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Okay, I have a little problem and I need some advice. I am 36 years old and have always had a phenominal sex life with my hubby. We have been together for 14 years now and were doing great until my 36th b-day last October. Up until then my hubby could bring me to orgasm thru oral in a minute or less. And I could get myself off in under 3 minutes sans any toys or between 1 and 3 minutes using a toy. After my 36th, it seemed to become more difficult to achieve orgasm thru clitoral stimulation. My hubby blames it on my increased use of toys and says that I've "de-sensitized" my clitoris. I masturbate pretty often (4+ times a week) I've tried using "Viva cream" and a few other creams, lotions or gels but to no avail and often with worsening results. Should I consult my Dr. about this? The desire is still there just the sensation that is missing. I can sometimes achieve orgasm now but it takes forever and seems "forced" as well as "Weak" and not really worth the effort. Am I unique in this problem? Can anyone help me?

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This has not happened to me but I have heard of it before. I have heard that using toys a lot can lead this to happen, now if this is true or not I cant say. I would suggest putting the toys away for a bit and just let your fingers do the playing.....as well as hubby and see if in time you start to get back to where you were before.

Before going to a Dr, I would also suggest that you wait and see what Mikayla has to say about this problem because if anyone here knows about using toys and if they could cause such a problem im sure it would be her.

Sorry I couldnt be more help to you but I just wanted to post back incase you were checking for a reply to let you know that im sure you will find your answer here as soon as Mikayla and any others read your topic. Keep checking back.

Good luck


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Let me tell you this, I am 35 - not so far off from the 36 that you are, and I have A LOT of toys, and I use them on a regular basis. Let me assure you, playing with toys DOES NOT desensitize your clitoris! If anything, it oversensitizes your clitoris and makes you more able to multi-orgasm! I will admit, back in the day, when I was much younger and didn't have toys, I would climax much quicker at the first touch or the first lick of a tongue. Now, it can take a little longer. I doubt this has anything to do with the toys. I think it has to do with not being "as" excited as we have been with the same partner for many years. Their touch is not as magical as it used to be.

Now, it is true that a toy with clitoral stim will get you to orgasm much quicker than a finger - simple rotation semantics - and it follows that a tongue or a finger used after toys will not be "as fast" as a toy. HOWEVER, what is wrong with taking your time??? My hubby loves the challenge of getting me to my first orgasm. He loves to get between my legs and lap at my pussy until I am squirming all over the bed! I love it too! You can never have too much oral or finger play!

So, I implore you - do not unjustly sentence your sex toys to a life collecting dust under your bed - use them, enjoy them, and by GOD, enjoy your sex time. Stop concentrating on NOT having an orgasm quickly, and concentrate on how it feels while you are doing it. Concentrate on the feelings, sensations. IF you are stuck in a rut, then try new things to spice it up. Just be original and be good to yourself, and if you have to use a toy to "help yourself" along, then you do!


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Howard was right on in my book! People are completely ignorant if they tell you that too much sex toy use and masterbation will desensitize your clitoris. The more you work out...the bigger the muscle and the same goes for masterbation. The more you maneuver and stimulate your clit the better the chance of orgasm!

Try not to put too much throught into it. Relax, if you think too much about previous great orgasms and whether or not one is going to occur during sex than you are missing out on a lot of current sensations.

Remember, all of our bodies are different so what works for some won't work for others! If you try some different things and it is something that worries you then, by all means, it can't hurt to tell your doctor about your fears/issues.

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