zimmersdreamer

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. (THIS GETS BETTER!) The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.. The women won

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then laughing. Several minutes later she was able to struggle to regain her composure. "I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Fred replied. She ran out of the room.

ive found that if you have been with a guy for a while, and he wants to please you that the quiet sex is better, they are attuned to you, what makes that quick intake of breath, or makes you arch for more. with newer partners, they just ask questions...kinda kills the mood. For me I have to get out of my head, or i will be thinking about everything from how funny my legs look in the air like that, what he must be looking at... to the laundry i didn't do. So for a guy to break my concentration with questions i am brought back to reality and after i answer, the next question that pops in my head is usually "am I doing something wrong? Did he really have to ask THAT?"

thats what he gets!

the issue i am finding with some partners though is that they are wanting me to talk, moan or make noise. They ask questions, for me to enjoy myself I have to get out of my head, or I will think of the laundry that needs to be done, if my daughter did her home work, if I had finished a project at work ect. So I either have to aske them to repeat them selves or take a min to comprehend what they said THEN answer. most of the time they get over it, but I dont know what "sexy" things to say, haha sad huh? okay, some examples of questions that I didn't have "sexy" answers for were "do you like that?"... best I can come up with is "oh yeah" "are you okay?" "how do you like that?"

OK, I was with a guy for 8 years, when we split I had a few other partners, and have NEVER been a moaner. I have had a few guys ask for more noise/ dirty talk and I oblige (not fake moaning just voicing my likes more) well my newest partner is more of a friend with benefits, he is helping me overcome some of my hangups. After having a discussion with him about moaning/noises/dirty talk he brought up that although I don't moan my approval of what he was doing I do make faces! WTH! I laughed so hard until he said he was serious! I asked my ex, as well as another partner A) did I make faces or is this guy teasing me,and why in the heck didn't someone tell me before. they said they thought it was cute! So, my question I guess is how does one go about being less of a facialist and more of a vocalist? Or do are most men able to read faces?

I am a bigger gal, so riding on top was intimidating, especially since all my partners were smaller than I was... But once I got the "I'm going to squash him" thought out of my head I love the position... I was recently asked to "let" him be on top for a while one thing I do is when I am on him, i lean back enough so he can see himself entering me, I also reach around and play with his balls!

So I thought that I would groom for my SO, its been a while and we are getting together for a special holiday this weekend and I decided that I would shave it all off . I used a brand new razor, it was an venus breeze i think, shaving cream.I even read the topic on " How to shave your private parts" (http://www.tootimid.com/index.php/articles/info/shaving/) first I did it this early because I was enticing him with pics and second I am massivly busy in the next 3 days befor we get together... nice thought huh? weeelll the problem i have is that I notice little red bumps. ARGH! they are unsightly, little bit itchy, but for the most part i think they are either razor burn or ingrown hairs. what could i have done wrong, more importantly what can I do to make them go away! I have 3 more days... any suguestions? will they go away in time do you think? He, laughed when I told him, (we are in different states) Told me not to worry, So I know he is fine with it but, frankly it doesnt look purty! thank you in advance!

my first attempt at sex was in the back seat of my honda. let me paint a little picture...small honda accord, me, 5 10 and over weight. him 6 3 and skinny. We had NO clue what we were doing what went where and to top it off one of us was hitting our head every min or so. I was too wide for him to get a good balance with his knees and it ended with each taking turns giving oral. It took us 8 years(we both moved away that summer) before we got it right, but let me tell you it is definatly RIGHT we have had our turns at laughing about it and he now drives a truck! there is never a problem with back seats any more

I am an 'obese' woman and have been with both thin and 'obese' men. The man that was skinny I could feel his hip bone more, deeper penitration was more painful (but I liked it) the thicker man didn't grow in penis size (I was with him when he was skinny and 'fat') he had a little extra paddy behind the shaft, doesent make sence I guess unless u saw it. BUT there is no size differences, penitration wasn't as far in as he once was though. As far as positions seeing as though the majority of my weight is in the stomach region I can get into a lot of positions, riding hurts after a while because of blood flow restriction. Other than that I've done everything except where my partner holds my weight. The benifit to being 'fat' is when I was prego I didn't have to change too much

Oh my holy... How could we forget National treasure! Bad boys or Van wilder

Digging up old posts but there's been some good movies... The wild Wanted Star wars return of the (shaft Because I said so Standing tall Ice age A mid summer nights dream When harry met sally This was fun!

Digging up old posts but there's been some good movies... The wild Wanted Star wars return of the (shaft Because I said so Standing tall Ice age A mid summer nights dream When harry met sally This was fun!

