attyathome

I'd like to hear what others say, but here's my 2 cents: We've only done this a few times, so I am by no means an expert. On the pain issue, we have only ever done it when I am really super turned on and I really want to. I am able to just relax. We use a ton of lube, and I have never had any pain, really. Now, afterwards is a different story (see above, start of thread), and I do have a little paid and have to sort of recover after each time. On the cleanliness issue, I'm really interested in what others say--I am sort of a clean freak, so it's very important to me. I am somewhat paranoid about any fecal matter making an appearance during sex. So, basically, every time we've done it I have to plan ahead--I try to make sure I've had a BM, and I also use an anal douche an hour or two before I think we're going to get started. I know a lot of people don't think this is necessary, but it makes me more comfortable.

Ok, ok. I'll give it a go.

I'd like to try this one, but I think I'm a little too self conscious to really relax for it. I'd be all scrunched up, which is not a flattering view of my very less than perfect belly.

Yes, I have read the Holy Grail article, and it is indeed a quest isn't it? I will keep on trying. I have been reluctant to enlist hubby's help, because I don't want the sex to become goal oriented or to have pressure to achieve, especially b/c we are enjoying a real renaissance lately. But there are worse things to be working toward!

Yeah, well the squirting thing is more of a curiosity for me, (perhaps bordering on fascination...) But I still haven't managed a g-spot O, or even found my g-spot. I've only tried on my own, and only with a finger. I need to get a toy for that purpose I think.

Lucky, lucky!

Can a woman learn to squirt, or is it a trait that some just have and some don't--like eye color?

Those of you who role-play--when you first started, did you feel silly or self-conscious at all? If so, how did you overcome that?

Funny, funny, LL!!

Well, not exactly Mother Theresa. I am confident I will get mine some other time! Yes, oral sex any time--thumbs up! Stress, busy, whatever. I'm not turning it down. (Unless I'm mad at him or we're fighting, but in that case, I don't think he's putting his face down there anyway...) Absolutely! I've always thought it would be cool to be a doctor so I could be in some public place and answer to the "is there a doctor in the house?" call. But now you've given me a whole new and far more interesting fantasy--"is there a woman in the house who can give a lifesaving blowjob?!"

This is a tough call, but I would choose less often but with more foreplay and/or the whole smorgasbord. For me personally, when we have great sex, I will be turned on and ready to go again the next day. The more we have, the more I want. But DH seems to prefer a break of a day or so in between. So, if we do have sex again the next day, he's a little too tired--or something--to make it the end all and be all. The sex itself, even with orgasm, is just not as satisfying. I am discovering that with some time in between, the sex is more fun. I'd rather wait a day, let him get his ardor back up to peak, and get more satisfying sex out of it. As long as we don't let too many days lapse.

Ok, good to know. I believe I will go for it some more. No, Sunday--not looking for reciprocation. I get that I shouldn't wake him up basically asking for my own needs to be met, except my need to please him at that moment; just want to give him a nice start to his day. Although you have scared me a little bit--I'm certainly not looking to kill my poor husband with a heart attack. I think I give a good BJ, but not sure if it's really "to die for"

Ok, quick question here--I've done this to my hubby, once. A good time was had by all. But since then I haven't tried it again, I guess because of a little shyness. What if he's not in the mood? He's not always raring to go first thing in the morning, though he did tell me he liked it when I did it. I think I'm afraid of how turned down I would feel if I'm going straight for the wake up bj, and he's not into it. So, guys--what are the chances that you would not welcome this type of wake up call?

I agree with you 100%, LL. While perhaps not a cure-all, I think dating is absolutely a necessary component to keeping things vibrant between us. We have been very neglectful of our dating relationship in the past; it's so easy to just forget to call babysitters and get lazy. Then we end up spending every evening in our own zones. So, inspired by posts and messages here on TT, I have resolved to get back to frequent and regular dates. We have sitters booked for every weekend for the next 6 weeks, and I am committed to keeping that up so we can go out once per week unless there's a legit. conflict. (like this weekend when dh's parents are in town. They don't babysit. ) It gives us time to be away from all the administrative details of our lives and simply enjoy each other's company. I also like anticipating going out--planning something nice/fun (doesn't have to be expensive), putting on some sexy underthings, nice clothes, etc. It's refreshing for us.

