I Need Some Help

[honeybee00]

This is embarressing for me to ask for help from people i dont know, but its all i got. Today i went to my boyfriends house and i had a really bad head ache and i was waiting for him to get out of the shower. i was laying down in a tee shirt and panties. He came out and wanted to get things a little steamy, which is fine, i was starting to get turned on and then it ,for some reason, started to seem awkward for a bit. Then he asked me , let i remind you this is embarressing for me, he says "When are you gonna be sexy about sex"

i DIDNT NO WHAT TO SAY.

i thought we had great sex, and i do some things i never have before with him, and it totally insulted me. I started to give him oral, which was terrifying at first b/c i had never done that, and now im cool with it, and i tried to play with myself during sex to get him turned on more, and now i dont no how to be sexy i guess....

it makes me upset to think that im not making him happy i guess or im not sexy enough for him, and it totally brought my confidence done a ton!

Can anyone give me some knew tips on how to be sexy and turn my man on???????

[Mikayla1]

Contrary to what some guys might think, we are not born sexy. Sexiness comes with experience, confidence and yes, age. You are fairly young (and I assume, new to sex) and while younger gals can certainly be sexy, if you are at all uncomfortable with yourself, sexiness is not going to come easy.

So you are laying there in a t-shirt and panties and he says, 'when are you going to be sexy?' UM, I personally think women in t-shirts and panties can be very sexy. What is he wanting, lingerie, bustiers, corsets? You on the bed naked and spread? I mean, really. Sex in the real world is not a porno.

I can tell you this, confidence is sexy to men. Being confident with yourself goes miles to overcome any physical representation of sexiness. You want to know how to turn him on? Be yourself, be confident. Do what makes YOU happy in bed and ask what makes HIM happy. Be willing to compromise, be willing to experiment, be willing to try new things - but also expect that from him.

It seems from your post that your problem was sort of a comfort level thing when you were beginning to be turned on. IF you are acting too shy or uncomfortable during sex or foreplay, then this is not sexy. Men do not respond favorably to women who are all trying to hide themselves or who are not into it. Men (and women) like active partners. Men like responses (verbal, actions and body responses). So, use your words, actions and body to respond to him and I am sure he will never doubt your sexiness again!

[Tyger]

Pretty much what Mikayla said was spot-on. I would also add that you could suggest to him that, if he finds something that you're doing, at the time you're doing it or not, that he TELL you he finds that sexy. Sometimes, we do things that a person may find sexy and not even KNOW it!!!

For example, I had a friend, who that that pearls were the most sexual accessory a woman can wear. Not sure why, but ok. So, when he got a girlfriend, I let her know that if she wore pearls (fake or real, he didn't care), that he'd be all over her!

So, if he finds something you do, say, wear, act, ask him to let you know. Being 18, you're still getting to know yourself. Hell, I'm almost 40, & I'm still learning about MYSELF. So, this is pretty normal.

By the way, you sounded like you were pretty sexy to me, on a bed with a t-shirt and panties. Plus you had a headache, and still wanted to please him. Giving, sexy, available, and willing.......how dense is this guy????

[raniedaize]

One of the most incredible things we can learn to do is to LOVE OURSELF ABOVE ALL ELSE. When we do this, everything else falls into place. Of course, by saying "love ourself," I do not mean masturbating. Eighteen. I remember when I turned that age, I realized that my life is, well, MY life. The only person who has to be with me all hours of the day for all the days of my life is ME! So, why not be my own best friend and love myself? I started this huge endeavor to conquer the crazy things that outside influences put in my head. I suggest you do the same.

Now, here's a little trick I've learned about sexiness:

Women who are "sexy" are nice to look at and enjoy momentarily, but do you know what REALLY drives a lot (if not the majority) of men crazy? Women who are NOT TRYING to be sexy. Isn't that ironic? The more we attempt it, the less we succeed because it's obvious that we're not being our true selves. That's why it's said that confidence is the sexiest characteristic out there--because it is! Fun, crazy, wild sex is undoubtedly enjoyable, but what really gets guys is when they have to WORK FOR WHAT THEY ACHIEVE...and when they are having sex with AN ACTUAL PERSON instead of some random body wearing a facade.

Here's an exercise: Get a book you like to read or a pad to draw on--something along those lines (but NOT a computer). It could be as random as knitting. Take it to a semi-inconspicuous but visible and well-travelled place. Like, a chair in Barnes and Noble or a grassy spot near the sidewalk on a local college/university campus. Consume yourself with it. And wear something comfy, something you REALLY love to wear! Now, go enjoy that activity. Don't worry about your surroundings but be semi-aware; you're there for you and your own company (but not anti-social either). When someone looks at you, feel free to glance up, make eye contact, give a short sweet smile, and then RESUME what you were previously doing. I can GUARANTEE you that SOMEONE is going to think, "Wow. THAT is sexy." ...even if they don't come up to you. If they do, you can chat for a bit. But be honest after a minute and confess you have a boyfriend...unless you've already chosen to leave him! Good luck, babe.

...and let me know how it goes! PM me or something, okay?

[katens2002]

I want to second everything everyone else just said, but I'd like to add something else - if my guy said that to me he'd get a slap across the face at the very least. If he wants you to start being "sexy" (whatever his definition is) he should return the favor - and being a jerk isn't something I exactly find a turn on. Hopefully he was just having a "I'm an idiot, I can't believe I just said that" day, but if he acts like this a lot you should reconsider your relationship. You deserve more respect than that!