Darwin Awards

[pappyld04]

Psst! If you’re a criminal and you’re considering a deathbed confession, make sure you’re actually dying first.

Here’s what happened to a man named James Brewer, who thought he was dying and confessed to a murder … only to get charged with it after he got better!

Convinced he was dying after a stroke, Mr Brewer reportedly admitted shooting dead 20-year-old neighbour Jimmy Carroll.

The 58-year-old, who had fled Tennessee after the killing, was arrested after his condition improved, reports the BBC.

"He wanted to cleanse his soul, because he thought he was going to the great beyond," said police detective Tony Grasso, who interviewed Mr Brewer in an Oklahoma hospital.

================================================================

15 Crazy Lawsuits that Make You Want to Sue SomeonePosted by Peter Mar 19th, 09:23

In this increasingly litigious society, it takes an astounding mix of talent and gall to make headlines with a lawsuit, but here are 15 examples of frivolous lawsuits that will make you mad enough to sue.

1. Man Sues Family of Boy He Ran Over

January 2008: Spanish businessman Tomas Delgado sued the family of the 17-year-old boy he'd hit and killed for the damage that the boy's body did to his Audi. Delgado was speeding at the time, but since the boy was cycling alone at night without reflectors or a helmet, the driver wasn't charged with anything other than being a complete jerk. Under public pressure, he later dropped his lawsuit.

2. Sleeping Student Sues Teacher for Waking Him Up

March 2008: In Danbury, Connecticut, 15-year-old Vinicios Robacher sued his teacher for slamming her palm on his desk to wake him up during class -- an action that he claimed caused him ear damage.

3. Man Sues Michael Jordan for Looking Like Him

July 2006: Portland, Oregon resident Allen Heckard sued former basketball star Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for $832 million, claiming that they have made Jordan such a recognizable figure that he has suffered personal harm from being repeatedly mistaken for the basketball player. Within a month, Heckard had dropped the suit.

4. Mayor of Batman, Turkey Sues Batman

November 2008: The mayor of a city in Turkey called Batman sued Warner Brothers and The Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan for using the name without permission. Either it took the town's residents 70 years to realize the superhero's existence or they just wanted to cash in on The Dark Knight's billion-dollar box office take. You be the judge.

5. Man Sues Homeless for $1 Million

January 2007: Karl Kemp, owner of a ritzy antiques store on Manhattan's Madison Avenue, sued four homeless people who congregate in front of his shop because they scare off potential customers. The amount of the suit: $1 million, payable apparently in shopping carts full of aluminum cans.

6. Inmate Sues Himself

April 1995: Chesapeake, Virginia prison inmate Robert Lee Brock was upset at himself for getting arrested for breaking and entering and grand larceny, so he decided to make himself pay -- by suing himself for $5 million. Stating that he violated his own religious beliefs by committing the crime, he sought payment for a civil rights offense. Of course, since he didn't have $5 million to pay himself, he asked that the state pay on his behalf. His suit was thrown out.

7. Magicians Sued for Stealing God's Powers

June 2005: Reality-challenged Minnesota resident Christopher Roller sued magicians David Copperfield and David Blaine for using Roller's "godly powers" without his permission to perform their acts. Roller, by the way, claimed to be a god. He also claimed that the movie The Truman Show was based on his life and that he was married to both Katie Couric and Celine Dion, with whom he planned to father 1 million babies.

8. Shooter's Mom Seeks Workman's Comp

October 2003: After Jonathon Russell went on a shooting spree at the manufacturing plant where he worked, leaving three dead and five injured, his mother filed for workman's compensation benefits on his behalf, citing his "death by gunfire while on company clock." She was denied.

9. Man Sues Wife for Donated Kidney

January 2009: After Long Island doctor Richard Batista was slapped with divorce papers from his cheating wife, he decided he'd had enough and sued her for the return of a gift he'd give her eight years prior: a kidney. If that wasn't feasible, he'd "settle" for $1.5 million. You're welcome.

