whittibo

I was waiting for an answer on this because I just assumed they all laid down. I mean, gravity will take over at some point right? :s But still I wasn't totally sure either, but now I know.

UGH.. that was ME last night too. I was none too happy about it though. I try to tell myself it's great that I pleased him, but when he just rolls over and goes to sleep, oh, wait, he rolled over and took sleeping PILLS. (he's been having a hard time sleeping for the last few weeks) Anyway, he did wake up about midnight and cuddle and told me sorry for falling sleep. But I just hope that isn't a common occurrence for myself OR you.

That was my post, and I really don't know why. Might be that he feels insecure in what he's doing. He has had a couple really good sessions, so I am sure he knows HOW, but maybe he just doesn't like it. I am still intimidated with him in that position, so perhaps he feels my insecurity too. But what ever it is, it's not good when he's the giver. But we're working to improve every aspect, I am confident in time, that area will be vastly improved too.

Boy, how true it is! I LOVE sucking on my husband and am always ubber excited to do so. But he doesn't reciprocate, and when he does, it's not good. I always HOPE it will be, but it never is. I would rather he didn't even try if he wasn't going to be excited about it. But maybe in time.

Are you engaging in foreplay??

I too have under active thyroid and finally found a Dr. (my OBGYN in fact) that would treat me for Wilson's thyroid disorder and it worked wonders. Oddly enough, this past week when I was most emotional and sobbing daily, I recalled I hadn't been taking my nightly dose of cytomel! Once I started I felt much better. I know that different times of the month I need more, and usually just dose higher when I see the symptoms, but with everything else going on, I didn't see the symptoms till too late. Anyway, my story is much like everyone else's. Sex was boring and plain vanilla for too long that it was easier to just go without it rather then do all the work for very little return. Plus with small children hanging on you all day long and even suckling you, the last thing you want is to go to bed and have someone else sucking on you and hanging on you. So that's what started it for me, sex wasn't good enough to make it a priority in my life. Hubby and I have been together for nearly 21 years and I read some posts on my forum about finding your inner sex goddess and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I used to BE a sex goddess (in my own mind that is) I loved sex, loved being loved and held, and wanted that back. I also was at the point that every little thing my husband would do, right down to his breathing, would about send me over the edge. I used to roll my eyes a lot at things he would do, or wouldn't do. Anyway, he is worth fighting for. He's an amazing man, and loves me more then I think I will ever know. Sometimes he doesn't know how to show it, but he still has been a wonderful husband and father and he deserves an amazing sex life, and so do I. Why live in a loveless marriage, and divorce was never an option. So it was either fix what was broken, or live like strangers together. So, because the passion is new to us, how I PLAN on keeping it alive is to always cuddle, always kiss, always go to bed nekid, hold hands, welcome him home, rub his back and feet daily, just spend time with him. Now I find myself tingling when he touches me, it's an amazing feeling and hope it never goes away and only gets better as we both work through our inhibitions. I also think I will try to find new ways to add more erotic passion in our sex life. If it's buying a new toy or new clothes or creams or something, I will always be on the look out for fun things we can try together. Our kids are almost 14, almost 12 and just turned 8, so in 10-15 years from now, I want to have a relationship with my beloved, one that will keep us both longing for each other when there isn't any "reason" to still be married per se.

