Cybersex

[1hotchick]

i am new here and am wondering if anybody has had cybersex....

[Mikayla1]

Sure....for the most part, it is overrated in my opinion!

Mikayla

[camel2107]

I agree but it can be fun, give you ideas, make you mre anxious, and its a fun way to get a little fix with oout cheating if in a LTR.

[crazy1]

Sorry, but I have to interject here. How is it not cheating? Because you don't phiscally penetrate another person? that is wrong. You are making the very beginnings of an affair on your Long Term Partner. Simply because you are not there in person does not give you an excuse to simulate sex with a person other than your partner. I don't care who does it, If you are in a relationship that doesn't allow for sex with persons outside of the relationship, and you carry on any kind of sexual activity(like masturbation or mutual masturbation) you are cheating.

[Mikayla1]

Sorry, but I have to interject here.  How is it not cheating?  Because you don't phiscally penetrate another person?  that is wrong.  You are making the very beginnings of an affair on your Long Term Partner.  Simply because you are not there in person does not give you an excuse to simulate sex with a person other than your partner.  I don't care who does it, If you are in a relationship that doesn't allow for sex with persons outside of the relationship, and you carry on any kind of sexual activity(like masturbation or mutual masturbation) you are cheating.

This is an interesting way to look at this. I don't think that just because you have flirtations or sexual talk with another person online that it means you are beginning a relationship with that person. My cybersex experience, the one I refer as being "overrated" happened before I was married, I never intended to meet this person. He knew it, I knew it. I wouldn't even consider it to be sex talk, it was more like q & a. I felt odd talking about sex (at that time, I have obvioulsy changed my view) with a total stranger. So I more or less observed the others, and found it overrated.

As I am now married, if I were to do the same thing...I might feel like I was betraying my husband a bit, but I don't at all see it as I would be cheating. I agree that you can cheat with your heart just as easily as you can cheat with your body, but if you are not letting the emotions of the experience overcome you, then how would it be cheating?

I think people get caught up in the idea of the potential of cheating, it doesn't actually mean that they will.

For me, I can get attached to someone just be talking about normal stuff, it doesn't even have to be sex....for me real life is more sexy than sex...but you might not consider talking about the latest book I read to be cheating? Would these conversations here be cheating? People form friendships and bonds here, is it cheating? Where can we draw the line? I am just curious!

Mikayla

[telecom69]

Sorry, but I have to interject here.  How is it not cheating?  Because you don't phiscally penetrate another person?  that is wrong.  You are making the very beginnings of an affair on your Long Term Partner.  Simply because you are not there in person does not give you an excuse to simulate sex with a person other than your partner.  I don't care who does it, If you are in a relationship that doesn't allow for sex with persons outside of the relationship, and you carry on any kind of sexual activity(like masturbation or mutual masturbation) you are cheating.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree with crazy1. I guess I'm old fashioned. I know I wouldn't want my partner to do it, so I shouldn't either. Just my opinion.

[torinasia]

For me, I can get attached to someone just be talking about normal stuff, it doesn't even have to be sex....for me real life is more sexy than sex...but you might not consider talking about the latest book I read to be cheating?  Would these conversations here be cheating?  People form friendships and bonds here, is it cheating?  Where can we draw the line?  I am just curious!

Mikayla

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Now, this interesting. Where do we draw the line? If we draw it to to the extreme, cheating means that when you loook at another person and feel sexually attracted to her/him, well then who is not cheating?

But, on the other hand, I agree with the opinion that you can be cheating, even if you dont have sexually physical contact. For lets say that you have another person in mind all the time you have sex with your partner, then you are not honest with your feelings. That is cheating

So there is a very big gray-zone here.

The thing is that the net has changed so much and given us so many new opportunities.

If you talk dirty to a stranger on the net , with no intention of meeting her/him IRL, maybe it is not. Maybe that can spice up your sex life, like looking at an adult movie.

But you could do more than that.

If you do more than write dirty things to each other, like masturbating together and telling your net-partner what you do and how you feel, is that "over-the-line"?

Maybe.

And if you use a webcam?

Well I would say that that would surely be on "over-the-line"?

But guess that there are no clear mroal here. Any comments

Tor

[Mikayla1]

I think that cheating can be cut and dry and subjective at the same time.

