Newbie True2me Posted February 19, 2008 Newbie Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 Big problem. I have had two children and a few proceedures that required going through my vaginia. I am loose and it is embarrissing. I don't have $10,000 for plastic surgery. My doctor is willing to consider vaginia repair, but thinks I have sexual dysfunction and wants me to see a therapist first. I am 36 and sexy, but secretly hate my viginia. It is stretched out and my labia is large. Why should women forfit their tightness just to be a mom? Why doesn't insurance pay for the repair? If I have to do 1 more kegal and find that I am no tighter... I'll scream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikayla1 Posted February 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 I sent you a PM regarding this with more thorough answers than I will give here, but here are my thoughts:(1) Labia come in all shapes, sizes and lengths. They are all different and sexy in their own way. Look at the site www.sexylabia.com and you will see a site devoted to the beautiful difference in all of us. Unless it is causing problems during sex or is uncomfortable, most doctors (besides plastic surgeons) will just say that is how you are built.(2) Kegels are the ONLY non medical way to tighten vaginal muscles. If you are doing them correctly (and you CAN do them incorrectly). Ask your OB to show you how or ask to see a 'pelvic floor therapist' who can help you to do these. You can also try a pelvic exerciser (a weight that goes in your vagina to help you with them) or simply use a vibrator or hairbrush handle, insert it into your vagina and then tighten around it. This helps to rebuild your muscles.(3) Some insurances when pressured will cover these surgeries IF you are persistent and have a 'medical neccesity' for it. Is this necessary or is it something only you notice? Meaning, has your partner complained, or is this just your feelings?(4) unfortunately, babies wreak havoc on us - bladders fall, boobs sag, stretch marks and scars occur - and our vaginas get looser - but normally this is a temporary situation. The best thing you can do is ask your doctor about the surgeries and whether he or she thinks it is necessary and then work on getting tighter with kegels (sorry, best way). Also, what sexual dysfunction does she think you have??Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie starinajar Posted February 20, 2008 Newbie Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 On the topic of vaginal looseness, I am only 19, however I wonder what sex after pregnancy will be like. I have seriously considered begging for a c-section so that I will not have to worry about vaginal looseness post-pregnancy. I know there are many risks associated with it, and that it is a major surgery and not to be taken lightly, but I can't help but feel that I would rather endure the weeks of pain after the surgery instead of possibly putting my sex life at risk like that. It may sound stupid, but is this a "good" idea, and can you request c-sections even if there is no medical need? After all, it is your own body...-SairaP.S. Also, is there any way to prevent or completely reverse vaginal looseness after a vaginal birth? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LoveGoddess Posted February 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 wants me to see a therapist firstIf you MD wants you to see a therapist, he may be looking at other issues. Vaginoplasty is major surgery, and not always a guarantee to give the results you want. Remember, scar tissue does not stretch, and if you are sewing up your vagina, you will have a lot of it. Some women may have more pain, others do not. A sex therapist would be able to counsel you on any concerns you have for whatever sexual dysfunction your Doc thinks you have, as well as counsel you about any risks or benefits you may have for vaginal surgery.A wonderful resource to find Doctors, therapists or counselors that are specifically trained in human sexuality is www.AASECT.org They are the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. You can search on their site for a person in your area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members becca011906 Posted February 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 On the topic of vaginal looseness, I am only 19, however I wonder what sex after pregnancy will be like. I have seriously considered begging for a c-section so that I will not have to worry about vaginal looseness post-pregnancy. I know there are many risks associated with it, and that it is a major surgery and not to be taken lightly, but I can't help but feel that I would rather endure the weeks of pain after the surgery instead of possibly putting my sex life at risk like that. It may sound stupid, but is this a "good" idea, and can you request c-sections even if there is no medical need? After all, it is your own body...-SairaOk i'm going to re: to this... i'm 24, have 3 kids that were all 9lbs + a little!!!! I had them all natrally w/o epidural. although i didn't have a blocker shot w/ the first due to having forcept delivery, that was when i was 16 years old pushed for 2 hours. I had stitches with all 3 of my kids I always started doing kagels as soon as i was given the ok by my dr (few hours after birth). I've never had a 'too loose' issue for my hubby or using any regular size toy! LOL Oh to add to this i'm a very peitie person no hips at all. I'm 5'3 and was around 100#s when i got pregnant w/ my first i'm now about 125lbs. still tight although i admit to still doing kagles atleast 3-5 times a week. Do NOT risk major surgery at all unless you have to for medical resons. There is about 20% higher chance the baby will have complications i'm not sure what the mom's chance are off the top of my head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members froggystyle1977 Posted February 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 On the topic of vaginal looseness, I am only 19, however I wonder what sex after pregnancy will be like. I have seriously considered begging for a c-section so that I will not have to worry about vaginal looseness post-pregnancy. I know there are many risks associated with it, and that it is a major surgery and not to be taken lightly, but I can't help but feel that I would rather endure the weeks of pain after the surgery instead of possibly putting my sex life at risk like that. It may sound stupid, but is this a "good" idea, and can you request c-sections even if there is no medical need? After all, it is your own body...