10. Insurance Company Sues 81-Year-Old Woman for Icy Driveway

February 2007: A "meals on wheels" program was delivering food to 81-year-old Anne Keipper in Brookfield, Wisconsin when the delivery woman -- who wasn't wearing boots -- slipped on a patch of ice in the driveway and fell. Three years later, Keipper was notified that she was being sued by Sentry Insurance for the medical expenses it paid related to the delivery woman's fall. The moral: senior citizens too frail to leave their house to get food should diligently shovel ice off their driveway.

11. Girls Sued for Baking Cookies

July 2005: Two well-meaning teenage girls in Durango, Colorado decided one summer night to bake cookies for their neighbors. They packaged the baked treats in plastic wrap with a heart-shaped message wishing the recipients a good night. When they knocked at the door of Wanita Renea Young, however, the woman became so terrified that someone was outside her house at 10:30 PM that she suffered an anxiety attack and successfully sued the girls for $930 to cover a trip to the emergency room. Her request for money to cover pain and suffering was denied.

12. Student Sues to Get A+

March 2003: High school senior Brian Delekta was so distraught that he got an A in one of his courses that he sued the school system. He felt he deserved an A+. Delekta, who had the highest GPA in his class at the time, felt that a "mere" A would hurt his chances of becoming the valedictorian. The course in question, incidentally, was a work-study program at a law firm. His supervisor in the position lobbied for him to get an A+, but maybe that's because she's his mother.

13. Musician Sued for Copying Silence

September 2002: Music publishers for the late avant-garde composer John Cage sued musician Mike Batt for plagiarism after he included a silent song on his album. That's right: silence. No music or vocals whatsoever. The publishers claimed that Batt's song, entitled "A Minute's Silence," ripped off Cage's "4'33", which also contained no music or vocals. Despite the seeming insanity of copyrighting silence, Batt agreed to settle out of court by paying a six-figure amount.

14. Man Sues to Inherit the Money of the Mother He Killed

January 2008: In 1999, schizophrenic Joshua Hoge stabbed his mother and half-brother to death but was found not guilty by reason of insanity. Nine years later, as he sat in a mental hospital, he sued to inherit his mother's estate, which included a $800,000 payment received from the state when a court ruled that a public-health clinic that failed to give Hoge his medication was partly responsible for the murders.

15. Mr. Frivolous Lawsuit

January 2006 - present: South Carolina inmate Jonathan Lee Riches has become a celebrity of sorts by filing more than 1,000 frivolous lawsuits while in jail. Some highlights:

August 2007: Sued baseball player Barry Bonds for $42 million for, amongst other things, selling steroids to nuns, giving mustard gas to Saddam Hussien and bench-pressing Riches "to show off in front of his ball park buddies." Hank Aaron's bat, which Riches claimed Bonds used to crack the Liberty Bell, was also named as a defendant in the suit. September 2007: Sued Elvis Presley for stealing his sideburns, selling him tainted poultry and being in cahoots with Osama Bin Laden. Riches also claims that rap producer Suge Knight hung him from a Econo Lodge balcony with Vanilla Ice and that Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch harbors Hitler's army.

September 2007: Claiming that he is a model and actor who's starred in movies like The Karate Kid, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and the Paris Hilton sex tape, Riches sued rapper 50 Cent for $35 billion, charging that the musician stole his lyrics and forced him to harass '80s groups Bananarama and Tears for Fears. And the piece de resistance: in March 2006, Riches sued 57 pages' worth of defendants -- including President George W. Bush, Pope Benedict XVI, Bill Gates, Queen Elizabeth, the Gambino crime family, Three Mile Island, Burt Reynolds, Google, the Salvation Army, the Wu-Tang Clan, the Magna Carta, "tsunami victims," the Kremlin, Nostradamus, the Lincoln Memorial, Nordic gods, Pizza Hut, the European Union, the Methodist Church, Viagra, "ninja samurai fighters" and the planet Pluto -- for an unspecified dollar amount for an unspecified civil rights offense.

