Some More Insight On Threesomes

[Guest Ollej25]

So my boyfriend and i had our first ever threesome (last night). It was really amazing. It was with a girl i used to work with, who i would consider a friend, but really isn't someone i talk to even every month. I'm glad we did it, because it was something he really enjoyed (as well as myself).

Now, there is nothing he is doing to cause me to feel like this, but i just have so many thoughts and questions running through my head. Like, was she better than me, was there something she did that he really enjoyed that i don't do. Which leads to me thinking, that will he be thinking about her next time we have sex? When we set rules and chose her, one of the reasons, is to make me feel better she is someone that i am in contact with. that only i have her number, so i wouldn't think he would be contacting her or anything. I really am glad that we did it. I thought it was very fun, minus the fact that she really had never 'been' with a girl, which for me (being bi) was not a problem. I just keep thinking, like will this end our relationship because of the statistics supporting it??? I need to relax about it, our relationship is better than ever, can anyone give me some advise to make me feel better, or perhaps think of it differently???

Thank you, you guys are amazing!!!

~Ashley

[Tyger]

I guess it depends on the both of you, whether or not you'll "be ok".

The questions that run thru your head are part of the reasons why 3-somes aren't really recommended if you're in a committed relationship. Another reason that 3-somes kill a relationship is one of the "couple" people asks the 3rd person to join them in a solo session. It happens A LOT!! Trust is a BIG thing in a relationship. Without trust, there is NO relationship. Even the strongest marriages don't survive a 3-some. Does this mean your relationship is doomed? Absolutely not.

The questions you should ask yourself are:

How will you handle it if he should want another 3-some?

Will it be OK to be with the same girl, or a different one?

Do you WANT to do another 3-some?

What if YOU want a 3-some, involving another MAN, would he be up for that?

If the situation arose, and the Rules of the 3-some were violated, how would you handle it? Could you handle it?

Would he accept it if you said you didn't want to do another one?

In answering these, this will probably shed some light on the aftermath of a 3-some.

If someone is thinking about having a 3-some, I would recommend asking these questions BEFORE hand.

[Mikayla1]

This is why I try to shy people away from threesomes. I mean, yes, I have had them, and boy did I learn from them. These feelings and thoughts that you are having are NOT going to go away. You will fester and fester on it until you confront your boyfriend. He will either admit to something stupid like she was better, he wants to do it again, or the famous....she was "different." Then you will accuse her of thinking of him or him of thinking of her and soon - it ends badly.

This, of course, is just a short little possible scenario - and I really hope that this does NOT happen to you. However, I have seen it happen so many times that it just seems to be reality. Tyger is right, no one will know if you will be OK until all these thoughts get aired out. One thing is for sure, if you feel this insecure you never should have done it in the first place!

Good luck to you!

Mikayla

[JackieM3117]

While I can't add to the advice already given (i.e. talk to your boyfriend about how you feel) I did want to offer some support: if you're in a relationship with this guy than it is obvious he likes you for more reasons than your sexual performance. Even if you get some answers that you don't really want to hear, for example he enjoyed some sexual act she performed that maybe you don't usually do, or you get the "well it was different" thing, you have to realize that with every relationship you have there are going to be aspects that are comparatively better and worse. You may have had boyfriends who were better at eating you out, he might have had girlfriends who were better at blow jobs, but that doesn't stop you from loving and committing to your current boyfriend, just like it won't stop him from loving and being committed to you. If he sometimes fantasizes about her during sex, or any other girl for that matter, it's pretty normal. Women fantasize about other people too. Basically what I'm saying is, all he had was sex with this other woman, he doesn't share other intimacies with her, so you're always going to be better because of that. Don't worry so much about the physical acts, just remember he's dating you and without your consent such acts would have never occurred.

You're wonderful and he's lucky to have you.

[Jim's Girl]

I was a part of a threesome for about for years.

I was invited into a married couple's relationship as a co-wife by the female, after she and her husband had discussed it. They both knew I'd never been with another woman, and this was my first threesome. They were my really good friends at the time.

Our relationship lasted about four years. The three of us did everything together, just like a married couple, plus one. We all loved each other very much (supposedly), and life was good.

The problems arose because the other female refused to talk openly about how she felt. She was bi-polar, I found out later. She'd become angry over our relationship, and felt threatened because I could cook and she couldn't, because I kept a clean house and she didn't...just anything. There were no problems at the beginning of our relationship, then she started doing and saying some pretty horrible things. It left me and the male wondering WTF was going on, because we'd all been so happy.

At the end of the relationship, it came out that in her teens she'd been a cocaine addict (she went into rehab a few months before the end), and had slept with most of the men in her town. At the end, she had become hooked on IV pain medications; the male was a disabled vet, and she was stealing his medications and shooting up. She almost literally killed him by substituting sterile water for his pain medications. She'd do and/or say horrible things to both of us, then not remember it the next day. I couldn't deal with her craziness anymore, so I bailed. She and her husband split up after he gave her every chance in the world, and he and I gave a go at a relationship, but we had a huge argument and he couldn't deal with *his* Achilles heel. (That's another thread, though.)

She has called me and apologized for "all the mean things I did to you", and said she wanted to have a relationship with just me, but I am not gay, and I have no interest in allowing her to become that close to me again. She had accused me at one point right before the end of "breaking up my marriage", but said during the phone call that she knew it was her drug abuse and the hateful things she'd done to both of us that did it.

We (the male and I) did everything we could to keep the threesome together, but because the female either couldn't or wouldn't (or both) communicate effectively, and because she couldn't deal with it all, I guess, it fell apart. If you're in ANY relationship, it takes 100% commitment from everyone involved, but perhaps it takes even more from participants in an unusual relationship such as ours was. Two of us were willing, and one wasn't. There was no chance.

If you have concerns or questions, you have to TALK about it. From your post, I can tell that you and your boyfriend didn't invite this woman into your lives for a long term relationship; you wanted some fun and adventure and something different. ALL THAT IS FINE!! There is not one thing wrong with that. But you have to believe in each other and in the relationship itself from the start, or you WILL have problems.

Newbie is right; sex is one thing, but true intimacy and feelings and love between a man and a woman is a different animal. Talk to him. He probably has just as many questions as you do. Like Howard says, it should be a learning experience for you both, and it has every potential to draw the two of you closer.