What Is A Typical Lovemaking Session Like For Most People

[cj0834]

I have a question or I guess several really. I've only ever been with one person and I don't think my sexual experiences are typical.

1. There is some foreplay, sometimes I will have an orgasam just from his hand. I get very wet, but it seems like he still has a lot of trouble getting in.

2. I've never had an orgasam with him inside me. Do most men enter a women slowly taking several minutes or is it just a matter of seconds with some pain at first? That is my experience.

3. How long does the thrusting etc. go on? The longest a lovemaking session has ever been for me is maybe 30 minutes. Usually less. I know its' not always the same, but what would you say is typical?

4. I know women can have more than one orgasam. Can men? Does it depend on their age?

Although it has never happened for me. I could see how maybe a women could have one orgasam during foreplay and one during intercourse. Is it possible to have more than one when he is in me. I think it would be hard since the actual act only lasts a few minutes.

That's all I can think of for now. I am sure I will think of more. I just am really begining to wonder if this is how it is for the majority of women. I read erotic stories and they are nothing like what I experience. Do they just make it all up or can it really be like that? Please let me know.

[Tyger]

I have a question or I guess several really. I've only ever been with one person and I don't think my sexual experiences are typical.

1. There is some foreplay, sometimes I will have an orgasam just from his hand. I get very wet, but it seems like he still has a lot of trouble getting in.

2. I've never had an orgasam with him inside me. Do most men enter a women slowly taking several minutes or is it just a matter of seconds with some pain at first? That is my experience.

3. How long does the thrusting etc. go on? The longest a lovemaking session has ever been for me is maybe 30 minutes. Usually less. I know its' not always the same, but what would you say is typical?

4. I know women can have more than one orgasam. Can men? Does it depend on their age?

Although it has never happened for me. I could see how maybe a women could have one orgasam during foreplay and one during intercourse. Is it possible to have more than one when he is in me. I think it would be hard since the actual act only lasts a few minutes.

That's all I can think of for now. I am sure I will think of more. I just am really begining to wonder if this is how it is for the majority of women. I read erotic stories and they are nothing like what I experience. Do they just make it all up or can it really be like that? Please let me know.

Just one man, huh? Wow. Have you discussed these things with him?

OK, well, I'll do this numerically too.

1) Most likely, you're getting clitorial manual stimulation from his hand, and probably a bit more attention the sensitive nerves withing the first 3" or so inside you. There is nothing wrong with using lubrication to aide in his insertion. Is your hubby well-endowed (big)? The bigger they are, sometimes the more difficult it is to get his penis in. Does he have difficulty getting his penis inside you in every position? Just because you have to use lube, doesn't mean you're not excited. I can NEVER stress this enough!! It also could be the way your vaginal canal is shaped too. Some women are more tipped than others. There is nothing wrong with that, every woman is different.

2) The time it takes to put his penis inside you, with lube or natural wetness varies per lovemaking session. Sometimes it just slips right in, real slick. Other times, the man can tease you by putting it in torturously slow. If there is pain, even after you use lubrication, talk to your OB/GYN about it. Right after I had my daughter, I had a spot right inside of my vagina that stayed dry, and ripped each and every time we had sex. Even with the use of lube (but it did help). I can't remember what my GYN told me it was, but there is a cream that they can prescribe to help clear that up. Sex shouldn't be painful. And I would also suggest that you relax when it's time for him to enter you. After all these years, you're probably tensing up, knowing that it's gonna hurt, and that can also be part of your problem. Just give yourself over to the feelings of his stimulation and love. And, try to get into the habit of slow, deep breathing. It really does help.

3) There is no typical time limit to having sex, IMO. It depends on the mood. Sometimes quickies can be boom boom Aaaaaaahhhh, that quick. I've had sex sessions lasting up to 10 hours (with a few breaks after cuming in between). The man has to learn to control his cumming. This takes practice to do. It sounds like your husband hasn't practiced that at all. He should be able to go for longer than that. If he can't, he should be able to get it back up.......leading us to:

4)Men can have more than one orgasm. How hard and fast can vary depending on age, stress, physical condition....lots of things can make a difference. The older a man gets, it can take him a little longer to "regroup" so to speak, but after a few minutes of relaxing, maybe some oral lovin', he should be able to get his soldier to stand at attention, though it may not be as hard as it was the first time, but close.

As far as what you read in erotica. Sometimes it can be how they describe. Authors also have a tendancy to use many adjectives, trying to excite and captivate their readers. I don't think I've ever heard of someone loosing their virginity as explosive, easy, and simple as I have read in romance novels. However, I have experienced the racing pulse, heavy breathing, muscle spasms....and yes, the heaving bossom. Each person reacts differently to sex, though the workings & parts are basically the same.

