If You Are Divorced, And Are Willing To Share, Why Did You Divorce?

[Tyger]

Please share if you are willing.

[mailahn97]

I went through a lot of things. My exhusband did not want to work. In the 13 years we were married he had over 20 jobs in which only 2 were layoffs the rest were from getting fired. His priorities were him and his video games...nothing else. Back about 7 years ago he injured me during sex. He was very into bondage and I thought I would try it for him. Well during my tears and pleas to stop he kept going. I ended up with a torn rotator cuff as well as the capsule that houses it. I lied to my family and told them I hurt it playing softball. Up until about 4 years ago except for my ex and my best friend no one else knew what truly happened. Then in 2007 my daughter and I went away for a week to visit my parents as they live 5 hours away. During that time it was the cats away the mouse will play. I come home and I am on the computer and I see pictures I had never seen before. Which normally would be no big deal that he downloaded something but the serial numbers on the pictures matched the sequence from my digital camera. These were bondage pics taken of a woman fully clothed and not so clothed in her bedroom. When confronted he denied i and told me I didn't know what I was talking about that he downloaded them from the net. After 3 weeks he finally admitted it. To me that is cheating. You are in another woman's bedroom taking pics like that. He said that is why he didn't want to tell me as he felt I took it all out of proportion. From that point on I realized enough was enough. We separated. At that time I was so angry and hurt. I put an ad on Craigslist but never had intentions of going through with it. I think it was more for my own self worth if that makes sense. In the ad I stated clearly I was not into one night stands and would not be meeting in person right away. Of course those types still answered but I did get one really sweet man that was what I was looking for. He and I chatted for a month online and phone before meeting. He helped me through a lot of things including the bondage issue. We are still together over 4 years later.

As I said my ex husband and I separated in 2007. We did live in the same household until the divorce was final for financial reasons as well as my daughter. I did all of the divorce filings myself and did not use an attorney. Costed me $35 total to get rid of his ass which became final on February 16, 2011. One of the best days of my life. He moved out finally and I really started to move on with my life. It was rough as for quite a few y ears before the separation I knew the marriage wasn't working out but was trying to survive it for the sake of my daughter but realized I wasn't doing her any justice. Once the time got close I and a family member sat down and talked to her. She had a rough couple of months but is dealing with it like a champ and I am very proud of her for that.

If you need to talk at all let me know. I know it is not an easy decision to do but you need to do what is best for you and your child. After it was final I realized how much better I felt and friends/family commented on how much better emotionally I seemed. I didn't realized what a negative impact it all had on my life.

[WendyNY]

SS---thank you for sharing all of that. You have been through a lot. I am so glad you have

found someone special.

Tyger, from this post and your others recently-- it sounds like you are thinking about leaving him ?

You are an extremely strong and independent woman. I think that you deserve to be treated MUCH BETTER.

I know that people stay with each other for lots of different reasons--comfort, security--sometimes fear perhaps ?

Fear of what will happen to you if you leave . Of course the main reason people SHOULD stay together is because they truly love one another.

If you are at this point in your life where you are questioning all of this- I think deep down inside you know the answer.

You have to do what's best for YOU. You deserve to be treated with respect and you deserve to be loved.

Aside from cheating---and I am assuming that he has cheated on you also from your recent thread ? In my relationship as you all know--I am the one

who cheated. Yes, he has forgiven me. Of course at times it's still hard for him to forget. But--he loves me and that's why he forgave me. We have worked through all of that.

It sounds as if there is so much more in your relationship that is wrong than just cheating though. You have to do what's right for you----and don't feel badly about it. You have to look ahead and think about the life you could be living where you have someone who treats you the way you should be treated. As I said before--you are such a strong woman. You will get through this. Just stand up for yourself and do what you need to do to be happy.

[mailahn97]

I agree with Wendy that you need to look deep within yourself and you will know the answer. You have to do what is right for you as well as your daughter. You are a very strong woman. Yes I was scared wondering if I would survive. In the last year or so since mine was finalized I realized how truly strong I was. I depend on just one person in my life and that is myself. I have noticed that my daughter is also better off. Even though we did not fight in front of her I realized she still sensed the tension between her father and I.

[Tyger]

I'm still debating about leaving. I'm not having high hopes for anything, but no, he hasn't cheated on me. That I'm sure of. If he has, he's been very very good about hiding it. But I doubt it.

I'm frustrated, and have been complaining/bitching/discussing the same issues for almost 4 yrs.

Actually, this thread was just started out of curiosity, to be honest with y'all.

I'll dive into the reason as to why my ex & I divorced in 2000, less than a year from when we were married, later on.

[Kace]

If it isn't prying too much, what exactly has he done to make you pull back from the relationship?

[Tyger]

There's a post in Rants & Raves I believe, about the Update In My Marriage.

We have been having more downs than ups, and we're both frustrated. I also personally think that alot of his issues are side-effects from long-term hydrocodone usage due to his back pain (almost 4 yrs worth).

[ReadyToMoveOn]

I am recently divorced...Though not willing to divulge all...

I will tell you this however, it had nothing to do with infidelity...

[Tyger]

My ex husband & I split because of lack of trust, respect, and support.

It pissed me off that he thought I was such an idiot, since, at the time, I worked at a computer school, as a teacher, and was working towards my A+ certification, and was a Microsoft Office Professional. I knew how to delve into computers and find anything, even if it was deleted.

He also had gone into my e-mail to see if *I* was cheating. He marked my e-mails as "New" so I didn't find out that he was reading them.

A big source of contention was our finances. He never gave me any $$ for like 6 months, though he had a full time job. His money was suppose to go towards his truck payment and insurance. I found out he was 6 months behind on the truck payment and had NO insurance on it. Found that out when the bank called to repo it. The more I found out, the more I knew I couldn't trust him.

The final straw was when I found the disc of the nude women from around our area, marked on the label that it was his, and please don't look at or touch. Really? Then I also found very explicit FireTalk conversations (was a similar thing to Skype).

Upon talking to other friends, who didn't say anything to me at the time it was happening, he was going to parties, and flirting very heavily with other women, and acting very single. I was stupid, cuz I didn't think it was a big deal that he got a pager, even though most of his friends always called the house first anyway.

When we split, I did it pretty much by myself. I was hurt by him, my high school sweetheart, my friends that let me marry him KNOWING that he was doing this, and not telling me, which I found very disrespectful. I muddled thru it, and survived. He tried Friending me on Facebook, just a while ago, and my only response to him was "are you friggin' kidding me?". LOL

[colletteski]

So many reasons, he wasn't interested in having sex, except of course when it came to his best friends wife... but then neither of them were interested in "sex" more like "love" which they thought they had. lol they are both with other people and supposedly happy.

[ReadyToMoveOn]

So many reasons, he wasn't interested in having sex, except of course when it came to his best friends wife... but then neither of them were interested in "sex" more like "love" which they thought they had. lol they are both with other people and supposedly happy.

I read some of your previous/older posts... Its good to hear you are out of the abusive relationship... No person should have to live through any type of abuse, whether physical or mental....

Kudos to you...