Over it too. Working on getting over the next hangup.

I definitely have the same feeling about having something that's secret, only between us. I'm not very creative, but you could go poetic and call it her flower, rose, something along those lines. Literature is full of beautiful euphemisms for the vagina, but I don't remember them. Probably for the penis and screwing too. My problem is that I find that a little silly, which doesn't help the sexiness. I think that's why the really raw terms work for me--they don't make me giggle. Maybe you need to start with sexy talk that's not explicit about the parts or the act itself-- give it to me. give me more you are so hot your body is on fire I want to be inside you. (ok a little explicit) Put your hands on me/all over me. Your mouth feels so hot I want my mouth over every inch of you. ????

Sunday, does she hate those words even at the height of passion? I'm not a fan of them either, in my normal daylight speak, but when I'm aroused and we're in the middle of fooling around, they make me hotter. But I used to not want to use them even then. The first time my husband said "pussy" to me, I was mortified. I really had to force myself to let go of the inhibitions and all the old messages about being a good girl. You're right, though--the clinical terms do nothing to heat up the mood! Think of some other euphemisms that are sexy but less raw, then maybe you can work up to the harder talk.

I hope that your relative and SuzyP's brother had as good a birthday as my hubby had!

Ok, have fully recovered. Unfortunately we had to go from our night of bliss and get slammed with a super busy weekend, but that's ok. It's all good. Birthday plans went fabulously well. First of all, I ran into so many logistical issues with the arrangements I had made for the kids that I almost gave up the whole thing, but I perservered. And I am glad. So, how much detail would you like...? If you want the short and clean version, we had a great time! If you're in the mood for more, you can read on. I discovered a great act at a jazz club, so I decided to scrap the "ravish him as soon as he gets home" plan, which turned out to be a great decision. I spent the day readying myself--cleaned up the house (naked), shaved everything, fixed up my hair, face, new dress and new strappy shoes. And I had the new lingerie ready in my closet. I set candles up all over the house and got stuff ready for us to have dessert at home. I told him he would have to think of a drink to make with dessert, because he's the bartender among us. So, I picked him up at work and we went to hear this incredible female jazz vocalist and had dinner at the jazz club. Even though it was his birthday, he bought me a red rose on the street, because he know what he was in for, which I loved. The music was great, and it was a perfect mood setter. We sat in a corner and had some opportunity to smooch and rub each other--everything over the clothes. Afterwards, I told him we were going home for dessert and then some, and when we were almost home, he asked me where we needed to take the babysitter home. So that's when I told him, "baby, there's no sitter to take home. Just for tonight, we have no kids and the house to ourselves." When we got home, he changed into some comfy clothes while I heated up the chocolate fondue and got the candles lit. Then while he was making his drink, I went upstairs and changed into my red and black number, but of course left my shoes on. I also put on a playlist of sexy music I had made, and I told him we had over 3 hours of tunes, and I'd like to challenge us to last through the very last song. Over dessert I put my foot in his crotch and, clumsy me, I droppred my fondue fork and had to crawl under the table to pick it up. Then I spilled some chocolate on my tits, and I didn't have a napkin, so I had to prevail upon him to lick it off! It was really hot, but I reminded him that we had all night and I wanted to take it really slow. I have never been very multi-orgasmic (it's on my list of things to achieve), so I really didn't want to get to the finish line too early. After dessert, we sat on the couch where he proceeded to play with my nipples until they were so hard it was nearly painful. We stayed downstairs for about an hour teasing each other, and I was on my knees sucking his cock and licking his balls but insisting that he relax and not come yet because I was not ready to be done. He wanted to move the party to the bedroom, so we did. We brought the candles upstairs, and he took the rest of his clothes off and we got to it. I wanted to continue with my blowjob, but he said he was feeling a little left out, so we did a lot of 69, and lots of massaging--for a while with my nightie on, but then he stripped it off. But he asked me to keep the shoes on. Finally we started fucking, and we managed to hit I think every position that we've ever tried before, plus one or two new ones. After all these years, I didn't think we had any new positions! I wanted to suck him some more, because I love the taste of our fucking on his cock. So I did. I don't remember how long we were fucking, but we finished up with some anal (only the second time for that), and he was playing with my clit because we really wanted to come together. Then I got out my dolphin vibe to help him out, and we both came with him in my ass, and we were able to scream as loud as we wanted. (but truthfully I think we're a bit conditioned, because I don't think the noise we made accurately reflected what a good time we were having.) We didn't make it to the end of my playlist. It was probably about a 2 and a half hour affair. It was amazing, and now I'm all hot again from writing about it, and I have to go pick up my son. Bummer. I hope that description hasn't offended any of your innocent sensibilities!