It sounds to me, like you and your hubby need to take some long needed time to explore each other, finding out what truly excites you. On a woman, the clit is the major "Magic Button" that usually sends her off into Orgasm Land. I get off very easily by clitorial stimulation. I really really get off by having strong clit action and a full feeling, whether it be my hubby's large penis, or a large dildo/vibrator. Stimulation of other body parts vary by person. Some women like to have their anus stimulated, or having something put in it, some don't...that sort of thing. Men also can vary in what they like. Nipple nibbling, ball tickling/sucking/licking have (usually) been the things I've come to understand they like.

They key to adult sex is to know that it's adult play, not a chore, not something that should hurt, but FUN!! Spontanaety, variety, fun, experimentation, all help in making sex fun! Honest communication is HOW to make sex really work for you. Being honest, and always trying to be kind, is also very important. After all, if he doesn't know he's doing something wrong, or just NOT doing anything for you, how can you expect it to change?

[cj0834]

Howard, he would never do any of the things you mentioned. When he's done he's done and he wouldn't even be interested the next day much less the same day. Sex is work to him. It must be because ususally when I try to initiate it he says he is tired or needs to relax. He would never "tease" me as you say. He will slow down if I yell at him to stop for a minute and just quit moving, but next time its just the same. I suppose I should tell you that he has a form of high functioning autism called Aspergers. I'm sure this is a huge contributing factor. He really only likes doggy style. I prefer missionary just because I like to feel his weight and feel dominated, but I've kind of given up on it becasue he always complains that his arms are getting tired then he will pretty much just lay on me and let his chin dig into my collarbone. Not very condusive to orgasm. He looks at me if I ask him to, but only for a moment. Most autistic people have problems with eye contact. He only seems to have trouble with it during sex. I've been with him for 10 years and we have two daughters, but I don't know if I can resign myself to this lack of intimacy much longer.

[Tyger]

Well, THAT bit of information is a MAJOR revelation. Speaking for myself, and most likely for Howard too, our posts were based on a healthy, "normal" male, so to speak, no offense.

In this case, I am assuming you have probably spoken to his doctor about his condition? Possible ways of trying to get him to try different things? I'm not familiar with autism in general, never having experienced anyone close that's dealt with, or had it, so I am not sure exactly what your husband is capable of handling, and what he just CAN'T do. You are probably aware of all of those things, however. You have some serious questions you need to ask yourself.

Autism doesn't get better. That I do know. It's sad that you've had to deal with this. But if he just can't help it, there are only a few options for you. Either stay with him, because you really do love him and possibly helping yourself out with some more "self-love" aka masturbation, with toys and such, or, leave him, and find someone you can fully connect with on a more emotional and sexual level.

I wish you all the best, and hope you find a solution that is best for everyone.

[Tyger]

Ok, so curiousity, and wanting to understand what you're going thru made me look up Aspergers. You didn't tell us his degree of this either. I read that there are many degrees of this, and for those who are curious:

Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

(1) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

(2) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

(3) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)

(4) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

Asperger's Disorder may not be the only psychological condition affecting a certain individual. In fact, it is frequently together with other problems such as:

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Depression (Major Depressive Disorder or Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood)

Bipolar Disorder

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

By no means am I saying that I am now an expert, but I do see a bit more clearly what you are probably experiencing.

This is the website I got the info from, for anyone interested in taking more of a look-see too.

Aspergers Link

[joanne]

You have to know that what he is doing is not " Normal " male behavior, and that there is absolutely no reason, medically, or physically, for him to not get another erection, or engage in further sexual activity with you.

You're right. There is no medical or physical reason for anybody on the Autism spectrum. Autism is a MENTAL disability. So while he may be able to do these things physically, his brain might not be able to follow through.

For the OP, I can't understand your entire situation, but I know what life is like with autism. My son is on the spectrum, as are my younger brother and sister. (Welcome to the gene pool!) You're possibly craving something from your husband that just cannot be. Like I said, this is purely a mental disability. It's all in the wiring, connections, and who knows what else. There's no talking to him, or having him talk to counselors, because nothing will compute or be digested. Does he have routines and rigid schedules and paths that he MUST follow? Unfortunately, sex IS a thing. And to a person like your husband, it's a thing that must be done A way for B minutes in C fashion.

(And my apologies if it seems I'm applying blanket generalizations to your life and your husband. I'm just trying to paint a picture.)

I fear this may not be just a sex issue, but a life issue. Life with my son is a constant battle. I feel like he's SO close, you know? But he's not, really. There has been an element of disconnect with him since the moment he was born. It's heartbreaking. I know the struggle mothering it; I can't imagine being married to it.

Fortunately, it seems that your husband IS high-functioning, and he should be commended for a number of things, like growing up independently, getting married, raising children. Hell, even talking is a big deal in this world, right?! A lot of Aspies almost require a sort of training. They need to LEARN how to speak to people, how to order a drink at a bar, get through the check-out line. It takes practice, practice, practice, and all out in the big world.

