Newbie myamya Posted August 26, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 Hi, First time in this kind of forum.....I need to ask a question and was hoping someone can help me out...I use to be in a relationship where anything basically goes we had no shame and we were 100% comfortable in talking about what we wanted to try out and our fantasies...I am in a new relationship and it is not the same....I obviously want more sex and want more foreplay and try different things and toys......but i don't know how to get my boyfriend interested.....he is not the same as me..he is more reserved and is basically just a missionary and occasional switch position person....I feel like he is more interested in his own satisfaction. I don't want him thinking that I am a freak (you know how guys can be) but i want i need more variety.....How do I or can I get my current boyfriend to try new things withhout him freaking out or think that I am a freak?Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members allit Posted August 26, 2006 Members Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 Hi, First time in this kind of forum.....I need to ask a question and was hoping someone can help me out...I use to be in a relationship where anything basically goes we had no shame and we were 100% comfortable in talking about what we wanted to try out and our fantasies...I am in a new relationship and it is not the same....I obviously want more sex and want more foreplay and try different things and toys......but i don't know how to get my boyfriend interested.....he is not the same as me..he is more reserved and is basically just a missionary and occasional switch position person....I feel like he is more interested in his own satisfaction. I don't want him thinking that I am a freak (you know how guys can be) but i want i need more variety.....How do I or can I get my current boyfriend to try new things withhout him freaking out or think that I am a freak?ThanksIs it he can't or he won't. Things like medication will diminish sex drive. If his sex drive is purely selfish, maybe you should be looking for another SO. I know both extremes. My ex would not have sex with me basically. I had to fight through alot of passive aggressive behavior and pretty much lost all desire for her because sex was impossible. (She was a very beautiful, sexy woman). My Asawa now has a higher sex drive than myself. If she wants it; she gets it. It is all about pleasing my partner. Visa versa, she will do anything to please me. This is not only in sex for both of us, but in life also. I can't describe how fulfilling it is to go through life with someone who is totally into making your life wonderful (with boundries), versus having to fight through life with someone who is constantly into themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kirk Posted August 26, 2006 Members Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 I am in a simular situation except it's my wife that has very little interest in sex, particularly anything other than missionary (which I am sick of and could care less if I ever do it again). I have no problem with her calling me a freak in bed, actually it is a term I am proud of. I just can't figure why she can't/won't get kinky with me. I have tried eveything that I can think of and a few suggestions from this very website and maybe it will work for a night or two and then it is back to the same ol' boring routine of occassional missionary sex. She does know how frustrated I am and in return gives me a lot of handjobs to try and satisfy my needs. I absolutely love a good handjob so it worked for years, but now I am ready to push our sexual limits farther and my wife has no desire to because she is happy, comfortable and satisfied the way it is. Frustrating to say the least. Good luck... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted August 26, 2006 Members Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 Kirk, I think the issue with your wife is that she sees sex as a "responsibility" or a "job" - you know, wifely duty. It is obvious that her sex drive is not as high as yours, and it can be - if she works at making it so. many women get out of the mood to have sex often (and men too incidentally) and start to look at having sex as a marital duty. This seems to be the case with your wife, as she is ready to have sex - missionary style - or give you handjobs or BJS in substitution for actual sex. She doesn't truly enjoy the sex or believe me, she would want to get wild and crazy and just get funky with it.Let me ask, I am assuming you give her oral sex? Does she enjoy it? Do you do it every time? The reason I ask is, many women, especially older women, need A LOT of foreplay to feel sexy and intimate. When a woman gets attention, oral attention, she is more horny and willing to try things of a more nasty nature. When a woman is satisfied by many orgasms from oral sex or fingering - or toys - she is more willing to do things for and with you than the normal missionary.If you are giving her oral, and she is cumming, then it is clear that her sex drive needs some fine tuning. I would say that the more GOOD sex she has, the more horny she will become. She also has to feel needed, wanted and sexual. ALSO, women are funny in that if you are doing things for her outside of the bedroom - as in helping with the dishes or laundry - they are more likely to want to please you