Discreet Wireless Remote Control Vibrators

[Kirk]

I am desperately looking for something to rev up our sex life. My wife occasionally likes to use a small vibrator on her clit while we make out so I know she totally enjoys the sensation, but can a woman actually come with those pantys that have a vibrator in them? Or do they just kind of get you worked up without keeping enough direct stimulation on the clit to orgasm?

The reason that I ask is because I have struck out big time with my last two adult gifts for her. After 2 children she has never regained her libido even though the children are now 8 and 4 years old. She exercizes every day and looks great, even got a boob job since the tits went away after the kids. Several months ago I got her a Rabbit Habit vibrator and a dvd on female ejaculation in a very nice gift box. Let's just say it was a DISASTER, she cried all night and wondered why I thought her orgasms weren't good enough. I mistakenly thought she would be proud that I wanted to help her have even greater orgasms than she already does.

Anyway, back to the subject, I think it would be cool to have the remote and give her a good orgasm while in a restaurant or at the movies. Any recommendations are welcome.

[Mikayla1]

In my experience the panties don't work well - at least the ones I have tried. I much prefer the wireless butterflies or the remote controlled bullets! Those are much more intense and get you going much better. I would look into those.

I am more concerned about your wife's reaction to your advances to improve the sex life. I mean, she does realize that sex is important to you and that you love her and just want her to be happy, right? I think she may have some hormonal fluctuation that happen when we women get older - is she in her 40's too? If so, she may be in perimenipause - which can be the beginning of a decreased sex drive and a rollercoaster of hormonal fluctuation. I would try to ask her what SHE wants from an adult toy. Sometimes gifts are nice and sexy - and sometimes they are not well received. I think shopping together is half the fun. Tell her what you want to accomplish with the remote control fun device. Look online together. She what she wants to try. This is extended foreplay in and of itself.

Perhaps she may want to try an herbal supplement or a clit cream! Many of these products work very well. it is important to try and not upset her, but at the same time still communicate with her. If her upsetness seems to be irrational, it probably is.

My suggestion - keep telling her how desireable she is - romance her - and shop together online for adult products! This might help more than you know!

Mikayla

[Kirk]

Thanks Mykayla. Have you used the butterfly in public under your clothes? Does your partner handle the wireless remote?

My wife is 39 and sexy! She is insecure about her sexuality though and tells me that something is wrong with me because I want to have sex all of the time and try new things, I always thought eventually she would come around (no pun intended). She does give me a LOT of handjobs to help me out, but I just want her to want sex as much as I do. Everytime we make out she has great orgasms, usually many of them (she had never had multiples or even an orgasm from oral sex until she met me) so she is perfectly happy and content to only do this every week or so, I "need" it every day. She loves to use a clit vibrator while I penetrate her, but will not use one otherwise. She never touches herself or tells me what feels good to her, I have to guess. Yes, I ask and tell her what I enjoy but it makes no difference, she still won't talk about sex. We have done many different things and many different positions that she seems to enjoy, but will never ask for again. She totally loves missionary and cums everytime, but I am freaking sick of boring sex. If you ask her she will tell you that our sex life is a 10, if you ask me it is about a 4.

Sorry for the long post, but she will not even talk about us going to a sex counseler, so I guess you will have to do . I would like to ask her to come to this forum, but she will only tell me that ya'll are "freaks" too . BTW, we have been together 15 years. We dated for 4 years before getting married and at the time I thought I had finally found someone as horny as I was (if that's possible).

[Mikayla1]

Is your wife overly religious, or was she raised in an overly religious home? Perhaps she thinks that masturbation is evil or wrong because of these mores and views. It happens A LOT - and on here, we hear that a lot as well.

I suppose I am as close to a sex counselor as one can get - however, I still think you might want to point her in the direction of this forum. I have changed many people's minds who have found me to be a "freak" a "nymphomaniac" and a sex addict among other things - so perhaps I, or someone else here could help.

I am always a little unnerved when I read that women or men who find their partner "oversexual" and thereby freaky - what is oversexual? If you are forgoing your everyday life to think and have sex - then you are oversexual - otherwise - fuck your brains out! Sex is good on too many levels to list!

I think that men and women need to know that sex doesn't end after marriage, after kids, after 40, 50, 60, 70 or even 80! Sex gets better with experience, knowlege, trial and ERROR! Your wife needs to realize that your sexual appetite will not go away - and will probably get stronger - so she should try to oblige. Believe me, this is not uncommon - in couples one person almost always has a higher sex drive than the other. You can't escape it - so try to remedy it.