-SairaP.S. Also, is there any way to prevent or completely reverse vaginal looseness after a vaginal birth?I will also respond to this (next time please make your own post so it can get the attention it deserves) I also have had three children and am very tight I do my kegals all the time, the truth is you can request a c-section for non medical reasons,but its NOT A GOOD idea, surgery is surgery and the complications that can occur are just not worth it, the looseness the original post is refering too is not just from having children, and being loose is not common after having kids..so long as you do what your doctor recommends!! sex after pregnancy can be better then before, for me I never had an orgasm until my first PG.. and sex while PG can be amazing!!! It may be your own body, but the risks of c-section are not just to you they are also to your child. Can you speak to others about this? Mom sisters friends with kids? you sound very uneducated in this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted February 20, 2008 Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 On the topic of vaginal looseness, I am only 19, however I wonder what sex after pregnancy will be like. I have seriously considered begging for a c-section so that I will not have to worry about vaginal looseness post-pregnancy. I know there are many risks associated with it, and that it is a major surgery and not to be taken lightly, but I can't help but feel that I would rather endure the weeks of pain after the surgery instead of possibly putting my sex life at risk like that. It may sound stupid, but is this a "good" idea, and can you request c-sections even if there is no medical need? After all, it is your own body...-SairaP.S. Also, is there any way to prevent or completely reverse vaginal looseness after a vaginal birth?I hope that the original poster's question didn't scare you, though it sounds like it did. Women are designed for childbirth. Though it can happen, most women don't have much trouble with natural child birth. The vaginal muscles are designed to contract, stretch, and push. How amazing is that? Afterwards, things just need a little regular Kegel exercising to tone up your muscles once again. Most women don't notice a big difference at all. And, the younger you are, the faster you bounce back from natural child birth.I HAD to have a c-section. I have health issues that prevented me from delivering a healthy baby by myself. I was on Medicaid at the time. If you are on that, or even private health insurance, they will NOT approve a c-section because you're scared of the pain, or of possible vaginal looseness. It is not only surgery, but MAJOR surgery! Any good OB/GYN will discuss your fears with you. But any good OB/GYN won't approve a c-section because your scared. It's natural to be scared. I was terrified. I was even more scared of the surgery though. I was shaking like a chihuahua when I went into the OR. And, this is the honest to goodness truth: I wouldn't wish what I had to go thru afterwards on my worst enemy! Not only do you have pain, but you also have a BABY to think about. I couldn't sit up by myself from my bed, for 3 weeks. I had to sleep in a recliner, with the baby, since I was breastfeeding her, for all that time. Talk about making going to the crib a nightmare! I was very lucky, and had a woman OB/GYN, who was conscious of a woman's vanity, and my scar is barely visible. I am proud of my scar. However, I do NOT want to have anymore children due to what I went thru. I am not suppose to lift stuff due to the pain I suffered. I had tried to sit up and get out of bed the day after I had our daughter, and I slightly tore something internally. Not enough to have to go back into surgery, thankfully, but enough to make it so it took a whole 6 weeks to heal to the point where getting in and out of the car wasn't painful. I couldn't pick up my baby in her carseat during that whole time. Picking her up to change, feed, and comfort her cause a lot of pain. Now, granted, my story is also rare. Most women don't have the problems I did here either. But, I can tell you that, if I could have, I would've chosen natural any day! Women that give birth naturally bounce back faster, and are able to adjust a lot better cuz their bodies did what it was suppose to do, and so it heals itself rather fast. Plus, a mother-to-be's body prepares to give birth. Your body can't prepare itself to be cut open. I coudn't have sex for almost 12 weeks after the surgery, bleeding, and soreness went away. On top of all this, a baby to care for??? OMG. Thankfully, I had some great support from my mother to help me.My hubby has been with women who were mothers, and he said there's not a noticable difference really. And those women probably didn't do their Kegels! Most men will tell you that you really can't tell. Unless you have some major trauma, complications, or injury to your back, you really should have your child naturally. So, no, this is NOT a good idea. When you become a mother, you will know that the most important thing is a happy, healthy baby delivery. Having a baby doesn't make you "loose" if you have a normal delivery. It's a myth that it does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie starinajar Posted February 22, 2008 Newbie Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 Can you speak to others about this? Mom sisters friends with kids? My family is quite strict when it comes to sex, they would freak if I asked them lol.. but thanks to all of you for the advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie True2me Posted March 10, 2008 Author Newbie Report Share Posted March 10, 2008 Thanks for the replies... to the 19 year old that is considering a c-section, don't. As was stated in a reply, it wasn't just childbirth that created my problem. I loved giving birth to both of my babies. Sorry to paint that neg. picture for