I Just Had A Friend Tell Me To Get The Fake Boobs....

[Shoop]

I just had a friend over tonight (she's a new friend, we've only known eachother 6 months however we've told a lot of secrets in those 6 months if that makes sense...she's not a "casual" friend) and she was here when my kids dad dropped off my son as he had him for a few hours. Anyways, she watched the "interaction" between the two of us and said he is "totally still into me". I don't know HOW she saw that, but she said she did.

Then she met live-in boyfriend. And she said that she thought I 'click' with my ex better.

I told her my ex ISN'T ATTRACTED to me. I explained our love life and how he picked my body apart and also how he told me flat out "I do not like your boobs" and asked me to get fake boobs. We spent 3 hrs talking and he tried to convince me to get them.

Anyways, SHE thinks I should get them and go back to him.

This seems crazy to me.

I mean, the ex and I did have a great friendship. But it REALLY bothers me that he wanted to me alter his body for him.

She thinks it's cosmetic and if I can do this for him then I should.

This woman has fake boobs, if that matters. She got them because her exhusband wanted her to. she said that he ex didn't love her, he just wanted her to get fake boobs, whereas in the 10 minutes she saw the ex and I together she could tell he loves me, he just wants big boobs. Big deal, get the boobs, she said.

I was SO upset. AFTER she left I had a hard time keeping it together. But I managed, until a few minutes ago...

I just bawled my eyes out and told my boyfriend. Which probably wasn't a good move (he says he doesn't care what she thinks, but I can't imagine someone saying that your girlfriend should get surgery and go back to her ex would feel NICE)...anyways, he says she doesn't know anything about us and this woman has caused nothing but trouble (not entirely true, but I have come home in tears before after being with her, because she tells me to go back to the ex..she told me that last time I was out with her too) and it's just hurtful. Plus her daughter is WILD and truly NOT a good influence on mine...

I think the reason that I cry when people tell me to go back to the ex is because of many reasons. I loved him. I loved our life. I feel sad that my kids are now being raised in a split home. I still can't comprehend WHY i wasn't enough for him THE WAY I AM and even that makes me sad. I am sitting here bawling right now. I wonder if I should have tried harder, however I DID try VERY hard and the only thing I didn't do was get the boobs. Well, that and therapy. I wish I had done that WHEN WE WERE MORE SOLID vs when we were breaking up. It was too late then.

[chloegirl]

Do NOT let that woman make you second guess what you have come to know is right for you. If it was just about the boobs it would have never gotten as far as a divorce. You've told us how cold hearted and shallow your ex was to you....Any man who would throw you away because you didn't have the "porn star" bod his pathetic little ego thinks he deserves is basically a weasly piece of shit who will never be happy or satisfied with anyone because the problem resides in HIM not in his partner! You deserve better than that and don't you forget it! If she's such an expert on reading relationship vibes why does she have an EX? Don't let anyone confuse you and cause you any grief. Be happy!

[Shoop]

Do NOT let that woman make you second guess what you have come to know is right for you. If it was just about the boobs it would have never gotten as far as a divorce. You've told us how cold hearted and shallow your ex was to you....Any man who would throw you away because you didn't have the "porn star" bod his pathetic little ego thinks he deserves is basically a weasly piece of shit who will never be happy or satisfied with anyone because the problem resides in HIM not in his partner! You deserve better than that and don't you forget it! If she's such an expert on reading relationship vibes why does she have an EX? Don't let anyone confuse you and cause you any grief. Be happy!

Well, HER ex is a psychopath. I'm sure of it. So my ex looks like a DREAM DADDY to her, I'm sure, and thus a dream husband.

My ex was weird. He wasn't COLD, he was very warm actually. But manipulative. He'd try to make me think that the surgery ideas were MY idea (didn't work AT ALL). First he wanted me to get an uplift "for my own self esteem" which really pissed me off because I was still NURSING our 2nd child. HERE I was nursing and he's criticizing the boobs that are giving our daughter sustenance? I dont' know why that made me so mad, but it did.

