Members loliiita Posted September 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 6, 2023 Hi everyone, I have been married for several years and have vaginismus (involuntary contracting of the vaginal muscles). This is something that I have had since the beginning of my sex life. It has very much improved but there is still ways to go. I have been thinking about it a lot lately as my libido has been WAY up (uncomfortably up...). My husband and I do have intercourse but no orgasms for me yet, so it really does help take the edge off. We are on a weird place in our marriage and I am trying to find ways to improve our relationship and our sex life. Because of my condition I had to take the lead about everything: when we do it, how we do it, what we do, etc... Over the years, I feel like I involuntarily "tamed" my husband. He does not take any more initiatives. He used to be very passionate and very much into giving me the most pleasure possible. Now that sex is back on the table (we couldn't for a while because the vaginismus made it impossible during my depression) I would like to start having him take the lead. Anyways, how would a woman start to be a bit more submissive ? I do think that if I learn to let him take the lead it will help with the vaginismus and would result in more pleasure for me. But I have no clue how to do that. Any ideas? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mr. Mike Posted September 7, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2023 5 hours ago, loliiita said: Hi everyone, I have been married for several years and have vaginismus (involuntary contracting of the vaginal muscles). This is something that I have had since the beginning of my sex life. It has very much improved but there is still ways to go. I have been thinking about it a lot lately as my libido has been WAY up (uncomfortably up...). My husband and I do have intercourse but no orgasms for me yet, so it really does help take the edge off. We are on a weird place in our marriage and I am trying to find ways to improve our relationship and our sex life. Because of my condition I had to take the lead about everything: when we do it, how we do it, what we do, etc... Over the years, I feel like I involuntarily "tamed" my husband. He does not take any more initiatives. He used to be very passionate and very much into giving me the most pleasure possible. Now that sex is back on the table (we couldn't for a while because the vaginismus made it impossible during my depression) I would like to start having him take the lead. Anyways, how would a woman start to be a bit more submissive ? I do think that if I learn to let him take the lead it will help with the vaginismus and would result in more pleasure for me. But I have no clue how to do that. Any ideas? Well the first thing I would think is a very open relationship, open communication about your sexlife and hiw its evolving, let him understand your needs and wants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members loliiita Posted September 7, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2023 6 minutes ago, Mr. Mike said: Well the first thing I would think is a very open relationship, open communication about your sexlife and hiw its evolving, let him understand your needs and wants. We do talk about it quite a bit. I think he is a bit tired of it to be honest. How about certain actions I could take to show him I want him to lead? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Katie Did It Posted September 7, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2023 Maybe talking about fantasies could open this up. Could you suggest role play? Or even light bdsm where he is the dom? I read a lot of “spicy books” and I love to tell my husband the scenes that I like. They are good for brainstorming, but horrible for trying to not be so horny. 😂 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members loliiita Posted September 7, 2023 Author Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2023 Haha we tried role play once did not go too well. He got a bit too involved in his character. We try to play college student/teacher and he sgot upset I did not do my homework lol. We laughed about it but not sure it is the best course to let him take the lead. I do read stories but have not have shared ot with him. I think that could be cool to try. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members michelleddd Posted September 7, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2023 Write down some of your fantasies on two clots of paper. Put them in a jar and each pull out one of the others, you have a week to make it happen. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BallsDeep Posted September 8, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 8, 2023 On 9/6/2023 at 9:20 PM, michelleddd said: Write down some of your fantasies on two clots of paper. Put them in a jar and each pull out one of the others, you have a week to make it happen. Sexy idea 🔥🔥 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members michelleddd Posted September 8, 2023 Members Report Share Posted September 8, 2023 On 9/8/2023 at 10:37 AM, BallsDeep said: Sexy idea 🔥🔥 I think it helps, especially if one person is too shy or has no imagination. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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