In March 2008, the Northern District of Georgia made it difficult for Riches to file such frivolous lawsuits by requiring him to agree to be prosecuted for false statements before he submits, but that hasn't stopped him from filing wacky suits in other districts across the country.

===========================================================

10 Law School Lessons Learned the Hard WayPosted by Fergus Mar 25th, 12:22

Law school bloggers exist to blow off the steam they build up during their stressful classroom / internship / entry-level job experiences. Often, maybe even intentionally, they teach their readers what not to do. Here are some bitter scraps of law school wisdom, brought to you by law school and law bloggers across the Web. Read and learn.

1. RTFC

Lawyers have to memorize a lot of acronyms, the practice of which could be entirely its own occupation. As one blogger learned, this is an important one:

"I was just out of law school and things weren’t going well. I kept making the same mistakes.

I walked into a partner’s office and asked him a question. He didn't say anything. He just opened his desk drawer, took out a Sharpie, and wrote RTFC in big bold letters on a legal pad. Then he got up from his desk, walked to my office, taped the sign to my monitor, and walked out without saying a word.

It wasn’t pretty, but he made his point. I keep the sign in my desk drawer so that I’m always reminded to "read the fucking contract".

From Addicted to Medblogs

2. Play by the rules, not the seat of your pants.

Sometimes it’s tempting to try to make things up as you go along, instead of the much less rewarding “following procedure.” This is called B.S., and it’s usually better just to play the game.

"[While role playing in an American Law class], I played the trial judge in one case. In my decision, I added my own opinion of what I thought the prosecutor forgot to argue. Even though I had disregarded the correct process altogether, I had a valid point. This conversation proceeded:

Teacher: Do you know what dictum means?

Me: No.

Teacher, laughing: Well, it's part of the judge's decision that is completely irrelevant. It doesn't help the judge come to his decision, it's just something he wants to throw out there to make his decision more painful for us to read. So, thank you for your opinion, Miss Intern, but nobody cares!

-Everyone laughs-"

From Barely Legal Intern

3. Be prepared.

Just like you learned in Boy Scouts (if you’re male), being prepared is better than being embarrassed.

"I'd like to state Rule 1 of Socratic Method as I've learned it:

You will be called on only on the day that you've not prepared your briefs and have to bluff your way through. Preparation is the best way of getting out of ever getting called on.

I didn't make an utter fool of myself, but I wish I'd read a little more closely.

Update: Got called on for the next case, and did make a fool of myself. Lesson learned."

From Three Years of Hell to Become the Devil

4. What goes around comes around.

Or, don’t skip class.

"Yesterday [my roommate] skipped a class. When her professor walked through the lounge she hit the floor faster than a speeding bullet. I laughed at her. Hysterically. I think I told her she was being ridiculous. Today when I decided my afternoon class was not on my agenda, I should have remembered that moment, because as I walked out of the building my professor was walking in. And he waved at me merrily saying "Good Morning!" At that moment I prayed fervently that the floor would open and swallow me whole. It didn't happen though, and I'm thinking it’s because The God of Karma remembered me laughing at [my roommate].........too bad he didn't make me reconsider skipping class......"

From Legally Blonde Ambition

5. Try to avoid bluffing it.

If you have to build yourself an air-filled argument, take the time to put it together well. Ideally, it’s better just to have a stronger argument.

"I've got 2 hours until the Court hearing where I've got to attempt to bluff the shit out of the opposing counsel. My bluff, also known as my motion, has been plagued by writer's block and I cannot seem to get the damn thing to flow properly without showing the world that I am, in fact, bluffing."

From the Namby Pamby, Attorney-At-Law

6. Especially avoid bluffing it in a job interview.

Interview settings matter more than most. So sticking to what you actually know is a great policy.

