Too Much?

[whittibo]

OK, I have said here before that hubby and I were like once a month'ers. Now everyday'ers, sometimes twice. A couple times he hasn't really shown interest, but complies with me anyway. One time after he came, he said, "I didn't think you would be able to pull it off", meaning, he didn't think he "could" but he did.

Today he wasn't showing any interest, so I left him to sleep, but after my shower, went out to give him some loving and asked if I could go down on him. He didn't answer, but didn't stop me either. After about 20 minutes, and a few times where I thought he would cum, he never did, and pulled me up and said, "I think he's too tired".

So my question here is, am I expecting too much from my husband? I guess I just assumed that he was like the energizer bunny and could keep going and going, or rather, cumming and cumming.

My other question is, I have heard about "blue balls" where you get the guy to almost cum and then stop, and I guess I assumed it was painful for them to not finish. So will my husband be uncomfortable today since he didn't finish?

And last, should I give him a break? I noticed instead of really warming up to my attention, he's kinda been hesitant to be near me. Like yesterday I would go out and try to see what he was doing, and give him a kiss and such, but one time I walked out, he heard the door close and said, "UT OH, I am in trouble". I took it as "ut oh, here she comes again" I guess it's possible he could have meant something else, but not sure what.

[Tyger]

There are many possibilities why your husband is acting the way he is. The only way to really find out what his issues are, is ask him. I don't want to over-speculate, for I do not know your husband.

You may be reaching your "sexual peak", or even possibly, the onset of menopause, depending mostly on your maternal side's history of when they started. Some women get a bit hornier when that happens. Or, you may just feel reconnected with your hubby, and as such, feeling hornier there too. Couples rarely experience these things at the same time.

As far as thinking of your hubby as the "energizer bunny"....men, unfortunately, have gained the reputation of being horn-dogs that can perform on demand, as often as they or their partners desire. That is not the case. Men are human too, they get tired, stressed, and just can't perform in bed sometimes. Just like women sometimes can't get wet enough, or don't feel the Mood striking them. A man's issues are a bit more OUT THERE, so to speak. It's much more obvious.

There is the possibility that every day, after such a lull, is a bit too much for his body to handle right now. He may try cuz he feels obligated to do so, therefore, making sex work, instead of sexual playtime! I would suggest a snuggle night, or a night just to let him do whatever he wants, with no guilt or pouting involved. Rejection hurts, but it happens for one reason or another. Try not to take it personally. There will be times you can ease your way past his "No", but there are other times where you really should accept it, and maybe just snuggle that night. Or leave each other alone. Everyone needs some space at times.

Yes, if a man is close to cumming, and he has to stop, or doesn't cum, he will usually get blue balls, which, from what I've been told, can be extremely uncomfortable. If he CAN'T cum, or just can't get in the mood, and WANTS too, then it's time for him to talk to his doctor. Sexual frustration can lead to other issues in the marriage, and if issues aren't taken care of with any means necassary. There are medications (yes, the little blue pill, Viagra), and other things that a man can do to try and perform better.

Effort on both sides is key to solving any issue, in any sort of relationship. But both parties need to be willing to give and take a little. First step is to finding out each other's problems, and possible solutions agreeable to both sides. Good luck to you.

[Mikayla1]

I think that if you have gone from one a month to once or twice a day, it is possible that he is tired and that maybe his penis is sore. While I appreciate and am very glad that you have increased your lovemaking, I can tell you from experience that my hubby DOES, occassionally get tired. When we are having a hot week - where it is a mornng, afternoon and night kind of thing - he will say "not now" or "wait until later." I abide by his wishes and really try to not pressure him, even if I am as hot as a cat on a hot tin roof!

So, my answer to you would be - give it a day - or two - then start at him hot and heavy again. If you need release - MASTURBATE - just because he is tired doesn't mean you shouldn't get your fun too!

[whittibo]

Thanks guys!

I don't think my increased libido is due to hormones, Lord I hope not anyway. But I think I just started talking about it and decided to do something about our lack of sex. And spicing it up certainly does make it more "fun" and enjoyable then it was before. Before it was him laying on me with all his weight (which isn't much, but it's a lot more then I wanted) and it was boring and no foreplay, just blah. Now it's exciting and we are really discovering each other which makes me want him more and more. Face it, doing things that aren't enjoyable, you really don't WANT to do them too often right?

As for him not being able to "finish" I doubt it is anything medical, I think it's just that I have over worked him and the kids were in the next room and he really couldn't get into it I think. Besides, he's the one that really doesn't like mornings and never is interested in anything.

I have told him he gets tonight off, but he keeps making passes at me, trying to touch me and suck my boobs and such. But I think he's just trying to let me know we're still "OK".

I don't feel badly if we both talk about it and know why we're not going to be passionate, it's when he rolls over and just avoids me that hurts. But knowing that nothing is going to happen, and why, I am OK with it.

So this "blue balls" thing, does that happen any time there is an erection and no orgasm? Or just if he gets close and doesn't? I have read stories here where others have started a blow job in the morning, and then stopped and sent the husband off to work. If this condition happens each time, I don't think anyone would purposely do it??

[whittibo]

Well as you probably know, he isn't very open about these things.

I doubt then that there was a problem because he has been in an exceptionally good mood all day today, and it was HIM that told me to stop because things weren't progressing. Normally I would have just gotten on him and finished him off, but I was fully clothed and ready for church, and like I said, our kids were just in the other room, about 15' away from our bedroom.

I am going to force him to take tonight off, and tomorrow I bet he'll be begging ME for more. (hope so anyway LOL!)