What awesome questions to ask your patients! Where were you when I asked my ob/gyn about my zero libido?! Thank you for providing such great care and recognizing that sexuality is a part of our overall good health!

Thanks! You are so right--it can be very intimate. I used to think anal sex and anal play would be gross, degrading, painful and was something only porn stars did. How wrong I was! It's been great to peruse these boards and see that perfectly normal people are getting anal sex and enjoying it, which helped me feel much less intimidated about indulging my curiosity. It has also been a great enhancement to our communication! Anyway, I appreciate your advice about the 'rroid. An unfortunate but manageable situation.

Thanks for all the encouragement. I think we are going to have a great time, regardless. I can tell because I've been hinting around, and we've been doing lots of sexy flirting. I will let you all know how it all shapes up. I can't wait til Friday! Stay tuned.

Ok, so this is a little embarassing, but I'd like some insights from you folks with experience/expertise. We tried anal intercourse for the first time last night, after some discussion over the past few weeks and exploring with fingers and toys. We both loved it; I don't know why we waited so long. We're nearly 40 and been married 16 years; it was quite intimate and special to be experiencing something that was the first time for both of us. But here's the issue--after having 3 babies, I have a small hemorrhoid that is always very manageable. Doesn't flare up very often, and really only if I've been constipated, so I usually don't have a problem because I eat a pretty healthy high fiber diet and stay pretty regular. So I had a little discomfort from that during the sex, but not enough to detract from the pleasure of the experience. Today, the hemorrhoid is a little irritated. I know it will heal itself, and I'm not worried about it. But I'm wondering--is there no way to avoid that with anal sex? We used a ton of lube and took it really slowly. It's not like I'm in pain, but just a little bit irritated and I'm wondering for the future. Do most people with hemorrhoids just avoid anal sex, or should I just be prepared to have this problem and not do it very often?

OK, good points. I'm toning down the overt sex parts and starting the evening with a little innocuous togetherness, romance and relaxation. If I'm getting the green light, we can turn up the heat. No need to hurry, after all. I did ask him what he has in mind to celebrate his birthday, and whether he thinks he's up for being romanced. I told him I'm planning something different and sexy, but I don't want him to feel pressure to perform if the day doesn't work out that way. He says he's looking forward to it. I do want to surprise him, but not have this thing come totally out of the blue. I think if I build up the anticipation before hand a little bit, I will get a pretty good idea of whether he's going to be receptive and whether it's a good night for my ideas. And if it turns out not to be the time for the sex adventure, then the worst that happens is we have a whole night alone and a candlelight dinner for 2.

Ok, there are lots of creative ideas out there--thank you. Hisbunny, yes indeed, I have considered what you're saying. I have been on the fence about whether I should go forward with this plan, because I am pretty much going out on a limb. Because you're right we have been in a period of sort of negotiating the new dynamics of our sexual relationship. But I think things are on the right track. It's not that he's been rejecting my advances, more so that I have been frustrated at his lack of initiating. The sex has been great, and he's enjoying it as much as I do. It's just that I think I could do with a little more, and I definitely could do with a little more sexy build up before we are even taking our clothes off--flirting, dirty talk, etc. Discussions about all this are ongoing. But on that note, I did ask him if he thinks he's ready for a sexy birthday, and I think we're on the same page, based on his positive response. You're right, though. I know things may not work out as planned, and I'll have to deal with that disappointment if it happens. I'm confident enough to take the risk. We shall see... But one of my kids is sick now, so the whole thing could fall apart anyway; if this virus runs through all of them it's entirely likely someone will be sick on Friday. The joys of parenting!