Ever Changing

[mailahn97]

Well a lot of you know I came from a mental, verybal and physically abusive relationship that was very vanilla. I unfortunately was in that marriage for over 10 years. I then at one time hit my breaking point when I found out that he had cheated on me. Well he didn't see it as cheating but to me it was. He was in another woman's bedroom, tied her up and took pictures of her. They ranged from clothed to barely clothed. It took him 3 weeks to actually admit that he had done this. From this point on it made me finally wake up and want to end things. Unfortunately it was a very slow process this was 2007 due to my brain and not wanting to hurt my daughter. Finally in 2010 I decided to file for divorce and it became final in February of this year. Mind you we decided in 2007 that we were basically just roomates.

I had put an ad out November 2007 but didn't think I would go through with it. I did put how I did not want a one night stand that that was not my nature at all, but still some of those emailed me. Thankfully a very nice man emailed me and we started talking via email and then eventually phone. About a month later we finally went out. He was a very nice belated Christmas present as our first date was the day after Christmas. It has been a very interesting 3.5 + years. He has helped me in so many ways. I finally opened up to someone and told him what happened to me. Since then I have been able to talk about it. He has shown me such patience and understanding and helped me work through it. We have been through a lot in our lives but know that no matter what we can count on each other.

Recently I have noticed I have even more confidence. Basically at times during foreplay and sex I would think everything out before doing something instead of just going with the flow. I have noticed I have not been doing that now and it seems like our times have gotten even better. I just do now and not think it all out and possibly lose the moment by doing so. I won't lie I still have esteem issues but those are slowly getting better as well. With him being such a patient lover it has helped me grow in so many ways.

This shows that good things can come to those that are patient and willing to work through things. I am definitely starting to embrace my sexuality much more. I know a lot of us on here have had esteem issues. Mine were absolutely horrible and definitely an improvement. Mine went from not wanting him to see me naked and hiding every chance I get to not minding in the least being naked around him, expressing myself and now taking initiative as well.

Just had to share sorry for boring anyone.

[notacougar]

Wow, I am so glad you shared that. I am also very glad that you took charge and left that abusive marriage.

I was in mine for over 20 years and both my daughter and I are left with lots of damage.

Isn't it wonderful to find a good man?? Like you, I considered the marriage over about 3 years

before I actually left. I was staying for the sake of my daughter but my ex did the PAS thing.

Parent Alienation Syndrome. He had her so controlled by fear or whatever that she would no longer

look at or speak to me and this was during her teen years when she needed her mom the most.

NOW, 6 years later, she and I are getting that close bond back that we used to have.

Anyways, during that time I was approached by a man and we eventually went on a few dates.

My ex was really abusive sexually and he never looked at me during sex, rarely faced me. Rarely

said my name. SO, with this other man, at age 43, I felt like a woman for the first time in my life.

It was wonderful, sex was great. Unfortunately, he turned out to be emotionally and mentally

abusive also. ICK!

The man in my life now though is ALL good. He treats me well and encourages me and is good to

me when I am down. He is handsome and sexy (even though he doesn't think so) Took me a while

to believe he was really for real good. Been almost 2 years now and I just keeping feeling more in

love with him. I can trust him and tell him anything but like you, I still lack confidence.

I am so glad you found someone to be good to you. It is wonderful to know that happy endings exist.

[mailahn97]

I went through where he tied me up and as I was saying I was in pain and something was in wrong he didn't care and kept going. I ended up having to have shoulder surgery but told my family it was a softball injury and didn't tell them the truth. The ex tries to trash me every chance he gets but I am learning that he is the furthest from the truth. Thankfully my daughter was never part of the abuse like I. He didn't give her quality time, but that is his loss. My daughter and I are very close. I am also so grateful at how she trusts my other half. It was a long while before I even let her meet him. She knew of him. Now she always wants to talk to him and has told me she sees how happy I am.

Unfortunately her father has had 7 different girlfriends in the last 3 months and he keeps wanting to introduce our daughter to them but thankfully right before they are about to meet the relationship ends. So I am grateful that she can see the healthy relationship that I am in and that there are good men out there. I am glad that you finally did find someone.

