Sex Scarce

[junebaby]

My wife is in remission from cancer, a two year battle. It has been over a month since her last radiation treatment. She had a hysterectomy last summer because of the cancer. Now I am lucky if we are intimate once every two weeks.

[angelkisses98]

OK, first of all I'm glad your wife is OK!! Thats the most important thing. A hysterectomy alone can do a total up heave on a womans hormonal system. The slightest change in her hormones can cause a total 360 when it comes to her sex drive. 2nd Chemo is STRONG stuff!! It's only been a month. It could take months for all those chemicals to get out of her system. My doctor told me, that if you are on any hardcore meds that can cause serious defects to a baby , to wait a minimum of 6 months of being OFF the meds to even consider getting pregnant. So, you can only imagine what it's doing to a womans system. Give her time. She will get her drive back. I was pretty sick for awhile, and it took a good 3-4 months for me to even want to have sex again. So, don't worry, it will come back.

[Sunday]

My wife is in remission from cancer, a two year battle. It has been over a month since her last radiation treatment. She had a hysterectomy last summer because of the cancer. Now I am lucky if we are intimate once every two weeks.

As sick as she is, once every two weeks seems like a lot. Having a talk with her would help. Encourage her to tell you how she feels. Be supportive. Don't push her. She probably misses it as much as you do and wishes she had a stronger libido. I'm glad she's going to be OK.

[kjellis]

My wife has some medical issues too right now (not cancer or anything like that). And I would say if you are getting it once every 2 weeks you are doing good. It's been approx. 1 month since I last had any sex including a handjob and geez......at least 4-5 months since I last got a good blowjob.

She will sometimes show signs of wanting it but then doesn't. Or I will play with her, and she might even orgasim but then doesn't want sex. And then she feels horrible because I got her off and she can feel my hard on up against her and knows that I want it. But I know that if she is going to get better I have to be supportive in this time.

We went out and I bought a Fleshlight. I had other guys toys but nothing compares to this. Sometimes she will help play with me because she then doesn't feel as bad leaving me wanting it. I just keep telling myself that she will get better and one day our sexlife will come back.

[leslieanne]

Junebaby - you didn't indicate the type of cancer or the location of the radiation therapy - both these things in addition to the hysterectomy (were her ovaries removed at the same time?) could have a significant affect on her libido/sex drive as well as the level of comfort/discomfort/pain she may experience with sex. If you are comfortable sharing a bit more info I may be able to provide you with some suggestions or at least provide you with some questions to ask her doctor.

The other thing to remember is that the diagnosis of cancer (what ever type) has a significant emotional and mental impact. Initially the focus is on "getting through it" and dealing with the ever present fear of spead and/or death. Even once the cancer has been "cured" the emotional and mental strain can persist, sometimes for a number of years, and much of their energy and focus can go towards just getting through each day while keeping the fear at bay.

It is also important to remember that being physically intimate does not necessarily mean having to have intercourse. And even if she isn't interested in being played with, stimulated or having an orgasm, she may be willing to give you a hand job or blow job if she understands that it is the physical intimacy of that act as much as the orgasm itself that is important to you - that for you the intimacy of the act reinforces the connection between both of you.

[Craftylady]

Just a bit of advice and concern from someone going through this (from your wife's perspective):

I'm popping back in here after a long absence. And it was due to finding out I had anal cancer. Same thing Farrah Fawcett had and died of.

I just finished my chemo and radiation treatments in June. I'm still waiting for things to heal up, but let me tell you, the chemoradiation did a NUMBER on me.

My DH has been very patient, but there have been several times that we just couldn't stand it. We've gotten *very creative* to ensure that he's getting his pleasure needs met, and that always helps me, too.

Please be patient and loving with her while she heals. Cancer does things to your entire body and your mind. I'm guessing she may have had pelvic radiation as I did? That's the worst. In fact I was warned I might lose my sexual ability for life. I'd already had a hysterectomy in 2001, so I knew a couple years ago I needed hormonal help.

So, fortunately, I was already seeing a bio-identical hormone doctor, and once I was done with the treatments, she told me to get in for a new testosterone pellet and refill on my estrogen creams. Not only does the testosterone restore my libido completely, it also turns out the best therapy to make you heal from pelvic radiation is sex hormones! This is documented by a Dr. named Judith Wolf of MD Anderson, btw.

Leslieanne's post is excellent advice.

This can be a time of increased intimacy for you both, as you show her your love, concern and tenderness. We have learned to be far more open about our bodies and our needs as a result of my own illness, and that is continuing right now through my recovery.

[Bedford]

Once every two weeks is an improvement at my house. Once a month....sometimes, maybe not at all.

That doesn't help you . I would suggest a counselor after a hormone test. As has been mentioned, hormones will destroy or revive sex drive.

If that doesn't work, I havethe name of a nice bar near my place where you can join me and the other "once in a blue moon" husbands

[sass]

Just a bit of advice and concern from someone going through this (from your wife's perspective):

I'm popping back in here after a long absence. And it was due to finding out I had anal cancer. Same thing Farrah Fawcett had and died of.

I just finished my chemo and radiation treatments in June. I'm still waiting for things to heal up, but let me tell you, the chemoradiation did a NUMBER on me.

My DH has been very patient, but there have been several times that we just couldn't stand it. We've gotten *very creative* to ensure that he's getting his pleasure needs met, and that always helps me, too.

Please be patient and loving with her while she heals. Cancer does things to your entire body and your mind. I'm guessing she may have had pelvic radiation as I did? That's the worst. In fact I was warned I might lose my sexual ability for life. I'd already had a hysterectomy in 2001, so I knew a couple years ago I needed hormonal help.

So, fortunately, I was already seeing a bio-identical hormone doctor, and once I was done with the treatments, she told me to get in for a new testosterone pellet and refill on my estrogen creams. Not only does the testosterone restore my libido completely, it also turns out the best therapy to make you heal from pelvic radiation is sex hormones! This is documented by a Dr. named Judith Wolf of MD Anderson, btw.

Leslieanne's post is excellent advice.

This can be a time of increased intimacy for you both, as you show her your love, concern and tenderness. We have learned to be far more open about our bodies and our needs as a result of my own illness, and that is continuing right now through my recovery.

Thank you for sharing that and good luck in your continued recovery!!!

[Craftylady]

Thanks, MsLayD.

I'm having some issues now which I posted about in another thread. I'm hoping our resident experts (or leslieanne who's a doctor, right?) can reply there.

I'm hoping OP and his wife are working things out.