Arg

[whiskeywoman]

Any suggestions on how to gently break it to my man that hes gonna be a daddy?

I somehow think him hearing " honey, our birth control failed, im pregnant" just is not the best way to break it to him.

This was definately unplanned and a total shock.

I honestly did not want anymore kids, but whats done is done, now comes the hard part.

I appreciate all responses.

WW

[andrew11]

you just have to tell him, honesty is the best policy in this case, because if he is gonna skrew you and come in you then he has to be able to deal with the consequences.

[Mikayla1]

You have to tell him as quickly as possible. You both did the deed, you both took the risk. He does need to know so he can take part in the planning of the birth of his child, just as Howard says. It will all be OK, just don't delay, having support is so important.

[whiskeywoman]

You have to tell him as quickly as possible. You both did the deed, you both took the risk. He does need to know so he can take part in the planning of the birth of his child, just as Howard says. It will all be OK, just don't delay, having support is so important.

I appreciate all the responses,

And I also apologize for my absense.

Things have been so crazy lately its not even funny.

I did tell him, and he split when I hit about my 16th week of pregnancy, I am now into my 35th week.

Its another girl, I already have 3.

The hardest part was contacting him and telling him that the our daughter is sick,

I found out during one of my prenatal visits that the baby has a chromesomal abnormality.

She has Trisomy 18, and her chances of making it to a year old are very slim.

I have written him about a half a dozen times or so trying to get his imput on what he wants to do, trying to give him options, and he has never replied back.

I can only assume at this point that he wants nothing to do with the baby.

Thanks for the advice though.

Whiskey

[whiskeywoman]

What has your doctor advised you to do? Sounds like you are on your own, on this matter. I think you do whatever you have to do, based on the best medical advice you can get. I googled Trisomy 18 to learn more about it, and it doesn't look very good for the fetus. Even with very expensive heart surgery after birth, there can be so many other problems that a meaningful life for the child is hard to see. I think when a mother is advised that something is wrong with her baby and it probably will not live, and certainly will not be normal, how she deals with the grief of losing that baby now, or in the future is hers to bear alone. All the rest of us can do is be there for her as she tries to heal from the loss. You have three other daughters to think about, too. They need their mother, even if their father has headed for the hills. So take care. We are rooting for you.

The doctor didnt really advise me to much of anything,

he wanted to perform and amneocentisis to determine if the blood work was correct.

I went ahead and had it done, since the amneo said the same thing as the blood work, I have been seeing genetisists and my OB/GYN on a regular basis.

I was given the chance to terminate my pregnancy but declined to do so because there is a 1 percent chance that the tests are wrong.

I have done lots of research on the problems with having a child with Trisomy 18.

I realize there are significant health problems, and more than likely there will be many long and painful surgeries involved, I am prepared for this and am willing to take on the risks and rewards that go with them.

She deserves the same support and love and caring and nurturing that my other children receive on a day to day basis, its the least I can do.

She is a gift from heaven and will be cherished as such while she is with me.

I simply have to take things day by day and deal with them as they come along, not much else I can do at this point.

I visit my doctor regularly, take my vitamins and eat well, and try and rest a lot.

I am trying to give her as much of a healthy start as possible.

[Mikayla1]

Let me be the FIRST to say, how very, very sorry I am about this condition. As the mother of a child, I know how heart wrenching it is to go through pregnancy, waiting to find out if your baby is going to be healthy, doing everything you can to ensure that it is - and then God just takes over. These thing just happen - it is an unfortunate and cruel twist of fate. I will be hoping and praying that this doesn't happen to your child!

If it does happen, I pray that you have strength to handle the challenges that will be before you. I pray that the Daddy will come and at least give you the financial support that he is LEGALLY BOUND to give you. I pray that your family and friends will come to your aid to help you in this difficult time. The best thing you can give your new daughter when she arrives is LOVE. LOVE will give her the comfort to make it the best she can.You are right, she does deserve the same chance as any other child does, I am glad you see it that way, many, many people would not.

