Members wendybird74 Posted June 2, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2016 I tried to put a little spark in our love life... Sex life if you will. I am sure if anyone read any of my posts lately it sounds like I am frustrated... Well you wouldn't be wrong. I love my fella more then words can say. He's shy he's quiet he's kind he's everything I have ever wanted. His heart is very big. How ever he's stubborn he's a recluse he's happy in his own little world. The problem is there are two more people in it now and he forgets to let us in.. I am loud I am wild I am a free spirit I like to go... The problem is our son and I are going we are wanting to do things and we are wanting him along for the ride.. Our sex life took a big hit when we had our son and we somehow lost spark.. It tried to talk and maybe I talk to much but I am lonely with him here and I am lonely when he's gone.. I could be a little much sometimes and I could use any advice in putting more spark in our life... So back to new things... I decided I would give him a back rub...he works very hard for our family and I got some new oils so I tried them while he was watching his show and as I was doing this I moved to his legs as he was sitting on the couch so I gave him a blow job sneakily while our kid was in the room... Yep I did that! I am sure I am not mother of the year right now but I am surely not girlfriend of the year either but dammit I am trying... He really enjoyed it and honestly I don't do it much if he did some maintenance with the hair down there I would do it more lol I am a gag reflex person hair is a turn off.. Shave that shit and get more oral pleasure haha problem solved no brainier right? I shave down there in the event that I will be orally loved on.. Tho it doesn't happen often.. I would do more if it wasn't always me laying with my back to him so he could get his rocks off.. He's more interested in the back door then anything anymore I try to tell him... Hey sometimes there is this thing called a natural lubracent that stems from the front door that may help you get where you are going try a little of that once in a while first but he doesn't seem to get this so for me I have got to the point of if I am gonna talk and all you are going to hear is Wah Wah Wah like the adults on Charlie Brown then why bother Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 3, 2016 Report Share Posted June 3, 2016 It sounds like, and, no offense intended, he's such a home-body, and not wanting to put forth much of an effort other than what he has to do, is making him very selfish. Now, sometimes, being selfish is not a bad thing. Everyone needs to take some time for themselves. However, since y'all are together, he has to learn that it's not all about what he does and does not want to do. He has to share his time, and if that means going out of his comfort zone every once in a while, then he needs to do so. This is personally and sexually. Talking is good, however, if you're talking AT him, and he's not fully engaged in the conversation, then it won't do either of you any good. There's a big difference between talking TO someone and talking AT someone. And it can't be in the heat of the moment, or at the height of your frustration. Talking about issues that you may have have to be fully acknowledged by him, and absorbed. That means eye to eye contact, and an attitude of willingness on both sides. Be ready for him to talk about his wants and needs and concerns as well. It also can't be a Blame Game either. Those never, ever work!!! Talking to a man about sexual prowess is a tricky thing. Some CAN be done in the bedroom while making love, with oohs and aahs, and "I like it when you do that", and "oh yes, right there, like that". Men get verbal cues like that, and want more of them, and will usually do anything to get them! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wendybird74 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 On June 2, 2016 at 6:48 PM, Tyger said: It sounds like, and, no offense intended, he's such a home-body, and not wanting to put forth much of an effort other than what he has to do, is making him very selfish. Now, sometimes, being selfish is not a bad thing. Everyone needs to take some time for themselves. However, since y'all are together, he has to learn that it's not all about what he does and does not want to do. He has to share his time, and if that means going out of his comfort zone every once in a while, then he needs to do so. This is personally and sexually. Talking is good, however, if you're talking AT him, and he's not fully engaged in the conversation, then it won't do either of you any good. There's a big difference between talking TO someone and talking AT someone. And it can't be in the heat of the moment, or at the height of your frustration. Talking about issues that you may have have to be fully acknowledged by him, and absorbed. That means eye to eye contact, and an attitude of willingness on both sides. Be ready for him to talk about his wants and needs and concerns as well. It also can't be a Blame Game either. Those never, ever work!!! Talking to a man about sexual prowess is a tricky thing. Some CAN be done in the bedroom while making love, with oohs and aahs, and "I like it when you do that", and "oh yes, right there, like that". Men get verbal cues like that, and want more of them, and will usually do anything to get them! I appreciate this I think I am just at a what the duck am I doing here state I have dreams and ideas of how my life would go and if my partner can't here me or even budge a little in any area well I am sorry but if your anxieties hold you back and there is always a problem with them then do something about it go see a dr don't make someone wait around for you to get up and do something for gods sake I am tired of trying I am tired of crying and my give a damn is busted 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wendybird74 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 I am not stuck here I have two offers of jobs and places to stay to get on my feet so if it has to come to that and I hope it doesn't because I love him with all my heart but I cannot take much more of this I came into this thinking we were a team and it is but the team is divided and that never goes well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RC4BLUE Posted June 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 If a team is divided.... It is no longer a team. It is extremely difficult to be in a relationship where is seems that you and your partner are going in different directions. I personally know what it is like to have a partner not be on the same page sexually. She said to me she didn't want to have sex ever again. Then she stopped. No matter what I did, said, or tried, it made no difference. Even seeing a therapist didn't help. She just had no desire. There has to be a give on their part if things are going to work. If your partner is unwilling to give a little then it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. I know it is not easy to move in a different direction, especially with someone you love. Yet if you are not happy and he is not happy, it starts to become toxic. Then that affects everything else. I know this type of pain. For me it was better to be alone than to be in pain. I hope you are able to find solutions and discovery the happy that has been lost before the pain is so strong that you make different choices. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 8, 2016 Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 RC made some GREAT points! And, let me tell you, I've been exactly where you are with my ex husband. He just wanted to stay home, saying that his back hurt. Yes, he had a bad accident, however, he'd do stuff for others readily, but when it came to the house, he couldn't care less. I was ignored for his video games. Even his best friend, who would come over every Monday for "guy time" stopped coming because he'd get ignored too!!! I was lonely when he was there because I didn't have a spouse, I had a distant roommate, and when he stopped communicating with me, I stopped having sex with him. Boy, that pissed HIM off, even though I tried telling him that, as his spouse, he actually needed to talk to me, and spend time with me to get me to even want to think about having sex with him. Yes, after a few times of talking to him a bit nicely, I actually said that to him. I even told him that if he just wanted sex, without a connection, I was not the one. Yes, spouses fuck every so often, however, for me, I want more than just a fuck now and again. I want intimacy. He didn't get it. He'd also threatened to get me pregnant again, because he wanted another child, but I had told him early on that IF I had a child, there was a high likelihood of me wanting just that ONE, and he said he was OK with that (he has a child from his previous marriage). He said that I'd change my mind when she was 3 or 4 years old. When our daughter was 8, he started really hounding me to have another child. I insisted that I didn't want another one, at all. He said I was being selfish, and jokingly said that he'd poke holes in the condoms. I told him to have fun with his dildo and hand, because if I can't trust him, then I won't have sex with him. And I didn't. Also, I forgot to address the issue of anal play. You said that the personal juices (from you) may help with easing his cock into your anus, which is true, only slightly though, unless you get soaked! Anal play has to be a team effort, where both members have agreed on how things are going. It's SENSITIVE there! Using extra lube for anal play is extremely common and, I would almost say, a necessity. When I did do anal play, I'd prefer a silicone based lube for myself (so long as you don't use a silicone toy or condoms because that will cause the toy/condom to break down). The anus doesn't self-lubricate, so it needs help for its protection and preservation. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wendybird74 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 The funny thing is I don't even like it it's his thing I told him tho that's not an option any more figure out how to do this bedroom time with me a different way or don't get any at all I don't care anymore I personally have lost my sexual desire until further notice I guess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wendybird74 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 Work with me or don't ask me to bend over for your needs cuz a girl can only take so much 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 BTDT!