All He Cares About...

[yukigurl]

Now from the tittle, you probably think that I will finish that sentence with something like "sex", or "blow jobs" or something else sexual.I'm not.What I am going to finish it with is this: work.The man is a workaholic.He'd rather be at work than at home with our month old son and me.He just took off 'cus the truck with inventory arrived and they called him.Never mind he hasn't eaten ANYTHING all day, never mind that hes diabetic and probably had low blood sugar.It really hurts me though to think that he'd rather be at work than with me and our son at home.What can I do though?

[Kace]

You may be misinterpreting the situation. My guess is he's doing what he's been conditioned to do within the framework of the traditional male gender role - he must provide for his family even if it breaks him. He doesn't *want* to work longer hours but he feels he *must*, it is a duty. In his mind, working harder at his job means he's able to bring more resources home to you and the baby. He likely doesn't realize you're upset at him for it. Bring it up gently, after he's had some time to decompress. Tell him you appreciate his extra effort but you'd like him to spend some time at home. Don't frame it as him running away from the stresses of home life or that he'd rather be on the job than with you - he'll feel like he's failing you and that never goes well.

[ToyQueen]

I agree with Kace. He may simply be trying to support his family. He may also be...unsure of what you want from him. You said in another post that sex is out for now--as it should be. He may also be trying to stay away to protect you from his desires. Just a thought...

[Tyger]

I too, agree with Kace.

Remembering when I had a newborn in the house, I remember feeling like I was all alone, especially since he worked nights, and slept during the day. Had I just asked him a couple of times to help me, he would've. I know that now.

Does your hubby get paid by the hour? If so, he's probably trying to get all the over-time he can get so that he can provide for his family. He also may be a bit scared to be home, especially if this is his first baby. Something so small can really be that intimidating? YES! So can the wife, now mother's, role. He may not know he's doing that, so, again, go with Kace's suggestions. They're great, and he's a guy, so I bet his advice is spot-on!

[ladylove]

... posted 2X

[ladylove]

I agree with the posters above. In addition to that I have noticed some men, no matter how much they want and love that new bundle of joy, it scares them to death. They themselves feel helpless in knowing what to do, how to do it etc.... So they help the only way they know how, work. The actual responsibility of a baby can also be completely overwhelming. You whole expense structure is changing. diapers, formula, baby cloths, etc, let not forget to mention the huge impact a college fund has. Any and all that free cash you thought you had (and I'm sure your glad to give) is now spoken for by that new bundle. Enjoy every moment, it only comes along once and goes by in a flash.

[bbarney]

From a male perspective, i know once i start working i cant stop until I am forced to. At one point i was working a 2nd shift job directly after a full time course schedule (6 courses) and getting ~5 hours of sleep a night. It came to the point that i was dead on my feet, and that my father noticed when i had to help outside with yard work. Even though i was tired i still ended up doing more work than my brother and my father because it was how i was mentally trained. Finally when i had to quit the job i was doing anything i could find to do around the house for the first two weeks because i didnt have work to do. Its a mental condition you slip into.

Even though he may have slippped into this condition, try talking to him. I havent read any of your other posts so i might not know the full situation, but i know i was open to people letting me know i was working too hard, and he might be too.