Calvin, my husband sounds a LOT like you. I think I was only his second real relationship, and his first girlfriend and he didn't do much. He said she would give him a BJ but he wouldn't "finish". He's in great shape. 6' tall and only 140-145 lbs. He's tone and slender, exactly how I met him. Me on the other hand, after 3 kids and 3 c-sections, and being married for 16.5 years and with him for 21, I became lazy and overweight so I am self conscience about my body, thinking it must repulse him. When I mentioned imperfections to him, he told me none of that mattered to him. I catch him watching very intently while we have sex now, where as in the past, it was always under blankets with the lights out. Adding the erotic element really helped both of us, me because sex isn't the boring 10 minute missionary sex anymore. It's exciting and always new/different and lasts sometimes for hours and always ends differently. It's liberating! As for wrestling her down to have her orgasm, I don't think that's what was suggested, I took it as, when you know she's about to, while already engaged in sex, and she tries to make you stop, that's when you DON'T stop. And if you have to brace her, do it. I know a few times my husband has tried to pull my mouth off his cock so he wouldn't cum, and I just plowed through and fought against him and brought him to orgasm, which was more exciting for both of us. But it really depends on how much she's fighting you. If you can't talk to her in person, perhaps a note/letter? I know my husband and I have a hard time talking, so I sometimes resort to letters which works wonders for us. You could write her a letter explaining how important it is to you that she feel the same passion for your lovemaking as YOU do, and that you want her to experience how she makes you feel. Chances are once she has experienced it with you... Oh my gosh, I can't imagine anyone turning their nose up to it again! She'll probably be attacking you every time you're around.

Well as you probably know, he isn't very open about these things. I doubt then that there was a problem because he has been in an exceptionally good mood all day today, and it was HIM that told me to stop because things weren't progressing. Normally I would have just gotten on him and finished him off, but I was fully clothed and ready for church, and like I said, our kids were just in the other room, about 15' away from our bedroom. I am going to force him to take tonight off, and tomorrow I bet he'll be begging ME for more. (hope so anyway LOL!)

Thanks guys! I don't think my increased libido is due to hormones, Lord I hope not anyway. But I think I just started talking about it and decided to do something about our lack of sex. And spicing it up certainly does make it more "fun" and enjoyable then it was before. Before it was him laying on me with all his weight (which isn't much, but it's a lot more then I wanted) and it was boring and no foreplay, just blah. Now it's exciting and we are really discovering each other which makes me want him more and more. Face it, doing things that aren't enjoyable, you really don't WANT to do them too often right? As for him not being able to "finish" I doubt it is anything medical, I think it's just that I have over worked him and the kids were in the next room and he really couldn't get into it I think. Besides, he's the one that really doesn't like mornings and never is interested in anything. I have told him he gets tonight off, but he keeps making passes at me, trying to touch me and suck my boobs and such. But I think he's just trying to let me know we're still "OK". I don't feel badly if we both talk about it and know why we're not going to be passionate, it's when he rolls over and just avoids me that hurts. But knowing that nothing is going to happen, and why, I am OK with it. So this "blue balls" thing, does that happen any time there is an erection and no orgasm? Or just if he gets close and doesn't? I have read stories here where others have started a blow job in the morning, and then stopped and sent the husband off to work. If this condition happens each time, I don't think anyone would purposely do it??

OK, I have said here before that hubby and I were like once a month'ers. Now everyday'ers, sometimes twice. A couple times he hasn't really shown interest, but complies with me anyway. One time after he came, he said, "I didn't think you would be able to pull it off", meaning, he didn't think he "could" but he did. Today he wasn't showing any interest, so I left him to sleep, but after my shower, went out to give him some loving and asked if I could go down on him. He didn't answer, but didn't stop me either. After about 20 minutes, and a few times where I thought he would cum, he never did, and pulled me up and said, "I think he's too tired". So my question here is, am I expecting too much from my husband? I guess I just assumed that he was like the energizer bunny and could keep going and going, or rather, cumming and cumming. My other question is, I have heard about "blue balls" where you get the guy to almost cum and then stop, and I guess I assumed it was painful for them to not finish. So will my husband be uncomfortable today since he didn't finish? And last, should I give him a break? I noticed instead of really warming up to my attention, he's kinda been hesitant to be near me. Like yesterday I would go out and try to see what he was doing, and give him a kiss and such, but one time I walked out, he heard the door close and said, "UT OH, I am in trouble". I took it as "ut oh, here she comes again" I guess it's possible he could have meant something else, but not sure what.

I have been telling my husband all day long how sexy he is, going up and kissing him for no reason etc. So far, he hasn't made much of an effort to give any of that back, but that's OK, I am doing it because I WANT to. I say be yourself, take it slow and things will sort themselves out.

