Introduction To....

[mrswheelerman55]

I'm in need a few ideas to help my daughter begin to learn how to please herself without the help of a boy.

When my oldest was about 15 years old, he came home and asked how to put on a condom?

My husband and I showed him the proper way, with the help of visual aids.(my purple vibe and my husbands condom) Neither one of us were too embarrassed to show him. Atleast my son trusted us enough to ask before he got into trouble!!

Now that my daughter is 15, we think that she needs to know how to use a vibe.

She is already on birth control for other reasons. I have explained to her that does not give her permission to have sex with a boy.

I have bought her a slim vibe and a pocket rocket, both still in the packages.

I'm not sure on how to appoacher her with any of this?

Do I show her the toys first and then explain or do I buy a dvd and watch with her and try to explain as it goes along??

I need HELP!!!

Any ideas or sugestions would greatly be appreciated.

[Mikayla1]

Ok. Here is my opinion - and PLEASE keep in mind that it is only my opinion. I believe that parents should NOT buy their children sex toys! I know, shocking to hear me say that. I think if she ASKED you for one - then you could go and get her one - but this is sort of like pushing the toy on her.

I also believe that if she is having sex - or wanting to - no vibe is going to stop her! If she is a virgin, using the toy will cause her NOT to be a virgin any longer - technically - and if I were a child, I might regret the decision to unvirginize myself with a toy when I was older and thought about it!

If your daugter is going to have sex, I am afraid she is going to vibe or no vibe. Teaching children about masturbation is usually not necessary. Most children (and I am sure their are exceptions) learn how to masturbate themselves early - or even by friends later. I am most sure she probably knows how.

I think a discussion is more the way to go here. I wouldn't ask her, "hey honey, do you want a vibrator to masturbate with?" I think I might have the "safe sex, masturbation is OK" talk with her.

Remember, these are MY opinions. I also said I wouldn't buy porn for my child - and many people would. Some things I am nastalgic about - and learning about sex and masturbation makes me think it is a natural process that kind of happens on it's own!

Good luck and I look forward to other, differing opinions!

Mikayla

[mrswheelerman55]

Please don't get me wrong, both of my children know that they can and do talk to me about sex, boys/girls,and really anything that is important to them. If I don't have the answers, we look them up together.

My daughter and I have have a closer relationship than my own mother and I do.

We ( daughter and I ) can sit for hours and talk about who's going out with who, who is having sex and who ain't and how all this makes her feel. She has told me on several occasions that she is still a virgin and will be that way until the day she gets married.

She keeps telling me that she is too involved in school and bmx racing, that she doesn't have the time or the interest for boys. I know this will change in a few years, but for now, I beleiver her, and THANK GOD she is bull headed!!!

When I was growing up sex wasn't talked about. You basically had to learn on your own and that was risky, even in the mid '80's.

The one time I asked a question about a sexual position, my mom turned the shades of red and clammed up!! So I went to the book store and and bought a book that was very helpful. I wasn't embarrassed to buy nor read the book in front of her. I think she may have looked at it a few times. ( my book mark had been moved) Which was fine with me. If she could add a little spice to her 20+ year marriage, then I was happy to help her. Although no words were spoken, I could tell just by her attitude, that she was happy and very much satisfied.

This is what I want for my daughter. Only I want her to be able to talk or show me anything and I won't get embarrassed, turn red or clam up. This why I had asked for help.

Thanks Mikayla for your opinion. I never thought of it that way, until now.

P.S. daughter is on birth control to help her stay on a regular monthly schedule. Every 10 days was wearing us both out.

[Mikayla1]

I think an open relationship with your child is GREAT! I think that having those open lines of communication, knowing she can talk to you about anything will come in handy through her whole lift. However, as for the sex toy thing - I might refrain from that for a while only because some people choose NOT to use toys - and she may grow up to be one of those people.

If she doesn't, then you can surely usher her into that when the time is right, but for now, since she is a virgin, I would surely not suggest a toy. Many young girls (and I am not assuming this about your child) think that if they use a toy, cucumber or hairbrush handle to devirgininize themselves that it won't hurt much later. I DO NOT advocate this practice. So, since more people read this post besides yourself, I feel it necessary to bring this up.

I think sex toys are wonderful (obviously) I think that they have there time and place in ANY relationhip or solo experience. However, I would wait until she asks about or for one. There is a reason you must be an adult to shop in a sex toy store!

So, I hope this helps -and I am glad you are tight with your daughter - in today's world, that can only be a blessing!

Mikayla

[chickenmom]

I have a thirteen year old daughter. I have had the sex talk with her recently, which included trying to get her to understand what feelings she might be having. I soooo did not want to have that talk. I did it because it was necessary. It was the right thing to do. BUT, I would not buy her porn or toys or anything of that nature. No matter how mature they think they are or we might think they are, they are still children. Some things are just better left alone in my opinion.

[nosleepnmesa]

HI, As most of us know I am a mother of 5 children, 3 of them are teens. My daughter is 10. I have a VERY open relationship with them, we talk about everything. I WOULDN'T by my daughter any time of sex toy unless of course she asked me for it. I am a FIRM believer in a open door policy with children. We all know that we can't stop our children from having sex, I mean we can talk to them tell we are blue in the face, but if they are mind set to do it all we can do is take the nessacery precautions.

Just had to add my two cents worth here. Now if my daughter came to me when she was a teenager and said to me, mom I want to experiment with toys instead of boys. Then we would be in for a long conversation. Although I dont foresee her doing this but then again at this day in age there is not telling.

[Tyger]

I have to fully agree with Mikayla in this matter. And Howard has a great point~there is a reason you have to be 18 to enter an adult store.

Yes, teens masturbate (most of them). But there really ARE some things that are none of the parent's business unless the teen asks them. Like your own parent's sex life...

Going up and offering her a toy, is, also, IMO inappropriate as a parent.

Great relationships with kids are the best feeling in the world. Having open communication is wonderful too! Discussing how she is feeling about certain things is great communication. Gossiping about other adults isn't a good idea. There is a fine line with parents and kids as far as being a parent, and being a friend. If you give your daughter a toy, you're trying to be her friend, and parents can't do that (at least until the child is 18 and/or on their own). If you're your kid's friend, they really loose respect for the parent part of you. That I do have experiece with. My step-mother was a friend to her first daughter, and my half sister, and neither one of them have respect for their mother as a PARENTAL figure.

Most of these are our opinions, respectful in nature.

Maybe save the toys for a "gag gift" on her wedding night, or keep them for yourself.