Should I Go Along With Him?

[hot-pants-kate]

My new boyfriend wants me to get an IUD so he can have sex without a condom any time during my period. I love his ejections in me, i think about his sperm up there all the next day, which makes me feel so good. But i think he dates other girls when he thinks i wouln't find out, so i'm afraid he might get the HIV virus and pass it to me. We have talked about this, and he promises i'll be the only one in his life (he's married, so there would be three ) if i get the IUD for him.

He would pay for it , has a Gynecologist lined up for me apparently.

He says he will divorce his wife for me when there 2 year old is in first grade. Our sex is great and very exciting, he gives me lots and lots of attention. And he is a wonderful guy so i don;t want top loose him

Should i or not?????????????????

[hunter]

If he's such a wonderful guy then I think that he would want you to protect yourself as much as possible. That means safe sex.Even if he isnt haveing sex with other girls who knows where his wife has been. Guys will say anything to get in your pants,and do anything to keep from wearing a condom.It may sound old fasion but if he really cares he will get used to the condom for you.

[Janet]

You do not want to lose him? You do not have him - his wife has him, and more than likely, will continue to have him even when his kid is in college. Protect yourself, believe in yourself, and don't settle for this married guy who promises you some future togetherness, and wants to set you up for his convenience now with an iud.

I would want to lose him if I were you. I would guess his wife does not support his extra-marital affairs. I would tell him to take a hike. Do you trust him? If so why? He cheats on his wife who he supposedly loves - do you think he might do the same or worse with you? I'd tell him to take a hike. Just my opinion.

[gl2005]

If he was so wonderful he would not be cheating on his wife and 2 y.o.!!! I think somewhere deep inside, you know it's a bad idea, otherwise you wouldn't have posted the question.

If you choose to stay with him (which can only lead to heartbreak) make him use a condom!!!!! Don't take the risk. If he's cheating on his wife, chances are he's cheating on you (regardless of what he says).

Obviously I don't know you personally, but you (as do all women) deserve better than this guy is giving you. You say you don't want to lose him, but face it you've never had him! Walk away now while you still have your dignity and health (who knows how many other people he has had unprotected sex with!).

If you can't walk away now....protect yourself (MAKE HIM WEAR A CONDOM, IF HE REFUSES...REFUSE TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM) and the future partner(s) (who will cherish and truly care for you) that you will undoubtedly have when you are finally able to walk away from him.

Take care of yourself.

[s2bthomas]

My new boyfriend wants me to get an IUD so he can have sex without a condom any time during my period. I love his ejections in me, i think about his sperm up there all the next day, which makes me feel so good. But i think he dates other girls when he thinks i wouln't find out, so i'm afraid he might get the HIV virus and pass it to me. We have talked about this, and he promises i'll be the only one in his life (he's married, so there would be three ) if i get the IUD for him.

He would pay for it , has a Gynecologist lined up for me apparently.

He says he will divorce his wife for me when there 2 year old is in first grade.  Our sex is great and very exciting, he gives me lots and lots of attention.  And he is a wonderful guy so i don;t want top loose him

Should i or not?????????????????

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I know how you feel, some what. I was with this guy for like six months who had a fiance, which is no where near a wife. But he had 2 beautiful babies with her. He would tell me all the time that he would leave her for me and that we would get married. He was taken me to get the birth control shots. I was young and foolish so I believed him, for a while, then I started to think. do I even want to be with this guy. If he is cheating on the mother of his child how could I believe that he wouldn't cheat on me. So I slowly began to break myself from him. every time he told me he loved me my responce was no you love her. And I ment it. After I herd myself say it so many times it was easy to leave him. Girl I feel like this if he "loved" you he would put you in the place that he has. You are the other woman and any man that doesn't want you to be his one and only isn't worth even sleeping with. I promise if you found a real man that cared for you ther sex would be even better. listen You are a queen just like all women and no queen should be treated in this way.

Let me pose a question to you. Do you think his wife knows about you? Do you care? I'm sure he has told you about all the wrong shes done to him. But if it was true do you think he would still be with her? I mean if you honesty don't care about this womans' feeling then maybe you deserve what ever this man is going to do to you. Have you ever been cheatedn by some one you truley love?

Think about this poor woman who thinks her husband loves her and their family. do you really want to be the reason another family becomes broken? This is a subject that is near to my heart because I have a child and a fiance. and I would be lost if I ever found that he was with some one else. Telling another woman that he loves her. Just the thought of it breaks my heart. Although every body that posted an answer to your question are right about what they said. I believe that if you would even think about having sex with a married man. And have wishes to break up a family then you derserve what ever he brings to you. not trying to be mean its just how I feel. I went throgh the storm also and I kept that family together. That guy is still with her. and I am happy for them. I wish I had never fallen for him but things happen and your chance to let it go before you take this childs father from them! Don't allow you to be the reason some one grows up without a father. I've also experenced that first hand and let me tell you it sucks. I still don't know whos going to walk me down to the alter. I hurts so please don't spread the pain.