you. As to Howard, thanks for your reply. It is wonderful that your wife has a vagina powerhouse, but kegals just aren't getting the results I want. As to the earlier question about sex dysfunction... I am seeing a therapist... both mental and physical. I have endometriosis. I was diagnosted when I was 22. I did not have sex until then... I had always had horrible periods, but the pain with sex tipped my doctor off that something else was going on. I have a pretty body. I have always gotten a second look in public. I am small with large breasts. I have not always disliked my vagina. I love my body and think I look great especially being a mom of two. Yes, my breats sag... yes I have strtch marks... As to "hating" my vagina, I am really unhappy for several reasons. Looks... and functionality. Yes, I know I still have a clit. My husband and I take full advantage of that fact as well as oral, but our intercourse isn't what it once was and we miss it. The producures I spoke of were laser surgeries for the endo and we lost a baby Fall of 06. She was 4 months and her heart stopped. My doctor...at the time... had to do THREE D & Cs to finally get all of her. I ended up losing my uterus anyway because of all the damage. Needless to say, I have a new and wonderful doctor and would love to sue the other one, but it is hard to proove he caused the damage. Yes, my doctor is having me go to therapy to make sure my feelings aren't coming out of that situation. So far, both doctors feel I have definate physical reasons to feel the way I do. Yes, I am sad we lost a baby, but my head is clear and I am a smart girl. I am honest about my feelings, and know I am not "crossing" my emotions with what happened and my vagina now. The bottom line is this... I have two perfect kids, a wonderful and supportive husband, a great doctor that really wants the best for me, and I like my personality as well as my body... But... I don't like the changes to my vagina. I can't get past the looks and on top of that, I don't like that I can't "hold" my husband the way I used to. Really, this all started after my childern were born not becuase of them. I think it is just a combo of all the times I have been stretched to have medical proceedures done. I had forcepts with my first, tore with both of them, and had episiotomies with both. That plus the laser surgeries and the D & Cs and the hysorectomy... poor vagina... no wonder she is all saggy. My labia was torn with both babies so I have long, scarred labia. I did go to the site Mikayla suggested.. thanks. And, yes, they are all pretty, but for me, I don't like mine. I am not sure if I'll ever get past that. I once had a petite, pink vagina. Yes, I know, we all did... right? But now I am brown, strtched, scarred, and loose. Just not happy. I see my therapist tomorrow. She will determine if she recommends surgery to my OBYGN or not. Thanks for your concern. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted March 10, 2008 Report Share Posted March 10, 2008 I'm sorry you went thru all of that. And, of course, we always encourage people to post what they're comfortable with, but your follow up post was a LOT more helpful, and direct as to WHY you hate your labia and vagina. The more specific you can get in a question, and your explanations as to WHY you feel like that, the better we can try and advise. Best wishes to you!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members froggystyle1977 Posted March 10, 2008 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2008 Thank you so much for coming back and explaining. I am so sorry you feel that way and I amglad your getting counceling and aiming to make things better. good luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyger Posted March 10, 2008 Report Share Posted March 10, 2008 I guess the only "good" part about her situation, is that she has endometriosis, which keeps coming back. So, her insurance company may have to cover her, if she's been with them all the long, so they won't claim "pre-exsisting condition". And, your OB/GYN may be able to write up a statement as to why it happened, and then consult with a couple of other OB/GYNs to the cause, if it was caused by the first doctor, then s/he'd be held accountable, as rightly that they should!But I would definitely take Howard's advise and seek out a lawyer. Even if you have a tight budget, many states offer free and/or discounted lawyer services. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie supersaint Posted March 12, 2008 Newbie Report Share Posted March 12, 2008 Two quick thoughts...Sounds like you've experienced a lot of loss. I hope you can talk with your therapist about grieving, as strange as that may sound. Grief seems like something weak people do, but really everyone goes through some kind of process when things change, especially something so personal. I definitely agree with others to work toward identifying and resolving some that stuff before getting surgery. Also, I think if surgery is the right thing, you should push the issue with your insurance company. Though I agree, it sounds pretty serious. We all know insurance companies will try to pay for as little as they can and when it comes to women's health issues, they know our society is awash in enough shame they don't have to deal with the consequences of what occurs below the belt. In other words, there aren't many women calling them up demanding their vagina's be tightened/repaired/restored. No one would stand for it if you were talking about any other part of the body -an ear, a nose, mouth, an eye - and a series of procedures left any kind of similar result. Can you imagine going to get your tonsils removed and leaving with a mouth twice as big, and the doctor saying, "Oh well, that's to be expected. Go along now and just be happy you still have a face."I agree, our bodies change and it sucks. But I think you're right on with an expectation that if there is something your doctor can do, its reasonable for them to help correct a problem they helped to cause. Dear god, what a terrible analogy...tonsils-uterus...speaking of misogynistic... well, i'll let it stand for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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