Members nosleepnmesa Posted June 1, 2006 Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 I have been married for 7yrs and my sex life is going down hill. I own plently of toys and find that I have more fun alone with my toys then I do with him. Exsample and this may sound terrible, last night I wanted him to be a little dominate never had a dominating man and ask him if he would be. So I took out my toys and he was basically a nondominate boring person. I played with my toys since all he wanted to do was lay there and I couldnt even get into it.He is 41 Is this common with men as they get older.HE always wants it the same way and has no excitement in him anymore. I tried sucking him which he likes but what happen to the play and the excitement I mean I love to have a real penis and affect from my husband but when we are done I have to grab a toy to get myself off. Anyone have an ideas or suggestions on this issue. Is it because he is getting older or ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted June 1, 2006 Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 Welcome Katpurr!NO, this is NOT because he is getting older! I mean, yes, it is true that as men age they loose a little of their sex drives as opposed to women who ripen as they get older - HOWEVER, the myth is this: men still think about sex more often than women anyway, even with their "decreased" sex drives, it is just maybe once a minute instead of 3 times a minute! So, what has happened is, your man has fallen into "LIFE" - meaning, he is married, he has married sex, he has stress, work, kids (?) - responsibilities - and he is just getting his sex and that is fine. He doesn't feel obligated to play with you, because he is getting what he needs ultimately - sex. Most men do not find the value in foreplay until they have had really good foreplay! Also, not all men make good dominants - it might take him a long, long while to get comfortable in that role. Is he quiet and timid? Or, if he is high powered and has a high stress job, he may want to be dominated instead - have you take control.Let me ask - what does he do while you are playing with your toys? Does he watch, touch you while you do it? Help you? Does he say "that is sexy baby?" OR does he just watch sort of uniterested until he is getting his time? If he is interacting and enjoying the show, then you have only to get him more involved in the play - get him interested in the interaction with you. IF he is not interested then he may be either a) intimidated by the toys (she has the toys, she doesn't need me) or afraid to hurt you with the toys c) doesn't know how to play with the toys with you.Men are not always porn actors, and sometimes we women expect them to be - it is our job to teach them what we want. However, we have to have a willing student. What this is going to boil down to is you having an honest and open conversation in a non-sexual and open spot with your man and telling him that you love him, are attracted to him, that you want his cock but you need more passion, lust and excitement. Tell him you love sucking him off, giving him pleasure, fucking him. If he loves you, he will ask what he can do for you. Then you can explain it. It might be hard for him at first, but with communication, you two will get there.If he knows you orgasm better with your toys, he may figure he is just getting his basic sex so you can run to the toys - you have to get out of that mentality and get back to the fun of foreplay. In fact, I wrote a whole article on foreplay - have him read it!http://www.tootimid.com/sex_education/sex_...replay_tips.htmThis might help him get the idea of what is fun, good, exciting - I discuss light BDSM in there too - that might help you out! Check it out!In the meantime - be patient, non-accustatory - and try to make things better!Good Luck!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted June 1, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 Welcome Katpurr!NO, this is NOT because he is getting older! I mean, yes, it is true that as men age they loose a little of their sex drives as opposed to women who ripen as they get older - HOWEVER, the myth is this: men still think about sex more often than women anyway, even with their "decreased" sex drives, it is just maybe once a minute instead of 3 times a minute! So, what has happened is, your man has fallen into "LIFE" - meaning, he is married, he has married sex, he has stress, work, kids (?) - responsibilities - and he is just getting his sex and that is fine. He doesn't feel obligated to play with you, because he is getting what he needs ultimately - sex. Most men do not find the value in foreplay until they have had really good foreplay! Also, not all men make good dominants - it might take him a long, long while to get comfortable in that role. Is he quiet and timid? Or, if he is high powered and has a high stress job, he may want to be dominated instead - have you take control.Let me ask - what does he do while you are playing with your toys? Does he watch, touch you while you do it? Help you? Does he say "that is sexy baby?" OR does he just watch sort of uniterested until he is getting his time? If he is interacting and enjoying the show, then you have only to get him more involved in the play - get him interested in the interaction with you. IF he is not interested then he may be either a) intimidated by the toys (she has the toys, she doesn't need me) or afraid to hurt you with the toys c) doesn't know how to play with the toys with you.Men are not always porn actors, and sometimes we women expect them to be - it is our job to teach