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Adding Some Spice


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I admit that this is not 100% original work. I started off collecting from several locations with reformatting and some rewording. I then added several of my own. I did this to start a conversation with my wife to help find out what we might try to spice things up. When she is doing better (emotionally) I will share it with her and let you know.

I decided I have read so much on TT that I would share what I have worked on.

Let me know what you think. What works for you, what does not. Add some ideas of your own.

Add Some Spice

Be Intentional:

This is probably the most important. By just taking the effort to plan and act on spicing up your sex life can add excitement in itself for you and your partner. By being intentional you demonstrate your desire for your partner. And who does not want to be desired by their partner? Take the time to add some spice to your sex life; your relationship is worth it.


Ask your partner what they would like, what turns them on. Find out what they are willing to try and what is off limits. Talking could lead to some interesting and fun discoveries.

You’re a flirt:

If you have been in a relationship for a while this aspect may have slipped by the wayside. Remember when you were dating and you flirted with one another? Try flirting with your partner again, who knows where it will lead.

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise:

Have sex in the middle of the day or anytime that is out of the ordinary or unexpected. Do something completely out of the ordinary. It will bring back some fire and make you both feel like giddy teenagers.

• Have a lunch at home, but provide yourself as the main course.

• Show up to his work and pull him somewhere private to show him the lingerie you're wearing under your coat.

• Take him to a restaurant and reveal that you're not wearing any panties.

• Guide his hand under the table to feel under your dress or skirt.

• Be waiting for him at the door, naked.

Dress up:

Put on something sexy when you go to bed or wear nothing at all. Be dressed up, hair and make up on, when he comes home from work. Show him that you still want to impress him and care about your appearance. Make him want you and fall for you all over again. Show off your sexiness. Remember, be intentional.

Talk dirty to your partner:

Use all the expressions that would make your mother threaten to wash out your mouth with soap kind of language - "screw me hard," “your ___ feels so good,” “f#%k me now.” Or “take me now” if the F word is too much for you or your partner. Your partner will be shocked and just might oblige. However, talking ugly or demeaning does not usually have the desired effect.

Call it in:

You get on a phone in the bedroom, with your partner on a cell phone in another room, describe what you are doing, what you're wearing, how you are becoming passionately aroused. Your partner responds with how he could take care of it. Then invite him to join you.

Couples can play with toys too:

There are many toys and games out there designed to help you add a little spice to your sex life.

• Start off with something simple like a vibrating massager over sensitive areas.

• Browse catalogs or online for toys that appeal to you.

• Browse for toys with your partner and discuss how you would like to use the toys. Discuss what appeals to you and what does not.

• If you feel uncomfortable buying toys, you can start off with some more common items such as an inexpensive electric toothbrush that vibrates (you may not want one that rotates) and gently use the bristles on sensitive areas or the back of the brush head. Cover with plastic wrap or condom if desired. Use modeling clay to make the object of your desired shape and cover with a condom. Or most anything with a smooth, round tapered surface (brush handle, mini traffic cone, etc). Walk down the baby toy isle with self-pleasure in mind.


Having to wait can add excitement. Leave a note (maybe with a photo) with details of what you have planned for your partner that evening. Before parting in the morning, give your partner a little sample of what is going to happen in the evening.

Use other senses:

Lay on the bed naked and blindfolded an invite your partner to explore your body. Not being able to see allows you to focus on other senses and adds to the excitement.

Double blind:

Both of you wear blindfolds. Take the time to explore each others bodies without seeing your partner. You just might find areas of your partner’s body that you have neglected.

Bedtime stories:

Tell your partner an erotic story. Have your partner lay down as lay together naked. Have your partner close their eyes as you tell your story. Try a story that is adventurous. Maybe a topic that your partner would like, but you are not so willing to try. Maybe something you both find exciting, but neither are quite willing to try (sex in an open space, etc.) Be sure to include details to add color to the picture. If you do not feel artistic to make up a story, search the internet for a story, read it a couple of times and tell your version. Or at the very least read a ‘hot’ portion of a romance novel.

Ready all day:

Put on something sexy in the morning that will remind you all day of your plans for the evening. The idea is not to climax, but to be aroused during the day and reminded of what the evening will entail. Ladies, consider a thong riding up, a strand of beads pulled up tight, 2-3 marbles in a condom held snug by panties. If you want something simpler carry a note around to remind you of the evening to come and take a moment to think through your plans. Use your imagination.

Sexy games:

Have some fun and play some games in bed. Buy some games or make up your own.

