Lost It And I Really Miss It...

[bendme]

Lately, when I have an orgasm it's not like it used to be. I used to have huge, fast, spasming, full blown orgasms. Now all of a sudden I've lost that intensity, those speedy delicious mind blowing contractions. It's just so slow now and not as intense, my God I miss the way I used to orgasm. Don't get me wrong because it still feels good but just not as great as it used to feel. I'm not old by any means and I'm in great physical condition, perhaps stress is playing a role here, I don't know. All I know is I want my mind blowing, back arching orgasms back. Does anyone have any idea what I'm talking about here? Does anyone have slower orgasms? Hmmm, I wonder if slower orgasms is even the right way to describe it. It's making me feel like I'm crazy or defective.

I guess I'm also asking if anyone can notice the difference in the types of orgasms that they have? Fast, Slow, Raging, or Meek. I'm stuck in slow and meek and I crave and want my fast and raging orgasms back.... can anyone help me? I'm really at a loss here. It's starting to freak me out.

[babeinwoods]

Are you talking about the orgasms you have with you so or ones you have when you are pleasuring yourself alone? Or both? I know for me, the more times I pleasure myself during the day the long it takes for me to have an orgasm. If I have already reached that point several times then they seem to lose some of their intensity too. Of course if I am with a fella then this does not seem to apply. Just a thought.

Babe

[Mikayla1]

Ahhh yes, the mysterious changing Orgasm! I too have had this happen a few times in my also relatively short life. Once I was very, very, very stressed out in a bad relationship. My sub-conscious mind was telling me I was unhappy by taking away the strong orgasms I used to have. The second time was after I was put on a medication for my injured knee. It was odd, I felt the contractions, I felt the orgasm, it felt "good" but not "great" - and I had always pretty much had "great" orgasms. Once I stopped with the med, the orgasms resumed as per normal.

Bottom line, an orgasm is a complex physical and physiological process that takes mind, body, spirit and hormones to produce. If you are out of balance in any area, it can be affected. If you think this is stress related, try masturbating and seeing if the "O" gets better. How is the relationship? Have you tried toys? There are many options and solutions, maybe we need a little more information!

[babeinwoods]

Babe: Interesting observation. My experience has been the opposite. The more orgasms my lovers have, the stronger they get. Oh, we ride a wave up and down, but when they are having multiple orgasms, my lovers usually declare that the last one in the string was the strongest. And, as the action is repeated, they get even stronger. If how much they are squeezing my cock with their genital muscles is any indication, I don't think they are lying to me. And, under the circumstances, I can't think of any reason for them to lie.

My ex-wife said that she thought the reason her orgasms became more and more intense was because her entire nervous system became one huge Erogenous Zone the more orgasms she had. All had to do for her, was simply scratch my fingernails, up and down her spine, or scratch the undesides of her breasts, or even the backside of her thighs to send her back up for a huge orgasms. Pulling on her hair caused the same reaction. Sucking on her toe almost knocked her out! ( I used the same motion and pressure that she often used on my cock!)

Isn't it nice that we have such varied experiences, but they all seem to lead to success?

Howard

Actually I agree with you somewhat Howard. When I was with my exh-husband each orgasm I had was more intense than the one befroe. I should have been clearer. I find that when I am masterbating, the more I do it in a day the longer it takes me and the less intense it seems to be. Now if I only do it once or twice the orgasms are great but if I go beyond that I notice a difference. I think it's probably mental, because I don't have the same problem when I am with a man.

Babe

[bendme]

Thank you all for your replies. This is going to be really hard for me to get this out and if it is inappropriate please could a mod delete it. I'll try to answer some questions first. There have been no medical changes, some weight loss but not a whole lot maybe 10-15 lbs. I'm not on any medication. I'm not married and am not in a relationship at the moment. I really think stress is a factor, as I was assaulted by my x-bf not too long ago. My head is just all sorts of messed up. I am in counselling for the assault. My therapist has suggested that when I feel a body memory or flashback coming on that I try to touch myself so that I can concentrate on it being MY hands that are touching me and that is is ME who is in control of my body. The problem is when I masturbate I have trouble seperating things. Some times are easier than other times. It's the easier times that I have those slow orgasms. During the assault he was getting me so close to orgasm and then stopping stim, then getting me so close again and stopping... that went on for a long while.... it was maddening. While I had had consentual sex with him a zillion times it was that time that I didn't want it, we were over, done, broken up....and he had me feeling like I wanted it so badly, that orgasm I mean, my body needed it so badly. There is a lot of shame there that I could want to have that release while he was hurting me. God, this is so hard to ask for help in this area. But I am a very sexual person and I don't want what happened to ruin the enjoyment I've always had with my own body. I really feel like I have to be able to pleasure myself in order to heal from this and move past it. (I hope that came out the way I mean it) I feel broken, like my body is broken. I just really want my body back, I want to be able to enjoy my orgasms again. I know this isn't a board for "survivors", it's a board for questions about sexuality. And so, my question is how do I get back in tune with my body and get my raging orgasms back, I really miss them.

