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I think its so important to continue to find time to have sex after kids, I have so many mommy friends that say they never want to have sex or that their sex life is seriously lacking. I know for me and my husband the 6 weeks you have to wait after having a baby were torture for us! I was curious if anybody else has had issues getting the spark back or any ideas on how to keep it kinky with a little one in the next room. I would say it definitely takes more of an effort to keep up the spark considering your exhausted, but I feel its the only way to truly stay connected with my husband, and most days its the only time I get him all to myself. 

I would encourage my fellow mothers to make time to be sexy for your husband and be a freak in the sheets, they'll love it and it will also give you that confidence that can seem non existent when you look in the mirror after having a baby. Also being desired sexually is so good for your soul and your mind, as mothers I think we lose ourselves sometimes, so take a night to be the hot sex goddess you know is still in there! WINE HELPS! lol 

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I think you make a valid point.  In my own case, raising kids was exhausting on many levels.  And along the way, we seemed to have less in common after the kids came than before.  It is not always easy keeping that spark glowing bright.

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for me I think if my S.O. Was even remotely present when it comes to our child it would help me want to be a little more sexy in the bedroom for him. But I find I interesting that it becomes the woman's job to bring on the sexy. My last boyfriend used to run me baths  put on sexy lighting and music he used to do a little work to I think sexy is a two person job when it comes to having kids want sexy time be present with the child so the mom isn't 24 hour on the job parent it's exhausting 

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I love your viewpoint.  My last boyfriend seemed to expect me to be ready as soon as my daughter went to sleep, which with her night terrors isn't possible.  He would also try to get randy at 3 am... seriously my kid gets up at 6-7 am.  He never started it and expected me to initiate every time.

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I am not going to be popular but I think sometimes men are selfish and clueless do some work fellas if you need to grab a self help book do it idiots guid to the woman's sex drive or vagina I will gladly do more if I could get even a minute to myself to collect even one coherent thought don't get home and go off into your little friggin shell just because my day was spent at home doesn't mean I do not warrant a hey how was your day do you need a minute or a check in 

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wabt a woman to be in the mood try to care how her day was or show even a tiny bit of care and concern 

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wow wow wow i love all of these responses ladies! I agree with all of you all of you on many levels. 

On 5/30/2016 at 7:23 PM, square said:

I think you make a valid point.  In my own case, raising kids was exhausting on many levels.  And along the way, we seemed to have less in common after the kids came than before.  It is not always easy keeping that spark glowing bright.

Square you are definitely right, the exhaustion that comes with kiddos can definitely affects keeping that spark a float on most days. I know for us its really hard to leave our daughter (Even with family) for long periods of time or even over night! This is something I hope we can over come since I see people do it way more frequently these days-seems to help in the sexy marriage department lol

16 hours ago, wendybird74 said:

for me I think if my S.O. Was even remotely present when it comes to our child it would help me want to be a little more sexy in the bedroom for him. But I find I interesting that it becomes the woman's job to bring on the sexy. My last boyfriend used to run me baths  put on sexy lighting and music he used to do a little work to I think sexy is a two person job when it comes to having kids want sexy time be present with the child so the mom isn't 24 hour on the job parent it's exhausting 

OH Wendy lol I AM 400% with ya, nothing turns me off more or puts me in a bad mood more then my husband not helping me with our kid. I agree strongly that it shouldn't be only the woman's job to be sexy and make all the efforts. I struggle a ton to get that from my husband his form of foreplay is a boob grab. <_< I think it would definitely help if he took over a little bit in the care department, however I am a huge control freak and sometimes I have to MAKE myself let go of the reins a little bit.. catch 22 i guess. On board with ya sister!

 

Thank you ladies for responding! I had been waiting a long time for some noise! 

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Or how about this you watching kids and I will now the yard I will do the outside of house work how about a take the minion to go do fun event make memories with your kid and your lady I think that is sexy and if it's not something she had to remind you plan and work her butt off for and you could care less... She watches your stupid football and even tries to pay attention and yell and get exited at least get over yourself for an entire day and go do something with her. She wants to go camping and hiking with ya it's not like she wants to take you to some craft show ya big wuss it's not like you lose anything like the yard can't stand the p be mowed or what ever it is you do put in your shed all day 

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I don't think that most men understand how hard it is to be a mother and lover.  It is totally exhausting to be one, much less both, 100% of the time.  Don't get me wrong I know that some men out there understand but not all

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I am not a man hater I love them I just think it's really easy to forget to do some emotional Maintnence in relationships.... News flash even a little more care and concern for your mate like listening or hearing them when they talk... For example it really bugs me when you take your shoes off in the middle of the living room and don't bother to pick them up.... Or hey honey I love you can you maybe help me with OUR Son so I can take a bath? Don't say alright and then walk outside and start some project that clearly says you are not listening to me or you don't care that I need your help 

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Lol oh god I have so been there with ya Wendy! My husband always says "well tell me what you want me to do!" And I wanna just scream "I shouldn't have too!!! Fucking look around!! There's always something to pick up or clean or if I'm doing that can u make sure she's not unrolling the entire roll of toilet paper!!" Lol it definitely is like having 2 kids most days.. ?