When he went for the implants idea, he didn't try to make it seem like it was for my self esteem at all. i MADE him come clean and he admitted that it was all his idea (both ideas) and that he was trying to get me to do it for him.

Anyways, the hard part for me was that he was generally a warm loving guy. And to pull this shit was very confusing. Still is.

Thanks for answering.

[chloegirl]

Having been married and having children together there will always be a connection between you two. Do you still love him? Enough to want to spend your life with him? I know it's never black and white. Just make sure that you go with what makes you happy!

[Anathema Device]

You already know how I feel about this. The friend is not being a good friend by doing this to you.

Your ex is a tool who doesn't know a good thing when he has it.

You are in a much better place now. I think the only thing that you are truly unhappy about right now is missing that "ideal" family life. But that ideal life wasn't so ideal when you were there. You want what the little girl dream says you should have had - not what you DID have with him. Does that make sense? I think every mom who gets divorced feels that way sometimes. I do. But that doesn't mean that going back to what was an abusive relationship (and it was emotionally abusive) is the answer.

Ignore her.

[synirr]

Sounds to me like your friend doesn't know shit.

[Shoop]

Sounds to me like your friend doesn't know shit.

But she sure acts like she knows all! LOL.

Anathema Device and I are friends in real life and I trust opinon her more than this "new" friend. And she has met my current man PLUS my ex....but not this new friend.

[Anathema Device]

I think there's a pretty good chance I won't be meeting "new friend" Shoop! I'd want to throttle her!

And yes, I'm biased, because I always got a weird vibe from your ex (as we discussed in email) and I like your current SO. But at the same time, I don't think I was trying to push you into anything when it came to your ex either. Not until I heard what a colossal prat he was, anyways.

[Shoop]

Having been married and having children together there will always be a connection between you two. Do you still love him? Enough to want to spend your life with him? I know it's never black and white. Just make sure that you go with what makes you happy!

Do I still love him?

I don't think so.

I love what we had. I long for that. I wish it didn't have to go away.

Do I want to spend my life with him? I feel I can't go back. How could I do that? I'd have to get the boobs. I dont' want to kiss him though. I don't want to lay next to him. I dont' want to sleep with him. I want to sleep with ryan. I want to kiss ryan.

You're right though, it really isn't black and white.

[Shoop]

NO NO NO NO NO, NO boob jobs period. Iv'e never seen your tits nor do I have too. A real man wants you just the way you are !!!!

thanks...

Funny enough my boyfriend told me to tell HER to get fake ones if she's telling me too. I said "she already has them" and he was surprised because he'd glanced at them (she was at my house with no bra on and headlight nipples I don't blame him for looking) and didn't think they were anything great.

[ladylove]

But she sure acts like she knows all! LOL.

Anathema Device and I are friends in real life and I trust opinon her more than this "new" friend. And she has met my current man PLUS my ex....but not this new friend.

Doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. You need to decide what is right for you. Stop listening to everyone else. Take 2 week, no BF, no interaction with ex, and no other opinions from anyone (sorry AD) and think about what it is you really want. Don't ask any one for there opinions during that time. Just you and your own thoughts.

Thats what I think.

[Shoop]

Doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. You need to decide what is right for you. Stop listening to everyone else. Take 2 week, no BF, no interaction with ex, and no other opinions from anyone (sorry AD) and think about what it is you really want. Don't ask any one for there opinions during that time. Just you and your own thoughts.

Thats what I think.

I'm not listening to what you thinkg! LOL.

Just joking.

I hear ya though. I hear ya.

[ladylove]

I'm not listening to what you thinkg! LOL.

Just joking.

I hear ya though. I hear ya.

.

Just remember only you know what's best

[Shoop]

.

Just remember only you know what's best

I know, but this is a puzzle that I go around and around in my head trying to grasp and I never can quite understand it. Which is why I ask for advice. It may make me seem unconfident, however it's really just confusion and requests for insight.