Sorry if this is the wrong forum to ask such a question. but I am trying really hard to reclaim my sexuality. Anyone one have any tips that they can share with me?

Thank you and please forgive me if I have offended anyone.

[krisleightate]

Thank you all for your replies. This is going to be really hard for me to get this out and if it is inappropriate please could a mod delete it. I'll try to answer some questions first. There have been no medical changes, some weight loss but not a whole lot maybe 10-15 lbs. I'm not on any medication. I'm not married and am not in a relationship at the moment. I really think stress is a factor, as I was assaulted by my x-bf not too long ago. My head is just all sorts of messed up. I am in counselling for the assault. My therapist has suggested that when I feel a body memory or flashback coming on that I try to touch myself so that I can concentrate on it being MY hands that are touching me and that is is ME who is in control of my body. The problem is when I masturbate I have trouble seperating things. Some times are easier than other times. It's the easier times that I have those slow orgasms. During the assault he was getting me so close to orgasm and then stopping stim, then getting me so close again and stopping... that went on for a long while.... it was maddening. While I had had consentual sex with him a zillion times it was that time that I didn't want it, we were over, done, broken up....and he had me feeling like I wanted it so badly, that orgasm I mean, my body needed it so badly. There is a lot of shame there that I could want to have that release while he was hurting me. God, this is so hard to ask for help in this area. But I am a very sexual person and I don't want what happened to ruin the enjoyment I've always had with my own body. I really feel like I have to be able to pleasure myself in order to heal from this and move past it. (I hope that came out the way I mean it) I feel broken, like my body is broken. I just really want my body back, I want to be able to enjoy my orgasms again. I know this isn't a board for "survivors", it's a board for questions about sexuality. And so, my question is how do I get back in tune with my body and get my raging orgasms back, I really miss them.

Sorry if this is the wrong forum to ask such a question. but I am trying really hard to reclaim my sexuality. Anyone one have any tips that they can share with me?

Thank you and please forgive me if I have offended anyone.

From one survivor to another, after rape it is hard to get your body to come to orgasm. Its gonna be hard to get him outta your mind, even if you don't think your thinking about it. I am very sorry this happened to you, you will be in my thoughts.

[Mikayla1]

Ok, first and foremost, on behalf of the moderators (as I am one) I will assure you, you have not offended anyone! Your question and information is valid and important and there is no problems with anything you have posted.

Now, on another note, let me tell you that I also had an almost identical situation. I had a boyfriend - long term - and we broke up. Quite a bit after we broke up he broke into my house and raped me. We had previously engaged in rough sex, bondage and the like - but he still raped me as I was NOT consenting and it was against my will. Even though I detested everything that he did to me, the similarity in what he was doing to me with what we had pursued in the past did excite me. My brain said "NO, NO" but my body had other ideas. My body basically rebelled against my mind and I orgasmed many times. This to my ex said "you like this" but it was completely unconscious.

I knew that I was being raped and didn;'t quite understand how I could have climaxed, but common sense told me that the stimulation was still stimulation, I did have a prior relationship with this person, he knew how to get me off, and so he did. I did NOT feel guilty about this.

My point is - you do have to try and realize that this was not a crime of a sexual nature but one of power. Try to mentally separate the sex from the act. Just as your body rebelled against you and I during these acts, it will rebel against you now by holding off your orgasm. It is going to take some time - but you WILL get there.

I agree with your pscyhologist that you should masturbate - try to find the pleasure in the act again. Try to embrace your new lover with trust (hard to do) and with open thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking of that night - stop, regroup, reground yourself in the now - think of the orgasm as freedom. The biggest issue with rapists is that they not only take that power from us for the time of the rape, but they continue to mentally rape us over and over as we can no longer handle sex in a normal way. Don't let him have that power over you - try to weed it out in your mind. Women are powerful creatures and we have the propensity to overcome anything - you WILL overcome this in time!