AndreaPurple

Well since I don't know what TMJ is I'll have to say no, I don't have it (i'm assuming the J is for Jaw). Thanks for the input though vtnympho.

Thank you Howard!!!!! I'll be using this little gem next time.....hmmmm, hubby will be home from work soon....

Thank you Mikayla and Howard! Actually I do all that stuff, but in order to get him off I have to go at it for a longer stretch...I guess I better let my hand do more of the work then I have been. I have actually read the article but I don't retain stuff I read very well, I better go back and read it again, maybe I should print it out and read it several times! LOL

My husband read it and found it to be very informative, he hasn't had the opportunity to show me what he's learned yet though!

Ok ladies....the one thing about giving my husband head that bothers me is that I get uncomfortable and my jaw always starts to hurt and it's very distracting and I can't enjoy it as much when I'm uncomforable like that. So I am wondering ladies what have you found to be the most comfortable position and is there a position where it might not hurt my jaw so much?

Yup, that'd be my situation right now. My husband and I have the best relationship possible, outside the bedroom. He's the greatest man, husband and father that I know and I know he thinks the world of me and would do absolutely anything to see me happy! But we have issues in the bedroom, we are working on them, but still they are there and it has nothing at all do with our relationship in general. Kinkyguy, I guess you would say our "pool" needs some repairs, you can still swim in it but it's just as much fun as it should be! How's that for an analogy!? LOL

I recently lost 40lbs, so I think part of my excitement has to do with that, I just feel really great about what I've accomplished and I admire the fuits of my labor (so to speak)! I just get excited looking at this body that I never thought I'd ever have. And as an admirer of the female body, I've always had a thing for tummy's, flatter, more toned ones (not that a woman with curves isn't attractive) it's just something I like. So looking at my tummy, which is pretty flat (of course not completely, I have had 3 kids, but I've gotten really good at holding it in, it's just happens naturally now) just excites me, I love the way it looks, and I got my belly button pierced to celebrate my weight loss and I've always thought that was really hot on woman too. Does this make me a vain person??? Because honestly I've always considered myself to be pretty average in every way, and now I just have a little higher opinion of my body (not that it's perfect), but still think the rest of me is average. Oh well, as long as I"m sexy to me and to my husband that's all that really matters right!?

katpurr, I am so, so sorry to hear about your son!!!

Ok, I was just replying to another post when it came to me to start this one. Do any of you other women get turned on just looking at yourself in the mirror? Sometimes I'll be getting dressed, and I'll be putting on something sexy for my husband and I'll look at myself in the mirror and think "Damn, I look hot!" That usually leads to me running my hands all over my body and then to my toy drawer and ultimately a really good orgasm(usually, I am challenged afterall). Please say it's not just me!

Me too! There's just something hot about it! I think I just have an appreciation for the female body, I think it's a beautiful thing. I'll be honest, I get hot looking at my own body sometimes....hmmmm, I detect a new post!

I was 14 and it was horrible. The guy was this popular guy in school and I thought he'd like me if I slept with him. I was very niave and gullable at the time....I've learned a lot about guys since then.

krazikris, There is nothing wrong with you, I am 37 and didn't have my first orgasm till I was already in my 30's. As you can tell from my name, I am orgasmically challenged as well, it's why I came here in the first place. I don't really have advice for you, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and you will get help here, they are all very knowledgable and just great!

Let's see, to answer your questions, yes I did use lube, as a matter of fact it was Astroglide! I'm pretty sure I used enough, it seemed to slide in easily enough. Yes, I did read Mikayla's article on anal sex, but I think I will read it again, just to see if I can figure out from that what I might need to do differently. A friend of mine told me that it would be easier if I had an orgasm before doing it so that I would be more relaxed, so I did do that, so I think I was pretty relaxed, I'm pretty sure I was in the same position also. Well I am not done trying! Thanks Katprr. Thank you also to Sylvina!

Ok, I tried anal once, many years ago with a boyfriend who obviously didn't know what he was doing, I hated and refused to do it since then. Until now! I really want to try it with my husband, so I got some lube and a small butt plug to start getting it ready for my husbands cock. I've only done it twice, the first time I was ok, it felt pretty good while I was doing it but it just felt funny after. Well I tried again and this time was just like my first experience, not good. Ok, this is really hard to talk about, it's really gross, but it just feels like I have to poop, so I have 2 questions, first why did it feel like that this time but felt ok the last time? And the other question is, anyone else experience this and is there a way to make it not happen? Thanks.

Let me start by saying Thank you all for all your great advice!! And the next most important thing I wanted to say is that I am pretty much over the resentment thing, I was having a rough few days there, I think it was the meds, but whatever it was, I am feeling better now and thinking more clearly. And I did know that the resentment thing wasn't fair, I just didn't know how to shake it, but it's gone now, so nevermind. We are trying new things and having fun doing it. In the past I just didn't have a sex drive, but now I do, I am pretty sure that is the meds I'm on, because honestly, I just don't remember ever having a sex drive at all before now. Someone asked if I talked about the problems in the bedroom with my therapist, the answer is yes. It hasn't been discussed in great length, but it has come up once or twice. It is something that I am working on and hopefully things will just keep getting better. And Yes, my self esteem issues definitely contribute to every aspect of my life. So this is a big focus in therapy. Thanks again everyone! I will keep you posted.