I would suggest trying to get her to open up a bit - talk about sex - talk about feelings. Take baby steps with her. Things will happen - it will just take time. What else have you got to do, right?

OH, btw, yes we have used the butterfly under clothes with my hubby using the controls - and now there are even better ones!

Mikayla

[Kirk]

So tell me about the ones better than the butterfly. I can already tell you that she will refuse to put anything inside her (I would assume that is what you do with the bullet). I would also like to have one that she could use on me. I think she would be more comfortable trying that at first . And once she got used to doing me she might give it a go. I will never stop trying to be the best most complete lover that I can. Sometimes it is a lot of work to get little in return .

Yes, she was raised in a strict, although not overly religious home that I'm sure was insinuated that sex was dirty. That's what really sucks about our relationship, the kinkier it is the more I like it . One of my milder fantasies is to just watch her masturbate and then maybe participate by fingering her G-spot and/or rimming her at the same time. To me it seems so simple and uncomplicated but she won't go for it, even though she has used the vibe on herself while I jack off on her tits. She is terribly uncomfortable with the lights on and me just watching. She absolutely refuses to finger herself under any condition, says she has tried and it just does nothing for her, even though I have given her tremendous orgasms when I finger her clit. Everytime that we make love I want it to better than the time before, yet she is content to stay at the same level forever. Oh well, it could be worse I guess, since I do get 5 or 6 bj's per year and we have anal sex once or twice every few years.

BTW do I need to take this to another forum or make another post since we kind of got off track here? Thanks for your time...I feel better already

[Kirk]

Damn Howard I think you may be on to something. I have never been able to "not" touch her breast or ass when giving her a good massage, but I will give it a shot . It will be very difficult for me not to go "there" since I get wood EVERY time that I touch or see her naked. You know what is wierd is that I kind of started this last week when I decided that I was going to hold out until "she" wanted sex. She even asked me whats wrong and I just told her that I had been really tired lately. I'm sure she wondered about that since I am NEVER too tired for sex. She has been out of town this weekend so I will just give her a good massage and not initiate sex tonight. Thanks for the insight. Maybe, just maybe it will get her to actually ask for sex for a change.

[chickenmom]

I ordered the wireless butterfly. I'm hoping it works well. The panties didn't look as though you had a lot of control as to where the "action" would be. As far as the whole car thing, I want to do that!! I found a button up the front skirt in the depths of my closet that has become my new favorite thing to wear when going somewhere with the hubby. The first time I unbuttoned while we were driving and put his hand there, he almost wrecked. Since I can't always be with him, I have high hopes for the wireless butterfly.

[Mikayla1]

Although I am COMPETELY in agreement with Howard's suggestion of giving a nice backrub that doesn't automatically go from back to ass or from thighs to pussy - I have to respectfully disagree with the notion of "wait until she asks" to have sex. I mean, what does this really accomplish? You are not getting sex, she is not giving your sex, and you are wanting sex and wondering when she is going to want sex. Soon 6 months have gone by and your wife is just sitting around thinking you no longer find her desireable. Belive me, it happens.

I much rather prefer a straight forward approach. By all means, give her a night or 2 of backrubs without the sexual touching. However, then go back to a more intimate touch. Baby steps are fine, but you don't want to be in-utero again!

I think that couples sink into a rut - and sometimes they get stuck there. You and your wife are having sex - but not what YOU would call good sex. Also, I wouldn't say that 5 BJ's a year is good, that is my hb WEEKLY average! Man, you have to bust that up a notch! Have you tried taking her hand and putting it on her clit while you eat her out? Perhaps the fingers don't do it for her cause she is used to the bullet or the toys - in which case - if she is orgasming that way - what is the problem?

If your wife doesn't ask for sex - what are you going to do? My idea is to get her horny and asking for sex nightly - that is how people should be with each other. Let's strive for that shall we?

Mikayla

[househunter]

Kirk your story is a pre-record message of what I am going through myself. My wife too had been brought up in a religious background. Can't get her to open up about sex either. Married for over 15 years, and yes sex is getting boring. All she thinks about is just hurry up and get it over with. I just bought her anohter vibrator and seems to like it. But she really has to be in the mood to use it. I had gotten her one a long time ago and made me get rid of it of fear the kids would find it. More like her Mother to find it. Listen to Howard, I have tried everthing he has mention in one way or another and seem to work.

My next step is to one day sit her down in front of the pc together and show her this form. Starting with shopping for a new toy. Then I hope this will break the ice about talking about sex. Good Luck.

