Newbie poofycheeks Posted August 5, 2009 Newbie Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 Hi everyone! I'm a little curious if it's possible to have a change in sex drives abruptly? I'm 22, living with my boyfriend (he has his own room too) along with 3 other people and it's our first year living together as a couple rather than friends. To get to the point, we don't have sex at all anymore. Before May we had sex constantly, at least once a week and now the last time we did it was maybe 2-3 months ago? and even then it just seemed forced and it felt awful. I understand that it gets old and not as exciting but he can't even get it to stay up! I talked to him about this and he told me that he's just not interested in sex anymore. He tried looking at porn and that did nothing ofr him either. He doesn't masturbate anymore either. The only thing that I can see that inhibits sex is that he's so focused on himself (doing well in classes, focusing on things he wants to do) right now that he doesn't think of anything else. I'm kinda sure it's not me since he did say he's still in love with me and he's attracted to me...but at the same time...I don't get how he can say that if he can't physically respond to me. I try not to pressure him much about it and I'm trying to cope without it, but it's just such a difference from what it was from before and I feel as if he just doesn't truly want me. Sorry for the long story but your thoughts are appreciated =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sun_flower969 Posted August 6, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 Hey there, well I am thinking that maybe it is stress... IF he is being honest with you, it could just be the pressures of school bringing him down.It could also be that he has less of a drive than you. My friends husband is like that. He can totally go without and not think about it. While she feels like she is the only one who initiates. I know it sounds nuts but he really just doesn't have sex on the brain! It is sort of a 'treat" to him I think to have once in awhile...Does your BF watch porn ever? I wonder if he is depressed or something. has anything major happened recently? Just trying to figure things out for you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shdowulf39 Posted August 6, 2009 Members Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 most men in their 20's have the sex drive of an energizer bunny.I said most.not all.you just might have found one of the few that doesn't.and like sunflower said he might have outside pressures affecting his libido.try being creative to get him in the mood.take a bath together.after dinner excuse yourself and get all dolled up in something real sexy.if you have a monopoly game grab some of the play money and say lets role play"hooker john".do a sexy strip for him.something to get his mind on you and sex other than what he is focusing on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members amberlin Posted May 28, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 28, 2010 im kinda in the same boat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hyokahey Posted May 28, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 28, 2010 I understand your pain; I have felt pretty much the same at many points in my life. There are answers to these kinds of things, though when you are 'in them' it seems like there is no answer and you have tried everything...but I can tell you that you very likely have not tried everything. The solution is a bit complex and it takes a great deal of hard work on YOUR part. If you would like more info on this, just note me back here in the forum, and I will explain myself further! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members amberlin Posted May 28, 2010 Members Report Share Posted May 28, 2010 thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Alantis Posted August 12, 2010 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 Coming from a guy's perspective, if your man is stressed out it affects sex in a lot of different ways. Take my last gf for example. I hadn't been with anyone in years, so I was very nervous and I think it was keeping me from finishing for hours on end. It was very frustrating for both of us bc she was worried she wasn't doing something right, and i was worried she was worrying she wasn't doing something right which compounded the issue. She was really cool bc she didn't let it show that it bothered her and she kept trying different things. Eventually she found what worked for me and got our sessions down from 3-4 hours to 15-20 mins (so that we could have more of them.) Long story short, be cool, be patient, and experiment. Some of those suggestions from before were really good. I hope this gives you hope that 1) you're not alone with frustrations like this and 2) that it gives you hope to try new things. Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members allabouther Posted August 14, 2010 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 Hi everyone! I'm a little curious if it's possible to have a change in sex drives abruptly? I'm 22, living with my boyfriend (he has his own room too) along with 3 other people and it's our first year living together as a couple rather than friends. To get to the point, we don't have sex at all anymore. Before May we had sex constantly, at least once a week and now the last time we did it was maybe 2-3 months ago? and even then it just seemed forced and it felt awful. I understand that it gets old and not as exciting but he can't even get it to stay up! I talked to him about this and he told me that he's just not interested in sex anymore. He tried looking at porn and that did nothing ofr him either. He doesn't masturbate anymore either. The only thing that I can see that inhibits sex is that he's so focused on himself (doing well in classes, focusing on things he wants to do) right now that he doesn't think of anything else. I'm kinda sure it's not me since he did say he's still in love with me and he's attracted to me...but at the same time...I don't get how he can say that if he can't physically respond to me. I try not to pressure him much about it and I'm trying to cope without it, but it's just such a difference from what it was from before and I feel as if he just doesn't truly want me. Sorry for the long story but your thoughts are appreciated =)A question for you....WHY does he have his own room, yet you say you are living with your boyfriend? When I was 22 I couldn't get enough and would have had to have been on my death bed and even then I may have tried. So IMHO he either has someone else he is involved with, or he is under a great deal of stress with school, or he is sick. If I were you I would ask him to go see a doctor. It may be embarrassig for him to do that but they CAN help or god forbid find something wrong.Failing that I would just ask him if there is someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluelotusparties Posted May 3, 2012 Members Report Share Posted May 3, 2012 the fact that he's still inlove with you and no third party is involved is quite enough to ignore all the negativity running through your head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.