"oral Sex Buddies"

[rainman0720]

Everyone knows what a "fuck buddy" is. Has anyone ever heard of an "oral sex buddy"? Because of TMJ, neither my wife nor I can go down on the other. It used to be a regular part of our sex play, but now neither of us can give the other one that incredible pleasure that comes from oral sex.

I've thought about each of us getting an "oral sex buddy". She can find a guy she's attracted to, and he can go down (and stay down...lol) on her as long as she wants. Once she's done, she can return the favor by giving him a nice slow handjob. And I could find someone I'm attracted to, and after she's blown me, I can use whatever means and toys she wants to give her an orgasm in return.

I'm a lot more open about sex than my wife is. I have no trouble at all separating sex from emotion. I have two questions about this.

One, should I bring this up to my wife? Should I tell her what I'm thinking?

Two, if the answer is yes, how should I go about bringing the subject up? The last thing I want to do is make her think I'm not still sexually attracted to her; she is an absolutely great sex partner. But because of our joint TMJ, I can't give her head, and she can't give me head. I can't speak for her, but I know it's something I miss. Once in a while, I'd love nothing more than to just lay back and enjoy a blowjob. I have to believe that at times, she has the same basic thought.

Should I say something, or should I let this idea just die a natural death?

Thanks.

[Tyger]

I wanted to add my opinion, being a woman that has some health issues that sometimes prevents me from having sex with my hubby. Everytime I have a period where I *can't* have sex with my hubby, he understands, but the frustration is there, and without him meaning too, I feel bad and less than when this happens.

Well, as far as oral sex buddies, I personally don't think this is a good idea. I'm not seeing someone else coming into your marriage being a good thing for it. I doubt very much, that in the heat of the moment, someone doesn't cross the line from oral to full blown intercourse.

There are many adult toys out there that would simulate oral sex. I would recommend those instead. Having her use say like a Pocket Pal on you, and you a Clit Licker on her, can be so much more exciting (and safer for your marriage), IMO.

[Tyger]

I also wanted to point out, that you'd said you have no troulbe seperating sex with love. Women usually DO have that trouble. Especially in a marriage. I would let this fantasy die, or buy the toys and maybe suggest that you pretend that they're "real" people, and fantasize together that way.

Like I mentioned, even without meaning too, when I am physically unable to have sex with my hubby, I feel Less Than. And I know he's not trying to make me feel bad or anything, but I am thinking that even if you casually mentioned your idea of how to find someone like that, she may feel like she's not satisfying you sexually.

That's just my take on it anyway.

My mother has TMJ, and her dentist gave her a plastic mouthguard specially designed to train your mouth to relax. He said it was probably caused by stress. Even if she may not "feel stressed" as much, her body tells her that she is by clenching her jaw as she sleeps. She gets bad neck pain and headaches due to her TMJ, and this has helped a lot! Reminds me a lot of a boxer's mouthguard, but a bit more specialized. It was expensive, but definitely worth looking into if you get the pains in neck, jaws, and head. I would *think* that insurance would cover a lot of the cost, but I'm not sure either.

[whiskeywoman]

I myself have TMJ, caused by a dislocation of my jaw due to a kick in the mouth with a steel toed boot and then a subsequent injury to my mouth 3 days later.

My jaw was completely dislocated, and it was not discovered till about 25 years later, after it completely healed.

Yes it is severely misallighned and to fix the problem would require a surgeon to actually remove my jaw, remove the scar tissue and then reattach it in the proper position.

Since this is not an option for me, I have learned several tricks and tips to help compensate for the problem while I perform oral sex on my partner.

I actually added my 2 cents worth over on the oral sex area about how to give a killer BJ.

There are also products desighned to help you enhance your oral sex skills, like the tongue joy, it is a set of vibrating tongue rings, not the pierced kind, they slip over your tongue, like a rubber band.

Or there is another that sits on your jaw, all you have to do is stick out your tongue, the toy does the rest.

Combine those with a bit of foreplay throughout the day, and youll be good to go.

and no i do not mean the touch and grab or kissing type of foreplay.

give her a kiss and squeeze her ass, send her some flowers, or send her some sexy lingere

the key to really good foreplay is to excite the mind.

how bout a coupon book good for free massages or maybe a candlelit bubblebath where you scrub her back or bring her some wine, maybe a day off from housework?

Honestly though, dont bring anyone else into your marrige, even if it is for just oral once in a while, this kind of a set up is just begging for disaster to strike.

You have a healthy marrige, you have a loving wife, and you both have open minds as far as toys go.

You are doing better than 90 percent of most americans, if you bring in other people to fix what aint broke, youll break something perfectly good.

[Guest Edge]

I feel for you Rainman, but a third party in a marriage is simply a bad idea.

The perceived benefit will no doubt be overshadowed by the ultimate cost to your relationship. The above-noted posts are good advice.

Good luck.

[rainman0720]

Thanks to everyone for your input. Sometimes I lose sight of the fact that I view sex and emotion differently than my wife does. If I look at this from my perspective, it's perfect. But after reading your answers, I'm able to see it from other perspectives. This is one idea I think I will let die a natural death.

[Guest Edge]

Hey, while i think the Oral Buddy is a bad idea, you should heed some of the advice above.

I know i would...not only to try to keep the oral sex in your marriage, but for general health reasons as well.

Whiskeywoman has been there and has a story to tell. If it's important to the two of you, then pursue it. There's more than one way to skin a cat!