them what we want. However, we have to have a willing student. What this is going to boil down to is you having an honest and open conversation in a non-sexual and open spot with your man and telling him that you love him, are attracted to him, that you want his cock but you need more passion, lust and excitement. Tell him you love sucking him off, giving him pleasure, fucking him. If he loves you, he will ask what he can do for you. Then you can explain it. It might be hard for him at first, but with communication, you two will get there.If he knows you orgasm better with your toys, he may figure he is just getting his basic sex so you can run to the toys - you have to get out of that mentality and get back to the fun of foreplay. In fact, I wrote a whole article on foreplay - have him read it!http://www.tootimid.com/sex_education/sex_...replay_tips.htmThis might help him get the idea of what is fun, good, exciting - I discuss light BDSM in there too - that might help you out! Check it out!In the meantime - be patient, non-accustatory - and try to make things better!Good Luck!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sexykitty Posted June 1, 2006 Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 Yes it can be because he is getting older also it could be any changes in life. Letting the daily stresses of life get to him can cause this to happen as well. Has something changed at work that maybe on his mind? Is he worried about finances? I think you should sit down with him and have a good talk. Communication is key in a good relationship. If after your talk you find that it has nothing to do with his job, the bill, etc....then suggest that he pay a visit to the family Dr. Many reasons can lower anyones sex drive and once you find out what the reason is and treat it im sure things will get back to being fun for the BOTH of you.I know you said you have a lot of toys, but have you tried to spice things up in anyother way? Dressing in something really sexy or maybe watching a porn......anything? Like i said TALK first, try some new things to spice up the love life and then if all else fails time to see the Dr. which is all for the best because if you still love eachother and still want the marriage to work then its all worth it. GOOD LUCK and keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted June 1, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 Welcome Katpurr!NO, this is NOT because he is getting older! I mean, yes, it is true that as men age they loose a little of their sex drives as opposed to women who ripen as they get older - HOWEVER, the myth is this: men still think about sex more often than women anyway, even with their "decreased" sex drives, it is just maybe once a minute instead of 3 times a minute! So, what has happened is, your man has fallen into "LIFE" - meaning, he is married, he has married sex, he has stress, work, kids (?) - responsibilities - and he is just getting his sex and that is fine. He doesn't feel obligated to play with you, because he is getting what he needs ultimately - sex. Most men do not find the value in foreplay until they have had really good foreplay! Also, not all men make good dominants - it might take him a long, long while to get comfortable in that role. Is he quiet and timid? Or, if he is high powered and has a high stress job, he may want to be dominated instead - have you take control.Let me ask - what does he do while you are playing with your toys? Does he watch, touch you while you do it? Help you? Does he say "that is sexy baby?" OR does he just watch sort of uniterested until he is getting his time? If he is interacting and enjoying the show, then you have only to get him more involved in the play - get him interested in the interaction with you. IF he is not interested then he may be either a) intimidated by the toys (she has the toys, she doesn't need me) or afraid to hurt you with the toys c) doesn't know how to play with the toys with you.Men are not always porn actors, and sometimes we women expect them to be - it is our job to teach them what we want. However, we have to have a willing student. What this is going to boil down to is you having an honest and open conversation in a non-sexual and open spot with your man and telling him that you love him, are attracted to him, that you want his cock but you need more passion, lust and excitement. Tell him you love sucking him off, giving him pleasure, fucking him. If he loves you, he will ask what he can do for you. Then you can explain it. It might be hard for him at first, but with communication, you two will get there.If he knows you orgasm better with your toys, he may figure he is just getting his basic sex so you can run to the toys - you have to get out of that mentality and get back to the fun of foreplay. In fact, I wrote a whole article on foreplay - have him read it!http://www.tootimid.com/sex_education/sex_...replay_tips.htmThis might help him get the idea of what is fun, good, exciting - I discuss light BDSM in there too - that might help you out! Check it out!In the meantime - be patient, non-accustatory - and try to make things better!Good Luck!Mikayla Thank you Mikayla I will try. I am going to try to get him to read the article to once the kids settle.Yes we have 5 children and he has a stressful job.When i play with my toys sometimes he interacts and plays with me and other times he just watches but will state he likes to watch me do myself. I have tried to dominant him but he is not into that.I have tried some sexy clothes ect . I will keep you all posted I am going to try to have him read the article to. We talk