• Make your own ‘sexy dice.’ Get two dice of different colors. One color dice is the action the other color is the body part. For the first dice on a roll this is what you do: 1) suck, 2) lick, 3) caress, 4) kiss, 5) nibble, 6) variety. For the second dice on a roll this is what you do the action of dice one to: 1) stomach, 2) chest, 3) neck, 4) ears, 5) legs, 6) “below.” Take turns rolling the dice. You can use an egg timer to set the time between each roll/action.

• Make sexy cards with actions you would like to do or have done and take turns drawing cards and carrying them out.

• Play strip cards, like 21 and the looser takes off an article of clothing. And to go further the looser is at the winner’s request.

• Play what am I touching you with? One of you is blindfolded and the other caresses the partner with various objects for them to guess. Have fun and use your imagination.

All tied up:

Getting tied up can boost the sexual energy because it brings in the element of vulnerability. Being bound, you are at the mercy of your partner and allows you to focus entirely on being pleasured. An established safe word is helpful to let your partner know when they are crossing a line or need to stop.

• Use a scarf or other material to have your hands tied and invite your partner to please you every way.

• Have your partner tie hands and feet to the four corners of the bed, spread eagle. Focus on allowing your partner to please you.

• Have him tie your hands with a scarf and hang them on a hook on his door (the kind you would hang your coat or towel on) before he tantalizes you with oral. Since you'll feel totally like his sex toy, you can add to the arousal of being restrained by begging him to "release" you and let you orgasm. He can use his power to either allow you to climax or withhold stimulation for a tortuous minute.

• Add a blindfold to any of the above.

• If you do not like the idea of being tied up, try a hands free night when one of you are not allowed to touch the other with their hands

Give Him a Peep Show:

Much of arousal is driven by what we see — especially for guys. There is something erotic about just sitting back and enjoying the show. And it's great for women too. They get to see how a guy reacts to watching your moves and grinds.

• Give him a strip tease. Make him sit back and watch as you slowly and sexily remove each article of your clothing. If you feel a little self-conscious or unsure look for article on how to do a strip tease.

• Add a lap dance.

• Let him continue to watch as you continue to dance in the buff.

• Give him a show finale and make him watch as you masturbate.

An early start:

Ladies, on a night you are planning some “action” get things started early.

• Masturbate alone just before you're going to see him, but don't let yourself climax. Bring yourself right to the edge without going over, close your eyes and imagine your guy's lips taking the place of your hand. Squeeze your PC muscles for a count of five as you massage your clitoris, then stop moving. Let this tension fuel your fire for the evening. After almost reaching one or more climaxes stay naked and invite him to see the flush that naturally spreads over your body as you near orgasm. Then you might describe for him what you've been up to. He'll put together an irresistible mental image of you self-pleasuring that will build his desire so that when you have sex, it'll be an incredible release for you both.

• Entice your guy and let him watch you masturbate before you leave for the evening, telling him he can have his turn later. He will like this intimate peek. Do it seated in front of a mirror with him behind you so that he has a great view of the action as well as a nice shot of your ass. Start by touching your nipples with one hand and rubbing a thigh with your free one. Then stimulate your lower area, moving your fingers faster and faster as you get turned on. Don't let him interrupt. Instead, tell him you expect him to finish where you left off when you get home.

Handle His Package:

Usually for foreplay, you touch him so he's hard, but stroking him until he climaxes is rarely the main event. Taking him in your hand will show your desire to take charge. Repeat occasionally until the main event.

Hands Free:

Have a night where you can’t touch each other with your hands. You must rely on other body parts (breasts, hair, nose, mouth, feet) to caress one another.

Get things going:

While your partner is getting ready for bed, brushing teeth, etc., stand behind him/her and caress their body, letting them know how impatient you are and how much you are looking forward to what is to come.

Trail of clues:

Leave a trail of clothing for your partner to follow; leading him/her to the location you are waiting.

Slippery Sex:

Put a plastic cover over your bed. With your clothes off, cover one another in aromatic oil and enjoy the slippery fun. Not only will you enjoy the slippery fun, but your skin will be soft and smooth afterward. Note, if you have long hair, you may want to put it up.

No response:

Don't only shock him with sexy stroking — also do it when he can't possibly react the way he wants to. The next time he's on the phone, come up behind him, unzip, and go to work. Doing something so naughty while the person on the other end of the phone has no idea ups the wicked factor and makes everything feel more intense. Make a ring with your fingers by touching the top of your pointer finger to the top of your thumb. Then place it around the base of his shaft, and slowly move toward the tip. As that hand gets to the tip, start at the base with your other hand. And so on.

Have “Stranger” Sex:

When you pretend you're someone else, you completely change the rules. For one, you both naturally become much more daring as you act. Also, you have to be creative to play the part, and that means coming up with all sorts of naughty things your character might be into.

