Is Sex A Waste Of Time?

[truckerswife]

I hope this is the right place to put this. I'm not sure where to begin, it's a long story! My husband and I met six years ago. This is my second marriage, his fourth...I know, I know, red light! We have a very good relationship but the sex is just......well, it's just sex. My husband is a wham, bam, thank you ma'am kind of guy. I don't know what to do anymore. He refuses to perform oral sex on me because the couple times he even tried he told me I smell bad and he will have nothing to do with it. (I went to the doctor and I'm fine and was told there was no unusual odor so I think maybe he's just lazy or just doesn't want to waste his time). This is getting totally frustrating for me. I don't know for sure, but I have a strong feeling that he's been with many, many....MANY women in his life. That's a part of his past that I really don't want to know about. When he's in the mood, there is very little foreplay...his idea of foreplay is rubbing my breasts and sucking and and playing with my nipples for a very short time! Ya know, I've tried to get him interested in sex toys, he'll have nothing to do with them; I've tried adult videos, he gets excited but is just not interested. I haven't had an orgasm with him ever. Oh, and he says he doesn't orgasm either, he just ejaculates. He claims that a doctor "ruined" him when they did a scope up his penis to check for stones. I don't know if that's possible or not. The only time I orgasm is when I masturbate...now isn't that sad??? When I try to bring up the subject of sex he pretty much changes the subject. Oh, and when I give him a blow job, he does nothing but lie there. I know he enjoys it, although he NEVER makes a noise! He has never once told me that it feels good (sex either). He doesn't touch me when I give him a blow job either...which is very frustrating for me...

I'd love to try a cock ring with a little bullet vibe or something but I'm so afraid that it would turn him off and that would be the end of that! I'm at a loss here.

I guess I'm not really looking for any advice but I'd sort of like to know if anyone else has dealt with anything like this?

[truckerswife]

Thanks for the info Howard! I always thought that he was having an orgasm when he ejaculates, he just thinks he knows everything there is in this world to know. There is so much more to this situation than I've told you. One thing though, leaving him at this point is not even possible.

You're right about sex should be fun. My gosh, that is the one and only thing I miss about my ex-husband. We had a very very good sex life! But that's all water under the bridge as they say.

As far as the talk goes......I hate to be negative but talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. When I bring up a serious subject or start crying (I'm going through peri-menopause so emotions run quite high!) he tells me I'm being silly. In fact, one night about a month ago (he's a long haul truck driver and is home every three to four weeks for only three to four days....which may be the only reason this so called marriage works!) we were lying in bed cuddling and actually talking I told him that it made me sad that we never kiss anymore. His reaction??? He patted my hand and proceeded to roll over and go to sleep!!! Was I totally pissed off? You betcha baby! I've told him since the beginning of our relationship that cuddling and kissing and physical contact were extremely important to me. And I realize that there's not always that "passion" there and thats okay butttt.....Oh shoot, I forgot where I was going with this whole thing! Rats, I hate this CRS (can't remember shit) disease I have!

You're absolutely right, he is a self centered jerk but I've made my bed and now I have to lie in it. You say I deserve more.......that may be true but the question is whether I could get more. I'm not a young sexy good looking chick and that's what the majority of men want!

Anyway, I do appreciate your input!

[Mikayla1]

Uh, what is wrong with women thinking that they have to stay in this kind of marriage with NO alternatives? Honey, you CAN leave him - and if things don't get better, I would say do it AND RIGHT QUICK!!!

It is not just the sexual attitudes that concern me, it is his overall attitude. Any man who would say to the women he supposedly LOVES that her pussy "smells bad" is a real prick! Nor would a man who loves you not want to pleasure you. I think his bs comment about not orgasming when he ejaculates is a bunch of crap! This man was married 4 times for some reason, and this is it!

There are people, men and women, out there in the world who derive no pleasure from sex - giving or receiving - they just have it out of obligation. Most men are not like this - as sex is something which is forefront on most men's minds. However, it is not impossible that for whatever reason he has no desire to have sex.

His unwillingness to even explore why he is like this concerns me and would personally send me hustling to a divorce lawyer!

I would think really hard about spending one more day of YOUR LIFE with this SOB!

Mikayla

[Tyger]

I have to agree with both Howard and Mikayla1 10000%!!! They pretty much covered everything I wanted to say too.

