Tough Love: Sex In Hard Times

[Mikayla1]

TOUGH LOVE: Keeping Romance Alive In Hard Times

I know many of you have wondered, ‘where is Mikayla, where are all the articles and reviews?’ Well, I assure you my friends, I am still here alive and kicking – HARD. I have just had other ‘duties’ on my list, mainly, keeping everything together in the tough economic shift that the country is going through right now.

As many of those who join me on the Discussion Forum know, my hubby lost his job last August and I lost a teaching position, a freelance job and my book publisher went bankrupt – all within a few months of each other. It was tough, very tough. Like many people, we found ourselves in a financial panic, wondering what to do and how to do it. I am happy to report that my hubby found a very secure job (unfortunately, making less money) and I found a temporary teaching position. We are lucky to be on the upswing while many are still on the down.

During the hardest of these months, when the pressures were building up and there seemed to be no end in sight, my hubby and I made a concerted effort to stay connected as a couple. We didn’t always feel romantic, as life stresses do take their toll, but we knew how important it was to use intimacy as a stress reliever.

Statistically speaking, when life stresses enter a marriage, sex is one of the first things to wean. People don’t understand how to have sex when they do not feel good. When all you can think of is how to pay your bills, the last thing on your mind is having sex. Sex, for many people, is the ‘good time’ activity. You know, you do it to celebrate something, when you are happy, when you are totally in love. Truthfully, sex is more than that. Sex is – medically and psychologically speaking- a natural stress reliever. When we have sex – and orgasm- our bodies emit chemicals that cause natural relaxation. The more sex we have, the more we relax. Also, sex can be a pseudo-aggressive activity – so what better way to get out some aggression than with your willing partner?

Sex is also a way to maintain connection – especially when you are feeling torn apart by life. Intimacy in all glory and forms is a natural way to heal. Is there nothing more natural than a hug when you have had a bad day? Is there nothing more satisfying than lying in the arms of someone whom you love and feeling protected? Sex is much the same. That physical connection makes us a whole from two halves. It can be freeing and cause our minds to focus not externally – but internally. Sex is a life hug when it is most needed.

So, how do you force yourself to think sexually when your mind is on your mortgage, your bills, your children, and your stress? Well, I have said it before and I will say it again – BE NIKE. That’s right, JUST DO IT! While it might seem contrary to every belief to talk yourself into sex, the truth is, if we all waited until the perfect time, no one would be doing it? If I waited until I wasn’t tired, or all the housework was done or until we were financially set – we would NEVER have sex. There is no perfect time. There is no guaranteed night of stress-free life. Life is now; we are living it, and why not do something enjoyable in the midst of the chaos?

Yes, talk yourself into it. Prepare yourself. If you are a woman this may be harder for you (you know it is true guys) – so primp. Yes, take a bath, put on lotion, sexy undies, shave. Do those things you KNOW make you feel sexy and turn your lover on. Put your mind in a new place – a sexy place – and prepare your mind for the enjoyment. Just put yourself in the situation and try to release your mind of all the muck of life. Once you are there, in the moment, you should feel better about it. Remember how good that orgasm feels or how much enjoyment you get from pleasuring your partner.

Men, you can do the same thing. While you may think that your penis won’t work if you are stressed (see more on that below) – you can always just connect. Remember how nice sex feels, how good it is to connect, how lovely she is when you are pleasuring her. Get in the mood. Don’t think of tomorrow, just tonight – the moment – together.

Once you have started things will fall into place. You will forget all that other crap and just be together – in harmony. When it is over, don’t run away - cuddle (yes men, I said it) – spend a few minutes afterward just being together. Make plans for another night. Put your post-coital minds into the notion of doing that wonderful activity again! It will help to stay connected, I guarantee it!

Now, many men who have ED (erectile dysfunction) issues know that when the stress is on, the penis doesn’t cooperate. I understand this, having gone through this with my hubby. The truth is, it is mind over matter. So, when you mind is not on the task at hand, your body doesn’t cooperate. I think that depending on your level of ED, you may want to speak to your doctor about medicinal help (Cialis ®, Viagra ®or Levitra ®) can be wonderful aids during this time. Don’t chalk it up to ‘it will get better eventually’ – go get some help. You shouldn’t have to suffer a loss of sex too! Also, many doctors have samples you can use (if you are tight on money, or don’t have insurance) and a few of the companies offer ‘free’ – YES FREE – supplies on some of the drugs with the proper documentation. It is worth looking into, isn’t it?

If your ED is severe, then connect on a different level. Have masturbation time, massages, simple sexual activities that take the pressure off, and allow you to connect. This is a great way to maintain intimacy and not put even MORE pressure on by adding the pressure to perform. Remember, the ultimate goal is to enhance live, not make it worse.

If sex is just too much to get into – for whatever reason – don’t forget to at least connect with your partner on an intimate level. Hugging, kissing, talking, lying together – these are all essentials to a marriage.

Another essential is masturbation. Personal enjoyment is a must have in a stressful time. Remember when you were younger and it would help you to sleep if you masturbated to orgasm? The truth is, this works in adulthood too. There is no reason to neglect your body’s needs just because life is stressful! Pick out a new toy, take a long bath and just let go. Even if you don’t feel like you are in the mood, I can assure you; after you begin things will feel better.

The unfortunate truth is the economic standing is not to get better any time soon. What choice do we have in our marriages or relationships when it comes to intimacy? We can lie down and give up – or – we can continue to celebrate our love for our partner (and ourselves) but not allowing the stresses of life to take over. Use sex as a natural stress reliever, a personal connector and a unifying force within your relationship. Then, when the hard times have passed – your marriage will be the stronger for it. Trust me. While it is hard to imagine, the truth is, we all need sex and intimacy – more than we all know.

[ladylove]

Bravo! excellent article.

[sun_flower969]

Stellar!!

I have to say for us... We are among those struggling really badly, facing foreclosure and very stressed!! Sex is just about the only thing we have to look forward to!! If that fell by the wayside, I don't know how we would even survive!! Seriously!