Things We No Longer Do

[briceshepherd]

Before my wife and I married we would watch porn together. We'd go to the stores together and pick movies (and toys) out we both could enjoy. We'd love to watch porn for the bad acting but once we got to a sex scene that we both liked we'd watch it and more than likely we end up having some pretty good sex later. We also would use toys regularly. Everything from dildos and vibrators to cock rings, and even a butt plug.

We've been and married for 3 1/2 years now (together for 10 years total) and the last porn we watched together was probably over 2 years ago. I've asked her why we don't watch it together anymore but I can never get a straight answer from her. Maybe it's something to do with the fact that it seems like the same thing over and over again (but if you think about sex in general, that's what it is). Then I think maybe it's because since the retirement of Jenna Jameson she hasn't really found another porn star that she likes as much. Maybe it's the fact that almost every ending scene with a man involved has him unloading on the girl's face instead of anywhere else, and I think that grosses her out just a bit. I just can't figure it out.

Then there's the sex toys. About a year ago, maybe a little longer we purchased a butt plug. That was the last toy purchase we've made and I think maybe we've used it a handful of times. Since then toys being used during sex has just kind of stopped. We still have them, and they're usually within reach but we don't use them. Even if I reach for one, much of the time she'll tell me that she'd rather have me inside of her instead. I'm okay with that, but using toys is a great way to prolong sex and make it more exciting and different.

This brings me to my next issue. It seems like I've been having a problem with premature ejaculation lately. Almost every time we have sex now it's either much much quicker than I'd like, much slower than she'd like (so I can go longer) or I have to come early, then we keep going. I'm not masturbating as much as I used to, mainly b/c I'm trying to cut back on watching porn by myself. But I think a large reason this is happening is b/c since we don't have sex as much anymore and don't wear condoms anymore I just can't hold on like I used to. I also don't think it helps that we don't use toys anymore. Also... I don't go down on her as much anymore b/c recently she has told me that she doesn't like kissing me after I go down on her b/c she doesn't like the taste. I think she tastes great btw.

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for from you guys b/c I know the only way to get to the bottom of all of this is to talk to her. I really don't care that we don't watch porn together or use toys anymore, b/c even though it would be nice to have back, I can live without that. However, I do want to last longer in bed. The best solutions I've seen is the start/stop method, which takes a lot of patience from both people, or for me to come early on then keep going. The problem with the latter is this:

A) She likes to come at or near the same time.

2) Sometimes it can take a bit for me to ready to go again so in the meantime I have to go down on her, make out, etc, etc.

and

D) She told me last night that she really doesn't like the in between time because after being inside of her she wants to keep me there instead of me going down on her, etc.

Any and all advice is welcome. Thanks.

[sass]

Yes, you need to talk to her to get the answers, but there are several possibilities. Sometimes what we like, what turns us on, changes. From your other post, we know she is under a lot of stress, so this could have something to do with it. Maybe those other things got kind of mundane to her. I don't know, these are just some things I can think of.

I wish you luck, because I really believe that we should all be sexually happy in our relationship and while you say you don't need those things, I think it is obvious you want them or you wouldn't be posting about it.

[thurisas]

One thing you might try that may or may not work for you is to try to stop while in side her and then give her a good deep kiss while staying still down below. It gives you time to recoup physically and hold off ejaculation and it leaves her with you inside. I've done this on several occasions when I've found myself too excited and heading toward an early release. It works as often as not but for the times it does work, well, it certainly lengthens the time.

As far as the porn and toys go, well, from the sounds of things she's just not excited about sex in general at the moment. What are you doing to try to get her back there? You say you've cut down on masturbation but have you tried letting her "catch" you at it without the porn going? What have you tried to put a bit of the emotional excitement back into it for her? Romance it up a little bit.

I think I started rambling there, but that's something for you to mull over anyway.

Randy

[ladylove]

It sounds to me as though you both need to talk it out and some romancing.

Get out of you rut buy doing something different together even if it feels like a small thing, studies show when we do things out of our everyday routine it creates more sparks in the bedroom. It may not be all you need, but perhaps the the ho-hum of everyday life has worked it's way into the bedroom and you've both become a little apathetic which in-turn brings a non-sexuality into the relationship along with all the other pressures in your life. Who knows maybe that all you'll need to spice thing up a little at a time.