Elusive Orgasm

[kiki356]

Hey there. I'm a 21 F and I haven't had an orgasm. I know tons of people (mostly women) write in about not being able to orgasm. I've read all these posts, I've read the Sex Ed articles here, and I still need help. My problem is that I almost get there, but not quite. I've used my hands, my boyfriend, and a vibrator. I've tried direct contact, indirect contact, being more gentle, being more aggressive, almost everything. Everything will feel good and I'll find a certain spot and I can feel it building up, but once it gets to where I think it should "explode", nothing happens. It just sort of stops feeling, and then it feels really uncomfortable to touch any erogenous zones for a few minutes afterwards. I've tried almost getting to that point and then backing off and then trying again to see if that would work, and so far nothing has. I'm wondering if it's a sort of medical problem because I have heard that others have this too. It's not a psychological thing because I don't have trouble letting go and I thought it was psychological at first and learned how to relax and not concentrate on having one and just being with my boyfriend, but that doesn't work either. Any advice, medical help or similar stories?

[JackieM3117]

I'm 19 and having the same problem... I've tried all the advice I can find, read the articles on it from here and other websites. I read something about possibly a lack of "bioelectricity" in the genital area due to lack of testosterone. Otherwise I heard some women do not get one until late 20's even 30's... and some women just don't ever experience having one. I've had that exact same thing happen to me where its building up, feeling great, and then all of a sudden its like the feeling just goes dead. I don't have any advice to give, but you're not alone.

[Tyger]

Let me welcome you to the forum.

I also want to encourage you to continue to educate yourself on how a woman's body responds, by reading and self-exploration. For some women, it comes as naturally as breathing. For others, in CAN take a while to get the hang of. Just because you're a woman, doesn't mean you're a natural born lover, to others or yourself. And, just reading won't make you an expert on your own body. Only YOU can do that. But, education will help you UNDERSTAND your body a bit more.

It sounds like you may be trying a bit too hard, relaxing, deep, relaxing breaths, really DO help. I find that I have to relax, totally clear my mind, and I always cum on my slow exhalation.

Now, I too have read some medical journals where a woman just "cant" cum. It's very rare. And if you feel like you're *almost* there, then chances are, that you CAN, you just for some reason, are blocking your ability to do so.

You have to learn to pleasure yourself, before others can truly pleasure you. And, there may be some things that pleasure you some of the time, but not always. I know, this sounds like a big PITA, but, you have to learn to listen to your body. Kinda like when you *know* you're getting sick....you've learned to listen to your body's signals. Practice makes perfect. But, don't go into a sexual escapade, or masturbate with the ulitmatum that "I WILL CUM!!!!!!!" cuz you're stressing yourself up, and not allowing your body to relax.

Maybe take a nice hot shower one day, and if you rub, say, your breasts, just right, as your washing, then go from there. There's nothing wrong with spontaneous masturbation.

Try reading some erotica, or romance novels. Look at different kinds of porn, & see if you like it. Maybe try some adult mags.

If all else fails, talk to your GYN about it. They know a woman's body inside and out, and can help you with the "mechanics" of it. But only YOU can truly discover what you like, and what "Flips Your Twinkie" so to speak.

Best wishes to you. And, keep trying, but relax, and don't stress!! It will happen.

[Mikayla1]

It sounds to me like you are having "null" orgasms - and every woman has these..occassionally! The difference with you is that they are consistent.

A null orgasm is when you have all the build-up, the good feelings and then...nothing. It is discouraging and can really put you off from wanting orgasms. I have had a few in my life - mostly when I try to masturbate too many times in a day. Even Samantha on sex and the city had that problem one episode - so it is not unusual, but should NOT be a constant.

You could have an electical imbalance, but if that were true you would not be able to have the good feelings along the way. There is a possibility that your orgasm is so small that you really do not feel it as being any different from the build-up.

Either way, I would seriously suggest you both go to your OBGYN's and talk to them about it. If you have SERIOUSLY tried all of my techniques and suggestions, and have tried truly "EVERYTHING" then it is time to talk about medicinal options or theories. WHen you talk to your GYNE, do not take "it is normal" for an answer. Explain what you have done and what you want and encourage treatment.

I wish you both luck and hope you find your "O"!