6 months seems like the most logical for me and my moms family. I have brothers there that have just been through a NASTY devorce with their parents and it was my mom that just went through it.adding me as a stressor was illogical before the end of the year. She is preparing the house (we will be in a make shift room for a while otherwise) I am still getting support for the girls set up. The girls will be moving up there sooner than me because school starts in Aug up there.the transfer will take atleast 3 months. I can't adjust that without them firing him, he and I work for the same Company. Although he hurts me I can not bring myself to cause him to be wrongfully fired. Its difficult to arrange a transfer with out the gosip train taking off! But so far so good. They took SO's income into account because we have been 2gether for 8 years and because he lives with me. I had applied prior to deciding to leave. I have a friend in the state that I'm moving into that is a counceler for battered women. She will not be MY councerler but we will be recomended to one. My girls are 5 and 3 but yes they will go into counceling. I read this board every day! I gain courage from knowing other women have gone through this and worse and lead healthy lives. Thank you!! I will keep you updated.

I'm still a 5-10 min gal but its normally for the O that sex didn't give me. I'm working on actuallly enjoying myself!

I have decided to go on a sebatical from partners. Sooo its time to increase my toy collection.. And I can use all the help I can get! All the toys I have are meant for cliteral stimulation, since those are the only Os I get, (ahhh the search for the holy G spot) but with out a partner I am going want some penitration. But (here's where I show how nieve I really am) what do you do with it? I mean I have my eye on the one with the butterfly but I'm afraid that its not going to give enough cliteral stimulation if I am moving it in and out, I also think I would feel weird if I just let it sit there. (See I told you I was nieve) I'm afraid of glass though I do see that it gets high reviews and I just ordered another bullet (had to replace the last one) but I am soo lost! I am open to any suggestion!

Thank you! First, I have made a plan 6months, sooner if he becomes violent, I never thought to write it down.second, I have applied for assistance and been turned down, mainly because of his income. Yes, I do believe that both my girls deserve a better life than me. Its hard to think they could suffer the same fate. I have fooled my self for the past year saying that I was suffering in silence and that having a father was better for them than not. On the outside, or to the outside world, their father is a good man. Up until a few months ago my moms house was a worse choice (she had he abusive husband) and yes through counciling I have seen I was basically 'dating' HIM. Ladylove; I used to consider myself a strong person, with every time a man 'convinced' me to do something sexually, I convinced myself that I made the choice and not been forced into it. I KNOW I'm in a bad situation, I KNOW I need out. I never thought about the hiatis I would have to take, it just never occure to me. I don't Think it would be difficult, but yea I will definatly but my sams club card to use. Its actually hard to read the support I'm getting, I know that sounds weird. I'm sorry to dirty up the board with this question but my friends have ultierior motives when it comes to if I move back to my moms or stay in state. (Depending on what state they live in) I tried the leaving him before, when I oved down to the state I'm in now, I thought my friends would support my descision. Unfortunatly I lost a lot of friends when I moved (two of the three I had in this state) I have talked to my mother and a few family friends in her state. We have agreed on 6 months. It gives my job long enough for a transfer, me long enough to stash some cash, and tie up the loose end of the lease, its only in my name, I can't afford to pay it off and pay damages done to the apartment.I have a backup plan, it will cost more in the long run but if he becomes physically violent I have some options, a place in 3 different states I can stay till arrangments are made. Thank you! Again, I know its going to be tough! I'm so scared that I will cave, I always thought that the 'battered women' shelters were for phisically abused women, not emoitionally too