I applaud you for not taking the route of abortion - many people would have panicked and done so. This is such a hot-button issue that I won't debate it here - but I feel personally that you made the right choice even with the very difficult circumstances that you may have to deal with financially, physically and emotionally. I applaud your courage and your strength.

We might be a little sex dicsussion forum here, but hopefully you will find some consolation in the fact that some of us here are applauding your courage and praying that this works out for you in the best way possible! God be with you and your family!

Mikayla

[crazy1]

What has your doctor advised you to do? Sounds like you are on your own, on this matter. I think you do whatever you have to do, based on the best medical advice you can get. I googled Trisomy 18 to learn more about it, and it doesn't look very good for the fetus. Even with very expensive heart surgery after birth, there can be so many other problems that a meaningful life for the child is hard to see. I think when a mother is advised that something is wrong with her baby and it probably will not live, and certainly will not be normal, how she deals with the grief of losing that baby now, or in the future is hers to bear alone. All the rest of us can do is be there for her as she tries to heal from the loss. You have three other daughters to think about, too. They need their mother, even if their father has headed for the hills. So take care. We are rooting for you.

First of all, its more than a fetus. As a father, I waited all nine months with baited breath to know that my son would be born okay. WW, I am so sorry to hear about this. I just came across this thread this morning. I want to say that you are an example of motherhood. I applaud you for keeping your child and not simply having her aborted and removed like a cancer. I have also learned about trisomy 18 in class and online. I can only imagine what you are suffering. Please know that while the father may have left you, you have some support here for you and if you need someone to listen and vent to, we are here. We will all be here for you. While "meaningful" life is a subjective term,to a religious person, it only means that this special child is obtaining all it needs in an earthly body, that God loves it and will only let her be yours because he needs her back home soon. He is also letting you be custodian over one of his special children. I work with persons that have mental and physical retardation and I know just how wonderful these people are. If your daughter does beat the odds and these tests are wrong, you will feel all the more special about her. I would never encourage you to simply write this child off because you have 3 other daughters. They need to grow from this exeperience too and learn how to deal with illness and possible tragedy. Keep your head up and we are here for you. My heart and prayers are with you and you daughter.

Crazy1

P.S. have you decieded on a name for her?

[whiskeywoman]

Mikayla,

My other 3 have unfortuantly already learned how to deal with the tragedy of the sudden loss of a loved one.

3 years ago, my son was shot and killed in a random act of violence on his 13th birthday.

It was quite possibly one of the single hardest things I have ever had to deal with.

I never went through grief counceling, and fought the legal system to bring is killer to justice,

this is a battle I still fight on a day to day basis, and rest assured I will not stop until he is behind bars where he belongs.

I always allow the girls to talk about their feelings, and fears and concerns regarding my sons death and the arrival of their younger sister, but I wont allow them to dwell on the bad, I always remind them to look at the good parts, I remind them how much fun they had with their brother, and how they get to help their new sister learn important things, like walking, talking, and riding a bike LOL

I feel that communication is a HUGE factor in any realtionship, regardless of whether it be with another adult or a child.

I do plan on suing the father for support, i think its the least he can do, we are in this mess together,

he helped make her, he can help support her.

As for the abortion,

no I simply couldn't do it,

She deserves the same chance as the others did, and I really couldnt live with myself knowing in my heart that the last thing she would know in her young life would be the agony of being ripped to pieces or left lying on a table to die.

I do believe abortions have their place and time, but it simply wasnt an option for me.

I think the biggest factor in my choice was thinking, " what if i have it done, and shes normal? "

I just couldnt live with that guilt.

Crazy1, yes I have decided on a name for her.

It is Elizabeth Rose

I was looking at names online one day, and they just kinda jumped out at me, and have stuck ever since.

I think the name Elizabeth means " of god or from god" and Rose is just that a flower,

so shes my flower from god.