. That's all I needed.

[synirr]

Korn, Chuck was 100% right and you need to read what he said and take it to heart. You ARE still young and VERY immature... he's telling you the truth, it's not his fault that that's not what you want to hear. Everyone else has echoed his sentiments.

[mystofpric]

Here's the thing (i'm sure you don't want my opinion, but well, that's just how I am...). She has no clue what you were doing a month ago, or a week ago so those two girls mean nada. Here's a couple of things I would look at though, knowing what you were asking two months ago:

Are you looking at this woman as another "way out" of your current situtation?

Are you trying to replace your parents? (they'd be about her age I'm guessing)

Are you seriously mature enough for a relationship involving kids, of any age?

Have you given yourself enough time to learn and grow from the past two relationships?

Are you even looking for a relationship? Maybe you just want some hot cougar sex?

What would your parents and friends think? (i know you may not like it but to some degree other people's opinions matter to everyone)

What would her kids think?

[Guest eminatic]

sorry but i agree with chuck. its not the difference in the AGE number that makes this unacceptable, its the difference in MATURITY.

[angelkisses98]

I have to agree with everyone else on this. You can't handle a girl your own age. How in the world are you going to handle a WOMAN twice your age when you are still a boy yourself.

[vanilla_bean]

Korn, I think this would be way more complicated than what you need right now.

[Beavis]

Suzy, I'm not looking for another way out of my current situation.

No I'm not looking to replace my parents. I want to get out from under parents.

I feel I am mature enough to handle kids of any age.

I have learned and grown for both relationships. This looks like a learning from it and everyone on here.

I do want a relationship but sex wouldn't hurt. Maybe if I just get it I will reset me and I can focus better.

My parents wouldn't allow it. Let alone allow me to date a lady my age. One of my friends wouldn't approve since it's her best friends mom the rest would be happy that I have a relationship.

Her youngest would freak since her and I are former friends the others idk. Probably be a bit akward for them.

[mystofpric]

Suzy, I'm not looking for another way out of my current situation.

No I'm not looking to replace my parents. I want to get out from under parents.

This kinda goes to answer my first question if you think about it.

I feel I am mature enough to handle kids of any age.

Would the people on this site who feel they aren't mature enough to handle kids raise their hands? *shoots up own arm*

I have learned and grown for both relationships. This looks like a learning from it and everyone on here.

i don't know what this last part means?

I do want a relationship but sex wouldn't hurt. Maybe if I just get it I will reset me and I can focus better.

Go out, find yourself some random girl and hook up! Have fun being 19! not 46!

My parents wouldn't allow it. Let alone allow me to date a lady my age. One of my friends wouldn't approve since it's her best friends mom the rest would be happy that I have a relationship.

This should tell you something. Your parents probably know you better than you think and they propably know that this isn't a good idea for you.

Her youngest would freak since her and I are former friends the others idk. Probably be a bit akward for them.

Okay hun, I am really concerned about this. Why would this woman want to date one of her teenage daughter's former friends? I could see a Mrs Robinson style fling but not a relationship, at best your probably setting yourself up for heart ache.

[Guest eminatic]

do you even listen to yourself when you talk? you are CLEARLY NOT anywhere even remotely near mature enough for this. it is alarming that you cannot see just how immature your reasoning is, and the fact that you dont see it makes it even more apparent that you are not at all ready for something of that level.

[Beavis]

The last part to that one question is, it looks like this turned into a learning a experience from the previous situation. and it's become a learning experience about everyone whos posted on this. You're the only one who isn't ripping me to shreds and I appreciate that. Thank you.

Eminatic, I'm not going to take maturity advice from you cause were the same age. Thanks though.

[Guest eminatic]

age and maturity are two different things, and one is not automatically gained from having the other. maturity is not found in a number.

[raniedaize]

You're the only one who isn't ripping me to shreds and I appreciate that. Thank you.

Eminatic, I'm not going to take maturity advice from you cause were the same age. Thanks though.

Hey, I didn't rip you to shreds either! Honestly, I DID remember the crazy postings on your previous thread, and the insane drama that took place was quite on the side of ridiculous. I tried to generally stay out of it. I was hoping that this thread wouldn't turn out the same way for you, but apparently it has.

Now, dear, perhaps you are like me and yelling at you will do absolutely NOTHING constructive. I would almost even put money on us sharing that trait. So everyone, please lay off. You're on MY nerves now. Once is enough. Twice? I wouldn't be able to blame him if he never came back to the site. So, speak decisively but objectively if you feel like the kid needs a good talking to, okay?

