Insecurities

[catlove165]

I am new to this board thing. Here's my story--I have a lot of insecurities to deal with. Beginning sexually, I was robbed of my virginity against my will at the age of 13 and always thought that guys wanted one thing from me. My husband was different and took his time with me and my self esteem went sky high, but I still have problems sexually. For example, I don't know what to say such as dirty talk and I would like to try some things my girlfriends talk about such as edible panties and whip cream but am too embarrassed to purchase this. My husband's birthday is coming up and I would like to do something extra special sexually but don't know where to begin or what if I don't know what I am doing. Any advice???

[Mikayla1]

For example, I don't know what to say such as dirty talk and I would like to try some things my girlfriends talk about such as edible panties and whip cream but am too embarrassed to purchase this.  My husband's birthday is coming up and I would like to do something extra special sexually but don't know where to begin or what if I don't know what I am doing.  Any advice???

Ok, first...I am glad you realize that not all men are like the asshole that raped you, that is a HUGE step for sexual abuse survivors to come to so congratulations.

Second, although I find it nice that you want to try to spice up your sex life in honor of your husband's birthday I feel that it is important to tell you that a fullfilling and healthy sex life is "spicy" all the time - not just birthdays and Christmas, so I hope that whatever advice you gain here you will employ on other days of the year, not just on his birthday!

Third, maybe what your girlfriend's suggest (edible panties, whip cream) may be fine for them, maybe you need to start a little slower. Perhaps you want to start with just some simple "at home" items like dressing up for your hb, and maybe lightly tying him to a chair or the bed for sex with your pantyhouse. You can use regular whipped cream for sex (just make sure you wash really well after) and no one would be the wiser! Cherries are a nice touch...you lay on the bed, whip your breasts with the cream and top them with cherries...what man wouldn't want that?

Perhaps if you are interested in exploring such things as your friends suggest and if buying such things embarrasses you, you can always buy them online at this site or others and browse and shop from the comfort of your own home in private. Maybe soon you will venture out to a store. Take things at your own pace and see what feels right to you.

There are many games you can buy online, board games, card games that may be fun to play. You can buy sex kits with handcuffs, feathers, panties, etc all included. If you just want edible undies there are a ton out there to choose from. Heated massage oils, dildos, vibrators...every woman should have one!

think about how fast or slow you want to go with this and what you think your husband would like and then make a decision. Shopping for the night and preparing for it can be the most sensual experience you will have.

Since I really don't know the full gamut of what you do with your hb and what is in your "sexual bag of tricks" I really can't suggest too much. Perhaps you can tell me what a typical night of sex is like with the hubby and I can give you some specifics on what to try!

until then, think about the shopping....try this site, they have great things!

Good luck,

Mikayla

[catlove165]

Thanks Mikayla. You really gave me some good advice. I do want to try to go at it slowly because this is not in my character, but I think it is time for me to try something new. My husband and I usually don't have "sexual bag of tricks". He is very supportive and understanding. He might try to ask me to try something new and ask me if I am comfortable with it before even trying, but usually it's nothing freaky or with toys. We don't own any toys; he has never imply on that subject. He has made suggestions such as videotaping each other as we do the deed which I didn't answer him so he left this subject alone or wearing high heels when we are at it(which I have done). I just starting giving him oral sex; he guided me through it--he doesn't complain but I think he might want more like deep throat. I tried once but it made me gag so I never tried again. He has once told me he saw a cover on one of the magazines in the supermarket regarding sex positions and wanted to know if we should buy the magazine so we both can look at it. I just shrugged my shoulders and he never brought it.

I really don't know what I am looking for. Something different; Something that I can do without him being the teacher. I mentioned edible panties because he never mentioned that to me. But I think your idea with the whip cream and cherry sounds good.

As for trying this on other days of the year, I have really work on my insecurities first. I even made a pact with myself it all went well for his birthday I will try to be like this on the regular basis.

[Mikayla1]

It really sounds like your hb is a nice guy, very understanding and patient...that is good. How long have you been married and how old are you?

I think in time you can become a better lover and more comfortable with each other. I understand and can relate to your insecurities, but it sounds like you are off to a good start. There are many books out there on positions that you can buy from stores, even Amazon.com, such as:

Daily Sex-365 Sexual Positions

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detai...=books&n=507846

or:

Supersex

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detai...=books&n=507846

or many others available everywhere!

The key thing is to just keep exploring your sexuality together and get in tune with each other. I am glad you are willing to try some of the things your hb suggests, and that he is patient when you are uninterested. I think that the blow job thing needs further attention. A good blow job is so important to an good sexual relationship. Don't fret about gagging, it takes practice to become an expert deep throater...just look on this site and see some of the posts on that alone!

Does your husband give you oral sex? If he doesn't, he should be! That is just as important and will help you get in tune with yourself as well. You should be mutually masturbating, having oral sex and a whole gamut of things once you become comfortable enough, and you will love it all.

I am excited about the possibilities for you - I wish you luck and let me know how it goes!

Mikayla

[catlove165]

I am 34 years old and have been married for only 3 1/2 months. I am already chicken out of my plans for his birthday. I have changed my mind and decided to take him out to dinner and go with the flow when we come back home--which is usually what we do.

Thanks for your advice.

[libragirl2564]

Please don't chicken out.... it will be good for YOU and him,,, it will give you a good excuse to reach out a little further for you... you do know that your husband loves you very much and won't judge you on ANYTHING.. he will be so excited!! The whipped cream and cherries is a fantastic start... maybe wear some sexy lingere under your clothes to dinner... let him undress you when you get home and he will absolutely love it!! guaranteed

I too was raped at a very young age and it took me a long time to open up to any man,, I have the most loving man and he has taken me to new heights in the last two years that I never knew existed,,, I too am always looking for new things to try and surprise him and what ever I do never disappoints him!