Whew, I didn't read Mikayla's part about the candle, I had to go back after I read Howard's part about it not working. I have to say, I think it would do the trick AND be romantic at the same time. Same thing as my TV being on. He wanted to see, and I never knew that, and would always try to hide. Once I knew he wanted to see and enjoyed it, I wanted to show him more and more! I will also say, it took several days of me showing myself and undressing in front of my husband before he came out nekid, and even then, he came out of the shower with the towel on, and took it off in front of me and proclaimed, "Ta Da!" Damn dysfunctional people anyway. LOL! I wonder how we all got so screwed up?!

OH my gosh, we too suffered from the "nekid worries" for ever. I wasn't so bad when we got together, I would often show off more of my body then I probably should have been. But watching my husband being "modest" I think made me more modest. When I started my plight to spark our new sex life, I would tease him with slightly see through t-shirts and such. Then would "accidentally" let a breast show a bit more then normal. I told him one day I needed a boob job and he said, "no you don't, I like them just the way they are". That comment made me feel so much better about myself. I told him a few other things about not liking to be on top because my stomach sags down and my boobs sag like an old milking cow and he once again told me he enjoys that. So I started doing things like undressing in front of him, pointedly. I would tell him, "umm.. I am going to go change, are you going to watch?" Once I got past the part that I might be a total turn off, I really loosened up and so did he. Now we sleep nekid all the time and I will walk around the bedroom nekid, don't have any problems laying over him and dragging my saggy boobs across his body. So with all that rambling, my point is, we were exactly like you and your wife until 3.5 weeks ago. We too made the commitment to always go to bed nekid and to always kiss goodnight too. (something we NEVER used to do) I think you need to hint to her that she's beautiful. I have been giving my husband body massages lately and Gawd it's a turn on for me to see him laying there nekid and so sexy! And I don't hesitate to tell him. He has self esteem issues (which I have no clue why!) but me just telling him how sexy he is, has helped him too. So start with YOU. Start doing sexy things even though you might have some inhibitions. Start out slowly and in no time you'll be doing things you never did before. One day in the first week or so, since we hadn't yet gotten used to seeing each other nekid, I went to turn off the TV so there was no light on in the room. Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe was on. (this is significant because now we always ask, "is Dirty Jobs on tonight") anyway, I went to grab the remote and I couldn't reach it and said, "I can't get it" and he said "GOOD! I want to see you". So we progressed from always wearing clothes and undressing under the covers, (man that sounds lame...) to now we aren't inhibited at all and actually leave the lights on in the room! It takes awhile to get over it. Last night, I surprised my husband with a "wedge pillow" and I had been fantasizing about using it at the end of the bed, which made me just at the right level. WELL... thing is, there's nowhere to put my feet. Lights on, TV on, him standing at the end of the bed with my feet around his neck and he was intently watching everything going on down there. It was so sexy. So there's hope... but you will have to be the initiator, start slow, tease her, go commando and leave the pants unzipped enough to see some hair. Just little flashes here and there and when you see her get a smile from it, it will give you enough courage to show a little more. Tell her what you like about her. Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you like to look at her and touch her. It will get better! As for the not orgasming. That's very strange. It does sound like maybe she never has and doesn't know what in the heck will happen. But if you can hold her down without ruining the moment, do it! Chances are that might excite her even more and she'll relax and enjoy it. I never liked my husband going down on me. I think because I sense that he really doesn't like it much. If I feel he isn't enjoying it, how can I enjoy it. I also never had anyone other then him do that, or even touch me down there before, so it takes awhile to get over that shock. As for blow jobs, I love giving them and he loves receiving them, but I just didn't like him going down on me for some reason?

I think it's a fun idea, my husband is NOT an open person and I have very little to go on in the way of what he likes, I can only guess if it makes him cum, he probably liked it. Could I improve? Probably, but he would never tell me how. With that said, anything you can do to get your husband to open up is great. I know after 2.5 weeks of my husband and I being intimate daily, we were both saying and doing things we have NEVER done in almost 22 years of knowing each other. If I were doing something like this with my husband, I think I would start out very slowly and ask more basic questions, keep it simple so nobody gets embarrassed.