[ladylove]

I know, but this is a puzzle that I go around and around in my head trying to grasp and I never can quite understand it. Which is why I ask for advice. It may make me seem unconfident, however it's really just confusion and requests for insight.

understandable. Is dating him on the horizon, or couples therapy to figure it out?

[Behace]

Shoop,

I can’t claim to know you, your current bf, your ex or your friend. Nor can I say that I know everything there is to know about relationships, but I would like to throw my 2 cents in to hopefully help you out.

First off, you are probably right when you say that your friend sees your ex as dream husband. If her ex really is as crazy as you say he is any male with children that show even a semblance of respect to a woman will look amazing.

Second of all, you need to stop thinking you not getting fake breasts as the reason it did not work out with your ex. There had to be something deeper that was wrong with your relationship. Yes having him constantly nag you about your body hurt both you and your relationship with him but there had to be something more. Obviously there was something else missing, or some insecurity, for him or else he wouldn’t pick on your body. While you may only be able to think about him nagging you about your body there is most likely a number of other things you resented him for or else you would have done everything you could, short of change who you are and what you are, to keep him and maintain your relationship.

Third, don’t confuse longing for the perfect parts of your past relationship as current love for your ex. While you still might harbor a small amount of love for him you also forget the things that you didn’t like about him. Whenever anyone looks back on a relationship or any other situation it is easier to remember the positives than it is the negatives, and it only gets easier with time.

Fourth, if you have come home a number of times crying when you have been with your friend and you think that she/her daughter are a bad influence, why are you friends with her? Everyone wants friends but friends that hurt you, make you feel bad about yourself or don’t really care about you are worse than not having those friends at all. Friends should be the ones that offer you a shoulder to cry on, not the ones that cause you to cry. Personally I would rather have a small handful of true friends than 10 boat loads of friends that will talk badly about me behind my back.

And finally, if you are truly happy with you current relationship then you shouldn’t let any of this bother you. Just continue to live and love and be happy.

If anything I have said has crossed any lines then I apologize. Hopefully, at least, some of this has helped out, if not then it was just a psych/premed majors attempt to help.

[shoupja]

NO NO NO NO NO, NO boob jobs period. Iv'e never seen your tits nor do I have too. A real man wants you just the way you are !!!!

AMEN TO THAT!

If you want yours done for YOU someday, then get them done, but NEVER do that for a man. It's shallow. Your friends EX husband wanted her to do it, and she did. Look how their marriage turned out.

[Smile4Me]

Well, HER ex is a psychopath. I'm sure of it. So my ex looks like a DREAM DADDY to her, I'm sure, and thus a dream husband.

My ex was weird. He wasn't COLD, he was very warm actually. But manipulative. He'd try to make me think that the surgery ideas were MY idea (didn't work AT ALL). First he wanted me to get an uplift "for my own self esteem" which really pissed me off because I was still NURSING our 2nd child. HERE I was nursing and he's criticizing the boobs that are giving our daughter sustenance? I dont' know why that made me so mad, but it did.

When he went for the implants idea, he didn't try to make it seem like it was for my self esteem at all. i MADE him come clean and he admitted that it was all his idea (both ideas) and that he was trying to get me to do it for him.

Anyways, the hard part for me was that he was generally a warm loving guy. And to pull this shit was very confusing. Still is.

Thanks for answering.

OMG...this kinda of behavior pisses me off to no end--pardon my french. Any time any man tells you you need to do something to change your body, a frikin' flair should go off spelling out "LOSER". Love is not skin-deep. What a superficial asshole to manipulate you like this. I flat out DO NOT BELIEVE in a woman changing herself to make someone else happy. If changes are to be made, it should be for nothing more than to feel better about YOU, or help support the well-being of your children. If a man pulls the "I'm not attracted to you because of this" he is not in LOVE, don't be fooled! Real love is unconditional in the sense that "you're beautiful because he loves you", and not "he loves you because you're beautiful." Any man that tries to manipulate a woman into changing her body has a serious problem and is very superficial. Your friend just sounds rather naive to me; chemistry you may have, but he doesn't have what it takes to be a successful long-term companion.