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 I should've added more to that. I understand completely where you're coming from. Again, RC was right, when a team is split or no longer working together, it's no longer a team. I LOVE that perspective. Having a successful marriage (though I haven't had one yet), does take communication on both sides, and compromise, which, again, is on both sides. When my marriages were working well, we were communicating, and compromising. When the men got selfish, and refused to give a bit, or just stopped caring because "they got me, so they don't have to put forth the effort as much (yes, #2 really said that), it's when the marriages fell apart. They were all too happy to have me doing all of the compromising, giving, and working, but when it was their turn, oh, well, that's just NOT how they envisioned it. Where I hate having couples break up, there comes a point where, if one person isn't doing anything but taking up space in your home and life, and is'nt helping, and the other person is doing all of the giving, work, emotional support, and trying, well, you have to look at it and ask if it's really worth it? When there's kids involved, I had to think long and hard, but, in the end, I wanted my daughter to be from a broken home than living in a home that was functionally & emotionally broken. What turned around my way of thinking, was, not only my own perspective, but a book we had to do for a book study at work called The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon. It's a very short, easy read, but it really does make you think. There's another book by him called The No Complaining Rule, and that also is a really good follow up one. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wendybird74 Posted June 10, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 On June 9, 2016 at 1:36 PM, Tyger said: BTDT!! On June 9, 2016 at 1:36 PM, Tyger said: BTDT!! I don't know what that means Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wendybird74 Posted June 10, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 10, 2016 I love reading so I will pick this book up thanks guys maybe I am short on the communication lately too.. There is this song by Bonnie raitt I relate to this relationship lately well two songs really one I can't remember the title but I call it the rodeo song the other is sometimes your the windshield sometimes your the bug.... Well maybe she didn't sing that song but I love it and it's true sometimes you take hits by life and sometimes you are the one that has to step up and say guess what I can't do this anymore I don't know where I am at this time but I know I am clearly in a wtf place with a lot to figure out. I thank you all for hearing me tho and sharing your input Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RC4BLUE Posted June 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 11, 2016 Tyger's statement: I wanted my daughter from a broken home rather than living in a home that was functionally and emotionally broken. Is a wonderful view. Too often I have seen people afraid to move because they were staying together for the kids. Yet in a dysfunctional relationship the kids suffer more that when there is a split. If you are miserable and your partner is miserable, what do you think is happening for your child. As hard as it is to end relationships, sometimes it is the best thing to do. Toxic environments are not healthy for anyone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 14, 2016 Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 On 6/10/2016 at 5:11 PM, wendybird74 said: I don't know what that means Been There Done That. BTDT 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 14, 2016 Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 On 6/10/2016 at 5:16 PM, wendybird74 said: I love reading so I will pick this book up thanks guys maybe I am short on the communication lately too.. There is this song by Bonnie raitt I relate to this relationship lately well two songs really one I can't remember the title but I call it the rodeo song the other is sometimes your the windshield sometimes your the bug.... Well maybe she didn't sing that song but I love it and it's true sometimes you take hits by life and sometimes you are the one that has to step up and say guess what I can't do this anymore I don't know where I am at this time but I know I am clearly in a wtf place with a lot to figure out. I thank you all for hearing me tho and sharing your input One of my favorite country songs is "My Give A Damn's Busted" by JoDee Messina. The other one is Aaron Tippins' "Kiss this". LOL That was after my divorce though. