harmanwk

Thanks, I have an answer to both issues. For some reason I thought the View New Content was associated with the RSS feed icon on its right. I also found the answer to my login issue. When you enter the forum, a bar is added to the bottom of the window (I only found the one at the bottom of the page). OK, new forum ... so far so good.

The new layout is nice and well, perky. Nice job guys. BUT, I do have two issues: 1) I miss having the newest entries under each topic. Now I have to look at each topic to see if there is a new post. This is too time consuming. Let me know if there is a different way. 2) The only place I have found to login is at the bottom of the page. If there is one at the top of the page, I would like to know. Not being critical, but just trying to make the forum easier to use.

NICE and hot ... are you waiting for part 2 or just leaving that to our imaginations?

ToyQueen, Yes, you are absolutly right. Ambien is a sleep aid. I miss typed, she has taken Ambien on occasion. The drug I was referring to is Abilify (both begin with a 'A' - brain fart). You may have seen its ads on TV. It is used on conjunction with anti-depressants. I am sure this makes a lot more sense. Mikayla, It was not so much anti-depressants, but changing from Abilify to something less expensive. Right now we are paying $120 a month for Abilify AFTER insurance!!! The alternative just didn't work as well so she switched back. And technically my wife is diagnosed as bipolar.

Mikayla, I liked your post. Well, for the most part. I disagree with you on your first point. Essentially, I don't want my wife to feel like she MUST do something just because I want it or I went down on her so she must do the same. Sometimes she says she will "take care of me." I don't tell her no, but I prefer that she wants me like I want her and not just "doing her wifely duty." Apparently some women don't mind giving a blowjob immediately after intercourse. If by some strange whim my wife did so for me, should I feel obligated to return the favor even if the thought of "cream pie" is not applealing to me? This kind of goes along with agreeing with your last point about faking orgasms. If you care about your partner there should be honesty in the bedroom and faking an orgasm is like lying. If she does not reach an orgasm and SHE wants to stop and move on - well we move on; no need to fake an O for my sake. Thanks for your post Mikayla

MsLayD, I am not sure of any underlying reasons why she doesn't want toys. She is rather conservative sexually, not that advenurous in bed. Sometimes I can get her to try a new position. Sometimes she likes it, sometimes not. Regardless our main staple position is the missionary. To give you an idea I don't think she has ever given herself an orgasm. None the less, I still love her. I do know she is not exactly following the advice my grandmother gave her before we got married. My grandmother told my wife (and my sister-in-law) "If you want to make your husband happy then you need to be a lady in public and act like a whore in bed." This surprised my wife coming from my conservative grandmother. Well me too a little when my wife told me what she said, but my grandmother was always rather independent so it shouldn't surprise me.

Yep, look'n good Suzy, look'n real good!

Mikayla, I did say I owe an update on this. For my wife, her period is not a factor since she has had a complete hysterectomy. What I do believe was the problem is that about 2 months before my post she switched medicine for her depression from Ambien to something else. About a month or so after my post she switched back to Ambien (expeeennnsssive, but it works). Her response to oral sex is better now, 20 min or so and she usually has an orgasm. However, she says that most of this time she feels that she is just on the verge of orgasm, but just not getting over the edge. And when she does ... boy is it a big one. I tease her and say I am going to give her another but she says "please no, I don't think I can handle more." As for toys? I did get a couple from TT but no, she is not willing to try them. Sometimes I can use my fingers for a bit but she really prefers my tongue. As for my receiving oral sex, while it would be nice it is not a show stopper. After 21 years of marriage (and 2 yrs dating) I have probably received oral sex 3-4 times. After going through severe clinical depression for a few years including multile hospitalizations, I am glad to have more of a normal sex life. And it helped just to get this off my chest. Thanks Mikayla and DJ for your responses.

The last two times my wife and I had sex it resulted in an oral sex marathon. For the most part she enjoys reaching an orgasm as part of our activities and the only permissible method is for me to perform oral sex until she enjoys her orgasm, which I enjoy giving. However, the last two times it took over an hour for her to have an orgasm! And they have been some of her strongest orgasms. It usually takes about 20 minutes, no problem. But an hour is almost approaching work; and my legs are often asleep. She says she gets close to an orgasm several times but it fades away. And I can tell from her moaning and "don't stop!" that she is enjoying the attention. And believe me she goes through cycles of being soaking wet, which seems to reduce her sensitivity. BTW, there is almost always the prelude of me giving her a back/leg massage followed by kisses on her back and she especially enjoys my kisses on her butt cheeks. Any ideas as to why the change in her response time? My biggest complaint is not really the amout of oral sex, but intercourse is hurried because it is getting late or we are both tired. And unfortunately, she doesn't return the oral favor, sigh.

Makes me think of a "one-eyed, one-horned, flying, purple people eater"

Thanks Tyger. I was leaning toward "Dear Husband" but I wasn't quite sure. Sometimes you never know. Good luck with your HD.