everyday after he gets home from work and says that is isnt stressed out about bills or anything or work nothing has really changed I think he has just fallen into the comfortable LIFE of married LIFE. We shall see I will try a few new things and have him read the article if i can get him to. Thank you all very much I will keep you all posted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trina2008 Posted June 1, 2006 Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 If he has a stressful job, and comes home to a wife and 5 kids, he probably just doesn't have much energy to play with you by the time the kids are in bed. Either he needs a nap when he gets home- absolutely impossible with 5 kids demanding his attention- or you need to change the time when you want him to play with you. I have suggested this many times before, and I will suggest it to you now. Set the alarm clock a half hour early, and join him in the shower. He will be rested, calm, and have the energy he didn't have the night before. Wash his back, give him a massage, back, then front, and where ever that may lead! Pamper him in the morning, when he has energy and the two of you are least likely to be disturbed by the kids. Don't give him a blow job, or anything else that lets him climax until he has pleasured you. Oh, go ahead and tease him, get him excited, but insist that he pleasure you first. Then you can instruct your pupil. If he doesn't want to play, he gets to head off to work with a hard-on, and maybe a case of blue balls. Very uncomfortable, but it does motivate men to get off their butts, and show a little interest in the wife! Having sex before work is so novel( for most people) that it is more than enough reward to him for playing with you. Also, hand him the vibrators, or dildoes, or whatever, and ask him to use them on you. No man will be jealous long about a woman's toys once he figure out its HIS best friend, as he can enjoy a long fuck, while using the vibrator to get you to many climaxes and make you that much more happy. He gets the credit; the toy does the work, or at least some of it. Keep us posted on how this all works out. I think you will find that taking a shower with your husband is a lot of fun, and the bathroom needs to be enlarged so it can be a true adult play pen. If the floor is not wide enough and is not covered with soft rugs so you can make love right there, a remodel is in order! Trust me on this! HowardI agree with Howard, you have to make the time. I too have suffered from this before and still do. We may not have sex when we always want it but, we have made time for each other. My husband has a very stressful job and so do I. So sex is not always convient, especially with 3 kids ourselves. We make the time! In the shower at night before bed, in the morning before the kids are up. This week we both took a vacation while the kids are still in school, just to spend time together and enjoy each other. As for the toys, hell I use them alone when I am off work and he isn't . That only gets me ready for him when he gets home, which he loves because I will flirt with him all night. I'll flash him my tits when the kids aren't in the room or grab his cock and give a quick little rub. I know there are times the kids aren't in the same room or are outside playing. Give it a try, if he knows you are interested and want sex, he is sure to start responding to your advances. Also, try just one night without them, see what happens he may have an issue thinking he can't make you have an orgasm without them. I know my husband did for a little bit, I did it a couple of times thinking he couldn't get my to have an orgasm without them. Boy was I wrong! I was actually surprised and now he uses them on me as foreplay. This way he doesn't have to work as hard to get me as fired up as he is and we go straight to fucking. ( Not all the time but sometimes) As for howard mentioning the shower, it has ALWAYS worked for me. In fact if he is in the shower and I just happen to hop in he knows I want sex. He is the first one to grab the shower head and get me off and then I will pleasure him with the start of a blow job. We either fuck in the shower or go straight to bed and go crazy and enjoy each other.Let me know what happens. Keep posting!Coupleof maniacs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted June 2, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2006 Well I woke up early this morning and in fact started his shower for him before he even got up. Went downstairs got my coffee and let him get in the shower, he had no idea what I was up to. I stuck in behind him and massaged his back washed it ect.He was in shock Then I went around to the front of him and did the same thing. My hand may have stroke him once or twice, Kissed his chest and kissed below, he thought he was going to get a blowjob but wrong he was. When I was massaging him again and kissing his chest and playing with him he scoop me up put of the shower and carried me to bed, both of us soaking wet. He layed me down and OMG!!!! ate me better then he ever has.WOW we had the best sex we have ever had in yrs.Thank you for your advice! I am gonna need some more ideas if possible to but I have to say the whole waking up early and getting in the shower worked. If I only would have known, needless to say I was extremely tired still but I woke right up without any problems. Thank you all for the tips I think this may be a start to hopefully a wonderful fun sex life again. But then again this is only one time that he actually instead of thinking about him he was into me to. Amazing I have