The "get Fake Boobs" Friend Sent Me An Email....

[Shoop]

I have my own opinion here, but i'm curious to what you all think...Plus I'd like you to debate the validity of his arguement...ARE men programmed so that they only are accepting of unrealistically shaped women? Is it the media's fault and not men's?

So that friend of mine that keeps upsetting me sent me an email the other night telling me about how she saw the ex at a sporting event (our kids go together) and how she likes him more and more the more that she see's him and how great he is with the kids (true)...then she said that she had a thought of "playing cupid" with us but then stopped herself.

I wrote her back and said a few things, but basically said "please respect my decision"...

Well after the short email I sent her back (I think she "got" my message) she wrote back again today. I think at least by reading it that I now know that the ex takes some responsibility? What do you guys? Well in a way....I mean he infers that it's not his fault because he's "programmed" however even him realizing THAT is something, don't you think? (K, even after typing this out I've done some deeper thinking on this so I'll reserve what i think for later, i'm curious what the general feel from you guys is...)

K, here's her second email back to me (after I shortly said "respect my decision and not too much else)...(I CHANGED HIS NAME TO 'THE EX' where she put his name, fyi).

Sorry about the match-making fantasy. I completely understand. I want to clarify, your ex is not for me either just cause I said I like him more and more, I meant I like him for you. BUT, he's not right for you, I got it now for good , I understand and I will not push this any farther. I just like the way I've seen him treat you and your/his kids. You know me, I'm a hopeless romantic. My marriage could never work, so I want other people's to have a shot. I meant no harm or disrespect - pls. accept that. I guess I didn't spend enough time getting to know your boyfriend.

I will make more of an effort to get to know him K!

So I was reading a magazine at ballet last class and there was this ridiculous photo of this model riding a bike in the sexiest undies with her perfect touche hanging out and I said, "Yeah, we all ride bikes like that." And THE EX looked at my mag and said, "see that's why men are all screwed up, cause we're programmed from a young age with these unrealistic images of women." Then he says in this regretful tone, "I wish I could reprogram myself - it just ruins things" OK, I thought instantly of you and I think he meant me to tell you his feelings? Maybe not, but my gut says yes, it was definitely a message for you. Oh yeah, he was also telling me how hard having two kids by himself was for him, I just kept thinking he was trying to get me to deliver all these comments to you or talking to you through me??

[sun_flower969]

Sounds like he has some regrets! ...but TOO BAD! I think he def has a point about unrealistic images of women definitely! Maybe now he has learned from his mistakes but too little too late!

[Tyger]

Your ex sounds like he's a great guy, to his kids. However, again, let me restress that, if he wanted you to change your physical appearance in such a drastic way, and made you feel bad about yourself, then he really is not a great person towards YOU. Yes, he's going to treat you nicer infront of other people, and that's what your friend has seen.

What your friend needs to really GRASP is that, he's your EX for a REASON. For whatever reason, things just didn't work out. She needs to drop it and move on, hopeless romantic or not. I mean, how DISRESPECTFUL is it of her to do that, with you having another man in your life now. Imagine how that makes your BF feel?

Just because you get along with your Ex doesn't mean that you should get back together. In fact, it's wonderful that you get along, if only for the sake of the kids you have together. So, she needs to drop it, or leave you alone. I hope her latest e-mail to you was sincere & truthful.

As far as men being programmed, yes, that absolutely could be true. However, if any man uses it as an excuse, he's just shallow. I mean, yes, they see these images, and are influenced by them (as us women are too), however, men need to understand that they can choose to follow that mindset, or be a bit more free-thinking, and feel comfortable enough to like what they like, and say to hell with what others may think!

[garry]

I think you ex as a point with the "programing" idea. Look at all the mag. ads, tv shows, movies, beauty contests, porn, etc. that show beautiful women that men have been viewing all their lives. But you know what, when you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with the whole package, not just the physical attributes, imho.

When I asked my wife to marry me, it was because of the way she can make me laugh when I'm down; the way she cared for me when I was sick; the interests that we shared, etc. I didn't marry her for her 34-something breasts, to me that was a bonus! I would never ask her to change anything about her body! I love the sum of all of her parts!

Again, just my opinion

[Shoop]

I think you ex as a point with the "programing" idea. Look at all the mag. ads, tv shows, movies, beauty contests, porn, etc. that show beautiful women that men have been viewing all their lives. But you know what, when you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with the whole package, not just the physical attributes, imho.

When I asked my wife to marry me, it was because of the way she can make me laugh when I'm down; the way she cared for me when I was sick; the interests that we shared, etc. I didn't marry her for her 34-something breasts, to me that was a bonus! I would never ask her to change anything about her body! I love the sum of all of her parts!

Again, just my opinion

funny enough I know he THINKS he married me for those wonderful reasons too, however during our marriage (after I had kids) he started to feel like he didn't like my breasts as much. He said (in an EMAIL TO HIS FAMILY) that this was an AGE OLD THING MEN DEAL WITH...inferring that so many men go through this, and I guess many do...but in my opinion I like my boobs BETTER after babies, but he liked them better before.

But ya, I see his point a bit...about the programming...and I think it's sad...it's too bad it really effected him though, because obviously so many people can still be attracted to their partners although they don't look like early 20's porn stars.

[Shoop]

Your ex sounds like he's a great guy, to his kids. However, again, let me restress that, if he wanted you to change your physical appearance in such a drastic way, and made you feel bad about yourself, then he really is not a great person towards YOU. Yes, he's going to treat you nicer infront of other people, and that's what your friend has seen.

What your friend needs to really GRASP is that, he's your EX for a REASON. For whatever reason, things just didn't work out. She needs to drop it and move on, hopeless romantic or not. I mean, how DISRESPECTFUL is it of her to do that, with you having another man in your life now. Imagine how that makes your BF feel?

Just because you get along with your Ex doesn't mean that you should get back together. In fact, it's wonderful that you get along, if only for the sake of the kids you have together. So, she needs to drop it, or leave you alone. I hope her latest e-mail to you was sincere & truthful.

As far as men being programmed, yes, that absolutely could be true. However, if any man uses it as an excuse, he's just shallow. I mean, yes, they see these images, and are influenced by them (as us women are too), however, men need to understand that they can choose to follow that mindset, or be a bit more free-thinking, and feel comfortable enough to like what they like, and say to hell with what others may think!

I can't believe she said all of those things with my boyfriend in the same house either and I thought exactly the same thing HOW DISRESPECTFUL! And she had NO IDEA. I swear.

Interesting comment on the programming....well my mom always DID SAY he was shallow...

Sidebar: Once I got a christmas card from a friend of mine (whom the ex had never met) and pictured on the front was her entire family, 3 small children under 8 and herself and her husband. I showed him happily and said "this is my friend Barb that i always mention" and he looked at the pic and said laughingly "wow, what an UGLY family, the whole family is unattractive". NICE eh?

SO I GUESS the fact that he was critical about me should be no surprise...