I Just Had A Friend Tell Me To Get The Fake Boobs....

[Shoop]

Manipulation is a form of abuse, just not one that leaves visible wounds each time it is done.

it's just harder to see. Although I did SEE it, it was very confusing because he was also VERY loving in so many ways. So I couldn't (and often still can't) jive the guy that wanted me to cut myself up because he didn't like my shape to the guy who told me that he loved me so much he wanted to crawl inside my body and curl up.

That very paragraph there makes me very sad.

[Unfaisp09]

It depends to what youve just done to her... Find the root of her facing back on you and just give her a 100 rely so that she comes back to the normal situation you had.Mostly misunderstandings will cause people to lose such valuables..Frankly talk to her and tell her everything such as your feelings and trust on her, hopefully she gets back to your idea.

[Shoop]

Anyone want to know how "this one" turned out?

I stumbled across this topic I'd started a year ago by chance tonight....and I read through it only to realize I'd never told you guys what ended up happening.

K, "last we spoke" on this topic it was April 2009. In late april I decided to dump this friend. She was just NOT worth it. Made me feel bad, was a drama queen and I didn't like how her daughter acted and influenced my daughter's behavior. Over the course of april and early may, I slowly weaned myself away...not emailing her back as often and not getting together at all. Fast forward to early May...my boyfriend and I went away for two weeks. Awesome. When we came back I still did not contact her except for a few short responses to her emails.

Apparently while I was gone she'd become "friends" with my EX. They saw each other at sporting events which concerned our kids and had gotten together for a few play dates. In June, my ex informed me that he found her "intriguing" and told me about the play dates they had had with the kids in the past few weeks. He told me that he "had" to invite her to our daughter's birthday party because the girls were "such good friends". I went, felt a bit uncomfortable because I wondered if she realized I'd been weaning myself away from her...but generally it was bearable. The harder part was having a "leave it to beaver" style party with my ex...meaning we were in my old house, pretending to be this happy ex-couple but meanwhile I found this incredibly emotional. The fake boob friend came up to me at one point and hugged me, saying she knew that this was probably difficult for me. I hugged back and then escaped away, because being hugged only made me tear up. Oh another thing, the woman wore the most REVEALING low cut top to the party. She never wears a bra and her boobs were huge and I felt like she was basically naked. This struck me as a weird shirt to wear to a 5 year old's birthday party (later another friend privately told me that she thought the choice of clothing was VERY odd as well, so it wasn't just me). Anyways, I got through it, and did end up hanging out with this "friend" a lot during the party. I was basically being polite, but whatever.

A week later my ex calls me....he has to discuss something with me. Since he's become friends with fake-boob-friend, she's revealed a lot of inside information to him that id' confided in her (dumb, dumb, dumb trusting-me!) and so he knew how insecure I was feeling because of his insistance of me getting fake boobs. He ended up confessing to me that what I had suspected and accused him of (when we split, 2.5 years before!) but what he'd DENIED at the time...was true. He was NOT attracted to me. He never was. It's not that I wasn't attractive, he just wasn't into me. Once again, NEVER WAS. He didn't say this meanly...I think he was trying to be "nice"...by saying it's not YOU, it's me...meaning HE'S the one that 's not into me, not because I'm not pretty but because I'm not his type and never was. (WHY DID HE MARRY ME?)

This conversation led to him telling me that fake-boob-lady IS his type and guess what? They were dating. While my boyfriend and I were away, they started dating. SHE pursued HIM. K, so pause and remember...SHE WAS TRYING TO GET ME TO GO BACK TO HIM a month before this..not even! She sent me multiple emails in april trying to convince me to go back to the ex! And then in may, she went after him. Oh and at the birthday party a week before they were acting like they didn't know each other very well. Very distanced...casual. FAKE!

CRAZY FREAKIN' FRIEND!

Anyways....they dated for about 6 or 9 months and then she told him she just wanted to be friends.

But guess what?

She's coming to the birthday party THIS YEAR too! (and I've not seen her in a year.)

Any advise on how I should act around her? I'm thinking cool and polite and that's IT. I've got two of my friends that know her story which are going to be there too for support.

[hyokahey]

Whenever folks live their lives full of drama, it makes me think that they got their relationship training from the movies or TV...I can sometimes watch actual plot lines and scenarios from soap operas be acted out in real life.

One big problem of why that occurs is that folks often have only a limited view of what intimacy is, and not a fuller, more mature understanding of it....it's not just telling each other your secrets...

I think you are on the right track, be polite and cordial, but stand off, if this i what you think is best. Validate your OWN emotion and thinking, and work at soothing YOURSELF when in contact with this person. If you do that, you are far more likely to RESPOND than REACT, which is very good indeed.

The other option is to not go to the party.

Good to have you back in conversations, Shoop!

[sun_flower969]

Anyways....they dated for about 6 or 9 months and then she told him she just wanted to be friends.

But guess what?

She's coming to the birthday party THIS YEAR too! (and I've not seen her in a year.)

Any advise on how I should act around her? I'm thinking cool and polite and that's IT. I've got two of my friends that know her story which are going to be there too for support.

OK I am not going to be as professional as hyokahey so forgive me.

