Need Advice

[Sunshine Sam218]

I'm not sure why it is, but every time my boyfriend ends up talking to a new girl who adds him on my space, I end up freaking out & worrying. It's not that I don't trust him or anything like that cause I do. He's an attraction person & very sweet, he's very easy to get along with. I know I shouldn't let it get to me cause I talk to many of my guy friends online and he never complains. I'm just wondering why I feel like this. Maybe it's cause I feel down on myself and think other woman top me. I know I'm not ugly but yet I don't want to put into my head that I'm beautiful cause I don't want to think full of myself.

Also wonder about other things too, but I'll get to all that in a minute. I know jealously is very wrong, but I'm sure we all get jealous sometime or another. Like I check out what other woman are wearing & then I look at myself and think "Gosh I look so ugly in this." Then I spend hours on putting make up on, looking at what clothes to wear and nothing ends up looking good to me. I'm sure it's all in my head though.... Then I search on the net for new clothes to buy & most of the outfits I like costs too much. I was pretty modest before and I never liked wearing sexy clothes. Now I've gotten over my modest stage and want to wear sexy clothing. I want to buy stockings, garter belts, baby dolls & sexy panties. I know you may think I want to change to impress my boyfriend, but thats not the case at all. I just want to feel more like a woman. I'm 24 years old and don't own any of that stuff yet and I feel like I'm missing out on it all.

Maybe I'm getting all upset over nothing but I look at other beautiful woman at malls and working and think to myself, I want to dress like that. I want to come out of my shell. I'm always afraid what people will think of me if I ever dressed like that. So many people think these days if your wearing a sexy outfit that you're a slut. I'm tired of wondering what people think of me and constantly worrying all the time. It's such a waste of time & so exhausting....

Any advice & thoughts would be appreciated thank you. Sorry for rambling but so much was going through my mind as I was posting this up & needed to get it out.

[Amylynn920]

It's not easy being a woman in a world that places worth on outside appearances.

I think it's normal to feel jealousy, we all have. Your boyfriends sounds like a wonderful guy. I wouldn't be too concerned about the friends he has on his my space. He's not hiding it from you.

As far as the sexy clothes, do what makes YOU comfortable and what makes you feel pretty. It's not about others.

I really think beauty does come from within. When you love and accept yourself, that radiates outward.

I'd start with some new pretty lingerie and build from there.

[Mikayla1]

OK, you have a few different things going on here. I think that we women are CONSTANTLY comparing ourselves to other women - it seems natural. We notice what they wear, how they look, how their hair is, how big their boobs are - we just 'compare.' The issue becomes when we allow our own self worth and appreciation be diminished by what we perceive other people have that we don't. There will always be women who are more attractive than us, and women who are less. Life is a continual spectrum.

What you can do is reconcile your own wishes and desires and then act upon it. Meaning, if you feel you want to break out of a shell, then do so! However, do it for YOU - not to compete with other women, or to try to keep your man happy - just for you and your own self. Taking pride in ourself is something all women should to. Playing up our best assets is the easiest way to boost self esteem. Taking care of yourself in a healthful way is another way to do this. Also, as previously stated, beauty and confidence have to come from the INSIDE out. you are a worthy individual, and as such no matter what, your boyfriend is lucky to have you...PERIOD!

As for the myspace gals - well, I can tell you that it can be nothing, or it can be something. There is nothing wrong with having friends - online or offline. Friends are great to have - and who are any of us to restrict what sex or how many friends our SO can have. However, I am not so naive as to think that online buddies can turn into more. The basic fact is, if you boyfriend is going to stray from you, he will do it no matter what you do. So the best thing to do is just keep an eye on things - but don't hover or act worried. Just be cognizant that things could develop. Then, make him not want to leave you by being the truest version of 'you' that you can! If that is not enough to keep him faithful, then he is not worth it anyway!

Good luck and please post to let us know how things are developing!