Any man that actually SAYS that he won't go down on you because you smell bad is a real jerkoff! Especially, when you've gone to the doctor and have been "medically" cleared (some infections can cause a woman to smell funny), and also, think back to your past lovers.....any complaints on odor then? Of course not. He's just being a lazy SOB. His whole attitude towards sex seems to be take it or take it. He's not even the "Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am" type, because I see no "thank you" there at all!!!

It sounds like he wants a maid, bookkeeper to make sure his bills are paid, and someone to take care of him & keep him warm, when he's in town. Sounds like he's a dog that travels the neighborhood or something!! I mean really!! "Feed me, pet me, love me bye now!!" He doesn't do anything for you except maybe help with bill paying, take up space, let you down, and make you worry!! What good is this relationship except being destructive for you emotionally and sexually?

He's a waste of your space and time. And he is also a BIG liar!! If he can lie about having an orgasm (which that in itself, is pretty serious), and your "odor", then what else can he lie about?

As far as not being sexy or attractive. Well, honey, being in this type of rut for as many years as you've been would even make Anna Nicole Smith feel unsexy!!! You're never stuck in an unhappy marriage. And, face it, it's also a form of an abusive marriage: neglect and emotional!!

If he wants to be "serviced" and is a truck driver, let him pay the Lot Lizards to visit his cab. His WIFE should be treated with respect and love. Especially if he's gone on such long stretches of time!! He should be pouncing on you when he gets home!!

I have to agree, the other wives in his past can't all be *bad* women as he's probaby portrayed them to be. What's the common factor here? He is. They probably got tired of his lazy ass (and dick and tongue), and threw him to the curb!! As they should have!

I hope you find the strength to drop his ass and find yourself first, then someone that will help make your life happier. I feel that nobody can MAKE you happy, YOU have to do that, but YOU can choose the people in your life that are positive or negative for you.

Good luck!!

[Valntyn]

What can I say but, "Ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto and... what was it.... oh yah.. DITTO."

[truckerswife]

I have to say thank you to all of you for your replies. I think you've all said what I've known but needed confirmation of it. My first order of business will be to find myself a job and start putting money away for me for when the time comes. I'm a certified medical transcriptionist and am looking for something I can do from my home and am not having much luck with that at the moment.

Things here are very tense at the moment, his mother is in the hospital and not expected to live so I'm dealing with that right now......he's out of town until Friday so I'm expected to be at the hospital. What can I say...his mother is a lovely lady and I'll do this for her.

Again, thanks everybody and hopefully one day soon I'll have the brains and the courage to get out of this mess I've gotten myself into!

[whiskeywoman]

Oh lord have mercy.

This guy is self centered asswipe and a total loser with a huge capital "L"

Yes, you CAN leave him, there are shelters for housing, legal aid for divorce proceedings, and the internet for information on how to find such things.

You said you are a transcriptionist, go to www.monster.com, look under e commerce and telecommuting jobs.

a lot of them you can do right from home, check with the local temporary agencies, sometimes they need help as well.

Check out local doctors, dentists and even the nursing homes have needs for it.

Trust me, they are out there, I ran into almost nothing but when I was doing my job search.

Set up a professional email account, find as many job boards as you can, sign up for them all, that way the employers can also find you as well.

Set up the job scouts and job alerts, it helps immensly.

It took me a couple of months to find a job, and lots of interviews and lots of dissappointment, but, I found one, not the greatest thing in the world, but, it pays the bills and keeps a roof over my kid's heads and food in their bellies.

As for not being able to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve, PShaw, riiiight.

Tell that to my mom who got married.. for the 3rd time... at age 60.

Nowadays age means squat to people.

Folks are living longer than ever before, and are discovering that their sex lives do not end just because they blew out 40 candles on their last birthday cake.

Hell, for most women, their sex lives are just beginning to hit their peak at 40.

Just because you "made your bed" does not mean you have to lay in it with that louse.

You do not need a man to make your life work, all you need is a bit of the good old fashioned grit I know you have.

If you didn't have it, you wouldn't be trying so hard to change things.

Make a plan of action, set some goal, acheive them, and before you know it, you will have your own place and he will have an empty house.

Don't worry about finding someone right away.

Now is a good time for you to find out about YOU, I mean REALLY find out about you.

try a few new things out, try a yoga class, maybe painting or take spanish or french.

spring for a road trip with your girlfriends, go to a new town and go shopping or sightseeing.

You get the drift.

And don't hand me that horse hockey that you can't.

You can, believe me, if your half as strong as I think you are, you will live life to the fullest, and he will be miserable.

Yoo bad we can't tag him so another poor woman won't make the same mistake.

and it is a shame he didn't come with a reciept so you can return him and get your money back.