attyathome

Yes, Ladylove, I would like help. Dessert--I love the melted chocolate w/dipping fruit. I also think the sorbet in the orange peel is classy. Dinner--favorite protein is probably most seafoods. (Salmon, scallops, esp.) I don't really have much that I hate, but I really can't stand cilantro. I'd like to keep dinner somewhat light/delicate. And I don't mind fussing with it a bit; I can cook, just don't have many ideas. I think we'll skip the baked beans! Time to unwind is definitely the first thing--he needs some time to change clothes, have a drink and a little massage or something before dinner.

Ok, I've heard the "put your finger in there like a hook and point it toward the ceiling" thing lots of times, and I've tried and tried to find it myself. To no avail. I can't find the rough spot. Is it possible I don't have one? That would be a bummer.

Oh, thanks SuzyP. I love this board!!! Ack, I just found out there's a little wrinkle (as we said before, the best made plans...) So hubby is going to be out of his office at a conference all day, not at his desk. He will have his phone, but I just realized the phone is company owned as well, so email going there will be subject to the same filters. I was thinking of actual photos in envelopes, and I would send him a message to open one. But he won't be in a private place all day. Perhaps I should just send saucy text messages, eh?

I will definitely let you all know how it goes next Friday. The cleaning service is not a bad thought. I'm a little hung up on the photo thing. I think va-ja-ja is quite possibly the funniest word I've ever heard. I was thinking a tit shot too, definitely no face. I'm a complete techno idiot, so I don't even know how to send pics to his phone, or if it's possible b/c he has no camera on his phone. Also, any sexy chefs out there? What to make for dinner? Thanks for all the encouragement. I'm getting excited already.

You know, you are so right. I think the danger of too much planning is that things don't work out exactly like that and I certainly don't want to end up feeling like the whole thing was a bad idea... I've already started dropping hints that there will be something to look forward to. When's your birthday?!

Yep. I'm fairly new to these boards, but it doesn't take long to figure that out!

You are so right. Sometimes it seems like the most difficult thing in the world, but you have to make yourself get what's on your mind and in your heart out there in the open. When I'm struggling with something I need to talk about, I have to ask myself what's worse--the discomfort I might feel at having the conversation, or the damage that can be done from not having it?

I want as much feedback as you want to give. I can take it! I have no influence over whether or not he goes to work. This is an incredibly busy time of year for him, and a day off is not an option. He's actually supposed to have a dinner meeting that night, and I had to ask him to bail on that.

Xzander's Mommy, I totally hear what you're saying. My hubby and I are definitely coming out of a considerable rut we were in while our kids were little. It was hard for me to feel sexy--I was carrying extra weight, didn't have time to exercise, didn't have energy, and the kids were so physically demanding that I often felt touched out by the end of the day. Coming out of that rut is a little more challenging that I had anticipated it would be. Turns out, the passionate sex life that I want is not simply an on/off switch!! Who knew? LOL I have finally realized that I am sexy to my amazing hubby, and that sex is not just something to do when we have time and energy; rather it's something that we need to make time for, and it turns out staying up a little later is well worth it, because I feel so refreshed and energized after a good session. I have to confess that there was a time when I would have been relieved to get the news that we couldn't have sex for a while ("woohoo, I'm off the hook"). So I think it's great that you are thinking about ways to satisfy him during and after this hiatus. Definitely talk to him and make getting out of this rut a priority; it is SO worth it.

Roughly 3 times a week lately (in the past 6 mos or so). This is a huge improvement, but I could do with more!

OK, a couple weeks ago I posted for some advice, as I am trying to drive a bit of a sexual renaissance in my house. Haven't posted since then. Things are going OK. As I mentioned then, I was planning a little birthday sex fest for him. The birthday is next week. Here's my preliminary plan. I'd like feedback and additional ideas. I'm taking the day off work. All 3 kids are gone for the night (a feat of amazing proportions!) I will get the house nice and clean--nothing like clutter and laundry around to remind us of the things I don't want him to be thinking about. Lots of candles in various rooms, especially the rooms we never use for sex. Send him off to work with a birthday card and tell him to read it on the train or when he gets to his office. The card says I have a surprise for him tonight, but the day is all about anticipation. The rule is he can't call me all day (our phone conversations are never sexy), but he can email or text me. And I'll enclose a naughty pic of me in the card so he can have a little preview of what's up. Then I'm going to send him more pics of me a couple more times in the day, with sexy messages that he is supposed to respond to in some way. (although I'm not sure this will work b/c I'm a little paranoid about sending that stuff to his work email b/c it's pretty well filtered and monitored. I might have to send actual prints, and just tell him not to open the envelopes until I instruct him to do so.) He gets home, there are no kids in the house and I'm wearing a really slinky chemise and fuck me shoes, probably no underwear. He sits down, we have a drink and maybe a little blowjob. I've made him dinner, which we eat by candlelight, and we leave the dishes. Then we get down to business in the aforementioned rooms of the house that we are never able to use, and we can make as much noise as we want--also a novelty. I can introduce him to my new toys, which are not all that exotic, but it's something new. We have lots of time, so I want the whole thing to last as long as possible. Questions: is it over the top? I am really into having the sexual energy level at code red all the time, even when there's no possibility of having sex, because I think it makes the sex, when we do get there, more amazing. But he's not exactly as hot as I am in that way. (Is that just a guy thing--he doesn't need the buildup?) So, is he going to be psyched getting that sort of attention at work, or is it an unwelcome distraction? In the past I've been a bit shy/inhibited. This horny sexy me is new, so I sort of feel like I'm going out on a limb. Thumbs up or down?

