Do You Ever Feel Like Nothing You Do Is Right?

[Tyger]

That would be ME right now.

My Mom left yesterday. She suffers from OCD & depression. I have told her that she really needs to speak with her dr. cuz even though she's on the highest level available for a certain Rx, doesn't mean that that is the one she should be on. It's not helping anymore. She was sooooo critical this time. I couldn't dress right, I couldn't dress my daughter right, she should get a free pass from cleaning up after herself cuz she helped me a year ago with something (yes, seriously), she won't help me with the dogs cuz they're not her responsibility (she cleaned up a mess, and told me she wasn't going to do that again-I wasn't even home!), I don't know how to load a dishwasher, DD needs a better diet...........

Then, I rant on Facebook. My MIL gets on my case about how I should appreciate and worship every second I spend with my Mom cuz she could be gone tomorrow like POOF. Where she is right accidents happen, I am not going to compromise my sanity, nor have my mother in here disrespecting our home so I can "cherish" every miserable second. I lost my Dad 11 yrs ago, just like POOF. So I KNOW that time is precious. However, it's better if the other person doesn't make everything such a chore all the damn time.

I LOVE my Mom. Don't get me wrong. I know I bitch about her. Most daughters DO. What irritates me, is that my Mom knows she needs more help that what she's getting right now, medically, and just won't do it. She also is hard of hearing now, & refuses to look into the possibilty of a hearing aide, but she fully admits to not hearing so well. She has insurance, so it's not like she CAN'T go, she just doesn't want the hassle. I hate it when people CAN go get help, but won't. So, they make everyone else around them miserable, just so they won't have the inconvenience.

I want her to be as positive of an influence in my DD's life as possible, but, and I will swear to this, the woman that is today is 50x worse than what she was when she was my "Mom" in younger/developmental years!!! She is rude, inconsiderate, selfish, and doesn't care who hears what she has to say. I believe everyone should be honest, but, there's a time & place to do so, and, as a retired English teacher, she KNOWS how to word things kinder, but she will whisper about a kid in Sami's karate class that the parent's sitting right next to her about, & she doesn't whisper quietly. Way to make friends wherever she goes!

She IS sweet to DD though, and she is the ONLY one of either side of our family, including DH's parents who live one street over, to make a big effort to get to know and get close to DD, and for that, I will always be grateful.

But it's hard to be Sister Mary Sunshine all the time when you're treated like an Idiot Savaunt all of the time too. I can be a hard-ass, and can be hard to get along with, at times (yes, really). I admit that. However, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, try and help & be accomodating to the best of my ability. Granted, she's done having kids in the house (I'm her only child), but I really hate how negative she is pretty much ALL OF THE TIME. She's also "snobby", and looks down her nose at certain things, which pisses me off, cuz I don't think anyone is above anyone else, and I try to see the other side of things. It's amazing that I AM as open-minded as I am, cuz she was snobby when I was growing up too.

I hate feeling this way. I try very hard to see the positive in most situations. I really do. I'm pretty open-minded (obviously). But when you disagree with her, she treats you like an ass. Sometimes she even makes me question my intellegence, which is foolish, but that's the way it is.

I've told her ALL of this, several times, she just won't listen. DH just gets pissed cuz it upsets me, so he gets pissy with her too. I've had to tell HIM not to get on the "I'm pissed cuz my MIL is here" even BEFORE she gets here. It doesn't help me deal with her well either. He comes across as a real asshole when she is around, and he really isn't (most of the time LOL). I feel as though she hates Lonnie, and that she's very disappointed in my life-choices.

Ugh!! I just feel like almost everything I do just isn't right tonight. Sorry for ranting, I'll be ok, just wanted to write it down where MIL won't think I'm a total inconsiderate bitch! LOL Sometimes, even your own "page" can get ugly! LOL Anyway thanks for reading. Love y'all! *muah*

[ohshelly]

Tyger, you are just fine, and TOTALLY normal!!