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted June 14, 2016 Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 On 6/11/2016 at 5:01 AM, RC4BLUE said: Tyger's statement: I wanted my daughter from a broken home rather than living in a home that was functionally and emotionally broken. Is a wonderful view. Too often I have seen people afraid to move because they were staying together for the kids. Yet in a dysfunctional relationship the kids suffer more that when there is a split. If you are miserable and your partner is miserable, what do you think is happening for your child. As hard as it is to end relationships, sometimes it is the best thing to do. Toxic environments are not healthy for anyone. Thank you RC, I value your thoughts and views, and I appreciate the compliment. Divorce is a step that nobody looks forward too. But, ultimately, other than my happiness, which I know affects her happiness, I didn't want my daughter to think that the marriage that we had was healthy, normal, or what she should end up with. I know I deserved better, and also that my daughter deserves to have a happier home as well. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RC4BLUE Posted June 14, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 Indeed you and her deserve a happy life. Modeling a healthy relationship is the best way to teach your daughter about real love. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wendybird74 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 I wish you all well I know this step to check in with you all had opened a diologue for me and my boyfriend and thanks to you all for words of wisdom things have been a lot better I am not an easy person on people I expect a lot I expect if we are going to engage in anything we do it as a team and when I feel like someone is poking holes in my boat when my back is turned I get frustrated I want this to work we do good when we work together I think we both just got complacent and maybe forgot to check in with each other I feel like that is important and we will fall and fail each other from time to time but I suppose the real test is communication I was just as bad as he becaus I gave up I felt defeated and I didn't voice my frustration to him I shared it only with you guys because let's face it you are all faceless you all are easier to voice frustration to because it's not the confrontation it's bouncing ideas and words off of and getting feed back I sure appreciate the help tho it helped me find better words I know you are all strangers but I offer a smile and a huge thank you thank you thank you for hearing me and being so very amazing at helping me to find some sort of wits about me to say something I truly love my boyfriend he's kind he's hard working and he's got an enormous heart I think he just needed a little nudge we are always going back to face challenges to work through and we all do that better as a team we can get through this 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RC4BLUE Posted June 14, 2016 Members Report Share Posted June 14, 2016 I am glad to read that things are getting better. Opening a dialogue surely had to help. I encourage you to keep that dialogue open and consistent. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wendybird74 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2016 I don't know about anyone else but complacency dies not work for me I have to have change regularly or something to look forward to or I go stir crazy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mi.Georgia.peach Posted June 2, 2017 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2017 I recently left a marriage that sounded a lot like that. He became more and more withdrawn and I would make excuses for him. I would think it was my fault and that I wasn't good enough. I also did the exciting trying to spice things up roll but it backfired. I came home from work in nothing but brand new negligee and he screamed at me because I was his and someone might have seen me in my walk from house to car. We started onlhaveing sex when and how he wanted my oppinion be dammed. If I spoke up and said I wanted it he was sure I was cheating. He eventually quit working because he didn't want to deal with people. My plan for life was NOT that so after excuse after excuse I left. I moved cross country and have an awesome job that I love and am learning to accept myself. Sorry that was a long winded way of saying Ive been there amd dont lose yourself in a man. I was recently told something that stuck..."don't ever need a man, want a man. " Basically be wkth someone because you want to and tjey want to not because you havw to or are afraid of change. Sometimes change is amazing and good for you. Good luck girl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Curious Gent Posted May 6, 2018 Members Report Share Posted May 6, 2018 On 6/6/2017 at 3:29 AM, Tiny Flower said: I said that all the time , divorced now, never been on my own I'm hoping it gets better. Hope things turn out well Wendy and Flower. Can’t imagine how difficult it is. You guys are so friendly and clearly fun. You deserve someone that makes you happy, even by just being there. Enjoy the weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Curious Gent Posted May 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted May 7, 2018 13 hours ago, Tiny Flower said: Thanx. Weekend is over. Moon Monday begins today. These posts are almost a year old... we all deserve someone that makes us happy this is true. thanx I like to think I'm friendly and fun. Enjoy your Monday You’re welcome Tiny...I like flowers 💐Butt...the moon is so far away. Wonder how that will be brought here for Mondays. Oh, you’re sitting on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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