Oral Sex

[geriniz]

I am recently married and before me and my husband got married we had oral sex all the time now it seems that I am always the one giving I am never reciving. I have gotten to the point where i dont want to give him any because I dont ever get anything in return but intercorse. I am not saying that intercourse is bad in my book but I am a freak and i love the fore play and he never wants that. It seems to me that sex to him is just another thing in life and that he doesn't enjoy it as much as I do. I have gone as far as having another girl join us in the bedroom and he performed oral sex on her longer than he did me that night. I am not sure what to do. I ask him for it all the time but i get im too tired. Even if I am tired I still will give it to him.. Maybe he thinks since we are trying to conceive that all we need to do is have intercourse, but at the same time that is not all we need. Am I right or am I totally off?? I need advise on what i should do. I love him but at the same time it has crossed my mind to go else where for the pleasure I desire. I really don't want to do that. So please can someone help me with my situation.

[clewing]

I will be anxious to see what Howard, et al, have to say on this one, but IMHO, he is being very selfish. You should talk with him, in a setting outside the bedroom and let him know how you feel. And you can also say "no" if he continues being so selfish.

[Valntyn]

I'm sure others may have great advice to offer you, but one thing struck me obvious when I was reading your post... You stated that the two of you were trying to conceive. Often, couples trying to conceive get in a rutt (no pun intended) where sex is a task -- "we've gotta have sex if we're gonna have a baby." Wham, bam, wait to see if you're pregnant. No? Do it again.

Don't forget that sex is still supposed to be fun, having children should be fun, and definitely the practice before getting pregnant should be fun!

I'm not sure how long you've been trying, or if you're having to follow temperature charts (etc.), or if this is even the issue, but my suggestion is to sit down with your hubby - away from the bedroom - and talk about this. First find out if this is the reason for his sexual/attitudnal changes... see if there's something else bothering him. Then maybe ask him out on a date - doesn't matter if you leave the house or not - watch a movie, give each other back or foot rubs, talk... just do things to relax and tend to each other. Get back into the reason you two got together in the first place... then hopefully things will fall into place from there. Good luck and enjoy.

Also, stick with that gut instinct - don't stray. Start by talking to try to find a solution to this problem. Adding to the situation in the two ways you mentioned (adding a third party to try to solve the problem or going elsewhere) usually don't help solve the problem.

And P.S. You're not a "freak." Foreplay is the best part of sex, in my opinion. Kisses, teasing touches, orgasms from oral... damn, when's MY husband get home?!

[geriniz]

well the conciving part is going to be hard I have what is commonly abreviated as pcos " polysystic ovarian syndrome" we went to the dr and he prescribed meds to help ovulate correctly and such but it is going to take time so there should be no reason for the wham, bam now lets go to bed situation in my eyes. lets see hubby gets home in two hours and then he is going to want to go skate board probally which is taking away from our time together then he is going to want me to do all kinds of stuff then I will get ok lets go to bed we have work in the morning. which leaves no talking time nor any sexual time.

I am not going to stray away I am just going to talk to him and see if that will help my situation any and then if it doesn't Im going to send him here to read and get advice on such topics. I openly admit that I do have a high sex drive where he doesn't. plus I can take alot and he never gives me as much as I need. so in turn Im just now sure what to do. maybe calm my self down and when he is ready then I will be to.

I'm sure others may have great advice to offer you, but one thing struck me obvious when I was reading your post... You stated that the two of you were trying to conceive. Often, couples trying to conceive get in a rutt (no pun intended) where sex is a task -- "we've gotta have sex if we're gonna have a baby." Wham, bam, wait to see if you're pregnant. No? Do it again.

Don't forget that sex is still supposed to be fun, having children should be fun, and definitely the practice before getting pregnant should be fun!

I'm not sure how long you've been trying, or if you're having to follow temperature charts (etc.), or if this is even the issue, but my suggestion is to sit down with your hubby - away from the bedroom - and talk about this. First find out if this is the reason for his sexual/attitudnal changes... see if there's something else bothering him. Then maybe ask him out on a date - doesn't matter if you leave the house or not - watch a movie, give each other back or foot rubs, talk... just do things to relax and tend to each other. Get back into the reason you two got together in the first place... then hopefully things will fall into place from there. Good luck and enjoy.

Also, stick with that gut instinct - don't stray. Start by talking to try to find a solution to this problem. Adding to the situation in the two ways you mentioned (adding a third party to try to solve the problem or going elsewhere) usually don't help solve the problem.

And P.S. You're not a "freak." Foreplay is the best part of sex, in my opinion. Kisses, teasing touches, orgasms from oral... damn, when's MY husband get home?!

