Help Please! 1st Time Having Sex

[lakia]

HI

I am 18 years of age. I have a fiance who is 22. We have done oral and we both love it and we feel it is time for us to step it up and have sexually intercourse. We have tried over 5 times and I never go through with it because it hurts. It even use to hurt when I would put my own finger in there but eventually I got it in there but it is still hard to even do that sometimes. He has been so patient with me. He gets frustrated sometimes and I get upset because no matter how hard I try I never go through with it. I tried to guide him inside of me so that I can be in control of how it will go in me but when ever I do that he says my fingernails hurt him and even when I try to be careful with my fingernails he says it still hurts him. Then everything starts getting complicated and frustrating. I have asked plenty of people for advice but it never helps. I have seen how people have helped others on here and thought this would help me as well.

One of my ideas is to buy a dildo from online (which was what guided me to this webite) and maybe that will help me because I think I will be able to guide it into me the way it will feel comfortable to me and then once I get it in then I think that will help me be able to have sex with my man. What do you think? Is it a good idea? If so, what type of dildo should I get? What size as far as the width and lenth goes???? I don't want anything to big. I want something that will be just right for a virgin like me. Is using a dildo even a good idea for my 1st time? If not what are your suggestions? Do you have any ideas for me not to focus so much on the pain during my 1st time?? I do know that it is going to hurt but the pain is too much for me but I feel if I was in more control then it will be better but as I said earlier, when I try to be in control it is very frustrating for us both.

Please help me!!!! I am in desperate need of help!!! Feel free to ask any questions that will help you to help me better PLEEEEEEASE!!!!!

P.S, I HAVE ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT TAKING A FEW DRINKS BEFORE DOING IT ALTHOUGH I HAVE NEVER DRUNK IN MY LIFE. I THOUGHT NOT TO GET TOO DRUNK BUT JUST A COUPLE OF DRINKS MIGHT EASE THE SITUATION. WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK ABOUT THIS IDEA??

Thanks so much.

[trickychick]

I have heard that some women have a thicker hymen than others. Sometimes it can make the opening very small. Here is some general info about hymens, the second link is a bit, err... sarcastic, but still has some relevant info! :

http://www.coolnurse.com/hymen.htm

http://www.rotten.com/library/sex/hymen/

[halfaclue]

[Mikayla1]

First, I have to point this out, if this girl is already having issues that pertain to sex, then telling her to "relax, it's just sex" really isn't going to make it better! The truth is, sex is a big deal, especially for the first time. Is it some major life changing experience? For some women it is, for others not so much. Sex, especially for the first time, is what you make of it. This girl has obviously saved it for the right person, and now is having issues. Those issues can negatively affect how she views sex for the rest of her life - and for that reason alone I will say that she can't "relax" and think it is "just sex" because for her, it is much more.

Now, to the original poster, sex for you may not be like for everyone else. As the other posters have stated, you may have a thicker hymen (have you had a gynecological exam? He / she would have told you most likely) Are you worried about pregnancy? Premarital sex? Diseases? Do you fully trust your bf? All these doubts, questions or concerns can view how your mental and phycial being react to sex.

I think that you probably just need some time to adjust to the idea of sex. To relax and realize that you are OK with the decision you made to have sex. If you do not have a physical issue (such as a tougher hymen) and you continue to try and can't, you may want to look into relaxation issues. Also, just to mention, there is a rare condition where the hymen is actually closed - not just tough but closed. However, if you can get a finger in, I would say it probably isn't that.

What is your religious background? Family influences? Think about all of these things, talk it out with your SO, and try to clear the air and your head, then try again. Also, be as relaxed and aroused as you can. IF you want to have A DRINK OR TWO I would say OK, but never, ever be drunk having your first sexual experiences. First, you want to remember and enjoy it, and second, you want to be sensitive to serious pain issues.

So, answer our questions and we will try our hardest to help!

Mikayla

[halfaclue]

[Mikayla1]

Halfaclue, I did not mean to offend you, or make you angry. I was just trying to point out that to someone who is nervous about sex, and obviously having difficulty, it is not "just sex."

While true that I DO tell her to relax, and think about things, I DO NOT tell her it is "just sex." There is a much different context in which I place my words than how you placed yours. I hope you can see the difference.

Also, I say in my post "as the other posters have stated" before I go into all those suggestions / ideas that you seem concerned about me copying. So, I give credit due. Sometimes reiteration of a point, with a few ORIGINAL ideas thrown in, hits home for a poster. Not all my suggestions were copied from others.

In this forum the idea is to help people, and I hope that she is hoped by your post as well as the others here. Arguing over tiny details about wording is stupid. I just wanted to simply suggest that she not view sex as "just sex" if she didn't feel it was that insignificant. Many women don't. It is easier to view sex nochallantly after you have had it.

I hope that clears things up, and that there is no offense taken.

OH, on another note to the original poster...I forgot to mention this important thing. DON'T waste your virginity on a dildo! If you have a man whom you love and want to give the gift of your virginity to, then take the time to figure it allout. If you have not already broken your hymen with a sex toy - resist the urge to do that. If you break the hymen with the toy, you are no longer a virgin (technically speaking) and in a way, IN MY OPINION, that takes away from the moment with your special someone!

Mikayla

[Mikayla1]

Addendum to my previous post:

I just wanted to also say that sometimes I put things in posts which are also for the people who AREN'T posting, but reading. So by pointing out that "sex is not JUST sex" that was also for those young girls who might be reading this site and contemplating their first times. If they believe, "hey, relax, it's just sex" then they might not realize what a big decision sex is for the first time.

Just wanted to add that.

Mikayla

[Sailor Girl]

Hi. I don't mean to keep throwing questions at you, but are you sure that you want to give your virginity to him? I'm only asking because since you're engaged, maybe you think you should have sex before you tie the knot? Also and I don't mean to pry, but if there have been any traumatic events in your history, that is most definitely another reason to take the time as others have said, and really evaluate your circumstances. Maybe telling your fiance that you just aren't ready yet, maybe that will give the both of you time to rethink things. I mean no offense by asking such personal information, and hope you understand that i along with others are trying to help. as for the drink thing, I would not recommend it, because you not only want to remember it, but you also if having never had any, might become very drunk the first and only drink you take. This depends on your size, weight, and other factors. If you'd like to pm me, I'm more then happy to lend an ear. I wish you luck,

[lakia]

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR ALL OF YOUR HELP. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. I HAVE SENT A PRIVATE MESSAGE TO THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE HELPED ME MOST. THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE.

[halfaclue]