[pappyld04]

Oh what a BEAUTIFUL chunk of clay awaiting an artist to churn out a masterpiece!!! You shouls never feel threatened by anyone. I have many girls on myspace,facebook, bebo, etc.. but they are only friends. We must have something?? in common for them to add me to their own list of friends. It's not always about sex as you know. Most of truly beautiful women I have ever met felt EXACTLY like you do. They do not see the beauty that we see in themselves. Someone in this forum once told me that she was just like every other woman. NOT TRUE. Nor even close. She just doesn't see herself the same way that others do. As for what others may think of you I have two words for you, "FUCK THEM"!!!!

[Tyger]

SB, I've talked with you, and seen your pics, you have NOTHING to worry about as far as other women's appearing more beautiful. You are beatiful, and a wonderful person to boot! Everyone looks at other people, yet, if your BF loves you, then don't worry about it.

There's nothing wrong with thinking positively about yourself, even if it's one thing. You may be having a great "jeans" day, or have on a new pair of earrings that make you feel that much more girlie. There's nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself. There is a noticable difference between self-confidence (damn, I look gooooood today), and arrogant (I'm sexier that THAT girl and she's plain UG-ly).

Self confidence comes from INSIDE, not by what you wear, or how you do your makeup. Then why do women spend all this time on their looks? To BOOST their self-confidence. I know, it's all kinda crazy, and goes in a circle, but it's true. We feel good, as women, when we pamper ourselves, even if it's just a simple hair cut or manicure, and, when we feel good about ourselves, it shows inside as well as out!

As far as MySpace goes, many younger people love to see how many "friends" they can get on their Friend's List. It's kinda ridiculous. Girls PM me to put me on their MySpace List and to get on mine, as well as men. I had one man try and get me to meet him to help with some "research", asking questions, and making it almost sound like I had talked with him and was planning to run off with him! I mean, if my hubby had read that in my Inbox, hell, he'd be pissed! So, you kinda have to just be wary, but also, if your BF hasn't given any reason for you to doubt him, then trust him too.

Have a great day!

[Sunshine Sam218]

Thank you for everyones replies. It's not that I'm worried, that he's cheating on me cause I know he's not. He's done nothing for me to think that. It's more a long the lines of when these girls talk to them, their having a piece of my world. Aside of me is worried & another side of me is saying don't worry about it cause you know he loves you. He told me he gets along with girls better than men cause he can communicate with them better. I know how he feels, cause I generally get along better with men.

I don't know if it's me or not, but every time I get closer to my period, I start worrying a lot, crying, feeling sorry for myself & believing certain things are true when their not. I really would like to get on birth control right now, but I don't know if I can afford it. I don't have health insurance at the moment. I'm pretty sure that has something to do with why I'm worrying about this certain situation, but I also agree it's part of my self esteem too. I agree with what all of you wrote, every woman is different, have their different clothing style & put on different make up. So I guess thats what I have to do, I have to find out what clothing makes me feel comfortable, what color of make up look great on me & so forth.

Before I met my boyfriend I'll admit I was very naive & believed everything they said. When I met my boyfriend, I felt something real & I knew it was meant to be. I can walk around the house with pj's on and not have to worry about trying to impress him. Then I realized, I haven't wore anything sexy in front of him & I'd love to do that. Guess thats where I felt like I was missing out on things & thought to myself, "hmmm thats something I need to do." I've always wanted to role play with him, especially dressing up as Alice In Wonderland. I'm not sure why, but I love the story & pretty much obsessed with merchandise. For Halloween this year, I wanted to dress up as her, but I guess me worrying what people would think of me quickly changed my mind. Next year I plan on dressing up as her cause I've always loved wearing costumes. Halloween is my favorite time of the year, it has been ever since I was eight years old. So dressing up & wearing costumes really makes me feel more like a woman, so thats also on my list of things to come. I'm sure I'll figure it out more in time on what else completes me as a woman. If you have any other thoughts, be sure to share them with me cause I love all of your advice.