Why do so many good women act so impervious to these kinds of actions? Don't let anyone treat you like this. Screw that!! That is such BS!

Whew, I apologize, but I really had to get that off my chest. I hope I didn't offend, that was not my intention, just something I feel strongly about. I've met so many women who fall into this ridiculous trap, and it hurts me to watch them cry and hurt because of it. I'm sorry, but it's the truth.

[crossroads123]

Sorry to be so late with my reply, but I've been gone TRYING to make a living. So here goes.

Hell fire Girl, this is not a friend!!!!!!! That old saying is true "with friends like this who needs enemies" If she were in deed your friend she would want what's BEST for you. She would stand behind you and support the decisions you have made. Sorry but this is No friend!!

IMHO your ex didn't care all that much for you or he would have loved you the way you are and not tried to remake you into something he thought you should be. Hell he wouldn't have been happy with that either!!!!!!!!!!!

Love ya, be happy in you'r own skin. Just my $.02 (which isn't worth a damn thing these days!)

I just had a friend over tonight (she's a new friend, we've only known eachother 6 months however we've told a lot of secrets in those 6 months if that makes sense...she's not a "casual" friend) and she was here when my kids dad dropped off my son as he had him for a few hours. Anyways, she watched the "interaction" between the two of us and said he is "totally still into me". I don't know HOW she saw that, but she said she did.

Then she met live-in boyfriend. And she said that she thought I 'click' with my ex better.

I told her my ex ISN'T ATTRACTED to me. I explained our love life and how he picked my body apart and also how he told me flat out "I do not like your boobs" and asked me to get fake boobs. We spent 3 hrs talking and he tried to convince me to get them.

Anyways, SHE thinks I should get them and go back to him.

This seems crazy to me.

I mean, the ex and I did have a great friendship. But it REALLY bothers me that he wanted to me alter his body for him.

She thinks it's cosmetic and if I can do this for him then I should.

This woman has fake boobs, if that matters. She got them because her exhusband wanted her to. she said that he ex didn't love her, he just wanted her to get fake boobs, whereas in the 10 minutes she saw the ex and I together she could tell he loves me, he just wants big boobs. Big deal, get the boobs, she said.

I was SO upset. AFTER she left I had a hard time keeping it together. But I managed, until a few minutes ago...

I just bawled my eyes out and told my boyfriend. Which probably wasn't a good move (he says he doesn't care what she thinks, but I can't imagine someone saying that your girlfriend should get surgery and go back to her ex would feel NICE)...anyways, he says she doesn't know anything about us and this woman has caused nothing but trouble (not entirely true, but I have come home in tears before after being with her, because she tells me to go back to the ex..she told me that last time I was out with her too) and it's just hurtful. Plus her daughter is WILD and truly NOT a good influence on mine...

I think the reason that I cry when people tell me to go back to the ex is because of many reasons. I loved him. I loved our life. I feel sad that my kids are now being raised in a split home. I still can't comprehend WHY i wasn't enough for him THE WAY I AM and even that makes me sad. I am sitting here bawling right now. I wonder if I should have tried harder, however I DID try VERY hard and the only thing I didn't do was get the boobs. Well, that and therapy. I wish I had done that WHEN WE WERE MORE SOLID vs when we were breaking up. It was too late then.

[sun_flower969]

Do NOT let that woman make you second guess what you have come to know is right for you. If it was just about the boobs it would have never gotten as far as a divorce. You've told us how cold hearted and shallow your ex was to you....Any man who would throw you away because you didn't have the "porn star" bod his pathetic little ego thinks he deserves is basically a weasly piece of shit who will never be happy or satisfied with anyone because the problem resides in HIM not in his partner! You deserve better than that and don't you forget it! If she's such an expert on reading relationship vibes why does she have an EX? Don't let anyone confuse you and cause you any grief. Be happy!

Ditto that word for word! You are BEAUTIFUL!!! You don't need any fake plastic assistance! He loves and accepts you what's to think about???