I have been in this "relationship" for almost 8 years. Let me start from the begining (dream sequence music please) I met this man in the wake of getting over my highschool sweetheart(HS). He was 20 and (gasp) interested in me. Well interested enough to go home with me, that by the way was WAY out of my normal shy charicter. With in a week he became my first "lover" and by the weekend he was interested in someone else. He and I would talk for hours and when he brought up the delema of liking both of us I told him to date her I would just be his friend. (Honestly I still wasn't over HS) We remained friends and moved in together it wasn't long before we were sharing rooms and sleeping together. Sex (in hindsight) was blah to say the least,he wouldn't even kiss me! I nievely compensated quantity for quality (he was my only and he was experienced so i thought this was the best I was going to get) although we were sleeping together we were not a couple. He would show interest in other females, most of the time flaunting them as if to say he had options I did not. After a year I left him and moved out of state. After 6 months I started 'dating' another guy. I made it clear that I didn't want a relationship but he kept pushing to the point I gave in. His work schedule took him away few days at a time and after 6 weeks of no contact I decided it was over. (The sex by the way was bad enough to make guy #1 look good) guy #2 was just young and inexperienced. Atleast he kissed me though. I started talking to guy #1 again he had moved out of state, cleaned up his act, and desperatly wanted me back, begged for 3 months. We got back together and I was pregnant with in a month. Sex was not much better but as I said guy #2 made guy #1 look good, and this time guy #1 kissed me atleast. All was fine and dandy till after the baby was born. He forced sex, anal mainly way too early. He started flaunting again other females at me this time online and stated that I never had time for him. Things never got much better, they stayed pretty much the same but I stayed with him in hopes that our problems were rooted elswhere. Baby #2 (2 years later)was an accident(I was on birth control) he cheated on me and I caught him when I was 3 months pregnant. We talked for almost 2 days straight. I had issues, he had issues and we were going to try and resolve them for the kids. (He said my lack of sex drive was an issue, I said his lack of emotions such as again no more kissing was an issue) well my sex drive between 3 months prego and 5months was insatiable.we still had decided that there was no point in a relationship but I wanted sex, he wanted sex we would just have sex and stay together for the kids But then HS came back in the pic and I became the "cheater" Let me tell you that is when I found out what sex was all about!!! He was in a different state so we kept our "relationship" light mainly talking and once a year visits. I realized that I was still verry much in love with him. As luck would have it my job brought me down to his state and I had plans to once again leave my kids father. He once again pulled the 'stay together for the kids card' and I agreed to seperate bedrooms. Somehow he talked me back into a relationship. HS and I had already decided against moving forward because of the complication of me having kids. He still remains a friend (at one point was a FWB) Once I became financially dependent on my kids father he started arguments weekly arguments.he would acuse me of cheating on him with (get this) my toys! He would pressure me into sex, its gotten to the point that if I don't put out every 3days he starts an argument. He doesn't stop the "pitty party" or arguing til he gets laid. In the past year that this has been going on I have all but lost my sex drive, gained the ability to sleep through sex and have become physically numb to sex with him. Okay, I KNOW I'm going to get blasted with 'why are you still with him' and honestly I don't know. I can point the blame on a number of things, yes I have had counceling but because the counceler was church oriented he kept trying to get us to reconcile. I had kept HS as a sex partner just to remind myself once a month that there was hope that sex would feel good, I had to stop because, although he will deny it, he was attaching emotions to our FWB. The last thing I want to do is hurt HIM. My kids father know that I financially can't afford to live on my own in this state, 8 hours away from my closest relitive by the way. He throws it in my face with every fight. Which by the way have become the same argument every 3 days to the point I could write a script. I find my self giving in because I figure I could go through this hell for days OR put out for 5 min and it will all be over for the next 3 days. I feel trapped! I listen to myself in my head say 'just let him go' when he threatens to leave, but I never say anything. Its not like we are swimming in money, I make just a little more than he does but with only one income there is NO way I could afford to live where I do and it would cost too much to get out of the lease. I now have an option, to go back and live with my mom.this became avaiable to me litterly last night. How do I build up the strength to leave? What was the straw that broke the camels back for those women that got the strength to leave? I've gotten to the point that I am numb, I don't feel the pain of what he says, how do I make it hurt enough to leave?

Yeah, I had a friend I was doing a "favor" I thought we both had fun, things were ok for a while till he started dating a friend of mine, now he won't talk to me at all. I don't regret being with him, it was worth it. I do regret that it cost me a friendship. I would chose his friendship over her any day!

I as a female prefer to give a bj,I like to lick, kiss and nibble my partners shaft as well as suck on his balls. When a man had just mouth fucked me I felt belittled, I was not in control he didn't seem to care about me being there I was a wet hole to stick it in. I'm sure some women could prefer it because it takes the work out of giving head. I guess for me if I just want to get it over with, him mouth fucking me would get the job done. A BJ on the other hand TURNS ME ON!! He would not be the only one getting off that night.

I have the SAME problem!! I did finally have what I thought was an orgasm ( the g-spot orgasm) I didn't feel the body orgasm it wasn't a RUSH, or a massive release, but I didn't feel the tension build either so it lacked that 'OH YEAH' feeling instead I got a 'oh my holy I just peed in his face'feeling. It was durring oral and he loved(!!!) It, and he said it definatly wasn't pee. Wow I didn't help u in ANY way, but you are not alone! I was 25 when that happened

i like to have a sip of tea (or coffee) when i am about to give my partner head. it makes my mouth a little warmer and he goes wild... if you switch it up from ice chips to tea he will not know what hit him!

i may be on the other end of this but i do agree with all the other posters. cuddeling is another form of unspoken feelings for another person. i used to be a big cuddler, for me that was the way i knew where i was on the relationship end of things, "sex was sex but if he cuddled then he really liked me" kind of thoughts. i have grown up since then. i am the oposite of the other women i am 8 months pregnent now and want to be cuddled more now than ever, but after my first child i felt closed in as they did, my SO had a hard time dealing with the adjustment and talking with him was pointless, the reason we split. i have a SO now that is a long distance kind of thing and cuddeling was our way of staying close when we are together. (off topic a little sorry i am scattered brained) another point is to the momies who thought that child birth was not "tramatic" enought o effect our feelings you are way off base! giving birth is one of the most tramatic things our bodies can go through, not just emotionally but physically to. we start to feel like our bodies out side of the bedroom are no longer play toys for our SO but machines to care for our family. some men go throught the same changes when they have kids too, not physically but emotionally. i hope i made some sence...

i dont know if i qualify..i loved lkissing my lover after him eating me out. he thought i was timid when we first got together, he wanted a taste prior to eating me out so he slid in a finger or two and i licked it off before he could it as a major turn on for him and i love 69ing him after a a while at sex... course i love his taste more!