Hell I am finally truly finding myself. I am 37. I count my blessings everyday on so many levels. What also helped are the great friends I met through this board. TT was also a lifesaver to me as well.

[Tyger]

You're very brave, not only leaving the marriage, but also talking about it with others face-to-face. That's also the best way to heal!! Good for you!!! You're an inspiration to many that will read your story & know you!

[mailahn97]

Thank you Tyger. It took a lot and I had a lot of support from my family, friends and SO. I many times tried to have excuses as to why not to. Thankfully they didn't stand up with any merit. With each time I have talked about this it has gotten a lot of easier to talk about. I now feel that the more I talk about it hopefully there is someone that I might help that was in the same position that I was in. This forum has made such an impact in my life in so many ways with everything.

[WendyNY]

I'm so glad you shared that. You have been through a lot. You are such a strong person.

I'm sure that story will help someone on here who may be going through the same thing but is afraid to speak out.

It's wonderful that you have such an amazing man in your life now.

You do deserve it. You deserve to be happy and loved.

[sass]

You are a strong woman, SS, as are all who refuse to be an abuse victim and instead find a way to a be survivor. There are so many women, and yes, even some men, who find themselves in situations they never thought they would be in and have no idea how to get out. Hearing that others have been there, done that, and found the strength to move on, and up, can be the last push a victim needs to move toward becoming a survivor. Thanks, ladies, for sharing!

[mystofpric]

Babe, you knowi love you and adore your daughter, you are both VERY strong. I also know what Re is going through but the fact that your SO is so loving and open with her will help. She will eventually come to terms wih the fact that it's her father these women don't want and not her, it's going to be hard, on both of you but I know you can get through it.

[mailahn97]

She had a rough time this past weekend as her dad keeps telling her about the women he is dating and how the one at that time is the one. He then after dating them less than a week or two wants her to meet them. I am totally against this as those who know her know that she is a very emotional heart on the sleeve kind of kid and gets attached easily. Well everytime he sets this up with one of them it falls through as they break up with him. Well this past weekend she asked about it as she was supposed to go to her fathers football game with him and his latest girlfriend. I had told her unfortunately no as he only has practice and that he and the latest were no longer together. She starts crying really bad and saying how she never gets to meet any of his girlfriends and in a sense acted like in some way it was her fault. I told her to call her father and tell him how she felt. She did and then once off the phone she continued crying really bad. I was on the phone at the time with my SO and he asked to talk to her. He was thankfully able to get her to calm down. I felt so bad for her and we talked for a bit. I explained to her that it had nothing to do with her that it can take a while to find someone that you care about and that returns the feelings. This is why she didn't meet my SO til quite a while into it. She talked on the phone occasionally but to meet him face to face took a while. Thankfully she feels like she can trust him also and talks to him about all kinds of stuff...lol.

[mystofpric]

She had a rough time this past weekend as her dad keeps telling her about the women he is dating and how the one at that time is the one. He then after dating them less than a week or two wants her to meet them. I am totally against this as those who know her know that she is a very emotional heart on the sleeve kind of kid and gets attached easily. Well everytime he sets this up with one of them it falls through as they break up with him. Well this past weekend she asked about it as she was supposed to go to her fathers football game with him and his latest girlfriend. I had told her unfortunately no as he only has practice and that he and the latest were no longer together. She starts crying really bad and saying how she never gets to meet any of his girlfriends and in a sense acted like in some way it was her fault. I told her to call her father and tell him how she felt. She did and then once off the phone she continued crying really bad. I was on the phone at the time with my SO and he asked to talk to her. He was thankfully able to get her to calm down. I felt so bad for her and we talked for a bit. I explained to her that it had nothing to do with her that it can take a while to find someone that you care about and that returns the feelings. This is why she didn't meet my SO til quite a while into it. She talked on the phone occasionally but to meet him face to face took a while. Thankfully she feels like she can trust him also and talks to him about all kinds of stuff...lol.

Sounds like my Daddy has another little girl! Should I be jealous or just go awwwwwwwww?

[mailahn97]

Sounds like my Daddy has another little girl! Should I be jealous or just go awwwwwwwww?

Nah daddy has a lot of love to go around...hell he handles the harem...lol