And while we're at it, this is a site primarily about SEX is it not? Now, I've come to enjoy the company of you folks, so don't take this the wrong way. But, if people can openly discuss details of intimacy to threesomes to bondage and anal and husbands getting buttfucked by their wives with strap-ons and NOT be met with a judgemental eye, why can't this guy ask for an opinion or some advice without getting "ripped to shreds"? He's young! Everything he's mentioned are TYPICAL issues for his generation! I know that because it's quite close to MY generation! The mere fact he's even been asking about anything at all shows more maturity than he's been given credit for. Maturity comes with experience, and experience comes with age. Give the boy a break.

Now Korn. Here's what I have to say to you:

Everything is relative. 19 is young but still old enough. I don't know you personally, and I don't know any of the women you have mentioned. So, I'm not going to sit here and make judgements of your or their character--it's simply not my job or place. However, a little bit of advice might not hurt either. A.) Always be completely honest and up front when dealing with women. Maybe this new woman wants a real relationship, or maybe she's only interested in the sex aspect. Just make sure that whatever y'all decide, you're actually on the same page. B.) Take everything with a grain of salt and see what helpful lessons you can glean from what others say. Sometimes people have good intentions but fail miserably at pulling it off in a nice, effective manner. Some people's points may be hurtful but valid. Just try to see it from their perspective. A little empathy can go a long, long way. C.) Given your age, I do agree to wait a little while before getting into anything too serious. You'd be amazed at the difference you will see in yourself after even just a year or two. Sorry. But, I've also known some couples who were already married by your age with more successful marriages than others who waited. Either way, marriage is supposed to last forever. Your single days are few in comparison. Enjoy them while you can And D.) Like I told them, Maturity comes with experience, and experience comes with time. So, don't lose heart. Everything will all eventually work out in the end; you just have to get there first. Meanwhile, go live and love your life, but love and respect yourself primarily!

[mystofpric]

The last part to that one question is, it looks like this turned into a learning a experience from the previous situation. and it's become a learning experience about everyone whos posted on this. You're the only one who isn't ripping me to shreds and I appreciate that. Thank you.

Well I owe you an apology for my reaction to your last question, I reacted that way because I have been in that kind of a situation before only as one of the girls. Clearly, I'm still angry about it. But enough about that. it sounds like an excuse and it's not, just a lame apology which I hope you'll accept.

Now, dear, perhaps you are like me and yelling at you will do absolutely NOTHING constructive. I would almost even put money on us sharing that trait. So everyone, please lay off. You're on MY nerves now. Once is enough. Twice? I wouldn't be able to blame him if he never came back to the site. So, speak decisively but objectively if you feel like the kid needs a good talking to, okay?

<...>

And D.) Like I told them, Maturity comes with experience, and experience comes with time. So, don't lose heart. Everything will all eventually work out in the end; you just have to get there first. Meanwhile, go live and love your life, but love and respect yourself primarily!

Sage advice. For all of us.

Korn, if you decide to go through with this relationship/fling/ whatever you have to bare in mind that besides an age difference and a maturity difference, she and you are in TOTALLY different places in your lives. Your just starting out, she's pretty far into the game. She also will have to take into consideration what her kids will think. YOu admitted that her daughter isn't going to be happy about this, and i could see that. I'd flip shit if my mom started dating one of my friends (current or former). Her being with you is going to put a huge strain on her relationship with her daughter. If your serious you need to mend thinsg with the daughter too. That will make it easier for the woman to look at you as a more viable option. Maybe she just wants some hot young sex. Maybe she just likes the attention and isn't serious. Tread carefully what ever you do.

If you do, seriously want to be with this woman on equal footing, start taking steps right now to being your own man. Apply for a student loan (you have to buy books right? $500 loan is an option) and start paying it off, in fact if your parents are willing to pay for things like your books, let them. Take teh money your get loan and use it to pay of the loan instead of spending it. Work teh system a little. Get a good job, or get back into school full time. Get your own cell phone. Things like that. Becaus eif you present her with a guy still living at home where mom and dad pay for pretty much everything, he has no credit or any idea how to get it, and has no job, isn't evena student, ya know what she's gonna see? A little boy not ready to leave teh nest. SO show her a man who can stand on his own.

Oh and if you think your really ready to handle kids of any age, go babysit. Preferable someone in diapers. Then rethink your readiness for kids.

[ohshelly]

Hey, I didn't rip you to shreds either! Honestly, I DID remember the crazy postings on your previous thread, and the insane drama that took place was quite on the side of ridiculous. I tried to generally stay out of it. I was hoping that this thread wouldn't turn out the same way for you, but apparently it has.

Now, dear, perhaps you are like me and yelling at you will do absolutely NOTHING constructive. I would almost even put money on us sharing that trait. So everyone, please lay off. You're on MY nerves now. Once is enough. Twice? I wouldn't be able to blame him if he never came back to the site. So, speak decisively but objectively if you feel like the kid needs a good talking to, okay?