"A few weeks ago I had an interview with a Personal Injury firm… Our conversation diluted into pointless small talk when the partner asked me what I thought about tort reform. I hadn't thought about tort reform since the November elections, and even then I never thought enough about it to form an opinion. But considering my audience, I improvised and told them why I was strongly opposed to tort reform, although I'm not sure if I made much sense.

Partner: "Wow, you sure feel strongly about this. I heard they have a tort reform club over at your school. Is this true?"

Mike (not wanting to dig myself in deeper than I already was): "I don't know. They have a club for everything."

Partner: (laughs) "There sure were a lot of clubs. I didn't have time for too many."

Mike: "Yeah, I can think of better ways to spend my Thursday lunch hour than meeting with the Elder Law Society."

Associate: "I was president of the Elder Law Society."

Mike: "Oh ...(awkward pause) Well, it's really gone downhill since you left."

Needless to say, I didn't get the job."

From Barely Legal

7. Don’t make stupid dares.

Or at least don’t dare with money.

"One day while having lunch with a few classmates in the cafeteria, I had a water bottle in my hand and for whatever reason, I said, “[Ex-Football Player], I’ll give you $100 if you’ll pee in this bottle during property class today.” That’s a pretty safe dare, right? I mean, who the hell is going to pee in a water bottle during a law school class? As you’ve probably surmised, I had to go to the ATM after class so I could pay off the ex-football player because during the second half of property class, he urinated into an empty water bottle while sitting in the back row of class. (No, I’m not kidding.) Needless to say, there were a handful of students who knew what was going on at the time (the guy sitting next to me and the people sitting next to the football player – boy, weren’t they in for an unexpected treat). All of us broke out into uncontrollable laughter that lasted for about ten minutes. I didn’t make many dares after that day."

From the Thinking Fool

8. Don’t abuse the meeting calendar.

This blunder, narrated for once from the side of the righteous, demonstrates the intricacies of office etiquette. Or of plain negligence.

"If you send around a meeting appointment that you say is urgent and we all say yes and then actually show up....don't blame us for getting pissed when you forget about it and don't show up.....especially not get angry when we wait 10 minutes and then get back to you.

Also, when you sent around a 2nd meeting notice for later that afternoon despite the busy blocks on people's schedules and then proceeded to leave work 30 minutes before your 2nd meeting started....yea we were not impressed."

From First Year or Last

9. It’s “judgment,” not “judgement.”

This is a tiny, almost inconsequential bit of wisdom. But hey, it’s wisdom.

"I've been obsessing for several days about how absurd it is that I've been in law school for three years and I never came up with a shorthand abbreviation for "judgment." How could that possibly be? (I settled on "jmt." While we're on the subject, why doesn't MS Word auto-correct "judgement" (with the E) into "judgment"? Do you know how many times I've typed that wrong?"

From Above Supra

10. Just don’t trust people who are in law school.

They will eventually be lawyers, so they might say anything. A good example is this conversation between a first-year law student and a more experienced one, from Barely Legal:

"Anonymous1L: Can I ask you a question about exams

barelylegalblog: shoot

Anonymous1L: Whats the least you've ever written for an exam answer

barelylegalblog: Once I turned in a blank exam, didn't write a word

Anonymous1L: Are you serious?

barelylegalblog: Yeah...I wasn't prepared, and I figured writing the wrong answer would hurt me more than writing nothing at all

Anonymous1L: What happened?

barelylegalblog: Grades came back and I got a B

Anonymous1L: No way! How?!?

barelylegalblog: I dunno, I don't question how the curve works

Anonymous1L: Thats incredible

barelylegalblog: I know, but I wouldn't recommend trying it...leave it to the pros

Anonymous1L: Wow...I can't believe that worked.