[mystofpric]

So i know this is just echoing everyone else, but honey you are GOREGOUS! And trust us, we're totally strangers who have no reason to lie to you but have enjoyed oogling the pictures you posted.

Now as far as the friend goes, maybe she's just trying to help, maybe she doesn't realize just how bad your ex is since he probably isn't as bad as her ex. You need to falt out tell her "I love Ryan, I hate my ex, he made me feel worthless and there is no where that I am going to put myself or my child back into that kind of hurtful situtation. Would you like more coffee?" And just leave it at that. You obviously like this woman, you obviously want to trust her but your not going to be able to as long as she's pushing the ex issue.

Now next time you get the chance just stand in teh mirror and look at how awesome you look just the way you are. And remember that your friend has some serious body issues of her own, and not to let her issues become your issues!

[sass]

My ex was weird. He wasn't COLD, he was very warm actually. But manipulative. ...

Manipulation is a form of abuse, just not one that leaves visible wounds each time it is done.

[Smile4Me]

Manipulation is a form of abuse, just not one that leaves visible wounds each time it is done.

Totally and Completely Agree!! That is some of the worst mental abuse you can get (or give).

[Tyger]

I just had a friend over tonight (she's a new friend, we've only known eachother 6 months however we've told a lot of secrets in those 6 months if that makes sense...she's not a "casual" friend) and she was here when my kids dad dropped off my son as he had him for a few hours. Anyways, she watched the "interaction" between the two of us and said he is "totally still into me". I don't know HOW she saw that, but she said she did.

Then she met live-in boyfriend. And she said that she thought I 'click' with my ex better.

I told her my ex ISN'T ATTRACTED to me. I explained our love life and how he picked my body apart and also how he told me flat out "I do not like your boobs" and asked me to get fake boobs. We spent 3 hrs talking and he tried to convince me to get them.

Anyways, SHE thinks I should get them and go back to him.

This seems crazy to me.

I mean, the ex and I did have a great friendship. But it REALLY bothers me that he wanted to me alter his body for him.

She thinks it's cosmetic and if I can do this for him then I should.

This woman has fake boobs, if that matters. She got them because her exhusband wanted her to. she said that he ex didn't love her, he just wanted her to get fake boobs, whereas in the 10 minutes she saw the ex and I together she could tell he loves me, he just wants big boobs. Big deal, get the boobs, she said.

I was SO upset. AFTER she left I had a hard time keeping it together. But I managed, until a few minutes ago...

I just bawled my eyes out and told my boyfriend. Which probably wasn't a good move (he says he doesn't care what she thinks, but I can't imagine someone saying that your girlfriend should get surgery and go back to her ex would feel NICE)...anyways, he says she doesn't know anything about us and this woman has caused nothing but trouble (not entirely true, but I have come home in tears before after being with her, because she tells me to go back to the ex..she told me that last time I was out with her too) and it's just hurtful. Plus her daughter is WILD and truly NOT a good influence on mine...

I think the reason that I cry when people tell me to go back to the ex is because of many reasons. I loved him. I loved our life. I feel sad that my kids are now being raised in a split home. I still can't comprehend WHY i wasn't enough for him THE WAY I AM and even that makes me sad. I am sitting here bawling right now. I wonder if I should have tried harder, however I DID try VERY hard and the only thing I didn't do was get the boobs. Well, that and therapy. I wish I had done that WHEN WE WERE MORE SOLID vs when we were breaking up. It was too late then.

I wanted to answer this before I read any other answers.

First, let me say that it's GREAT that you stood up for yourself and refused to get a boob job, just because your ex wanted you too. He got together with you when you had little boobs, and if it bothered him so much, he shouldn't have. No woman should have to change herself like that for a MAN. Cosmetic surgery should be for medical reasons, or to make yourself feel better. It's something that should be done for YOU, not what your BF/GF wants you to do, even if they would be willing to pay for it!!!!!