• Play characters in a movie or romance novel. With role-play, you can more easily move outside your comfort zone and enjoy extreme sensations and positions you wouldn't normally try together.

• Role-play that one of you is inexperienced and needs sex lessons. Have the novice write down what they want to learn, like how to perform oral sex, masturbate, or be taken from behind. When one of you pretends to be innocent, the other person feels a surge of arousal knowing they're in control and responsible for giving that person ultimate pleasure. Then get together for the very X-rated tutorial.

Test-Drive Twisty, Wild Positions:

Experiment with different sex positions, maybe three or more a night. Nothing screams wild and hot like providing a view and finding new angles neither of you are used to. If you need suggestions there are several books with illustrations or you can look online.

• Make a game with sex position cards; take turns drawing one from the deck and getting into position.

• Do it in various parts of your house, because it will force you to accommodate your positions to the different obstacles.

Mutual Admiration:

Watch each other masturbate. This can be foreplay that leads to other things or you can watch one another to the point of climax.

Couch potato:

Take the action to the couch.

• Surprise him with a hand job when he least expects it. While he's chilling on the couch, cuddle up next to him, trail your fingers down his chest, and unbutton his pants. As you grab him, whisper that you're doing all the work this time. Try this grip to really wow him: Put one hand at the base of his shaft and the other right on top of it. Then firmly grip him as you move your hands in opposite directions, twisting at the same time.

• Lay on the floor with little or nothing on and give him a peep show. See if you can entice your couch potato off the couch.

• Have him stand up and enter you from behind as you kneel on the cushions. There's something hot about standing-up sex, and doing it in a semipublic room makes it feel taboo. You can deepen the penetration by lifting one leg so that your foot is flat on the seat of the couch and you're leaning back against his chest.

• Tell him to sit back and enjoy the show. Only this time, it's not the TV he'll be viewing... it's you. With him in a seated position, straddle him, then place his hands on your hips to keep you secure, and lean all the way back so that your head is down by his feet. You can put your hands on the floor for extra support, then rest your feet on the back of the couch. Your body will be completely exposed to him, giving him an incredible 'Oh, my God' erotic view as he moves in and out.

Plan a Sneak Attack: Ambushing your guy turns you into a total sex vixen who can't get enough and makes him feel extremely wanted. Doing something unexpected can heighten the senses.

Bow tie his package:

When your guy is erect tie a satin ribbon snugly (not too tight) around the base of his penis. This will keep him harder, longer. Also try an elastic hair band. Do not leave on for more than 20 minutes and remove if it becomes painful.

Food is sexy:

Food can also add to the excitement.

• Get a good taste of chocolate or peppermint in your mouth and then kiss your partner to share the flavor.

• Prepare a tray of finger foods and feed each other.

• Put your partner’s favorite flavor (chocolate, strawberry) in strategic areas of your naked body and invite him/her to enjoy a taste. Ideas include ice cream toppings, strawberries, donuts, whipped cream.

Squeaky clean:

Take a shower or bath together and soap each other real good. Caress each other’s body allowing the slippery soap to allow your hands to slide all over your partner’s body.

The Hot and Cold of it:

Use hot (not too hot) and cold to enhance sensations. Try oral sex with an ice cube or with a bite of ice cream. What could you do with a frozen popsicle? Use warmed massage oils. Combine with blindfold or restraints for added effect.


Try having sex outdoors. A secluded spot with the breeze and sun on your bare skin can add a sense of thrill to your escapades. If this is a little too risky try opening your window, if privacy permits, for a hint of outdoors.

Early riser:

Most guys like morning sex.

• He'll be totally shocked if you jump him when he gets out of the shower. Slip into the bathroom, and position yourself naked on the sink so he's surprised by the stunning scenery when he pulls aside the curtain. Then have him stand in front of you so you can wrap your legs around him.

• Join him in the shower and allow the pulsing water to add to the excitement.

No alarm needed:

Wake him up with a surprise. Before he wakes, slip into bed with nothing on. Get right down to business by caressing his crotch and stroking his member. Be even more aggressive and start right off by diving under the covers and taking him in your mouth.

A new view:

Keep an eye on the action. Setup a mirror so that one or both of you can watch as the two of you are in action.

Pillow talk:

Before or after the main event, spend some time holding and talking with your partner. Share what your partner means to you. Take turns sharing what attracts you to your partner.


The day after a wild night send your partner a love note saying how wonderful last night was.

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This is an excellent letter for your wife. From experience I loved slippery sex, and enjoy bringing food into foreplay. I love the double blinded idea and the hands free idea sounds good to.

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  • 3 years later...

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