Can you start researching online for other spouses of those with Asperger's? That might be a starting point, at least to vent and air some of your frustrations, get feedback from those who have been there, done that.

Good luck to you.

[cj0834]

Ok, so curiousity, and wanting to understand what you're going thru made me look up Aspergers. You didn't tell us his degree of this either. I read that there are many degrees of this, and for those who are curious:

Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

(1) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

(2) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

(3) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)

(4) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

Asperger's Disorder may not be the only psychological condition affecting a certain individual. In fact, it is frequently together with other problems such as:

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Depression (Major Depressive Disorder or Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood)

Bipolar Disorder

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

By no means am I saying that I am now an expert, but I do see a bit more clearly what you are probably experiencing.

This is the website I got the info from, for anyone interested in taking more of a look-see too.

Aspergers Link

I appreciate you taking the time to find out more about asperger's. I have checked out several websites, but had not run across the one you refered to. Everything I read there SO describes my life. I am on the verge of making a decision about this relationship. Right now I am a stay at home mom, which I really enjoy. But the price I have to pay to continue this lifestyle is begining to be to much.

[cj0834]

My apologies if I seemed too critical of your husband. I do know what Autism is. I have several friends who have autistic children. Better than that, I personally know Dr. Richard Klein, " The Bike Doctor", who puts on clinics to help kids with various disabilities, both physical and mental, such as autism, downs syndrome, and cerebral palsy, learn to ride bicycles. Its the most invovative work being down with these handicaps to date.

See:

http://www.losethetrainingwheels.org/

I think you will find it fascinating. obviously your husband doesn't need to learn to ride a bicycle, but what Dr. Klein has discovered is a way to encourage and enable kids to overcome their own problems if they want something bad enough. Because the area of the right lobe controlling balance is so close to the area controlling speech, and analysis, it seems like the kids all do better in those areas, too, once they have achieved their dream of freedom and independence, which children understand when they see other kids riding bikes.

Best wishes to you both.

Howard

No appologies needed. I really need to face facts. I have been lying to myself for too long.

[cj0834]

You're right. There is no medical or physical reason for anybody on the Autism spectrum. Autism is a MENTAL disability. So while he may be able to do these things physically, his brain might not be able to follow through.

For the OP, I can't understand your entire situation, but I know what life is like with autism. My son is on the spectrum, as are my younger brother and sister. (Welcome to the gene pool!) You're possibly craving something from your husband that just cannot be. Like I said, this is purely a mental disability. It's all in the wiring, connections, and who knows what else. There's no talking to him, or having him talk to counselors, because nothing will compute or be digested. Does he have routines and rigid schedules and paths that he MUST follow? Unfortunately, sex IS a thing. And to a person like your husband, it's a thing that must be done A way for B minutes in C fashion.

(And my apologies if it seems I'm applying blanket generalizations to your life and your husband. I'm just trying to paint a picture.)

I fear this may not be just a sex issue, but a life issue. Life with my son is a constant battle. I feel like he's SO close, you know? But he's not, really. There has been an element of disconnect with him since the moment he was born. It's heartbreaking. I know the struggle mothering it; I can't imagine being married to it.

Fortunately, it seems that your husband IS high-functioning, and he should be commended for a number of things, like growing up independently, getting married, raising children. Hell, even talking is a big deal in this world, right?! A lot of Aspies almost require a sort of training. They need to LEARN how to speak to people, how to order a drink at a bar, get through the check-out line. It takes practice, practice, practice, and all out in the big world.

Can you start researching online for other spouses of those with Asperger's? That might be a starting point, at least to vent and air some of your frustrations, get feedback from those who have been there, done that.

Good luck to you.

You have painted a perfect picture. It definetly is a life issue. I have researched online and found a great site awhile back called AS partners. Everyone on there has either left the relationship or are preparing to or would like to. It's taken me awhile to get to this point. I just found out this past year about the Aspergers. He had not been diagnoised. For the last 10 years I have been holding out hope to find the answer to fix things. Now that I know there is no hope (or at least very little). The things I have tolerated for so long have become intolerable. I knew the answer to my questions that I posted I guess. I just need to keep hearing it. To bring myself to the point of change.

[norby871]

I recently went on a three week trip with a friend who has Asperger's-I can't imagine living with her for ten years. I can tell you this, when someone with Asperger's has a 'routine' that they are used to following, they may be able to deviate from it occasionally, but it is very difficult for them to change it. In order to change the way your husband physically acts during sex would actually be a long process.

It's too bad that he was diagnosed so late in life or some of his rigidness may have already been dealt with. Good luck with your life with him and whatever you decide to do.