Ouch Tyger! It is always difficult when the home team doesn't agree especially over something as permanent and lasting as family size. On most issues with a couple I would say there are areas for compromise, but when it comes to family planning and one says "enough" (even at none) there is very little room for compromise. And when someone gives in here when they have a firm position it often leads in problems sooner or later. My view of marriage is about team work and commitment. A couple should work together in their relationship and be 100% committed to the relationship. Now before someone believes I am trying to get you to give in to show your commitment, they are 100% wrong. Committment and working together does not mean always giving in to the other's wishes. Playing on a team is knowing what is best for the team and not just working for the desires of one team member. Try to tell him in terms HE might understand. I assume he is a football fan, many guys are (I am one of the exceptions). OK, it is 4th and goal, your team is down 6 pts to win with less than a minute on the clock of the 4th quarter. The QB and coach disagree on which play to make. The coach insists on a play the QB has struggled with but would catch the opposing team off guard. The QB insists he is not confident with the coaches play. The QB wants a play that he is confident of completing, but the opposing team has a chance of reading it. So, which play is the best for the team? A good coach would recognize the limitations of his QB, especially after his insistence and lack of confidence in completing the coaches play. Explain to him that you feel like the QB. You have struggled with the play of being pregnant before and you do not want to run this play in such an important decision. I would say it is best for the team and confidence of the QB to go with play the QB is more confident in completing. Tell him how this makes you feel as QB. For you that would be no more kids. He asks you why you don't want more kids. Maybe the question should be why does he insist on more? In my opinion he should be more concerned about your health and happiness than his own. If he is not a football fan, adopt the story to a sport more to his liking such as basketball or baseball. Hopefully this word picture will help him understand the situation of your team. I agree with the many that have said to stick with your guns on this, especially since you are so convinced of your position. You know you have reached your limitations and hopefully he will come to understand and accept what you know. By the way, I can somewhat relate. We waited 15 yrs before our first due to her depression and still had some struggles during the first year after our son was born. This is a long story with a good ending for us. Initially she wanted 3, I wanted 2 and then after our son (now 5) she wanted another, but I said let's see. Now there is NO possibility of us having anymore, she had a hysterectomy (sp?) due to severe endometrosis. That problem is solved (and no monthly visitor). We love our son and I would not mind having more if we were able, but I do not think she could handle dealing with two (or more) even though she is doing MUCH better, so we have one son and that is that. At least until she gets the bug to adopt again, but that is another story. Good luck Tyger I hope you are recovering from Ike. It had all of us in South and East Texas bunkered down or helping those who evacuated. And can someone help me out on something. I missed the code key to DD, DH, etc. I can figure most of these out, but I must admit, so far I am just guessing on these. Some help would be appreciated on what DD and DH refer to. Thanks.

Good question. Here is my take. All relationships require effort Take for instance a guy's buddies that he goes out bowling with every Thursday night. He likes bowling ok, but it is the friendship the keeps him going every week. This is the effort of a relationship. In a marriage, the work to maintain the relationship is not any different. However, the effort may take many different forms. Several posts mentioned 'date nights.' Great efforts to build a relationship. There are many other ways: sometimes my 5yr old son and I will clean house for my wife when she is away, or have supper ready when she gets home. I have heard of couples who exchange love notes throughout the week. Or one will slip a note in their spouses luggage when he/she leaves for a trip. Maybe a back massage after a rough day with no further expectations. These efforts and others allow a couple to connect. So where does sex fit in. Sexual activity is another means in which a couple connects. I believe that when the actual frequency of sex differs from what the couple desires. Whether once a month or once a day the possibility for a problem exists when expectations differ from reality. However, I believe that there can be too little sex in a relationship. Under normal circumstances, I believe that having sex once a year is too infrequent to maintain a healthy relationship. I don't know the exact amount when the frequency becomes too little, but it is important to know that the sexual health of a relationship can be an indicator of the health of the relationship itself. To get an idea of its importance. Did anyone hear of the pastor in Tampa, FL who earlier this year gave a sex challenge to his church? Married couples where urged to have sex every day for 30 days and singles were urged to abstain from sex for 30 days. This was because of a study that shows you can establish a habit in 30 days. So, my bottom line. Yes, the lack of sex in a relationship CAN be an indicator of a deeper issue. At one level the indicator is what the couple expects, but there comes a point when sex is almost non-existant that there can also be a problem. Of course there are exceptions, but the important thing is that couples make an effort to connect with one another. Maybe take the sex challenge for yourself for 30 days After writing this I think I need to do something big for my Texas Girl.

bobo, I read over several of the posts, but not all of them. I did notice that some posts tell you not to change him, but that would mean you have to change. I see marriage as a change for both parties, a sacrifice by one side on many things, a comproise on many others and some things have to be worked out. For you this sounds like it needs to be worked out. One question, have you told your husband how it makes you feel when he views porn? I did not see in your posts where you mentioned this. Knowing that you don't approve and knowing how it makes you feel are two different things. You may even ask him if he even knows why he likes to look at porn. If it is just to get quick relief maybe you could offer a handjob, blowjob or whatever for a quickie anytime he needs (barring illness) if he will just ask. Remember, this quickie is to get him off so don't be disappointed if it doesn't lead to other things. Sometimes it might. If he likes the fantasy part (and I am sure with no desire act on it), maybe you might try writing some erotic stories about the two of you for him to read. Some for the two of you to act out and some just for fantasy. Maybe he can write some and both of you read. This is working it out and takes time, effort, communication, patience, insight, forgiveness and love (I am sure I missed something). Whatever you do, don't let resentment bottle up, it only makes it worse. For myself, I was on your husband's side and my wife caught me several years ago and she was very upset. She had to go visit her family for a few days. She explained to me how it made her feel. Much how you explained in your post. Why did I do it? What it came down to was an escape from stress. It wasn't about wanting or desiring another woman. I found that while looking at porn online that I didn't think about all of the stresses that I faced every day and the endorfins when I orgasmed reinforced that. Once I realized this and how it made my wife feel, I had to find other ways to "escape" and reduce my stress. I didn't say it was easy for either of us or that I changed overnight, but don't give up. Yes, the trust can come back, but it takes time AND effort from both of you. If your marriage is worth having it is worth working for. I hope both of you are able to work through this and make your marriage stronger. Best of Luck.

Truly beautiful!! With this pic I am sure your friend has a nice new memory. Question: was "the bird" flying on purpose? (your left hand on the camera)