in bed.Since I have minimal information about your wife, I would say that it could be any or all of the above. Do you feel like enlightening me a little more - and perhaps we can start to dissect your wife and get her more interested in sex!Mikayla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DaniLovell Posted August 26, 2006 Members Report Share Posted August 26, 2006 first off, i feel your pain. my man and i are in the same boat. however, thanks to some of the suggestions at this forum, he's no longer intimidated by my vibe, and we've had sex at least 1x, if not 2x a day for the past week. YAHHOOO! second off...whats wrong w/being a freak? they have the most fun. it's all about pleasing the partner. now the only problem is once he comes....he is done for at least 4 hours. i think its a mental thing, but whatever. baby steps. good luck. with all the experience and expertise around here, you should be able to get the ball rolling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kirk Posted August 30, 2006 Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2006 KiSince I have minimal information about your wife, I would say that it could be any or all of the above. Do you feel like enlightening me a little more - and perhaps we can start to dissect your wife and get her more interested in sex!MikaylaToo late, I have already dissected her.............Buried her in the backyard. j/k, j/k, just kidding. Sheesh. Okay so I have a warped sense of humor. Mk, check yo' box girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie Rosemarie Posted August 31, 2006 Newbie Report Share Posted August 31, 2006 My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together for 10 and known each other for 15 years. He has always had a high sexual drive, but very shy about new things and sharing his emotions, desires, and fantasies. At first my sexual drive was normal ( or slightly below normal), but as I've gotten older and more comfortable with my own sexuality, I am the one wanting to try new things and I find myself thinking of all kinds of things I never thought I would. The problem I had was bringing him out of his shell. Slowly, but surely he has been opening up to me. But it does take baby steps. I was the one that introduced sex toys in bed and showed him how to use them on me. And I've finally realized that I have to be the one to speak OUT LOUD, what I am feeling or wanting. My husband was always very interested in anal play and intercourse, but I was the one with the hang up about it, and when I would allow hime to do it, he would be so excited that it was sometimes painful. Well, I finally started researching it and pretty much had to train him to where it would be enjoyable for both of us. I know do not mind it and have actually found that he enjoys this type of stimulation too. I think the thing that helped us, was going slowly with new things and talking. Hope this helps. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together for 10 and known each other for 15 years. He has always had a high sexual drive, but very shy about new things and sharing his emotions, desires, and fantasies. At first my sexual drive was normal ( or slightly below normal), but as I've gotten older and more comfortable with my own sexuality, I am the one wanting to try new things and I find myself thinking of all kinds of things I never thought I would. The problem I had was bringing him out of his shell. Slowly, but surely he has been opening up to me. But it does take baby steps. I was the one that introduced sex toys in bed and showed him how to use them on me. And I've finally realized that I have to be the one to speak OUT LOUD, what I am feeling or wanting. My husband was always very interested in anal play and intercourse, but I was the one with the hang up about it, and when I would allow hime to do it, he would be so excited that it was sometimes painful. Well, I finally started researching it and pretty much had to train him to where it would be enjoyable for both of us. I know do not mind it and have actually found that he enjoys this type of stimulation too. I think the thing that helped us, was going slowly with new things and talking. Hope this helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members admiraltolokus Posted August 31, 2006 Members Report Share Posted August 31, 2006 Kirk, I think the issue with your wife is that she sees sex as a "responsibility" or a "job" - you know, wifely duty. It is obvious that her sex drive is not as high as yours, and it can be - if she works at making it so. many women get out of the mood to have sex often (and men too incidentally) and start to look at having sex as a marital duty. This seems to be the case with your wife, as she is ready to have sex - missionary style - or give you handjobs or BJS in substitution for actual sex. She doesn't truly enjoy the sex or believe me, she would want to get wild and crazy and just get funky with it.Let me ask, I am assuming you give her oral sex? Does she enjoy it? Do you do it every time? The reason I ask is, many women, especially older women, need A LOT of foreplay to feel sexy and intimate. When a woman gets attention, oral attention, she is more horny and willing to try things of a more nasty nature. When a woman is satisfied by many orgasms from oral sex or fingering - or toys - she is more willing to do things for and with you than the normal missionary.If you are giving