ME

[crazy1]

Ok, I know that I am no expert on this relationship but, as a married man, I can say that from experience with other friends that he will most likely NEVER LEAVE his wife and he is using you for the sex alone. Or maybe you are just a thrill, some thing that he is keeping around like a pet that does way more for him than play fetch. My advice is to break it off. NOW! As every other person before me has said, this will only end in pain for a wife who is more than likely oblivious to your exsistence and your threat to her marriage, pain for a child who is too young to be able to comprehend why his father is no longer going to be in his life daily(I know, I have a 4 y.o. son, I know how it would go), and then you would always have the sneaking suspision that he is with another woman.

I am a movie fan, and it's what I call the James Cameron Effect. I will explain briefly. James Cameron the famous movie director (Titanic, Terminator, T2, The Abyss) has been married about 5 times. The first was with an unknown person in hollywood, she had no movie carrer. He left her for a producer on one of his movies The Terminator. They were married in 1985. It lasted for about 4 years, then he left her for another woman in hollywood Kathyrn Bigelow, he married her not even before the year ended in 1989. they divorced 2 years later. Then on the set of T2, he became re-aquainted with Linda hamilton, the were married in 1997, stayed together another 2 years then he left her for Suzy Amis. The granddaughter from the film Titanc.

Once you begin cheating, it will almost never end. It seems to me that this guy is simply trying to get laid at his convience and has little to no regard for family, the sanctity of being a woman; and btw s2bthomas is absolutely correct, women are queens. You should be viewing all who seek your companionship in marriage. Don't marry someone who is willing to cheat and break up a marriage. Use your head, sometimes it knows better than your heart.

[hot-pants-kate]

Thank you everybody who gave an answer to my question. Down deep in my heart i know you are correct, i should dump him quick. It is nice to be treated like he treats me, but i know he just is using me for his sexual pleasure. It's very hard to just say goodbye for someone you love, but i tried last nitght. his responce was so close to rapeing me that my head is still spinning. I would have called the police on him if i hadn't finally said yes. I did get the IUD, so he feels i owe him everything now. But last night i saw him in a different light. Kate

[Chris4u]

I have to agree with all the resoponses up to this point. I've considered myself to be a promiscuous in the past, but I'd never go with a girl who was either engaged or married. It just wasn't fair to her and the one she was cheating on, especially the cheated one. I'm not engaged, but have actually been comitted to my girlfriend now for about 5 months (that's the longest I've ever been in one). I don't know what I'd do if I found out she was seeing another guy on the side...but I know a girl who was seeing a married guy and it wasn't a happy ending.

At one time my dad had a fling with another woman, who had recently divorced. He tried to keep it a secret and I don't know if my mom knew, but my relationship with my dad isn't what it used to be at all.

I feel that this guy wont leave his wife and child. If he had no child, the chances may have been greater, but to abandon his child would make him out to be a greater pathetic jerk than he already is. He wants you to get this procedure so he wont have to worry about explaining to his wife that he's the father of another child. For him to ask you to do this is awefully selfish on his part too.

Oh, and if you suspect he's seeing other girls, then why do you think he'll stay faithful to you if he leaves his family.

I think you should leave him...do it over the phone if you think he'll physically hurt you. The fact that he gave the impression that he'd rape you shows his true nature. Your just a toy for him, nothing more.

Not only because he's a terrible husband and father, but that your selfishness might cause him to leave them. He has a wife and KID! He has a responsibility to that child. Every kid wants a dad to play ball with them and take them on family vacations.

Why do you want to ruin that for the child. A divorce is hard on the kid for the first years, I grew up with 3 friends whose parents divorced before they were 8 years old. Then everytime that kid comes over for his weekends with his dear-old-dad he/she wont even be able to look at you, because you sabatoged their childhood happiness.

Just rid yourself of these selfish plans for a future for just the two of you and leave him.

Don't you watch tv or movies...your character is more dispised than the cheating husband. My sympathy goes out to his kid. It's horrible that he has such a father.

[crazy1]

Chris4U, that was well said. Also, you can still go to the cops and explain that you fear for your physical well-being and get a restraining order. If he breaks that, he goes to a Judge, most of whom are not that forgiving of ppl like that.

[s2bthomas]

Get the IUD removed or just tell him you got it removed then let him know that he was the one who offered to pay for it. You didn't ask for it so you owe him nothing. You tell him if he want to "make love" with somebody to do it to his wife. They are supposed to be in love tell him to be a man. If your afarid he might do something have a friend be with you at the time. I doubt hes dumb enough to do anything in front of a witness. Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone you will sent a letter to his wife explaining what happened over the past 6 months. Tell him that you have nothing to lose and he has everything to lose. But don't really do it unless you HAVE to. Break the chain NOW before your in the hosptial or worse. Don't allow a dog to steal your life. This can only get worst so be cafeful. And GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!!

