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This is the problem...

I have been dating a man for 5 months and well....We get along great and are very compatible....except with sex. This is a problem for me because I am very sexual, inovative, touchy kind of woman and well...he is reserved most of the time. Often he will just lay there waiting for fireworks to happen. He seldom shows desire to touch my body..has never, kissed my neck or shoulders or fondled my breasts. He never has never fondled my privates or given me oral sex... I have been very vocal about it, telling him he is not meeting my needs...including physically cueing him.

I am moderately attractive and work-out regularily..do shower/bath before bed and am "clean"..so not a hygeine issue. He tell me he loves me...how can I believe. I care for him and want to give him pleasures...so I have a hard time believing that a man who says he loves a woman does not have a strong desire to make love to her.

Am I getting too hung up on this aspect of my relationship? I have bought sex toys and us em in front of him when he makes no attempt to satisfy me. Even that he does not take to use on me ..."he's tired"

I guess I am frustrated so here I am spilling the beans online at 3 am...It has come to the point where I am looking in other directions and at other men. I've been honest with this with him...and of course he feels even more insecure..yet takes no effort to change.

I feel bad to consider ending a relationship because of lack of sexuality...seems so superficial.

It would be interesting to hear from both genders on this topic...

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Ok, so you are not married to this guy right? I would say that this man has no attraction to you. Men who love you, LOVE everything about you...and sex is a part of that love. Usually in marriages the sex part doesn't get rough or decline until a few years, after kids, or after careers have heated up. Yours is declining in the beginning! 5 months is not a long time to be with someone and NEVER have oral sex or sexual fondling!

I think this post you left is your inner voice telling you that you want to get out and you need someone to tell you - I am telling you - GET OUT! This will not get better! Your sex life should be rockin' not sleepin' - this man may very well love you, but he may not be sexual, he may be gay, he may be a whole host of other unfullfilling things that you don't need or deserve to have to deal with.

From your description of yourself, you deserve better, you can do better - so girlfriend, go get better!

I am sorry to be so direct, but I have had friends like this and I know if you are subtle, they stay for 3 years, get married, become miserable, and then finally get divorced! DON'T DO THAT! Go find your happiness! This post here was your 'God Whisper' if you believe in those kinds of things...you are unattached, things are simple....find a better man, one who is nice, loves you and is hot for you too!

Good luck!


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  • Newbie


I've read both of your responses.. a few times to admit. It's funny how clear things become when you have a chance to bounce it off of others...it helps keep things in prospective.

One thing I cannot change about myself is the need for passionate expression "in the bedroom" as part of a meaningful relationship. My feeling is bitter/sweet...becuase the last relationship I was, we matched up in the bedroom but had few words to talk about at the dinner table..

All I know, right now I feel miserable..and wel time to move forward. Thank you for your responses.

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Yes it is time for you to move FORWARD......seems like you maybe trying to hard to find MR. Righ.....that you are willing to settle for who you have right now.....well DONT....no one is perfect but im sure you will find a man closer to what you want as in fulfilling your needs.....As the other posts stated you and young and your sex life should be rocking not boring and making you wonder is it me.....what should i do to improve etc....its him and its time to kick him to the curb its better to be alone then with someone and not happy in all areas of your life

So your last BF and you had great sex and not a lot to talk about now this one and you get along outside the bedroom but you want and need more affection.....well you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince....so just enjoy dating and meeting new people.....dont focus on the whole BF thing and when you least expect it you will meet the man of your dreams im sure.

Believe me you dont want to settle and then end up married and regetting it and thinking about what you couldve had and what how much your marriage is lacking then end up in divorce.....Yes he may love you people can love people in many ways and it seems he loves you in a way that sex isnt that important to him....You need to find that guy thats out there wanting you for YOU who cant keep his hands off you and especially cant wait to get you into the bedroom.....Just move on from this one and have fun Mr. Right will come soon enough........

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