Please try it..... let me know how it works,, I am excited for you!

[Mikayla1]

Don't chicken out! This could be the beginning of something really speacial for the two of you! I think that because you have come here, to this site, you have shown initiative and imagination...you desire to try new things....that is a good first step. As suggested, start by feeling sexy all night. Where something sexy to dinner...then get home and get out that whipped cream! You can do this! It is soooo easy to get into it once you are in "the moment!"

Please keep it up, take it slow, and let us know how it goes!

Mikayla

[sexynshyrissa]

I know what you going through Doll. I was almost raped and was molested many times two years ago. And after that I had no sexual experiences until my husband and I got married. I had a hard time coming out of my shell, turns out I was a submissive and needed him to dominate me. But I had put up the Dominatrix style to my sexuality, because I didn't want to be hurt, I wanted to be the one incharge until I trusted him fully. However that took time. catlove165, I chickened out on my boyfriends birthday so I understand. give it time doll.

[torinasia]

Hello Catlove

Hope you trust me, even if there is a dog in my profile-picture...

I do hope that you don´t chicken out.

The absolute key-word here is step by step.

The main thing here is not what you do but that you do something.

That is true especially since you seem to have such an understanding boyfriend. Any "progress" you do will make him happy. And when you feel confident with what you do and feel that you make him happy, toghether you will dare to try more.

That is the wonderful magic about it.

So please just do something for that birthday, as said, some sexy lingerie, licking cream from his body, taking a bath together, with using oil on each other, anything that is just a little extra will make him happy. And then you can go on from there.

And you and him can have many more birthdays in one year

Tor

[catlove165]

Thank you all for your words of encourgement. I am really taking your words to heart and am trying my best, but I still don't feel confident enough. I did come up with a plan -- reserving a room for Friday (hb's Bday) and this way I can't back out because they would charge my credit card for any last minute cancellation. I will let you all know if all went well.

Thank you all again.

[Mikayla1]

That is a great idea...sometimes when we get into a hotel room we have what I like to call "hotel sex!" My hb and I travel quite a bit, sometimes just for a night, business, family, whatever....and whenever we get to a hotel it is like we are being "naughty" being there and the hotel sex takes over. You can almost become other people and then leave the next day and go home and be normal again. Now I would never do anything in a hotel room that I wouldn't do at home, but it always seems like the sex is extra hot and steamy there...I don't know why!

So, yes, good idea...go to the room...wear something sexy....give him a special birthday treat then go out to breakfast the next morning and talk about how you can make every day as special as his birthday was!

Good luck!

Mikayla

[crazy1]

Great idea CL. My wife travels for business alot and whenever we get a room, we do like Mikayla and her HB. We always take a little something special for the trip and wind up having so much sex, we ALMOST don't even feel like it the next day, unless we are still at the Hotel. This year, she had a businees trip to the same local as our honeymoon. I bought a book on positions(the same one that Mikayla suggested from Amazon) and a new Vibe for her(and Me ) and when she was not in meetings, we were in bed, the shower, the dresser, and on the table. We also brought our new Digital Camera and used it a time or two. The best part was that afterwards we sat down together and reviewed all the pics and delete them(she was self concious). It was so hot. We had fun shooting the pics, and we enjoyed talking about them afterwards. Try something new(a new position or some lingerie that is exceptionally out of your norm) and blow his mind. You don't have to be a porn star or a pro, just be more than you have ever been for him.

I wish you the best of luck and remember that your husband loves you and adores you. He will appreciate any gesture you make outside of your comfort zone. HAVE FUN with it!!!

Best Wishes,

Crazy1

[Mikayla1]

I like the idea of the digital camera...we have one but I have never thought to use it! I think the idea of just doing something special when you are out and about is an erotic idea. In hotels you have the freedom of jacuzzi tubs, sometimes fireplaces and different surroundings. You also have the risk that others can hear you, which is erotic in and of itself!

I think I will check the batteries in my camera...thanks Crazy...you have given me a new idea!

Mikayla

[crazy1]

You might also look to see if it has a video mode. Ours does and a built in mic. It only takes about 20 or 30 second clips, but hey, alot can happen in 30 seconds......

[torinasia]

Thank you all for your words of encourgement.  I am really taking your words to heart and am trying my best, but I still don't feel confident enough.  I did come up with a plan -- reserving a room for Friday (hb's Bday) and this way I can't back out because they would charge my credit card for any last minute cancellation.  I will let you all know if all went well.

Thank you all again.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh yes. hotel rooms are so sexy. Me and my wife have stayed in many and we have had some hot nights in them. And when I travel alone, getting into a hotel room I always miss my wife in a special way.

So OK I admit, there have been all by myself handjobs in hotel-rooms as well...

Funny thing is that for me it is not the luxury- thing that gets me going. Of course a jaccuzi or eating a room-service-snack in bed can be very special.

But what really gets me hard are shabby hotels in kind of run-down parts in big cities.

It feels so naughty that as if you are really there only for some steamy, forbidden sex.

I still remember one evening in Copenhagen, it must have been 15 years ago, when we stayed in this cheap kind of crappy hotel near the railway station. We could hear the people in the station square and almost see them through half-broken blinds. The room was really small. I leaned on to the thin door to the corridor and could hear the guests coming and going just behind my back, shouting at each other while my wife kneeled in front of me and gave me one of her not-of-this-world blowjobs.

Wonderful Copenhagen, still makes me hard just to think about it.

So Catlove, a hotel-room is a very,very good suggestion. Staying there could almost turn out to be a little like a role-play. And that coud make you dare to do something extra.

Good luck