SWALLOW. I have never spit! But I will be honest, I never liked the taste, so my poor husband has had 12 years (9 married), of an annual blow job. There have been times, here and there that I would just blow him for a while then just hop on and never have to taste his cum at all. But any time he's cum in my mouth I have always swallowed. Right now we are kind of rediscovering each other and he has enjoyed more blow jobs from me in the past month or so then he's had in the past several years and he's loving it! And again, I'll be honest, I don't usually like the taste, but the last time I blew him, a few nights ago, when he came in my mouth I was pleasantly surprised that it tasted very sweet and not so bad. I think he had eaten cookies earlier in the day and I think that made the difference. I don't think he will mind if I ask him to eat something sweet for me before I will blow him, he has a sweet tooth and he loves when I blow him, so everyone wins.

I have a friend who is an alcoholic, 22 years sober and he said that's just what he does when is feeling crappy. I will try to do something like that but it's just hard, I am home with my kids all day, can't afford a babysitter and the free ones I do have are limited. Hubby works 2 jobs, and I work part time myself. Time and funds are limited. But I will think about what I could do and a way to do it. Thank you again Howard. I'll keep you posted.

I'm not really sure. I'm just having a really tough couple of days. I really don't have any support from my family. The only real support I get is from my husband but he's hardly here, he has to work, alot. I am just really sad right now, I think it has to do with the meds I am on and if this doesn't pass soon, I'm going to have to stop taking them, I can't stand this. I really don't know right now what it would take to make me happy or not feel so alone. I think the main reason I feel alone is that even the ones who do support me (in my RL, no offense), don't know what I feel, no one can relate to it. I think I need to find some kind of support group or something, where I can talk to people going through the same thing as I am.

The problem is, I DO feel very much alone.

Howard, you make it sound so easy. I am not trying to be arguementative here at all, so please don't take it that way. I just need to say that it's just not as easy as you make it sound. And these ARE the really big hurtles in my life, at least right now they are. This stuff runs deep in me, you can't compare your experience to mine because you have no clue what I feel or what I go through emotionally. I AM working on this stuff, very hard as a matter of fact. I've been in therapy for 5 years(off and on) and there are still things I am learning. I do want to change this stuff, not just complain about it and I am trying, it's just not that easy!! But I will stop talking about now and just keep on trying as I have been. Thank you for you support.

Actually that is exactly the point I was trying to make, you can't judge a book by it's cover, just cuz it all looks like peaches and cream, doesn't mean it is. My upbringing has a lot to do with the way I am, my mother was raised to pretty much obey the men in the house and as a result my sisters and I weren't given much in the way of encouragement to excel at anything but being a wife and mother. My brother on the other hand is the most successful of the 4 of us, not too hard to figure that one out is it? I am working with my therapist about my insecurities and self doubt. As for agoraphobia, well I do definitely have some anxiety, I also have a little bit of depression as well. I got lots of issues. I am just realizing that I don't have a voice because I was shut up a long time ago by 2 parents who didn't want to listen. And as for the sex stuff, well I never got one of those birds and the bees talks, the extent of what I was told was "don't let him touch you!" Does that explain anything for ya? ISSUES! LOL Ok, well enough about me and my many issues! LOL Baby steps, that is exactly what we need to do, take baby steps, you took the words right out of my mouth. I also have confidence and self esteem issues, so I know exactly where she's coming from. I am not quite as afraid as she is though, I have given my share of blow jobs, but now it has become more of a treat, and the same with him giving me oral, it's just something we didn't do very often. But we are both taking baby steps now and I think we are off to a pretty good start.

I did my research about the Welbutrin, from what I read online, in some cases it has actually enhanced peoples sex drive, so this is why I was really hoping this particular drug would be the right one for me, since my sex drive has pretty much been non existant for several years. I have also researched, online, several other meds that are commonly used for this purpose, so I do have a little something to take back to the doctors office with me (a week from today). I will admit when I went there the first time a few weeks ago, I knew nothing about any of these meds, but since then I have spent many hours reading up on all of it, so I feel much more prepared this time around. I will let you know next monday what happens. Thanks for sharing the story of your friend. I have been struggling with overcoming my fears for many years now. It seems that no matter how many times I do something I've been afraid to do and things turn out great, I still can't seem to shake the fear. I can overcome specific fears one by one, but sometimes it still may take a few more tries, and positive results don't seem to have any affect on my other fears.....wait does this make any sense to you??? I've got many, many issues, my fears run pretty deep. It's so f***ed up that you see and hear all the stories about these disfuntional families, and here you have me....I was raised in what most would consider a very functional family, 2 parents, just celebrated 45 years of marriage(renewed their vows even), 3 siblings, middle class, not a lot of money but we got by, there was no abuse of any kind, no drugs or alcohol. From the outside looking in everthing was great, so why am I so messed up?? Ok, I'm sorry, I am getting off track. Anyway, what I was trying say is that there are other issues as well and a lack of confidence is one of them, so all of these things come into play too. Taking meds will get me thinking clearly enough to address some of these issues much easier then I could otherwise. Howard, thanks again for all of your advise, it helps a great deal.