If the relationship didn't work out between you and your ex because of a simple thing as boobs, then, darlin', it wasn't much of a relationship to begin with. Strong sex is great, but, if you don't have mutual attraction, trust, and respect, well, there's not much point to it, is there? If he picked apart your body, and you got a boob job, he'd probably target some other body part to make you feel bad about, and that, my dear, is just plain shallow! If he knows what sort of body type he's attracted too, then he should find it already made. He shouldn't have to have it created to suit HIS needs/desires. After all, if you got a boob job, and went back to him, wouldn't you always wonder if it was YOU or your BOOBS he was with? And yes, there would be a difference!

It's extremely hard to raise a child in a split home. There are very few people that wish that upon their kids, however, being miserable, insulted, and degraded with the other parent JUST so you can say you're with the "father of your child" isn't a healthy way to bring a child up. And, trust me, eventually, it would be known as to what the issues were, and so on. Do you want your child to learn that it's ok to stay with someone that degrades you, and wants you to change your appearance in such a drastic way?

She may have seen you "click" with your ex better because there's a history there. Hell, some people say that a friend of mine, whom I've known for 14 yrs and I have a more "comfortable" relationship than me and my husband. Does that mean I want to be with my friend (who's a guy)? No, it just means that I've known my friend a lot longer. Your live-in BF is relatively "new", and so there's a low level of comfort, though it will grow.

I'm not trying to insult your new friend, however, I would be wary of how much you open up to her. If she's changing her body to keep a man, that's HER choice to make. If she's truly comfortable with doing so (though I doubt she is), great. However, TRUE friends wouldn't encourage you to do ANYTHING that they know you feel strongly against doing. They would want YOU to be happy in ways that will make YOU happy. It sounds, to me, like she's just looking for another woman to share her surgeries & experiences with.

[Shoop]

I wanted to answer this before I read any other answers.

First, let me say that it's GREAT that you stood up for yourself and refused to get a boob job, just because your ex wanted you too. He got together with you when you had little boobs, and if it bothered him so much, he shouldn't have. No woman should have to change herself like that for a MAN. Cosmetic surgery should be for medical reasons, or to make yourself feel better. It's something that should be done for YOU, not what your BF/GF wants you to do, even if they would be willing to pay for it!!!!!

If the relationship didn't work out between you and your ex because of a simple thing as boobs, then, darlin', it wasn't much of a relationship to begin with. Strong sex is great, but, if you don't have mutual attraction, trust, and respect, well, there's not much point to it, is there? If he picked apart your body, and you got a boob job, he'd probably target some other body part to make you feel bad about, and that, my dear, is just plain shallow! If he knows what sort of body type he's attracted too, then he should find it already made. He shouldn't have to have it created to suit HIS needs/desires. After all, if you got a boob job, and went back to him, wouldn't you always wonder if it was YOU or your BOOBS he was with? And yes, there would be a difference!

It's extremely hard to raise a child in a split home. There are very few people that wish that upon their kids, however, being miserable, insulted, and degraded with the other parent JUST so you can say you're with the "father of your child" isn't a healthy way to bring a child up. And, trust me, eventually, it would be known as to what the issues were, and so on. Do you want your child to learn that it's ok to stay with someone that degrades you, and wants you to change your appearance in such a drastic way?

She may have seen you "click" with your ex better because there's a history there. Hell, some people say that a friend of mine, whom I've known for 14 yrs and I have a more "comfortable" relationship than me and my husband. Does that mean I want to be with my friend (who's a guy)? No, it just means that I've known my friend a lot longer. Your live-in BF is relatively "new", and so there's a low level of comfort, though it will grow.

I'm not trying to insult your new friend, however, I would be wary of how much you open up to her. If she's changing her body to keep a man, that's HER choice to make. If she's truly comfortable with doing so (though I doubt she is), great. However, TRUE friends wouldn't encourage you to do ANYTHING that they know you feel strongly against doing. They would want YOU to be happy in ways that will make YOU happy. It sounds, to me, like she's just looking for another woman to share her surgeries & experiences with.

thanks tyger, excellent response...you are so right...