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It's like he tunes completely out when it comes to parenting like hello if your child is running around with something you left out that clearly says danger uhhhh handle it it's not like I have to wear my super mom cape of every second of the day... I will make you one if you pull your head out of your add long enough to pay attention... I don't have a hand book for this crap it's not like I should have to say hello ding dong get your head in the game two parents in the house means team... Wake up.... Tune in Tokyo well I may start doing that.... I may start saying something that says wake up get your head in the game lets do this... I will say he does help with some house work and he does help with diapers but it's the other common since stuff.. He just tunes out 

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He's a great guy he just tunes out sometimes I wish I had a little bug in his head where I could know what the heck is going on in there... Hey fellas if you don't like nagging here is a little helpful hint pay attention repeat something your lady said to you and if she reminds you for weeks and months of an upcoming event like hello your sons birthday and her sons graduation put it in your phone get it in your head that it's something you will have to be present for and then be present don't slip off to your man cave crap I don't get a woman cave that I can disappear to so get a grip put your big boy panties on and suck it up 

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On 6/1/2016 at 1:29 AM, wendybird74 said:

I am not going to be popular but I think sometimes men are selfish and clueless do some work fellas if you need to grab a self help book do it idiots guid to the woman's sex drive or vagina I will gladly do more if I could get even a minute to myself to collect even one coherent thought don't get home and go off into your little friggin shell just because my day was spent at home doesn't mean I do not warrant a hey how was your day do you need a minute or a check in 

I can totally relate to this, and that's sad, but true. My ex didn't do anything extra to make me feel sexy after our daughter came. And I had a c-section, which caused me a lot more recovery time and pain. Plus, I'm proud to report that I breast-fed for a full year for our daughter's sake, which is also an added exhaustion. You may think that, oh, it's a natural thing, and yes,it is, however, it takes a lot of energy to produce breast milk! I didn't feel sexy at all, he'd tell me he still wanted me, but that was it, just the words. No action, no support because he's a "man's man" and didn't think that baby care fell on his shoulders.

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I am not bashing on men I just think they sometimes forget that just because they want a sexy woman in the bedroom doesn't mean that the woman can always drop everything and make that happen moms need time single ladies can shave their legs and go to the gym and have a bit more time for self care when you have babies it takes planning and it can't all fall on the woman's plate when you enter into a relationship and kids become involved it takes an army and one woman tho we can do a lot isn't a big enough one. If you are planning to stick it out then team up and problem solve with her become a part of the solution it's exhausting being what feels to be the only one who cares. I could be wrong so prove me wrong be present or at least try 

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Its amazing to me how so many of us women can relate to the same types of situations almost identically.. we are a true force to be reckoned with haha! I also nursed my daughter for a year and yes its exhausting as hell!!! My husband was pretty understanding mostly when she was a baby because we were both exhausted lol however, now that shes a toddler he seems to think its somehow less exhausting <_< He recently quit his job so you can imagine my life right now..with 2 children basically. lol 

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I nursed my oldest for 3 months, and my youngest for 2 years.  Breastfeeding is totally draining.  It is like I said most men expect a full time mom and a full time lover. 

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I could be wrong but my life experiences have led me to believe that at least in my relationships with men I want to work together to work things out I figure that is a female thing but I could be totally wrong I feel like my partners in the past to present want to pretend like the day just comes and goes and that is its main purpose... Well there is always something to talk about and things come up in life that need at least a discussion men tend to do their own thing well I am about to do my own thing in the form of pack my bags and moon walk my ass right out of here with  one hand holding a peace sign and the other holding a fuck you sign and if that leaves him with a big fat ???? Mark uh hello I tried to talk for four years grab a high lighter take notes dill weed 

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There are 24 hours in a day filled with moments that have to be worth talking about otherwise what is the fucking point 

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After being married for over 30 years and having raised our kids my husband and I never lost our love of sex. Now that they are gone and starting their own lives, we have come to enjoy not only our own sexual freedom but have a group of friends that we entertain as well. I still very much look forward and love our sex life, my husband still makes me feel like a queen. When he makes love to me it’s like the sweetest thing, and I always love our time together. But since it was mutually agreed to open our marriage up to others things have really sweetened up. We love sharing each other and we know how to separate our feelings from our marriage to just sex. We have cultivated our friendships with others and developed the all important trust. We consider life to be just that life and we intend on enjoying every minute of it. 

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