If you have sexual contact with another person - intercourse, anal, oral...even deep kissing...that is cheating. If you have made a comittment to be with only another person and you do any of those things, you have cheated.

Now, if you are having conversations with someone, and feel attracted to them, and think of them during sex, I do not believe that is cheating. I think I saw a survey once that said that 70-80 percent of people fantasize about someone other than their partner during sex! So, 80% of the people polled would be cheating!

Now, if you are having cybersex and masturbating online while chatting, but not meeting that person--or planning on meeting him / her - then I think it technically is not cheating - but if in your heart you feel guilty, or like you are betraying your lover...then it is cheating TO YOU!

I think the line is different for everyone. Some people feel that cheating is just looking at or thinking sexually about another. For some people it is sex. For others it is sex with love.

So I suppose everyone has to make their own decisions - I have been thinking about this more, and that is my conclusion.

Mikayla

[torinasia]

So I suppose everyone has to make their own decisions - I have been thinking about this more, and that is my conclusion.

Mikayla

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[torinasia]

Well Mikayla, I totally agree. And i have my very own experiences about feeling guilty. It was like this: Both me and my wife travel in our work, but my wife stands for 80 percents of the travels.

She is often away for a fortnight. That means we have to ease the sexual tensions "on our own" but I am proud to say that I have never had sex IRL with another woman in all our years of marriage. And I am sure wife has not been with another man. But there has been a fair amount of masturbating, phonesex and lately even chatsex between us.

But one day I happened to get in to a Yahoo-chat and met this extraordinary woman. She was so hot and sexy, not as all the jerks out there just wanting your creditcardnumber.

Anyway, as we chatted along and she gave me so many hot details about her sexllife with her hubby, she suddenly opened her photoalbum for me. And those picture were so hot, not hard-core, but so sexy.

And it felt so intimate to see her and she asked me what pics I liked the most and what I would do to her if I was there and so on. And so she suddenly asked me if we could help each other to get off.

She was so skilled and wrote such hot things that I sometimes believe that she was actutally a he, because She/he knew so extremly well what would turn a man on.

Anyway, I could not say that things got out of hands, because actually my thing got in my hand and yes, I wanked off with one hand on the keyboard.

I felt kind of ashamed afterwards, but I was so aroused. It was like being 16 years old again.

But I have never told my wife this. And I feel like I was cheating. Maybe because I also have cybersex with my wife from time to time.

So there is the line for me.

Tor

[Mikayla1]

Well Tor, I think you just answered the question for a lot of people, at the heart of the question of "is it cheating" is how do you feel about it in your heart?

For you, and I suspect for many people, this line is just thinking about sex or talking about sex with another person. For others, it is much more involved.

It is good that you know where your line is. Good for you!

Mikayla

[torinasia]

Well Tor, I think you just answered the question for a lot of people, at the heart of the question of "is it cheating" is how do you feel about it in your heart?

For you, and I suspect for many people, this line is just thinking about sex or talking about sex with another person.  For others, it is much more involved.

It is good that you know where your line is.  Good for you!

Mikayla

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh Mikayla, you make me seem like a dull boy...

Tor

[crazy1]

If I were to draw a moral line for myself, It would be participating in an inherently sexual act with another person outside of my commited relationship(i.e. mutual mastrubation, or even explicit role play conversations). If I were to be on this board and openly discuss my sex life, that's ok, I am not attempting to initate a sexual act with another person. Having relationships(non-sexual) with other persons and being attracted to another person is completely normal. I say non-sexual relations in the sense of you are not trying to involve him or her in your sex life as a partner of any type. Cyber, real, phone, whatever, if you use this person to fulfill some sexuall desire or urge, it's cheating. That's just me. I guess telecom and I are old fashioned but, it's better to err on the side of caution. I would never want to do anything that could hurt my wife, son or myself. Doing things that could damage those relationships will inturn hurt me.