to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted June 2, 2006 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2006 GREAT GOING!!!!!Men love those surprises, it makes them feel desired and gets them super horny!OK, so I have an idea, Howard's idea was already taken - but we frequently intercept each other. You have to wait until the kids are asleep. When your man is either on the computer, reading or the most likely - watching TV - go slip into a robe and nothing else. Put on a pair of high heels, and come out and straddle him as he is sitting in the chair or on the couch. Just let the robe hang open so he can see that there is NOTHING underneath. kiss his neck, his chest, his ears (my hubby DIES for ear sucking) and before you know it, he will be either pushing you to the floor or carrying you to the bed!I would wait a day or two to do this one....just save it up.Also, if you do not have a shaved pussy, I would definitely try that - it gives men a whole new perspective down there, and it is a great surprise to take their hand and place it there - oh momma!Keep up the good "work" and improving your sex life - we have TONS of ideas so let us know how this one turns out!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ambrelyn Posted June 2, 2006 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2006 I agree with Howard. Surprising your man with a shaved pussy is amazing! My fiancee shaved himself for me after he realized how much I enjoyed giving him a blow job. When he first showed me I was kinda like, huh. Why'd he do that. Then he told me this way I wouldn't get any hair in my mouth. It was so sweet and thoughtful, I started sucking him right away. It was so much better! It really made a big difference. He also kind of off hand said something to me about how intense the sex is when both people are shaved. He didn't ask me to do it, he just kind of said that and went on to other things. Well it stuck, so I decided to secretly shave myself and surprise him. The next morning, when he called me, I told him I did something naughty the night before. He came to see me on my lunch break, and when we were saying goodbye, I took his hand and slid it down my pants. Not only wasn't I wearing panties, but I was completely bare. His eyes jumped to mine and this slow smile came across his mouth. He took my hand and put it in his lap to see that he was instantly hard. It was great. That night I went to his house, he couldn't keep his hands of me and after the kids went to bed, we had the greatest sex. It was awesome, and I've been shaved ever since! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sexykitty Posted June 2, 2006 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2006 Glad to hear that everything is going better for you and your man........Howard has a lot of great advice and ideas and a mans point of view is sometimes really needed to help figure things out......Sounds like you really jump started your sex life again......so just keep giving him some lil surprises and things will be hotter then ever i am sure.You said that you use toys and that is great but dont feel alone if he isnt really into you using them or wanting to use them on you......MOST men not all do not take to toys kindly until they see that there is nothing to be "jealous" about and that its really fun for BOTH to use the toys. Some men just think they arent doing it for the one they are with and the toys are taking the place of them. I have been through this. I have a simple plain vibe and one guy i was with didnt really care for me using it.....that feeling passed in time. Well hope that that shower leads to many more of the same and many hot nights or days......keep up the surprises and keep posting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted June 2, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2006 Thank you all for the great information I will keep you all posted. And I have been shaving for years But I am going to try all the other great advice and hopefully we can have a wonderful sexlife again. Thank you and I will continue to keep you all up to date Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trina2008 Posted June 2, 2006 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2006 Thank you all for the great information I will keep you all posted. And I have been shaving for years But I am going to try all the other great advice and hopefully we can have a wonderful sexlife again. Thank you and I will continue to keep you all up to dateKatprr,I am so happy for you! I am glad the shower trick worked for you and your hubby. Men love surprises and I love to give them. But just to be on the safe side, I have had one or two backfire on me and wound up mad at my husband for it not working. So it may not always work but 99% of the time it does and he loves it. Keep me posted!coupleof maniacs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted June 3, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2006 Well my Hb came home from work and OMG what a surpise. He was horney The whole shower thing this morning must have done something to him. Needless to say it was a little quickie but hey better then nothing or boring. since the kids were all up and playing in the yard. I have to say though thanks to you all and your advice I am going to try somemore of your great ideas and hopefully this is the start of wonderful non boring sex life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted June 4, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2006 WEll all the ideas are working great. So far now if I can just keep him from cumming so quick. I have