her oral, and she is cumming, then it is clear that her sex drive needs some fine tuning. I would say that the more GOOD sex she has, the more horny she will become. She also has to feel needed, wanted and sexual. ALSO, women are funny in that if you are doing things for her outside of the bedroom - as in helping with the dishes or laundry - they are more likely to want to please you in bed.Since I have minimal information about your wife, I would say that it could be any or all of the above. Do you feel like enlightening me a little more - and perhaps we can start to dissect your wife and get her more interested in sex!Mikaylahaha i like doing household chores more than my girlfriend *_*; ...... ; haha, but i do see what your speaking of, what works well for my gf is sucking and licking of her nipples and gently massaging her clitoris. works for us like that. jeez i havent been here in a long while... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie myamya Posted September 2, 2006 Author Newbie Report Share Posted September 2, 2006 Makes sense...I did start bringing in a game into our bedroom and he loved it...I just don't want him to feel that I am obsessing about it.....but I am really anxious to bring new things...but like I said I don't want him to feel overwhelmed....My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together for 10 and known each other for 15 years. He has always had a high sexual drive, but very shy about new things and sharing his emotions, desires, and fantasies. At first my sexual drive was normal ( or slightly below normal), but as I've gotten older and more comfortable with my own sexuality, I am the one wanting to try new things and I find myself thinking of all kinds of things I never thought I would. The problem I had was bringing him out of his shell. Slowly, but surely he has been opening up to me. But it does take baby steps. I was the one that introduced sex toys in bed and showed him how to use them on me. And I've finally realized that I have to be the one to speak OUT LOUD, what I am feeling or wanting. My husband was always very interested in anal play and intercourse, but I was the one with the hang up about it, and when I would allow hime to do it, he would be so excited that it was sometimes painful. Well, I finally started researching it and pretty much had to train him to where it would be enjoyable for both of us. I know do not mind it and have actually found that he enjoys this type of stimulation too. I think the thing that helped us, was going slowly with new things and talking. Hope this helps. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together for 10 and known each other for 15 years. He has always had a high sexual drive, but very shy about new things and sharing his emotions, desires, and fantasies. At first my sexual drive was normal ( or slightly below normal), but as I've gotten older and more comfortable with my own sexuality, I am the one wanting to try new things and I find myself thinking of all kinds of things I never thought I would. The problem I had was bringing him out of his shell. Slowly, but surely he has been opening up to me. But it does take baby steps. I was the one that introduced sex toys in bed and showed him how to use them on me. And I've finally realized that I have to be the one to speak OUT LOUD, what I am feeling or wanting. My husband was always very interested in anal play and intercourse, but I was the one with the hang up about it, and when I would allow hime to do it, he would be so excited that it was sometimes painful. Well, I finally started researching it and pretty much had to train him to where it would be enjoyable for both of us. I know do not mind it and have actually found that he enjoys this type of stimulation too. I think the thing that helped us, was going slowly with new things and talking. Hope this helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nosleepnmesa Posted September 4, 2006 Members Report Share Posted September 4, 2006 I completely agree with the post above. Howard is exactly right though. We as women have to be open and sometimes very direct with men in the bedroom. I am not saying to do it in a mean way. Trust me when I came to this forum I was calling my SO boring in bed and couldn't find anything to spice it up. Within a week, and reading all the tips here and advice I can bearly keep up with him Sex is a ADULT playground, you can laugh, play and in fact sometimes take your SO hand and show him the way to touch you, play etc... Men aren't mind readers although sometimes we think they are. Just my little bit of two cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members timidtwo Posted September 30, 2006 Members Report Share Posted September 30, 2006 Word to the wise from a man who's screwed up enough to know!!!SEX STARTS IN THE KITCHEN! While the dishes are still dirty, the table still needs to be cleared, the floor still needs to be swept, the garbage still needs to be taken out, the kids still need baths, homework still isn't done, dirty clothes are still on the floor, and YOU take care of it without her having to ask!Sex is Mental, people! SHOW her that she is appreciated, and that you realize how much she does to help keep your home in order! Make love to her ALL DAY LONG, long BEFORE you EVER take a single article of clothing off, or before you EVER touch her E-zones! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.