Thanks Tyger. I wrote the letter at 3:30 (we aren't good communicators at all) and I keep reading it over and over to make sure I didn't say anything wrong or point the blame on him. I know he blames me for our lack of sex the last 15+ years, but I could do the same and blame him, but I don't. I just know things weren't good and it was about time to spice things up and make it exciting and enjoy each other finally!

Howard, I do hear what you're saying but really, I can't force him to have sex every night. That wouldn't be showing him respect either. It's been a horrible 3 days now for me. I am just discouraged that things are falling apart when they were so great. Could it be that I overworked him in bed?? Could he be sore and just not wanting to tell me? He's also had a stomach ache for about 4 days, I don't know if it's a bug that my daughter has, or if both of them have some sort of nervous stomach and the stress is making them sick?? I agree that scheduling sex is wrong. Although it was my idea, it's still wrong and won't work. I was left feeling empty and sad again last night (our night off), again sobbing because I felt unloved. That's no way to feel when I am married to a man I love. His work, showering and shaving. Well, the shower thing isn't a big deal. He works with pesticides daily, and comes home to shower. I don't expect him to shower at night AND in the morning, there's no need. As for playing in the morning, I don't get it. I know he thinks his life/job is stressful, but it's him THINKING that, is what makes it so. He sprays houses with pesticides for goodness sake, how stressful can that be?? I do think he stresses easily, and with our house in escrow for the third time, he is worried that it will fall out again, worried that the inspectors will find something wrong, worried it won't appraise for enough. I think those are just stupid things to worry about. Shaving, UGH.. he knows I have issues with this, I love him clean shaven, and he tends to be lazy about it. Again, how damn hard is it to shave in the morning? He doesn't understand his stubble is like rough sand paper on my skin and irritates me so badly. It's also like me not wiping my ass after crapping, it's a daily thing that should be done, I don't care how much you don't like doing it, it takes 5 minutes tops, I bought him a $200 shaver, but still, he acts like it's some difficult horrible job. I have been up since 3:30, and wrote a letter to him, I guess I should just post it here. Darren, Over the last 3 weeks I have really fallen in love with you again and have enjoyed our closeness and our intimate relationship. I know we were both feeling unloved and needing more passion in our lives and I think we found it and I don’t want it to end, ever. I know we are both going through a lot right now, and our needs are different, and we both should respect each others needs and desires, in order to do this, we need to communicate more and be open with each other which has never been a component of our relationship, but is necessary. If you feel like you would rather sleep then to be romantic, then explain this to me gently, I will try to be understanding of your needs, I just don’t want to feel rejected by my lover. I know there has been rejection in the past on both of our parts, mine toward you for the most part, and I am sorry about that, I wish we would have found our “spark” years ago, but we can only move forward and shouldn’t dwell on who did what or who didn’t do what in the past. Backing up for a moment here, I know that neither of us is very good with compliments and expressing love, but I feel like I have improved in this area recently, but feel that you are still being derogatory about things I do, granted some are just jokes, but they really do hurt sometimes. Just off the top of my head these are the comments that have been hurtful the last few weeks. You told me my language needs to change, and what words you want me to stop using. You told me how I park your truck funny. You told me that I am always cold, except when I am hot and open a window when it’s only 30 degrees outside. You have also told me “you’re weird”. I know my attitude toward sex is “different”, but it’s not “weird”. You also said my shaving my pubic area was “pokey”, never once did you express whether you liked it or not. Things you haven’t told me that have also been hurtful are how much you love me, or love my body, or love the things I do for you and TO you. We all need to know that we’re “OK” in the other person’s book, and it’s good to hear it once in awhile. We BOTH have self esteem issues, and need to really make a pointed effort to let each other know how much they are loved and enjoyed. We have never had a really functional sex life, it’s been plain vanilla and boring for the most part, but the last 3 weeks have been so amazing and I don’t want it to end, or put boundaries on it. I want us both to feel comfortable that if we need compassion and love, that the other will provide it. This doesn’t always mean we have to have sex; there are ways in which to pleasure each other without both people being sexually involved. This is where blow jobs and touching come in to play. There are times that I don’t need to have sexual release, and want you to, but I don’t feel that is reciprocated adequately. If you don’t want to have sex, but I need sexual release, then touch me until you fulfill me, but you have to be dedicated to it, you can’t just put your hand on me and not be emotionally involved. You have to WANT to pleasure me and enjoy doing it as I enjoy doing it for you. We also need to know from each other when these times are, tell me, “I would really love for you to give me a blow job tonight since you don’t want to have sex”, and I need to feel free enough to ask you the same without fear of rejection. I know you have come a long way in our sexual relationship and I know things like this are hard for you, and I give you so much credit for going along with me. You need to know it’s not easy for me either. It would really help if sometimes you were the initiator and do special things for me and really initiate and guide our experience, show me what YOU want, DO what YOU want, don’t just always go along with what I do. Last night I dreaded going to bed because all I wanted was to be close to you and have you love me and make love to me, but knew it wasn’t going to happen. Your touching/comforting me was hard because I knew I would want far more, and you didn’t, which is ok, but I still needed something. I really don’t want to lose what we have just found; I want the closeness and the fun to continue. I want our whole relationship to keep evolving and growing as it should. I don’t want our experience to ever go stale again. I love looking forward to you coming home, love looking forward to going to bed with you and being intimate. I love the spontaneity of our relationship and love that you touch me and kiss me through out the day. Let’s please work together and keep this love alive.