Ok, haven't had time to be on here in a couple days. Here's the deal since I last posted--we talked some about this thing and screwed some. For the talking--it was enormously helpful to have the perspectives that were shared here. For the screwing--took care of itself, and it's been amazing. Thursday night we had a session that I think must rank up there with the best we've ever had. Last night also nothing to sneeze at. I think that I feel a little guilty about the vacation that my sex drive took, and on top of that I'm a little insecure and I want to be wanted. At the same time, Hubby told me he's a little taken aback at my renewed interest in bedding him, but certainly he's thrilled about it. So we are needing to work back into a more active, non complicated sex life. So we are on the way, I think, to the awesome sex life that we were meant to have. I'm consistently surprised at how much of a relationship is actually work--even the sex life sometimes. But it's good work. He did mention my desires to get a little more imaginative, and he asked me the other night if I was ready to try anal intercourse. I told him we need to work up to it. I really do want to, but I'm nervous (never done it before.) We did start with a finger, which I thought was amazing. So I finally put in my first order for toys, and I ordered the anal starter kit. Looking forward to getting it!! Have a great weekend!

Everyone is great on this board! Thank you; I feel reassured that I am not alone. I also really appreciate the advice. I am going to forge ahead with my flirtatious behavior, keep wearing the sexy things, and get the action back where it should be. I hear what y'all are saying, and it's simply not an on/off switch. A sex date is planned tonight, so hopefully that should take care of some of the immediate frustration. Not cancelling the birthday plans.

You're funny. No, I don't want to have the DEADLY MARTIAL SUMMIT! I do understand enough to know that's a bad idea. But I think I don't know how to have this conversation with him. Feminine wiles--I'm trying.

hmm, ok. Some food for thought. I hear what you're saying, DADT, and I think you're right that I should give him a chance to express whatever his pent up frustrations have been. But the thing is, I have asked him to talk about my low libido, and he insists that he was ok with it. I don't think he's lying to me, but perhaps he's in denial about how much it has bothered him. Yes, Sunflower, we women like to be reassured. Without seeming too needy, I want to be seduced sometimes. I think you're right, I need to ask him where he is with it. The other thing I didn't mention is that this is a particularly bad time of year for him at work. In about a month things will slow down. Perhaps then he will be able to focus some more on me and us. Thank you for your insights.

First, let me start by saying that I have been lurking on these TT boards since I discovered them a couple of weeks ago when I was looking for a good place for my first toy purchase. And I think this is a great, mature and supportive group of people. Here's my issue (sorry that it's so lengthy): been happily married for 16 years and we have 3 kids. We have strong communication, and our sex life has had its ebbs and flows. For a good few years my sex drive was pretty low, and hubby was really patient with me, not pressuring me or complaining, even when we went through periods of only once or twice per month. We have also never been particularly adventurous--have played with ice now and then and showers together, but that's about it. Ok, so about 6 months ago I seem to have experienced a sexual awakening, perhaps because our youngest is finally getting old enough to be self sufficient (4 yrs old), or perhaps because I went back to work, which has improved my self confidence, or perhaps because I'm nearing 40 (next month) and have simply shed some inhibitions. So I began shamelessly flirting with hubby and told him outright that I want him badly, and that I want to infuse more secuality into our relationship, which I thought would thrill him. I also asked him if he would be interested in trying some new things, like toys and anal. He said he's into it. I also asked him to talk to me about his fanatasies. But here's the problem--I feel like I am constantly the initiator now. I feel turned on every day, and have been letting him know. He doesn't seem to mind our increased activity, but also doesn't seem to be seeking it out. And I definitely want sex more than he does. I have tried talking naughty to him outside of the bedroom, in subtle and discreet ways, but he seems amused and almost exasperated by it rather than excited. I have started sleeping with much sexier nightclothes, or with nothing on. And he rarely approaches me. Again, he seems happy to have me approach him, although I'm starting to feel insecure--like he's really not that into it but is just doing it to please me. He hasn't followed up about the toys or the fantasies, and when I tried to talk to him more about trying anal sex, he said he was interested in it only because I brought it up. (Here I was thinking that it was like a gift to him.) I want him to flirt with me and I want to feel desired. So I fear that from years of my low libido his sex drive has been permanently dulled. I'm feeling a bit insecure and rejected, and I wonder how to move forward. Should I keep doing what I'm doing and hope his interest will match mine? Or should I turn it down a notch since I might be too aggressive for him. I could continue to try and be sexy but wait for him to approach me. I actually made plans to celebrate his birthday later this month by getting rid of all 3 kids for the night and planning a really sexy night together, perhaps introducing my new toys and having a long night of passion. But now I'm not sure. Anyone have any useful experience to share? Any thoughts?