to say though that he is not boring as much in bed still needs some work, but it is getting better. Thank you all so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Scout Posted June 4, 2006 Members Report Share Posted June 4, 2006 WEll all the ideas are working great. So far now if I can just keep him from cumming so quick. I have to say though that he is not boring as much in bed still needs some work, but it is getting better. Thank you all so much.Hi all - well, there's not too much I can add that Mikayla and Howard and the rest haven't already covered. However, the ponts to remember are really quite simple once we slap ourselves around a bit - with all the added stresses of life, it is very easy to get into a rut of running here and there and rushing around just to take care of the process of living - and then we forget about loving, or wonder how can we possibly find time. Simple, we MUST always make time. And even if you don't want to join him in the shower - there's always that moment when he's out of the shower, most likely standing at the sink shaving. Well? What are you waiting for. My lover was standing at the sink doing just that, clad in his boxer (Oh! I do love boxers so!) and I simply put my arms around him and began kissing his shoulders, his back and as I moved down, it was so easy to gently start to pull his boxer down...of course, he knows me and he knows what I want - hmmmmmm, and he's never refused me yet! And he loves for me to initiate - yes, men, and you can admit it - they love it when they know they've got a hot blooded woman lusting after their body! Sometimes I get a bit of shaving cream on me - as we do a lot of playing - but I always get my orgasms - and belive me, nothing starts the day off better than that! I'll be thinking of ways to help him when he gets home, so that he has a chance to unwind, rest, and maybe catch a short nap - usually, I don't have to ask - he's the one wanting to continue where we left off in the a.m.And oh, by the way - we're both over 60 - and believe me, it just keeps getting better.Enjoy!Scout Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted June 5, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2006 Well things are still a little bumping around here. But I have tried all of your tips and in fact came up with a little of my own thanks to you all.Needless to say after her worked all day Saturday he was extremley tired since he is a carpenter and spends all his time in the sun. So when he got home he took a kewl shower, dried off and I told him to go take a nap and not to worry about the kids. Well Thank God for kids and their friends about 30mins after he fell asleep the kids where gone to their friends for the exception of our 3yr old I put in his movie and sure enough he was asleep like a baby. So I quietly went up to our room and opened my toy drawer and decided to try something new with him, while he was sleeping just to see how it work. Hoping it wouldnt back fire on me. Well I turned on my vibrator and while I was kissing his chest I gently rubbed my vibrator over and around his penis and balls ect. Needless to say he was hard in no time and WOW. I sure wasnt expecting what he did next, He has NEVER been at all dominant although i have tired but he flipped me over and grab The tie to my robe and tied my hands to our bed post. WOW wasnt expecting that at all.HE was just a little Dominate and explored my body and played with it like he did when we first got togeather. AMAZING. I havent had numerous O,s in years. But I sure did this time.Hopefully we can keep this up and I am open to anymore great ideas you all have you have helped our marriage and our sex life alot already and I am still new here. What great information and help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted June 5, 2006 Members Report Share Posted June 5, 2006 That is SOOOOOO GREAT! I am so proud of you! I think what is happening, is the both of you are understanding that sex is adult play, and he is reviving the fun of sex! Knowing that your partner is hot for you is half the fun!You can start grabbing his ass as he walks by, or when you give him his good morning kiss or goodbye kiss, grab his cock. All day foreplay is a great way to keep the fire burning all day. Does he take a lunch or briefcase to work? I often leave little messages (sometimes pictures) in my hubby's computer bag so when he opens it he sees me in lingerie with a little note, all it has to say is, "wanna?" and he will come home with a BIG SMILE!Keeping a man thinking sexually is so important. Little things can go a long, long way. Have fun with it. I also suggest, and I know it is hard because I have a child too, but have a night every once and a while without the kids. Get a sitter, go out - rent a hotel room and FUCK like teenagers. Or, if you are like me and have an SUV or mini-van - fuck in it. Keep it hot and keep him off balance, he will love it!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted June 8, 2006 Author Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2006 Thank you all very much We are back on track and I am getting MINE TO WOOHOOO Call me spoiled a little it is getting WAY better and not BORING now thanks to the wonderful tips from you all. WEll since things are going so well I think I am going to wait a little bit before i get my clitorus pierced because things are looking up and with that I cant have sex for a little while So it will have to wait, Sex is more fun anyway right now THank you all so much Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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