[telecom69]

If I were to draw a moral line for myself, It would be participating in an inherently sexual act with another person outside of my commited relationship(i.e. mutual mastrubation, or even explicit role play conversations).  If I were to be on this board and openly discuss my sex life, that's ok, I am not attempting to initate a sexual act with another person.  Having relationships(non-sexual) with other persons and being attracted to another person is completely normal.  I say non-sexual relations in the sense of you are not trying to involve him or her in your sex life as a partner of any type.  Cyber, real, phone, whatever, if you use this person to fulfill some sexuall desire or urge, it's cheating.  That's just me.  I guess telecom and I are old fashioned but, it's better to err on the side of caution.  I would never want to do anything that could hurt my wife, son or myself.  Doing things that could damage those relationships will inturn hurt me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

crazy,

Your overview is right on at least for me. Mine goes a little father than that even. I've been in situations several times where I could have gone out with some very nice looking ladies for only drinks or dinner while I've been dating my girlfriend. These were asked by friends or co-workers to go out with sisters, friends, etc. I decided not to do any of them as to not put myself in any situations that could compromise me. You all know the situation with my gf, so at first the invitations did seem inviting. These were non-sexual, but this is cheating to in my eyes. I've just always tried to put myself in my partners shoes and how would I FEEL if she had those opportunities. Some on the forum say Cybersex is ok for them. Is it ok if your partner does it to without you knowing? Not judging anyone, but just curious.

[Mikayla1]

I am not sure about where I draw the line for my hb. I feel like if he is doing this and I don't know, then it is just that...I don't know. If I found out I suspect I would be hurt because I am such an open sexual person and would wonder why he would have to go elsewhere to talk about sex. On the other hand, it would be hypocritical of me, as I am here talking to many people about sex - but I am not having "sex chats" with people and am very careful not to cross that line - because I know I would get emotionally involved if I would do that.

I think if he were doing what I am doing, sharing information, giving opinions, even sharing fantasies, then it would be OK in my book. If he were talking to some woman about fucking her, then I would be hurt.

I suppose at the heart of it is also what telecom and Tor are saying, if your partner would be hurt by it, maybe in that respect it is more like cheating. However, my personal line may be a little further than my hb. He may be mad if he found me on this site. So it is still open to interpretation I think.

Mikayla

[torinasia]

I am not sure about where I draw the line for my hb.  I feel like if he is doing this and I don't know, then it is just that...I don't know.  If I found out I suspect I would be hurt because I am such an open sexual person and would wonder why he would have to go elsewhere to talk about sex.  On the other hand, it would be hypocritical of me, as I am here talking to many people about sex - but I am not having "sex chats" with people and am very careful not to cross that line - because I know I would get emotionally involved if I would do that.

I think if he were doing what I am doing, sharing information, giving opinions, even sharing fantasies, then it would be OK in my book.  If he were talking to some woman about fucking her, then I would be hurt. 

I suppose at the heart of it is also what telecom and Tor are saying, if your partner would be hurt by it, maybe in that respect it is more like cheating.  However, my personal line may be a little further than my hb.  He may be mad if he found me on this site.  So it is still open to interpretation I think.

Mikayla

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ok, to tell you the truth I am sitting now in an all night open internetcafe in Hong Kong, my home town, and I am quite drunk after a night out with the guys.

And I just managed to escape from all the Phillipinos hookers here trying to get inside my pants and wallet. So no cheating here!!!

But it was a tough ride, can tell you that, they are kind of cute.

Anyway just want to make this comment about cheating, of course it is the question about how your partner reacts. You might say that you feel okey with jerking off in front of the computer, chatting with some person. But how would your react if your partner did the same?

That what it is really all about.

Would I like to get home one afternoon finding my wife, who I love more than everything, violently jerking off to some stranger on the net telling her all kinds of nasty things?

Guess not. And if not, how could I do it?

Guess that was the conclusion of Miakylas last mail.

So feeling horny and drunk, I have to find a taxi and get home, trying to stay clear of all the hookers here in Wan Chai.

Wish me goodluck, because I am kind of randy. Could use a good blowjob right now. And I am talking about a blowjob all the way...

Tor

[telecom69]

Tor,

Drunk in Hong Kong. Now that sounds like fun!

Times sure have changed. The guys on this forum are the conservative ones with the responses I've seen, and the ladies are more open. Culture usually dictates its the other way around.

My gf has a friend that is in a steady relationship with some guy, but the guy doesn't know she masturbates with some guy on the internet who jacks off over the phone to her at the same time. That is cheating. Guess it just all depends on how you put your spin on it.

[goinginsaneagain]

I do not view it as cheating. I view it as probing for ideas and opinions. Being able to release your fantasies on someone can help you shape up your ideas with your own other person. They can really give you ideas that you might not have thought of too.