[hot-pants-kate]

Get the IUD removed or    just tell him you got it removed then let him know that he was the one who offered to pay for it. You didn't ask for it so you owe him nothing. You tell him if he want to "make love" with somebody to do it to his wife. They are supposed to be in love tell him to be a man. If your afarid he might do something have a friend be with you at the time. I doubt hes dumb enough to do anything in front of a witness. Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone you will sent a letter to his wife explaining what happened over the past 6 months. Tell him that you have nothing to lose and he has everything to lose. But don't really do it unless you HAVE to. Break the chain NOW before your in the hosptial or worse. Don't allow a dog to steal your life. This can only get worst so be cafeful. And GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!! 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hi Soon 2 Be, thanks 4 youre letter. I now know he soon will b history. I tried to break it off 2 nights ago, he bought two vibrating anal plugs for us to use then and got very annoyed and forceful to me. After we calmed down i finally agreed, and had great (Da*m it! ) sex. Which makes it all the harder to stop.

But i like your idea of telling him i had it removed (i like the IUD for my mental comfort of not getting pregnant so i want to keep it in) How would he know if i didn't get it taken out anyway. I'm not worried about him getting violent, he's not like that. Just wish he'd find some other girl to amuse himself with and forget about plugging me. He always keeps after me, so that would be much much simpler

[hot-pants-kate]

My married boyfriend and i had an amiable parting last night (al least i think we did, if he lets me be). I simply told him i want a single boyfriend and don't want to cheat on him. He seemed to understand that, which seems strange.

I want to thank all who answered my original post., i kept thinking of your comments all the while i was with him.

The topic of the IUD never came up, so i didn't have to fib.

He wanted to take me to a fancy restaurant fot a "Wish me the best dinner" but i said no, lets have a clean and complete break now.

And i promised myself i would 1-not go out with a married man ever ever again and 2-be more reserved on a first date.

I did meet a guy yesterday who excitd me, now if it is a two way thing??????????????????????

And i hope he can/likes to dance. Kate

[hot-pants-kate]

PS This web sight feels like my missing family at times.

Love, Kate

[tim@tmgdesigns]

You mentioned not long ago that you were having sex too soon in a relationship and wanted advise. It seems to me that you have muliple problems in this area. What is the significants of his child getting into first grade before he leaves his wife? Why would you want to get yourself involved in this situation? How great can he be? This screams Jerry Springer. My advise is go celebate for 6 months and think your options through. I think you will see the IUD is not the real issue here.

Goodluck!

[hot-pants-kate]

You mentioned not long ago that you were having sex too soon in a relationship and wanted advise. It seems to me that you have muliple problems in this area. What is the significants of his child getting into first grade before he leaves his wife? Why would you want to get yourself involved in this situation? How great can he be? This screams Jerry Springer.  My advise is go celebate for 6 months and think your options through. I think you will see the IUD is not the real issue here.

Goodluck!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks Tim for your concern. I think Married Guy and i are fully split up, at least i want it that way.

"Go celebate for 6 months ", WOW. My hormones would explode. One day is stretching it, my vibrator has lots of miles on it.

I did promise myself i'de keep my legs crossed on a first date thou.

Kate.

[Kuddles]

Hot-Pants-Kate,

You must believe that you are more than just a lay. Any man who would step out on his wife and child is not going to respect you the way he should. He is simply using you to escape his problems. I am glad to hear that you have broken things off with this married guy and hopefully you will be strong and not go back. It sounds like this "relationship" was turning bad. It appears his agression heightened after you got agreed to get the contraceptive. This man has some control issues and maybe used you to let them out. I bet when he is at home he with his wife and family he is completely the opposite and lives out his wild sexual fantasies with you. Is that what you want? Do you want to be just a lay? When you discover what a real man can do for you, your head will be spinning! You can and will find a man who will respect you, take care of you, look out for your best interest, consider your feelings first and rock your world! Then this looser that you have been dealing with will be just a memory. But the only way that is going to happen is when you start loving and respecting your self first and believe that you deserve much more than someone who stood at the altar and took a vow of marriage with another woman. I hope one day you find happiness and don't look back because he is not worth it!!!

[hot-pants-kate]

Thank you cuddles for such a reaffirming post for what i knew deep down was right, but was in denial from the spell of his charms. I read your note with a heavy heart.

Right now i'm suffering withdrawal twinges, but i know they will subside. Others have commented on how to be more appealing to a decent man by being more modest. They are right i know, and i am thankful for their careing concern. I have always tried to lure men by being sexy, i want to refrain from much of that too.

Love, Kate.

[ang13n6]

why do you want to be involve in this mess? Knowing he is married and with kids! He said he will divorce his wife to be with you? Has he started signing papers yet? If he loves you he would be with YOU. Not back and forth playing these games. This is all a game to him...you are the game. He is secured with his wife as in family wise and you are the thrill he seeks. I think you should leave this man. You know deep down he will never leave his family for you. Plus if he is doing this to his wife what makes you think he won't do this to you? sooner or later he will be whispering sweet nothing to the next hot young girl passing through. I say GIVE HIM THE BOOT! save urself a river of tears and heartache.