And while we're at it, this is a site primarily about SEX is it not? Now, I've come to enjoy the company of you folks, so don't take this the wrong way. But, if people can openly discuss details of intimacy to threesomes to bondage and anal and husbands getting buttfucked by their wives with strap-ons and NOT be met with a judgemental eye, why can't this guy ask for an opinion or some advice without getting "ripped to shreds"? He's young! Everything he's mentioned are TYPICAL issues for his generation! I know that because it's quite close to MY generation! The mere fact he's even been asking about anything at all shows more maturity than he's been given credit for. Maturity comes with experience, and experience comes with age. Give the boy a break.

Now Korn. Here's what I have to say to you:

Everything is relative. 19 is young but still old enough. I don't know you personally, and I don't know any of the women you have mentioned. So, I'm not going to sit here and make judgements of your or their character--it's simply not my job or place. However, a little bit of advice might not hurt either. A.) Always be completely honest and up front when dealing with women. Maybe this new woman wants a real relationship, or maybe she's only interested in the sex aspect. Just make sure that whatever y'all decide, you're actually on the same page. B.) Take everything with a grain of salt and see what helpful lessons you can glean from what others say. Sometimes people have good intentions but fail miserably at pulling it off in a nice, effective manner. Some people's points may be hurtful but valid. Just try to see it from their perspective. A little empathy can go a long, long way. C.) Given your age, I do agree to wait a little while before getting into anything too serious. You'd be amazed at the difference you will see in yourself after even just a year or two. Sorry. But, I've also known some couples who were already married by your age with more successful marriages than others who waited. Either way, marriage is supposed to last forever. Your single days are few in comparison. Enjoy them while you can And D.) Like I told them, Maturity comes with experience, and experience comes with time. So, don't lose heart. Everything will all eventually work out in the end; you just have to get there first. Meanwhile, go live and love your life, but love and respect yourself primarily!

BRAVO!

Well thought out, and VERY well said.

[synirr]

Just because these are common issues for his generation doesn't mean that they are good ideas/behaviors. He asked for advice and he got it, it's nobody's fault that he really posted the thread hoping for encouragement instead.

When I was 19 I was involved in a relationship (yes, relationship) with someone in his 40s. It was a positive experience, but it was also long distance and we didn't see one-another often. If we were actually in the same city, I don't think I would have been able to deal with all the issues that arise in such a relationship... I was a mature kid, but I was still a kid, just like Korn. You may be able to fight and die for your country at age 18, but your prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed until your mid-twenties. To explain the significance of this, I'm going to copy/paste part of the Wikipedia article for the sake of convenience:

The most typical psychological term for functions carried out by the pre-frontal cortex area is executive function. Executive function relates to abilities to differentiate among conflicting thoughts, determine good and bad, better and best, same and different, future consequences of current activities, working toward a defined goal, prediction of outcomes, expectation based on actions, and social "control" (the ability to suppress urges that, if not suppressed, could lead to socially-unacceptable outcomes).

Any relationship can be difficult, but I know from experience that the kind of relationship Korn is suggesting comes with a whole different set of problems, and it would be nice if he were taking into consideration how those problems are going to effect him, as well as everyone else involved. Chances are, through no fault of his own, he's not even fully capable of doing that yet.

I'll be completely honest, I don't think there's a chance in hell he could handle a "relationship" with an older woman, especially not with kids involved, and I don't think any adult woman would seek a relationship with him anyway. If he just wants to fuck her then fine, but there's going to be an epic shitstorm if they let people know about it, and it could very well tear apart families and friendships. That's the reality of this situation. The other reality is that he's probably going to do what he wants to no matter what any of us say in any tone because he didn't really want advice in the first place, though I imagine he'd contest that. I've been there, and yeah, I do remember exactly what it's like.

[synirr]

Oh, and Korn.... if you want me to give you advice on how to get away with it, THAT I can do, PM me. I don't have anything against you, but just from reading your previous posts I can tell you're not going to take the good advice kindly provided by a few here (thanks Taiyo and Suzy, ya'll must have the patience of saints) and put forth the time and effort required to make this really work, so if you just want to have some fun without the consequences I can offer you advice you can use. You seem like a quick fix kind of guy.

[mystofpric]

Oh, and Korn.... if you want me to give you advice on how to get away with it, THAT I can do, PM me. I don't have anything against you, but just from reading your previous posts I can tell you're not going to take the good advice kindly provided by a few here (thanks Taiyo and Suzy, ya'll must have the patience of saints) and put forth the time and effort required to make this really work, so if you just want to have some fun without the consequences I can offer you advice you can use. You seem like a quick fix kind of guy.

Not me, I just learned my lesson.

[synirr]

You gave some good advice in your last post, though

BTW, sorry if my post sounds harsh, but like I say, I've been there.