Thanks Calvin. Great hearing about things my husband might be thinking, from a guy who has been there too. My husband brought up the fact that we NEVER had sex before, now all of a sudden I want it all the time. I did have to remind him it USED to be boring, now that I have learned some things on spicing it up, of course I want more. I THOUGHT he would too! I am feeling a bit rejected over it all. I don't understand what the big deal on his part is, I mean, it's not like I am asking him to perform acrobatic stunts or hours long of violent humping or anything, I guess I don't understand why he can't just lay there and enjoy it and help ME to enjoy it. I also have to realize we're both going through some things right now, and both reacting to it differently. First, having our house for sale is enough stress, and it's been for sale for nearly 3 years now. And now that we're in escrow, I am feeling like instead of this house being my safe place, that he needs to be that for me. I need to know he wants me and he'll be there. I mean, I "know" that, but I need to feel it too. It's a weird feeling, unlike anything I have ever been through, selling your house. This is our first house together, all our kids were born here (not IN the house, but brought home to this house) we took it from a tacky cheap mfg home to an almost half million dollar home. It's going to be hard to walk away from it. So I think in me needing him to comfort me and love me, he's dealing with it differently then I am?? That's all I can rationalize. That, and he just really doesn't know how to express himself, never has, doesn't have any self confidence, so that really shows, as you said, in a situation like this. I am much like him, but I am finding it very easy to move forward with our sexual relationship, so I don't get it why he's finding it difficult. *sigh* I think I am babbling.

Well this is very exciting. I did get one of these last week when I ordered and I think it's in my box on the counter right now . I have never used anything like this, so not sure how long it will stay in that box, I have to get up enough nerve to open it. :blush: I also don't know if I have ever found my G spot, so hopefully this toy is like a homing device and finds it way right to it.

I have never thought anything about this before, but reading your post makes me want to try it exactly how you posted! Dang! I am very much a control freak, hubby is submissive in RL, and the thought of him just letting loose and doing those things sounds very erotic to me. Maybe we'll get there, in time. I think I am just tired of being the initiator in everything we do in AND out of bed. It would be nice to have him take control, at least for a night.