First off she is NOT a friend! Up hers, seriously. What a two faced douche!! Second, maybe you should send her a wardrobe suggestion for a 5 year old's birthday party... unless she is trying to score someone else's ex husband!

Third, it ISNT you, it IS him! he is a moron... a shallow moron who chases after the like. You are amazing and beautiful!!!

At the party you should laugh, have fun, be loud, draw attention and COMPLETELY ignore her like you could give a shit!!

There I am done. LOL

[hyokahey]

Yea Sunny, sometimes subtlety is not a good 'response'!

[sun_flower969]

Yea Sunny, sometimes subtlety is not a good 'response'!

HA! I am not sure if you are encouraging me or not but thats ok!

[ladylove]

Your daughters birthday at your house?............ I wouldn't even give her an invite. There isn't any reason she has to be there. Your party, your house, your guest list......

[ilovebabyjada]

Your daughters birthday at your house?............ I wouldn't even give her an invite. There isn't any reason she has to be there. Your party, your house, your guest list......

exactly!!

[Shoop]

OK I am not going to be as professional as hyokahey so forgive me.

First off she is NOT a friend! Up hers, seriously. What a two faced douche!! Second, maybe you should send her a wardrobe suggestion for a 5 year old's birthday party... unless she is trying to score someone else's ex husband!

Third, it ISNT you, it IS him! he is a moron... a shallow moron who chases after the like. You are amazing and beautiful!!!

At the party you should laugh, have fun, be loud, draw attention and COMPLETELY ignore her like you could give a shit!!

There I am done. LOL

well that IS kind of an awesome idea....hmmm...I'll try. I am SUPER emotional and sensitive so this stuff kind of "gets" to me, but I'll try. I will have two friends there with me, to laugh and hoot, so at least it is POSSIBLE.

I know, the story just got that much MORE unbelievable that I just had to tell you guys. She is and was not a friend. She's not even a friend to my ex really, she just wants to use him like the rest of the men in her life and then treat him like crap. She' has too, he's told me. Used him wildly for his talents (the profession that he is in lent itself to something SHE needed and he spent 50 hours one week on top of his regular job working for her) and then only wants to be friends. She's a user and a manipulator who thinks she's right about everything. Funny enough my ex even knows that she is NUTS. He told me. On multiple occasions. Even when they were DATING. What does that say though really eh? It says that even though he truly knew she is nuts, she treated him badly (like would call him from other guys houses, essentially flaunting that she's dating other people when she knows he is more of a 'settle down' type of guy....and sometimes she'd not even call him at all when they had a date....) but he still was with her for at 6-9 months (I think it was more like 9...) because why..perhaps because he was lonely...I get that...but also because she's hot and has fake boobs.

Well my daughter is turning 6 this year (last year was 5) so yes, that is a good idea...perhaps she should wear something even MORE revealing. LOL. Why not? Maybe the invites should warn the mom's to watch out for their husbands? (k, joking...but still)

[Shoop]

Nope, the party was at HIS house last year. This year we are having it at a party venue. My ex is in charge of the invites (long story why, but there is a reason) and he is inviting her. He says that the girls are 'such good friends still', plus our daughter went to fake-boobs-chicks-daughter's party a few months ago so he feels "obligated" to invite her. I think he just can't cut the cord with this woman and I'm not entirely sure why. He knows she is nuts, says that they are only friends, says to me that she treats him badly and makes him FEEL bad and unimportant, she uses him...and wont' sleep with him (he uses the word "intimate")....but I think perhaps he is holding onto the friendship still perhaps because he's hoping he can give it to her one more time, perhaps? I don't know? Actually I'm not even sure if they've had sex. Possibly, once or twice...I know she uses sex as power too. With her other boyfriend (yes, she has 2-3 at a time, which don't know about each other generally) she slept with him once but decided she didn't like sex with him so she dated him for 1-2 years more but never slept with him again (*I wonder how she managed THAT one!!!). I do know they have had some sexual content though....because he told me that she asked him if she should get her boobs redone...were they sagging? He told me that he told her that they were GREAT. (nice of him to tell me that, isn't it?)

[Shoop]

Whenever folks live their lives full of drama, it makes me think that they got their relationship training from the movies or TV...I can sometimes watch actual plot lines and scenarios from soap operas be acted out in real life.

One big problem of why that occurs is that folks often have only a limited view of what intimacy is, and not a fuller, more mature understanding of it....it's not just telling each other your secrets...

I think you are on the right track, be polite and cordial, but stand off, if this i what you think is best. Validate your OWN emotion and thinking, and work at soothing YOURSELF when in contact with this person. If you do that, you are far more likely to RESPOND than REACT, which is very good indeed.

The other option is to not go to the party.

Good to have you back in conversations, Shoop!

Thanks for the "good to have you back".. .

I will be cordial...no sceens will be made by me. That'd be bad for all involved. Except her, probably. Funny enough I asked the ex why she would even COME to a party where she KNOWS she's not welcome (by me, the mom of the kid!) and we actually BOTH agreed it was probably for drama!

I have to go to the party. It's my daughter's birthday. She is more important than that bitch's drama.