Thank you Howard for all of your advice. I want more than anything for my husband and I to be totally comfortable with each other enough to say absolutely anything. I feel comfortable talking to him about everything else! Believe it or not I actually sent him an email (we each have our own seperate addresses) a few days ago, telling him this and telling him some of the stuff I like and asking him to tell me some of the things he likes and dislikes. He still hasn't answered me so I asked him yesterday and he says he still needs time to think it through. So you can see we are going in the right direction, it's just, I have to say that I have a fear of the unknown and I am just terrified about this but I guess, like you said, I just have to bite the bullet and do it. On top of everything else I have ADD, I was just recently put on Welbutrin, which so far has done very little for me, so I am probably going off of it, unless something drastically changes in the next week or so. It did give me a huge boost in my sex drive for about a week, but unfortunately that didn't last, although I must say that I am still more interested in sex now then I was before the meds. But most likely I will try something else, Howard, I know you aren't a big advocate of medication, but I just can't stand the way I am anymore, I need to do something now, without medication it would take me a very long time to get to a better place and I just don't want to wait that long, I want results now. And don't worry, I won't stay on anything that I think is bad for me or that will bring my sex drive down, that's very important to me.

Ok, lets start at the beginning. you asked about why I would resent him because I have to teach him, well to be perfectly honest with you I wasn't even sure of that myself until just a little while ago when I read your post. I know it has nothing to do with him, I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I think the reason has to do with my own fear of asking for what I want. I am learning through therapy that there are certain situations where I don't feel comfortable, I don't feel like it's my place to be in control and the bedroom is one of those places. So this is something I am working on, I was just hoping for some advise to help me get past my fears, again I know I shouldn't feel these things I feel, but I do feel them and I know I need to change it, I just don't know how yet, that is what I am seeking to do!!!!!! I know he's not a mind reader and I know the best way for him to learn how to please me is by me teaching him, but this is a whole new area for me, I just need help getting going. I am only just now discovering the fun of talking dirty, I have always been very quiet. So I hope you see now that I not unaware of these things, I simply am looking for some help. You gave some great suggestions. I will tell you that some of the things you mentioned I have already been doing, teasing him throughout the day, one day last week I met him in the bathroom as he got out of the shower and I blew him right there. This was something so out of the ordinary for me and he loved it, and YES, I did swallow!! Ok, you said "First, have orgasms with him from manual and oral stimulations". you say this as if it is so easy, well let me tell you it is not! As I already mentioned we've tried, he's tried, I've tried, it's not something that is just going to happen. We play some, but one other thing I failed to mention is that we have 3 kids, ages 6, 3 and 1 1/2. My husband works 2 jobs and I work a couple nights a week, our schedules don't really allow us much play time. But one night just recently we had the chance, we spent an hour and half just playing, the kids were all in bed and we locked our door and just had fun. We did a lot of teasing and we really had a blast. I enjoyed myself very much but I never orgasmed, this was one of those times where I pulled out my vibrator and tried to finish what we had started and it just wouldn't happen. My husband doesn't have a lot of experience, I am only the 3rd woman he's been with and he has been just as quiet all these years as I have. Neither one of us has been able to step up and start talking until recently, I finally did it. We just don't have a clue what we are doing. I have tried to show him my clit, but he still has trouble finding it. I don't have one that protrudes, I guess it is hooded, I don't know but it's not easy to get to. I just get frustrated and that is when I start losing interest. Anyway, the bottom line is that I know we are headed in the right direction now, I just need some advise on how to losen up and just enjoy the experience of teaching him. This is not my area of expertise, I have never been much of a teacher, leader, person in control and I am not comfortable in this area yet. Anyway, you have given a few good suggetions here, I like the blindfold idea, that's something we've never tried and I will suggest it to him. Thank you.

Ok, I need some input, some suggestions, hopefully some answers. Here's the deal, my husband and I have been married 9 years, together 12, until very recently I had faked orgasms just thinking there was something wrong with me and too afraid to ask a man to actually take the time to work on it. Finally I am finding my voice, we have been trying very hard, but still I have not succeeded in having an orgasm in his presence. I have no problem getting myself off when I'm alone. He has tried to manually stimulate my clit, to no avail, and I have brought out the big guns, my vibrator, and tried and tried to get off and just couldn't do it. I would get so close and it just wouldn't happen. So this is the first of my questions, anyone know what's going on there and how we can fix it?? Next question is about talking, I still have a bit of a hard time asking for what I need. I find lately that I am kind of resentful of the fact that my husband just doesn't know how to please me and that I have to teach him. I know this is wrong, he's only going to learn if I tell him what pleases me, but I just can't help it, I lose that loving feeling and feel more like I'm in school or something. I don't honestly know exactly what it is, but my next question is this.... How can I just relax and enjoy this rather than look at it as work??