Thanks for the tips guys (and gals) I am not opposed to the bathtub, but was just trying to figure out the whole shower thing. Our bathtub is wide, so straddling it would be hard, and cold as there is no shower in our bathtub. But taking a bath isn't out of the question, I might just have to do that. As for mornings, he is adamantly opposed to such stuff. *sigh* He doesn't shower in the morning, only in the evening. He hasn't even shaved in the morning for awhile. I mentioned on another thread that bi-polar is in his family and I am thinking there might be a hint of it in him. If not bi-polar, then depression for sure. The last two nights have been horrid for us. Left me sobbing quietly by myself. We did talk a bit, and he keeps telling me he's just "too tired" He still preforms just fine, but it's been only one sided with only HIM being pleasured. That has left me feeling rejected and unwanted. I don't think he understands much of anything. I mean, I did spring this all on him suddenly, we went from maybe once a month (no joke) to now every night. He's stressing about the house, his job, church... stupid things really. I say have sex and forget everything else. We have resigned to taking Monday/Wednesday/Thursdays off for now. This way, I don't get all "excited" for him to come home and for bedtime, only to be let down. At least I will know full well that there's nothing but cuddling for those nights. And he knows those will be nights of rest. Now if one thing leads to another, fine, but for the general rule of thumb, no sex M/W/TH.

Welcome Calvin, I am new too. I have found great info here, and am hoping to spice up the relationship/sex with my husband. He's very shy, insecure, intimidated and lately, "too tired". *sigh* If only we could all have the same sex drive all the time.

Congrats. I recently took the plunge into buying some "erotic" things and some went over like a lead rock, others were well accepted. I tried to start out with the non-threatening things.

Thanks Tyger, I know he's "different" and going to take awhile, and I am willing to work with him as long as he's making progress and he really is. I mean last night was great, and he was more assertive then before, so that's good. I asked him, "did someone tell you when you were a kid that sex was dirty or not to be adventurous or something". He said no, but I am thinking being raised in a conservative home, if it wasn't SAID, it was IMPLIED. He didn't even touch me for 6 months to a year after we started dating and it wasn't because I wouldn't let him, I all but climbed on him nekid, actually, I did climb on him with a teddy on, we were alone at his parents house and had been dating for at least a year. His pants never even came unbuttoned ALL NIGHT! So I think he has a hard shell I will have to crack, and this is a bit intimidating to him as I think he's afraid I will revert back to the "old me" where I didn't want sex but once a month, and that he'll get used to the new me and then have to lose it?? I really don't know for sure, but I know he has some inhibitions but is willing to try new things, even if they do sort of embarrass him.

*sigh* I'll give it a try, but sometimes I feel like I am already pushing him too far. Like today I asked if he thought about me all day and he sarcastically said, "oh yeah". then he proceeded to tell me he thought I would call him and tell him our house fell out of escrow again, or that he thought about the propane tank and the fire log store and other crap. I thought I gave him enough good things to think about lately, not all the bad stuff that "could" happen. Oh well.. can't win them all I guess.

Well I am quite relieved that we weren't stupid for not figuring it out then. We have a small fiberglass stall shower. Both of us together just about fill it up. If it wasn't fiberglass, I could have braced my feet on the wall behind him and my back on the wall behind me, but when I pushed to brace one foot, I heard the fiberglass kind of make this cracking sound and since our house is in escrow, the last thing I want to do is break something we have to replace in the next 30 days. The tub we have is a "garden tub" no shower, just the tub, and I don't think that would make for a very erotic place without the water cascading over us. We did make good use of our time, we ended up in there because of all the KY massage oils (only thing I could purchase here locally in podunk) and they don't fully rub in, they leave you either oily or sticky. :s So in the shower we went, we tried a few things, couldn't get anything to really work that was comfortable for us, so I started to give him a BJ and made him stroke himself till he came on me. Now THAT was exciting and I was sure to make him know that it was really GREAT! That has been one of my fantasies for a long time, just watching him touch himself makes me hot. He NEVER does in front of me. I am telling you, he's way to modest, so I have to break him of that. So I will look for a new house with a much better shower then we currently have. I told him I want a full glass surround steam shower with a seat and a step in there.