Need Some Help Here

[lynnzerben]

Ok so about 6 months ago I was dating this guy who is super nice and an amazing guy to talk to. We have so much in common and really connected. Despite that I was his first serious g/f he's a really good kisser and he knows how to touch me that makes me melt. We haven't had sex, both of us are still virgins. Here's the thing, I've never been that sexually attracted to him. Don't get me wrong, he's really cute with good facial features, but his body type not the type I usually go for.

About a 3 weeks into our relationship he told me he loved me. I didn't feel the same. There was no fire bolt, no hot crazy need to be together, just a luke-warm simmer. Our relationship feels more comfortable then anything else. So I sent the next couple of weeks trying to figure out if I loved him. Sometimes when I was with him it felt like I could love him, but as soon as he left I knew I didn't. So I finally broke up with him. There was lots of drama, way more then we needed.

Fast forward to present day. After several months apart we've slowly started to become friends again. I had a major term paper due this week and since he is an English major and I suck at writing papers him helped me out. We've sent 4 consecutive nights together trying to get this dam paper finished. About 2 nights ago I had a brake down from lack of sleep and frustration. He took me in his arms and in turned into a cuddle session (complete with back massage) and once again I felt like I could be happy and content sharing the rest of my life with him. Last night was the first time is several days that I didn't see him ( I finished the stupid paper) And now I in the same spot that I was in before. I know I gave him hope that there still might be a chance for "us" ( he admitted that he still loved me). I still want his friendship, and we're going to be in the same class next semester, so I don't want to alienate him or ignore him. It's really not fair because he should be perfect for me.

I'm going to be 22 in about a week and I have my whole life ahead of me and I don't want to commit myself to someone who I have luke-warm feelings for. I want the fire bolt, I want to be struck speechless, I want the one man in the world that will make me crazy.

Is this unrealist?

[Mike_d]

No, i don't think you are being unrealistic to ask for an amazing connection. I am not a relationship whiz but I know that I wanted real love, not the kind of feelings you have for your friend, and I heald out until I got them. I would not ignore him, but I would send him the clear message that friends it is and friends it will always be. The worst crime here is that he could be led on by you and given false hope. That will destroy any friendship.

[Sunshine Sam218]

Follow your heart. I'm sure you'll find Mr. Right one day. Be open and honest with him, tell him you care for him as a friend and thats where it will stay. I'm sure he'll understand. Always be true to yourself and don't let others try to get you to change your mind.

[Tyger]

You can't force love, and it sounds like you've done a fair amount of soul searching to see if you could even grow to love this guy, which, unfortunately for him, doesn't sound like you're able to do.

Giving him false hope that there MAY be a slight possibility for more will destroy the friendship. He will feel used and led on, which isn't fair. Be gently honest with him, let him know you really DID try to see if you could love him, because having a lover that's also a great friend is important. However, those feelings can't be forced, and you want to be honest with him so that he can find someone that will give him the happiness he deserves. Unfortunately, that's not you. Something like that is hard to hear, but, after some healing, he'll either respect you for your honest, or be petty and not want anything to do with you.

Don't keep him at a teasingly arm's length for help in school, that's not fair either. He may be good at what you need help with, but, there are tutors for that too.

If he moves in for some more physical contact, politely tell him "No, I'm sorry, but I just can't". That's honest, respectful, and, although it'll probably bruise his ego temporarily, he can't say that you led him on after that.

[Infahmust]

I don't think that we should settle for someone, you have to love the person you are with. I think that you should be honest with him also. I have been down this road with many of my guy friends and its better to let them know, because this way you both know exactly where you stand. Plus you need to be happy too!! And the sizzling fire that you are waiting for will come, don't force it.

[justinlove]

I had a situation similar to this one recently. I became best friends with a guy I was working with on a shoot. I was going along all dumb thinking we were just best buds. He was becoming completely enamoured with me. He finally built up the courage to ask me out and I said no. I felt aweful because he was my best friend and I knew either way, that wasn't going to be the case anymore and I was so angry to lose him as a friend over that. I was determined to stay best pals, so I hung out with him a lot and even supported him when he would talk about dating a girl here and there. All the things I could do to reinforce that we were only friends. A year later, he tells me he still feels the same way about me, even moreso since we had been spending so much time together. He explained that it emotionally exhausted him to be my friend. So just remember that he might just not be capable of being friends. Even if that means the end of the friendship. Don't settle, for sure, but just know that you might not be able to carry on being buddies.