[Mikayla1]

OK, I picked up on one, serious issue - you brought another woman into your bedroom? How, may I ask, was that going to get HIM to perform more oral sex on YOU? Honey, men are simple creatures, if you give him a new buffet to eat at, he is going to eat there longer than the one he is used to!

I definitely would NOT be giving him head and not get my oral. However, I would try to get him to do it by perhaps trying to spice it up for him. Shave your pussy if it isn't already. When you are going down on him, turn around and put your pussy in his face. If he refuses the 69, then I would try to find out what is going on!

I know 3-somes work for many couples, but for me that had to end when I got married. I wouldn't suggest doing that again, especially if you are "keeping score"that does not indicate your comfort level is good for that. If you did that just to see if he would eat her out longer or better, then you didn't get the answer you wanted did you?

I also agree with Valyntn's idea of getting stuck in a rut. Are you sure HE wants to have a baby? Sometimes men act out when they are unhappy about conceiving. If he is OK with it, then tell him that the more aroused you are, the easier it is to get pregnant. In fact, if you orgasm together you stand a 3% greater chance of getting pregnant during that time. IF you get lots of oral, you are more likely to be so aroused that you can orgasm together.

Don't give up on this, all couple's need foreplay! My hubby goes down on me 98% of the time when we are having foreplay. The other 2% of the time we are too hot to have foreplay and simply FUCK.

Make sure you talk to him about it, outside of the bedroom in a nuetral area. He is indeed being selfish and needs to be a more giving lover. It isn't fair for you to suck him and he not suck you. PERIOD!

Good luck!

Mikayla

[geriniz]

thanks thats great advice..no the whole bringing another girl into the situation wasnt about that we both agreed oh her and we invited her over. at first i had no intention on doing anything sexual with her but she was giving hints and such so i was like what the heck. i was the one who took action and i mad him watch and i didnt let him join until i felt the time was right. then for the first time since we have been together he went more than once in a night but we both got our fare share from him.

I am pretty sure that he is ready for a baby there is a 5 year difference between us so we need to start soon because my personal opinion i dont want my childern to not beable to have and do fun things with their father because of him being to "old" per say... there is a prime example of that in my family and thats not how i want my kids to grow up and know their father. wow i know i going from oral sex to children what the hell is wrong with me?

So he came home from work tonight and we talked a bit.. he decided to get me hot and bothered then left to go play poker with friends from work and i asked kindly for him not to go but he still went. i sadi oh geezz thanks i appericate it. i was nice made him dinner did things he asked of me and i asked one simple thing in return and that was to please eat me but nope he couldn't be bothered instead he gave me a hickey on my neck and left it at that...well he has another thing comming to him when he gets home...

ok i think ive rambled off enough for now..

thanks everyone.

OK, I picked up on one, serious issue - you brought another woman into your bedroom? How, may I ask, was that going to get HIM to perform more oral sex on YOU? Honey, men are simple creatures, if you give him a new buffet to eat at, he is going to eat there longer than the one he is used to!

I definitely would NOT be giving him head and not get my oral. However, I would try to get him to do it by perhaps trying to spice it up for him. Shave your pussy if it isn't already. When you are going down on him, turn around and put your pussy in his face. If he refuses the 69, then I would try to find out what is going on!

I know 3-somes work for many couples, but for me that had to end when I got married. I wouldn't suggest doing that again, especially if you are "keeping score"that does not indicate your comfort level is good for that. If you did that just to see if he would eat her out longer or better, then you didn't get the answer you wanted did you?

I also agree with Valyntn's idea of getting stuck in a rut. Are you sure HE wants to have a baby? Sometimes men act out when they are unhappy about conceiving. If he is OK with it, then tell him that the more aroused you are, the easier it is to get pregnant. In fact, if you orgasm together you stand a 3% greater chance of getting pregnant during that time. IF you get lots of oral, you are more likely to be so aroused that you can orgasm together.

Don't give up on this, all couple's need foreplay! My hubby goes down on me 98% of the time when we are having foreplay. The other 2% of the time we are too hot to have foreplay and simply FUCK.

Make sure you talk to him about it, outside of the bedroom in a nuetral area. He is indeed being selfish and needs to be a more giving lover. It isn't fair for you to suck him and he not suck you. PERIOD!

Good luck!