I think every woman who reads this will chuckle because

they recognize something from their own mother/daughter relationship.

I know I sure did!!

Each one of us has felt the same way at one time or another.

We know you love your mom.

Rant away, doll, you are safe here!

We love ya!

[Mikayla1]

OMG...are you talking about MY Mom???

Honey, this is soooooo true with so many people and their parents. My Mom is not on anti-depressants, but she 'medicates' herself with food. She is always complimenting my siblings; while I get left in the dust. Doesn't matter what I do either. I graduated top of my class, straight As - well, 'that was nice, but school is easy for me.' While my bro practically failed, and 'his classes were harder!'

My children are disrespectful, how dare I get my nose pierced, what kind of examples do I set by getting tattoos, how come I don't do this or that.....sometimes I think that Mother's are drawn to criticize us!

Don't you worry love, you know you are just perfect and your DD is too - and you have to just curb her visits.

HUGS!

[ohshelly]

Yes, unfortunatly, as they get older,

sometimes they just blurt out something totally innapropriate.

My mom is about the nicest, kindest person in the world,

but as she has aged, we (sisters and I) have noticed this happening once in awhile.

and Brandy.......every bride is beautiful just the way she is!

[Sunday]

My MIL gets on my case about how I should appreciate and worship every second I spend with my Mom cuz she could be gone tomorrow like POOF. Where she is right accidents happen, I am not going to compromise my sanity, nor have my mother in here disrespecting our home so I can "cherish" every miserable second. I lost my Dad 11 yrs ago, just like POOF. So I KNOW that time is precious. However, it's better if the other person doesn't make everything such a chore all the damn time.

I LOVE my Mom. Don't get me wrong. I know I bitch about her. Most daughters DO.

I know what you mean about your MIL. We all love our families in our own way. Some people think the way they show their love is the only way and there must be something wrong with you if you aren't like them. They're wrong.

[12GAUGE]

My mom isn't like that. My mom is a great mom, I got lucky. However, my grandma is like that and I can sense that my soon to be MIL will be like that. Do most women when they get old act like this???

Lately I feel like I have already lost my Mom. She has dementia. Possibly Alzheimers. Takes meds for both. I don't see meds doiing her a bit of good. Half the time she does not know who I am. Some days are good and she is quite lucid. Mostly tho days aren't like that. She's always accusing someone of taking her stuff. Its nothing of value, not really. Keepsakes. Pictures. Knick knacks. Bits of paper. Her room is cluttered with so much crap she barely has enuf space to lay down on her bed to sleep. She is always cold so the heat has to be set at 74. Lights have to be left on at night. Not one, not 2 but 3.

She lives with my sister. Sue can't do anything right according to Mom. My sis tries but Mom is turning my sis into a bitch.

I would just as soon someone shoot me than allow me to suffer that way if I get D or A as I get older. My big plan is to drive off into the woods. Wander away from my truck and let hypothermia take me.

[ohshelly]

Lately I feel like I have already lost my Mom. She has dementia. Possibly Alzheimers. Takes meds for both. I don't see meds doiing her a bit of good. Half the time she does not know who I am. Some days are good and she is quite lucid. Mostly tho days aren't like that. She's always accusing someone of taking her stuff. Its nothing of value, not really. Keepsakes. Pictures. Knick knacks. Bits of paper. Her room is cluttered with so much crap she barely has enuf space to lay down on her bed to sleep. She is always cold so the heat has to be set at 74. Lights have to be left on at night. Not one, not 2 but 3.

She lives with my sister. Sue can't do anything right according to Mom. My sis tries but Mom is turning my sis into a bitch.

I would just as soon someone shoot me than allow me to suffer that way if I get D or A as I get older. My big plan is to drive off into the woods. Wander away from my truck and let hypothermia take me.

I am so sorry, 12Gauge. What a terrible thing to happen.

There are many who feel as you do, if this where to happen to them.

I know I don't want to live that way, and I don't want to put my

kids through that.