Members Borges Posted July 18, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 18, 2021 How do I deal with being in my 40s and still a virgin? This has not been by choice. I was just really shy in school and somehow let the time slip by on career stuff. My dating has been very sporadic and has never led to sex. If I start dating regularly should I reveal this early on? Or is it not that big of a deal and a problem that will take care of itself? Is it even a problem? I've gotten responses from friends ranging from it's not a big deal to , "you need therapy at this point before even trying to date". But I don't want to waste more time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rio Posted July 18, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 18, 2021 Are you male or female? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Borges Posted July 18, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted July 18, 2021 1 minute ago, Rio said: Are you male or female? Male Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Borges Posted July 19, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2021 10 hours ago, Firefly99 said: Hi there. It takes a lot of courage to ask for advice and seek other people’s opinions about this, so good on you for being brave enough to come and ask. I’m no expert but I would say that ‘the right person’ wouldn’t care about this.. it’s never too late and I think it’s a lot more common than you might think. I certainly wouldn’t bring it up ‘immediately’ with someone and worry too much about that side of things.. when you feel comfortable with someone these things just tend to happen naturally and when you are feeling that with the right person, then maybe you could talk about it. 😊👌 It's an anonymous board so it doesn't take that much courage. That's great to hear since it is a minority opinion based on stuff read and hear in the general culture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rio Posted July 19, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2021 There are so many questions that need to be answered. Why has your dating been sporadic? Now are you trying to live up to the norms of society of a male and a female or do you really prefer the company of men more and would feel more comfortable with a man? Maybe for your first time being as you are already 40 years old hiring an escort might not be a bad thing to do. You can explain to the escort your situation and let them guide the way. Maybe your friends that said therapy are onto something. Maybe a sex therapist would be of great help. These are just some questions and I guess you need to look into and answer yourself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Borges Posted July 19, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2021 7 minutes ago, Rio said: There are so many questions that need to be answered. Why has your dating been sporadic? Now are you trying to live up to the norms of society of a male and a female or do you really prefer the company of men more and would feel more comfortable with a man? Maybe for your first time being as you are already 40 years old hiring an escort might not be a bad thing to do. You can explain to the escort your situation and let them guide the way. Maybe your friends that said therapy are onto something. Maybe a sex therapist would be of great help. These are just some questions and I guess you need to look into and answer yourself. Not remotely gay so prefer women. Don't know about the dating thing. Time just flies by I guess. And can't seem to get beyond a couple of dates with this or that woman. What's the phrase now, I get ghosted a lot? Anyway it's not something I would do but it seems to be popular with women. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members twin spirits Posted July 19, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2021 Have to wonder if you have a normal sex drive? Do you masturbate often. You may be dealing with a hormonal issue. I think the first thing you need to do is make sure that you’re healthy. As you get older weird stuff starts happening to our bodies. Your testosterone levels may be low. And if you’re not you need to start dating often. You’re not going to find that special someone unless you’re actively dating. I hope that helps. Keep us posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Borges Posted July 19, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2021 5 minutes ago, twin spirits said: Have to wonder if you have a normal sex drive? Do you masturbate often. You may be dealing with a hormonal issue. I think the first thing you need to do is make sure that you’re healthy. As you get older weird stuff starts happening to our bodies. Your testosterone levels may be low. And if you’re not you need to start dating often. You’re not going to find that special someone unless you’re actively dating. I hope that helps. Keep us posted. Oh my sex drive if fine believe me. That's what makes this...frustrating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members twin spirits Posted July 19, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2021 3 hours ago, Borges said: Oh my sex drive if fine believe me. That's what makes this...frustrating. But not so frustrating that you haven’t been able to act? I think you need to leave the virginity issue behind you and move on. Right now you are using it as an excuse for failed relationships. Stop being so self conscious about it. When you find a willing partner tell her that it’s been a long time for you. What you’re doing or not doing now ain’t working so.you need to change. You might want to visit a therapist and inquire about a surrogate partner. Expensive but known to work. Me thinks that nothing will change until you do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cirrus20 Posted July 19, 2021 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Borges said: Oh my sex drive if fine believe me. That's what makes this...frustrating. There have been some very good, sensitive suggestions to consider here but there are also still too many unknowns. One thing that is definitely not a problem is being a virgin; the problem seems to be that you want sex or a relationship but don't know how to fulfill that desire. And, one question is whether you're just looking for sex or are you looking for a relationship? If it's just sex then ask a friend to hook you up with someone or search the internet for a hook-up (but be very careful). Do you lack confidence in yourself or your looks that you think women aren't interested? Are you just a straight-up, decent, nice guy and simply awkward at "playing the game" when talking to women in certain situations? Are you worried about satisfying a woman because of not having experience? Are you just shy? I certainly hope you're not concerned about the looks or size of your penis. The point is you need to find the root cause for not getting what you want and that may or may not require talking to a trained therapist. Once you identify the root cause, the hardest part is finding a way to overcome that problem. It's very easy to say all this and I understand how difficult this is for you. But talk to someone you trust and I wish you good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sassygirl77 Posted June 19, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 19, 2022 On 7/19/2021 at 10:25 AM, Borges said: Not remotely gay so prefer women. Don't know about the dating thing. Time just flies by I guess. And can't seem to get beyond a couple of dates with this or that woman. What's the phrase now, I get ghosted a lot? Anyway it's not something I would do but it seems to be popular with women. I'm so sorry. That is awful but I am in similar situation Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Excited Posted June 26, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 26, 2022 On 6/18/2022 at 10:13 PM, Sassygirl77 said: I'm so sorry. That is awful but I am in similar situation I certainly don’t have the answers. I dealt with this myself and it worked itself out. . I say this since most have mentioned the other things. Let me ask have either of you posted a naked pic of yourself on here? I and am sure others would like seeing. Or are you shy or feel like you are being judged. Mind you may have posted I just haven’t seen and my statement is meaningless. If not you can be assured people on this forum are great. Never seen anyone put down by a photo posted never. I hope your situation changes soon and you enjoy an active sex life that is fulfilling cumin daily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sassygirl77 Posted June 28, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 28, 2022 On 7/18/2021 at 4:07 PM, Borges said: How do I deal with being in my 40s and still a virgin? This has not been by choice. I was just really shy in school and somehow let the time slip by on career stuff. My dating has been very sporadic and has never led to sex. If I start dating regularly should I reveal this early on? Or is it not that big of a deal and a problem that will take care of itself? Is it even a problem? I've gotten responses from friends ranging from it's not a big deal to , "you need therapy at this point before even trying to date". But I don't want to waste more time. I messaged you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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