Mikayla

[geriniz]

0k here is my thing thanks howard!! I sent him a couple of messages while he was away tonigh telling him i had a surprise for when he got home..ok he rushed home after the second message and then said ok whats my surprise? and i stated well go to bed and ill meet u there..but instead he decided to call me a lier and tell me there was no surprise and stuck to it.... but in my mind i wanted to just jump on him because before he left he got me all hott and bothered...i was going to take out the ice and tease him and please him but he heard me get the ice when he finally decided to lay down so i was SOL because he said get that ice away from me meaning he isnt adventrous..sometimes adventure is fun and wild in a relationship just like he doesn't like bondage where i do so there are still some flaws that need to be worked out....and it figures i was dumb tonight and checked and am replying to this with him sitting on the couch where he can see some of what i am writing.. oh well maybe it will help him wake up....ok im off to bed now that it is 2 am and i have work at 10 the new job.. nite all and thanks again.....talk to you soon

[geriniz]

well here is the thing he acts suspect all the time toward me..i go hang out with friends and come home and then go right in the shower and he suspects things but he has really bad asthma and all of my friends smoke so i dont want to bring the smell around him....last night when he went out he didnt drink he just played poker..he is dovted to his religion so he hardly drinks but it dont show it with me..well im going to get some dick talk to ya all soon..

[geriniz]

thanks again..and here is the thing he just told me a bit ago that the other night he was uncomfortable being there because i wasn't with him...thats simple to fix don't go..he told me that he is going again on sunday and " YOU ARE GOING WITH ME" when i personally don't want to go. granted i know most of the people there cuz we work with them but i still want my nights to myself..

this is totally off the subject i started but he had the nerve to say the other night that sex is overrated just because according to him we have done it so many times and i said to him its boring and over rated to you because we do nothing different we dont try new positions it is either me on top or him on top occassionally ill get it doggy but i really have to beg....and i talked to him about the oral situation and he still hasnt taken any anniciative but maybe finger me and then he said get on top there was no other foreplay involved thats it...what is that going to do for me nothing i find it is harder for me to cumm when there has been no foreplay..so i just dont know..

[tdriskel]

Just one other thing to think about. I know you want to have a baby, but just because you ovulate one month DOES NOT mean you have to get pregnant that month. The meds will help you ovulate, but it will not make your marriage or these issues take care of themselves! So, keep taking the meds but use birth control until you get this sorted-- or at least consider using it. (I know, my friends say I am too freakin' bossy! Sorry!) Maybe talking outside the bedroom and taking away the pressure of making a baby will help you guys to figure out what the heck is going on. If he is really religious, then ask to go to talk to the youngest and coolest of your ministerial staff. I have posted before that one of my dearest friends is a pastor and she would probably send him to this site or one like it for advice and "supplemental help." Getting pregnant and all the stuff that goes with that is a way that lots of people avoid discussing issues in their marriage. There is a reason that it is common knowledge that having a baby doesn't fix a broken marriage-- LOTS of people have tried and proven it isn't very successful. The stress of having a baby and keeping it alive and fed and watered for the first year is HUGE!! I don't know that your marriage is broken, but is does sound strained and you sound like you don't want it to be broken-- hence the advice. Also, if he is 5 years older than you, he is only 25 per your info, so you guys aren't exactly going to be raising kids on your social security. My husband also worried about having kids later because his dad was an "old dad." What we discovered is that his dad was probably an old dad from the get go. We had our first child right before he turned 32 and our last when he was 36. (Having older parents does tend to mean you don't space them as far apart by necessity!) He is such a kid himself, that he will never be an old dad, no matter how old he is. He is more involved and silly and dedicated to our kids than most of the younger dads we know from soccer (he coaches) and church (he teaches sundayschool for preschool) and our family (12 grandkids under 10). Getting your PCOS issues sorted out is good for you, but you don't need to get stressed about your clock ticking out just yet-- not at 20. (Again with the bossiness, I know. sorry!)

I know you were freaked about thinking about begging for good oral and a baby in one sentence, but that is the reality once you have a baby-- when mine were really little, I would pray that they would sleep just long enough so we could both have one orgasm, please GOD.

[WifeMomSlave]

I agree on all the things every one else had said and just had a few thoughts on the matter.

From time to time we get into a rut our selves and we book a room for the night at a local hotel. First we go to dinner, then we go out for just a few drinks. After we get to the hotel we run the hot tub that was in our room and hop in...but we dont not just jump each other....oh sure he tried...but I told him first we need to talk. I rub his shoulders and back while we talk to help him relaxe. This seems to help a lot...I think by being away from the house and all that ges with it...there is no I am going here and I need to do this...it is just us...no way to run from the situation. It really helps us reconecct. And hey who cant help be be a bit adventerus in a hotle room with a privet hot tub!

I though it might be worth a shot! Good luck and I wish you the best..you really do really do deserve it!

[geriniz]

hey thaks ya all have helped me alot..well we started going to church and things have gotten better much better. we are talking more and i have cut back on the asking but yet he still doesnt do it.. im not sure why i guess when he is ready he will...there is a reason for everything i guess...well i am going to plan a nice night for me and him so i will check back soon..

thanks again everyone..

geri