[Kirk]

I much rather prefer a straight forward approach. By all means, give her a night or 2 of backrubs without the sexual touching. However, then go back to a more intimate touch. Baby steps are fine, but you don't want to be in-utero again!

Oh yes, I have tried the straight forward approach many times. She says "fine", but nothing ever changes.

I think that couples sink into a rut - and sometimes they get stuck there. You and your wife are having sex - but not what YOU would call good sex. Also, I wouldn't say that 5 BJ's a year is good, that is my hb WEEKLY average! Man, you have to bust that up a notch! Have you tried taking her hand and putting it on her clit while you eat her out? Perhaps the fingers don't do it for her cause she is used to the bullet or the toys - in which case - if she is orgasming that way - what is the problem?

I don't even care about the bj's anymore since she really doesn't like to give them they aren't that great anyway. I would just as soon have a handjob since she doesn't swallow and is always in a hurry to finish .

Yes, I have moved her hand there many times and she will not rub herself. I just think that if she learned to touch herself she would be much closer to losing her inhibitions and therefore be more willing to experiment with other things. I have no problem with her cumming with the vibrator, I just wish she could also use her fingers occasionally.

If your wife doesn't ask for sex - what are you going to do?

Keep jacking off on a daily basis as I have for years.

My idea is to get her horny....

That alone would help tremendously. Kirk

[hrnychick]

After reading this topic and the posts that followed I just had to add my 2 cents. First off Kirk dont think of everything as a done deal. I would like to confess that I too thought that sex all the time and sex in diff ways toys etc......was "freaky" and I am now proud to say that I made changes in my sex life and all for the better. I can say my changes came about by me just getting older and opening my mind to more.....wanting to learn more etc. now as for your wife you said she is 39 hey Im 36 and made these changes only within the past few years so there is hope for her. Just dont give up.

I agree with others that making her want sex and you holding out til she does is NOT a good idea.....I see the point of maybe the day or two with no sexual advances but longer then that she WILL think you are getting your sex someplace else. Trust me on that. You say she isnt secure sexually so Im sure if you are horny 24/7 then all of the sudden stop she will think something is going on with you and someone else. That to is one reason why I wanted to change my ways about sex I never wanted my "lack of" to be a reason for my hubby to ever think of cheating. I think no matter how much you love someone if you arent getting any and someone "offers" it maybe a one-night thing and mean nothing but if youre horny enough you may just go for it.

After reading your topic it seems to me that things could be a lot worse.....meaning a lot more work. Here are the good points I see that you have on your side....she does have sex.....boring for you but still sex.....she does give you bjs......maybe not enough but hey more then some men get im sure.....she has toys and uses them......thats a step in the right direction.....and she had boob job and works out.....so she cares about her looks and wants to stay sexy.....thats a good sign. Like I said I feel there is hope here.....how long it will take is unsure.....as the other posts said "baby steps" are whats needed. I agree shop online or in your local sex shop together.....romance her do all that the other posts suggested and most of all do not give up. Her lack of desire maybe from her daily stresses in life the kids, cooking, cleaning, etc.....maybe have a date night or you help out and let her have some free time....there are so many things to try im sure something will work.

I think you should have her read the topics on here. She may think people here as freaky etc but then again she may find something here she can relate to.....maybe she should start a topic on her feelings and all and see what advice she gets.....I have to say you are a good guy for wanting to help your wife and loving her so.....most men would give up and use the wifes lack of desire as means to cheat.

Keep us posted on how things go please.

Hrnychick

[chickenmom]

Kirk:

I was one of those who never wanted sex. Lord, almight, has it changed! I'm primed and ready to go at ALL times now. In the past, I hated sex; it was boring; I never climaxed; it was a chore; I felt uncomfortable about touching myself, etc., etc., etc. Give your wife time. This site has given me so much courage. I really think you should get her to read this forum. Ask her in a loving and non-judgemental way to view it. It has really given me the ability to open up to things and to not think that it's perverse. There are some things that I will definitely not try, but on the whole, I am not the same person I was just a month ago. Howard, Mikayla, Katprr, and the others are very knowledgeable and very giving with their time and advice. I have found this site to be very comforting as a women.

As for the panties, I ordered the butterfly. It arrived. I put in the batteries to test it. The vibrations are not all that strong. I'll probably send it back, because I need some real power for me. Also after looking at it, I'm not sure you can really position it well where it needs to be and have it stay there. I'm probably going to get something with the wire and just have a long shirt.