15 Minutes Later

Anonymous1L: Are you still there?

barelylegalblog: Yep

Anonymous1L: When you said you turned in a blank exam and got a B, were you just messing with me?

barelylegalblog: Of course I was, you fool...How are you in law school?"

From Barely Legal

==============================================================

An American couple turned the tables on a burglar they caught ransacking their home by dispensing their own summary justice.

Without waiting for the law to arrive, the pair doled out their own punishment to the surprised criminal - they made him clean up the house at gunpoint!

The unlucky burglar was caught red-handed when Adrian and Tiffany McKinnon returned to their house near Montgomery, Alabama, after a week away.

To their dismay they discovered their home had been plundered.

“Tears just rolled down my face as I walked in and saw everything gone and piles of trash all over my home,” Mrs. McKinnon told her local newspaper the Montgomery Advertiser.

When her husband walked into another room to check what was missing he came face to face with the burglar, who was wearing one of Mr. McKinnon’s hats.

“My husband Adrian caught the thief red-handed in our home. And what is even crazier, the man even had my husband’s hat sitting right on his head,” Mrs. McKinnon said.

Mr. McKinnon held suspect Tajuan Bullock at gunpoint and made him sit down until he decided what to do.

“We made this man clean up all the mess he made, piles of stuff, he had thrown out of my drawers and cabinets onto the floor,” Mrs. McKinnon said.

When the police arrived the work-shy burglar had the cheek to complain to them - about having to clean up his mess at gunpoint.

“This man had the nerve to raise sand about us making him clean up the mess he made in my house,” said Mrs McKinnon.

But the police officer laughed at Bullock when he complained and told him that anybody else would have shot him dead.

Bullock was arrested on burglary and theft charges and was held in Montgomery County Detention Facility.

A police spokesman said the victims were lucky to be able to catch the suspect in the act and hold him until police arrived. It was an unusual case because usually burglars struck while the homeowner was away and were in and out fast so they could quickly sell the stolen items, the spokesman added.

===========================================================

============================================================

Who ever said that crime doesn’t pay? It certainly did for this guy: Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman Loera, who made the rank in Forbes’ annual list of The World’s Billionaires.

Mexico’s most wanted man, "El Chapo", or Shorty, heads the Sinaloa cartel, one of the biggest suppliers of Cocaine to the U.S. In 1993 was arrested in Mexico on homicide and drug charges. Escaped from federal prison in 2001, reportedly through the laundry, and quickly regained control of his drug trafficking organization, which he still controls today. In 2008 Mexican and Colombian traffickers laundered between $18 billion and $39 billion in proceeds from wholesale shipments to the U.S. Shorty, an alleged tunnels expert, is believed to have directed anywhere from a third to half of that during the past 8 years. Apparently started out working with Miguel Angel Felix Gallardo, "El Padrino", or the Godfather, head of the most powerful drug trafficking group in Mexico at that time. U.S. government is offering a $5 million reward for his capture.

Needless to say, Mexican authorities are livid:

Mexican Attorney General Eduardo Medina Mora expressed outrage at the publication and described Forbes’ calculations on Guzman Loera’s fortune as mere "speculation."

"I will never accept that a criminal could be recognized as someone distinguished, even if it is by a magazine like Forbes," Medina Mora said to local media during a drug traffic summit Thursday in Vienna, Austria.

Forbes is "comparing the deplorable activity of a criminal wanted in Mexico and abroad with that of honest businessmen," he said.

[panab]

These are not the Darwin Awards though!

The Darwin Awards include people that accidentally kill or mutilate themselves in a way that stops them from having children again.

I remember hearing a story about a guy that was talking to his buddy about the fantastic shielding power of a kevlar vest.

Again and again he was saying that it could stop any thing, a bullet from a handgun, a rifle-shot... It could even stop a knife!

So they decided to test the theory. Unfortunately, he put the vest on him and THEN they tried stabbing him.

If I recall correctly, it punctured his lung and he died of internal bleeding.

[nezza]

HAHA