Members JJ_Amie Posted March 8, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 I have been in love with my wife since the day I met her. She has always appeared to me as a beautiful women. She hasn't ever felt the same way. You see, she has always been, as they say, curvy. When we were dating, she wasn't big, but she wasn't skinny. Keep in mind that we were dating in the late 90's and all of those heroin addict models were everywhere to be seen in the media. I have never been drawn to that sickly skinny look,real women have curves. When I told her how beautiful I thought she was, she would tell me I am crazy or that I was just trying to get into her pants. The fact is, when she would walk into a room, my heart would jump out of my chest.Now fast forward to today, we have been married for 11 years, we have 2 kids. and she is still the most beautiful woman in any room we walk in. The problem is now, it is more than she is uncomforable with the way she looks, she hates the way she looks. To put it plainly, she says she is too fat. I wish I knew how to make her more accpetant of her appearance. I want to make her realize that the measuring stick that she has been measuring herself to is a hollywood fabrication and isn't real. I want her to know that the way she looks is the way real women look and that she is beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mailahn97 Posted March 8, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 I can truly understand how she feels. I went through self esteem issues for MANY years. I am not completely past it. I have moments when it creeps back in. It is hard as people look at you and automatically stereotype that you must eat a lot and that isn't always the case. I have a thyroid issue that is very hard to regulate. I workout at the gym 3-5 times a week and don't eat as much as I should because I am just not hungry.When I got together with my current SO a little over 4 years ago I had a self esteem that in essence basically did not exist as it was so low. He would tell me how sexy I was and I would just hide as I didn't feel that way at all. It took a lot of reenforcing from him to help me see that yes I am. That beauty isn't just the outside it is a combination of everything. It took a while before I could thank him for any kind of compliment and at times I still struggle with that. If she wants to talk with someone that fights the same sort of thing I would be glad to give you my email address. I found support of him and some friends helped me a lot.I will tell you it will take a lot of patience on your part as you will need to remind her but not be too pushy about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mystofpric Posted March 9, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 Like Shorty said, all you can is tell her how amazing you think she looks. I'm not huge by any means but I still see all my flaws when I look in the mirror. One of the things that makes me feel sexy is when a guy just can't keep his hands off me, admittedly at first I'm like "Yup, that's a fat roll" but eventually that thought fades and I'm basking in how amazing he makes me feel. And there's a look, it can't be faked, and maybe you already do, I'm betting you do, but when a guy looks at a girl like she's the most beautiful thing in the world, its like ego-crack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members thurisas Posted March 9, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 My wife is much the same way, she is very unhappy overall with the way she looks. Like has already been mentioned, honest compliments go a long way. Mean them. When it looks like she is having a particularly "up" day, comment on it(they are obvious when they happen). With confidence comes more self esteem and vice versa. You can create a cycle in which she constantly feels good and then feels good about feeling good. Will she ever stop being hard on herself? Probably not, but as a loving partner who she respects, your opinion goes a long way.Randy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JJ_Amie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 My wife is much the same way, she is very unhappy overall with the way she looks. Like has already been mentioned, honest compliments go a long way. Mean them. When it looks like she is having a particularly "up" day, comment on it(they are obvious when they happen). With confidence comes more self esteem and vice versa. You can create a cycle in which she constantly feels good and then feels good about feeling good. Will she ever stop being hard on herself? Probably not, but as a loving partner who she respects, your opinion goes a long way.Randy.Randy,Thanks that's real good advice. I DO tell her how pretty she is. Maybe I do it too much and not at the right times. I will take your advice. You are also right when you say"mean it", she can read a lie a mile off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted March 9, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 Being sincerely supportive, as you seem to be, is very important. However, until she find a way to love herself nothing is going to change. It doesn't matter if your thin, curvy or obese, if one doesn't love themselves for who and what they are it's not happening. Your wife NEEDS to find ways to increase her self image. Exercise is a great way... Now she may not be into going to a gym, or running, there are all kind so things you can do. You could start out by suggesting an evening walk, a family bike ride.... just get up and move and she'll feel more alive and invigorated. If she doesn't work, perhaps she needs to find a part time job to make her feel good about herself, the key is she needs to help herself, she's the only one that can do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JJ_Amie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 Being sincerely supportive, as you seem to be, is very important. However, until she find a way to love herself nothing is going to change. It doesn't matter if your thin, curvy or obese, if one doesn't love themselves for who and what they are it's not happening. Your wife NEEDS to find ways to increase her self image. Exercise is a great way... Now she may not be into going to a gym, or running, there are all kind so things you can do. You could start out by suggesting an evening walk, a family bike ride.... just get up and move and she'll feel more alive and invigorated. If she doesn't work, perhaps she needs to find a part time job to make her feel good about herself, the key is she needs to help herself, she's the only one that can do it.I like these ideas. We are about to take a trip, and we will talk about it on our road trip. Thank you Ladylove. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JJ_Amie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 Like Shorty said, all you can is tell her how amazing you think she looks. I'm not huge by any means but I still see all my flaws when I look in the mirror. One of the things that makes me feel sexy is when a guy just can't keep his hands off me, admittedly at first I'm like "Yup, that's a fat roll" but eventually that thought fades and I'm basking in how amazing he makes me feel. And there's a look, it can't be faked, and maybe you already do, I'm betting you do, but when a guy looks at a girl like she's the most beautiful thing in the world, its like ego-crack.You are SO right. You can't fake real desire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunday Posted March 9, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 Exercise is a great way... Now she may not be into going to a gym, or running, there are all kind so things you can do. You could start out by suggesting an evening walk, a family bike ride.... just get up and move and she'll feel more alive and invigorated. If she doesn't work, perhaps she needs to find a part time job to make her feel good about herself, the key is she needs to help herself, she's the only one that can do it.This is exactly right. Even if she doesn't lose weight, exercise will help her feel better and might help motivate her to actually lose weight. Even if she says she doesn't believe you, keep telling how desirable she is. I'll bet it means something to her even if she doesn't seem to be buying it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted March 10, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 I like these ideas. We are about to take a trip, and we will talk about it on our road trip. Thank you Ladylove.My pleasure. Good luck, let us know how it all works out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted March 12, 2012 Report Share Posted March 12, 2012 I'm in the same boat as Randy's wife (and the original poster's). I was thin for a long time, and after having our daughter, I have gained a lot of weight. I don't like my body at all. Ok, so maybe I like the larger breasts, but that's really it. No matter how much you try, the only person that can truly change their thinking, is the one feeling bad. That's not to say that compliments don't help, because they do. So long as the compliments are sincere that is. That, and if you compliment a lot, or it may be the same kind of compliment, it can sound fake, even if it is sincere.Encourage her to do some things that make her feel good about herself. Whether it's reading books, exercising, getting her hair/nails done, or just hanging out with the girls, encourage her to do something for HERSELF. Many times, us women/moms/wives tend to loose ourselves in the relationships we're in, being a parent, ect, and we need to reconnect with OURSELF. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ladylove Posted March 16, 2012 Members Report Share Posted March 16, 2012 I like these ideas. We are about to take a trip, and we will talk about it on our road trip. Thank you Ladylove.I'm also a firm believer in weekend getaways. They fuel and energize you both individually and as a couple. I hope it all went well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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